I (mid 20s) just got attacked in my sleep by my partners (mid 20s) sibling (early 30s).

I do not want to give too much detail since I think I’m going to press charges but also for privacy reason.

Heres some quick context: Partners sibling suffers mental health issues. They live with their family. This took place in an open place of the home.

I came back from a date with my partner and we came back to their place so I can rest a bit before I made my way back home. I was so tired that I ended up oversleeping and I woke up for a split second to check the time and closed my eyes again. Well, when I closed my eyes, I heard running sounds coming towards me, I’m talking full force running. It was terrifying and it all happened so fast. Next thing I know I’m having liquid poured down my nose and throat while being covered by my partner‘s sibling hand and in the split second my partner woke up and lunged at them to protect me. I honestly am still in shock. All I remember was i stood up from bed after my partner got them off me and was crying for help while running to another room of the home then into the bathroom and locking myself in. My partner ended up successful kicking them out and calling the police. All I remember was my flight instinct kicking in and locking myself waiting it knowing what was happening outside and full on panicking. Even when the coast was clear I did not have it in me to come out and I don’t feel good about it but I guess you never know how you will react until you’re actually in the situation. Partner called the cops and they come and they 5150 the sibling. It was so uncomfortable and the police officer was telling me I had to choose if I was going to arrest them or not and before I even spoke the officer told me it’s not the crime if the century.
Honestly I dont know if my reaction was too much, but I genuinely thought I was going to die. Both me and my partner originally thought that the sibling was running towards me to stab me because they have a violent history and have done so before.
This has shaken both of us up but also my partners family. I don’t think I can ever come back to the home and I also don’t think I can ever see the sibling again. I am afraid that family bond will be put above even though my partner reassured me that they will always protect me and stand by me. I guess my fear is in the rest of the family and even my father was suggesting that maybe I provoked the sibling for overstaying my welcom. I don’t know what to do or how to feel. I’m confused and afraid on what will happen once they are release I apologize if somethings do not make sense, my mind is still scrambled and I just need to let it out. If anyone has been through something similar i would appreciate it if you have any advice on how to move forward.

I am open to answering questions and providing context if needed.

quick update I am FREAKING OUT. I just received a call bc for some reason I was under contact info. The sibling is being released from the 5150, they were only in there for 11 hrs and got meds which they already are on meds but clearly don’t take it. I am genuinely afraid and feel so helpless. in theory great idea but in practice this isn’t the first time this happens with the meds. I dont feel like I’m in my body but I also don’t know what to feel? I’m exhausted but I also am scared of sleeping. It still hasn’t been 24 hours since it happened

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Hi, I don’t know how much I am allowed to say on this app and what I shouldn’t say, just know I downloaded it to ask for advice.

I (18, female), looking back on my life in my home, noticed a pattern with the way my mom always behaved around me since my birth and still does. She never hit me, I can barely recount the times she yelled at me. It’s quite the opposite, I think I’m starting to believe she is wholeheartedly in love with me but maybe I’m just very paranoid.

She always claimed and still does that I could never survive without her. She stated multiple times that I am completely incompetent at life, unable to do ANYTHING, and that she will always stay with me because of that. She said it not with hatred but as a pitying a puppy. She said she’ll move anywhere I wanna move, go anywhere I wanna go. She does not plan on letting me go, ever.

She always says that I am her only true friend but all that I would be able to handle if not for the other things she does openly in front of my step dad, whom she hates. She playfully hugs me from behind, sometimes bites my shoulder, my arm, my neck playfully when she’s in a good mood, like lovers do. She exclusively uses pet names for me such as “baby” in Russian. She prefers sleeping with me and we have slept together from the day of my birth until I was about 8. When we would sleep together, we’d always be tangled tight around each other and she’d lace her fingers with mine and then brag about it and be happy in the morning.

The only times she would get upset at me, and I mean heavily upset, is when I would go out with other people and have fun. If I said I have a best friend that is not her, for example. She’d crash out and become depressed, her entire emotional security depends on me.

It feels disgusting to think that way about my beloved mom but I’ve had very explicit dreams about her since I was little because of the way we were inseparable (by her fault) and maybe because of other underlying trauma. Do you guys think this counts as abuse? Is this valid? And what the fuck do I do…

I just want to know why I either didn't think about my trauma or was literally not consciously aware of it until I was 25/26.

WHY?

i just feel like i need to write this, i never was a part of any reddit community or something like that, ig it'll be just a way to reflex once more and i hope will somehow help me mentally

im in my early 20's and im from ukraine, I used to live with full family and pair of younger siblings. my mother's relatives are too controling as well as she was before, and my father's family is literally non existant, i mean no close relatives.

my father never believed in mental issues like depression, but in my opinion he was crazy depressed himself (im 3rd year psychology student bruh), his father died when he was in my age, and his mother left to another country for better job opportunities and came back only when became elder. but he somehow turned to be the brightest person ever, even tho his life was crazy tough at the beggining.

my fathers carrier was great at the beggining, he was the owner of building company, and he had really impressive skills in constructing, projecting, and was smart asf. he knew how to weld, had programming skills and loved some circuits and machines. our car always was repaired by him, all the outlets and any other house issues that had to be fixed were fixed by him.

but ofc he had some problems, and his problem was drinking. due to family conflicts between him and mother's family he'd often go drink, and you know that wont help at all. he was crazy smart and denied all the treatments cuz they were "for stupid", and i kinda understand him, u cant work with therapist when he's dumber then you. he was never agressive, but created many problems when he was black out somewhere in the city or smth like that. after the full scale war started in ukraine, his mental health started to decline rapidly and he started drinking too much, he couldn't leave his house cuz he'd be catched and sent to the war, he couldn't go to work, basically he was stay at home dad.

and one day after long drinking run (like 5 days in a row ig), he couldn't drink cuz mom was at home and didn't let him, next day he felt bad, but did'nt say anyone, while he was going down the stairs at my house, he fell badly.

when we saw it, he was unconscious and heavilly breathing, first thought of course was - he drunk as hell. he wasn't responsive so we decided to call the ambulance, but they didn't come here if person is drunk and "safe" (at home). so we called his friends and asked them to help bring him to the hospital (like for alcoholic and shit), they came in like 20-30 minutes, during that time i was with him trying to wake him up, and had no idea was what actually happening. when his friends came ther did the same, they were laughing, hitting him, pouring water, nothing worked, we were standing at him lying on the ground, and they told old stories about him, and how he was unkillable in the youth, did some crazy things and this is just a little nap for him. after like an hour of wasted time, they took his yet alive body and went to the hospital.

there doctors first realised that he had broken ribs. those ribs punctured his lungs (thats why he was heavy breathing). he was sent to the ER and operated, they saved his lungs, oxygen saturation was crazy low, but not deadly. after some examination they saw that he had broken neck. in few hours he died due to brain swelling.

my father was the closest person for me, i had really bad relationship with my mom, and that destroyed me. i still blame myself that i wasnt helpful enough, didn't give attention to his mental health, never had quality time with him. i didn't inherit any of his skills.

life became miserable, i miss him, a lot of time had passed and everytime i do decisions i think what he'd tell, because i always asked him for an advise. i dont have any of the support he gave me anymore, none in my family is as understanding as he was.

guys if anyone really red this, please pay attention to your closest, spend some time with them, help them. i find this hard to finish so ill stop

Kalian pernah trauma nggak? Apakah sudah sembuh? Dan bagaimana cara nyembuhinnya?

Question at the bottom ⬇️

Background:

I spent years judging my thinking about my childhood stressful experiences, thinking that I may be too dramatic or might be right and need to show myself empathy and let myself mourn all the pieces I lost along the way because of the distress.

But how can I be sure? How can I tell that I might need processing?

I think I might need to integrate all the emotions from the past, because I have self destructinve behaviour that I just can't take off of me, as if a part of me just longs for pain.

Somehow you can tell that I might be struggling to change from those self sabotaging behaviours because of the initial mental health issues I dealt during my development (14-15 y/o) because I am just a sensitive person, and might have simply slipped to a dark state of mind because of the changing...

But I cannot shake off the feeling that there were periods of pain and stress before that mental breakdown.

I don't like to be so sure about it because I know it's not and was never easy for anyone, but how come everyone of my family just came out of the quarantine and all of that outbursts inside our home, all of the arguing and the shaming and costant unprovoked judging and blaming... like it was nothing.

I was on high alert at all times and felt guilty and responsible COSTANTLY, and especially after coming out of that period I had that mental breakdown and started acting like crazy, with delusional anxiety, costant daydreaming and aggressive isolation (I'd cry and scream at home whenever I felt like some physical boundaries were crossed)

I was the mentally unstable one, I was the one brought to psychologists and who failed and ruined a couple of years of school. But somehow nothing ever I've manifested had an explaination, don't get me wrong I NEVER insisted on finding a reason, I know I should just learn to cope better because I was acting too dramatically and damaging towards myself and others.

Now It's gotten better, probably because I touched a bottom that helped me jump back up.

But whenever I think/talk thruroughly about that period and another distressing time from my childhood ( which I have little to no memory of, but I know there was a strange event happening) I disassociate / feel small and scared and after some minutes I just come out of it exhausted and don't feel like pushing through, even tho I tried so and still experienced the same if not more intense effect.

It feels stupid to say that I might have experienced traumatic experiences (TRAUMATIC TO ME OFC IG??) as many have gone through stress throughout their childhood, people go even through worse and in my family none broke apart after that stressful period. So I feel dumb and attention seeking to act like I need to process some stuff after calming down from that intense mental breakdown. It all feels like larping to me, even tho I know trauma is subjective, it means that an event is too stressful for the traumatized person, not objectively, but still...

How can I follow my heart and try to process my emotions linked to and buried into my past experiences, without consulting my therapist?

(Because I feel downplayed with him, bc his approach is to push you and teach you better and practical techniques to not act miserable, a sort of cognitive behavioural therapy but in a gestalt therapy style, whenever I try to talk about emotional pain in an introspective way he makes me feel confused, probably because I also behave in a confusing way whenever I'm getting vulnerable, a sort of defensive mechanism he calls it)

How can I try to deal on my own with this buried pain that I feel is still inside me but unrecognized and unprocessed? Do you have some advice...? I just know I can think about those events and talk about it with myself, but what should I do if I can do something else, Idk I feel stuck.

We are worried we said something stupid. All we remember is blurs of this two hour long VERY PUBLIC cry fest because one of our safe people are moving hours away. Its the pastor at the church we have attended since we were little. Now, despite not being religious now he is the one that taught us how to deal with our autism, our meltdowns, our sensory issues, and our dissociation in a non-disruptive to people. We have him to thank for being able to function as well as we do. So NO part is happy about him leaving but we all kept crying so much during service and forgot we blackout during meltdowns (which is why we started recording ourselves during them) but we feel so guilty not being able to remember the last time we are going to see him in a LONG time

I'm a 27yo female. I haven't really received any healthcare except dental care since I was 13, and I have a history of feeling very violated by healthcare as a child, which has traumatized me.

Logically, I know that healthcare is a thing that I should do, especially now that I'm getting older. But the very thought just completely terrifies me.

I'm afraid of feeling physically vulnerable. I'm afraid of losing my ability to speak and advocate for myself out of fear.

Last year, I finally went to a dentist for the first time in a long time, and that was a big step for me. However, my blood pressure was sky-high when they took it (due to anxiety), and I felt frozen and unable to speak. And for me, dental care is and has always been way LESS anxiety-inducing than other forms of healthcare.

Usually, it's difficult for me to even bring myself to sit down in a healthcare setting. My whole being is screaming at me to stay standing, because that is a less physically vulnerable position. I don't want to change into a gown. I don't want to be touched. I could maybe tolerate non-invasive touch from a medical professional if it was at least explained to me first, but by that, I mean someone touching a casual part of the body, like limbs.

The thought of anything truly invasive is very distressing to me, because my trauma involved invasive procedures that were done VERY MUCH without my consent (and even involved restraint while I was in significant distress. I won't go into details here, but I do have posts that go into details). I can't imagine a pap smear or a pelvic exam. And it's not because I'm afraid of pain; I doubt I'd find them particularly painful. I just don't think I'd be able to handle them emotionally. Being given meds MIGHT help, but part of me is terrified I'd have an intense reaction AFTERWARDS if I was given meds to allow me to be able to handle them in the moment. Like, the thought of being "drugged" during an invasive/traumatic event...somehow doesn't feel very comforting. I'm afraid that when it wears off, I'll think of everything that happened and it'll be very triggering for me. Or, alternatively, if I don't remember what happened after the drug wears off, I'm certain that that would be even more triggering for me. That'd probably traumatize the shit out of me.

Another thing that makes healthcare seem so out of reach is that I don't actually know what happens during healthcare appointments for women. I haven't had one since I was 13, and that was a pediatrician appointment. Also, it was so long ago. I don't know what to expect. Because I don't have much of a concept of how appointments "typically" go, it's difficult for me to even think about how to advocate for myself or what accomodations I could even ask for.

It would be easy for me to just never receive healthcare, but I actually do fear cancer and premature death. So, does anyone have any insight or tips on HOW I might be able to access healthcare, how to advocate for myself, what to expect?

I've been trying to write this ..

My health is bad and I know I don't have years left

My earliest memory's I had to be around 4

My lil brother wasn't born yet and my older sister was adopted already.

But I remember being me and my mother and grandfather. .

Then my lil brother's dad came in the picture beating me and my mom half to death. Even before my brother was born.

And around the same time he started molesting me.

I can remember the musty smell of him . I was so afraid of him beating me and my mom. Worse.

And my mother thought I was just a cry baby cause I would go crazy when ever she tried to leave me.

The more he molested me . The worse I started to act up . By telling lies , about everything. School I got kicked out of Catholic school in first grade for looking under skirts. I started burning down old buildings and garages around my grandfather neighborhood. And my mom's neighborhood. Too the point . My mom finally peiced it together cause all the fires were around these to places I had access too

years ago i had this friend group who i talked to daily. they were all boys. back then i was a boy too, since im a trans woman, so now im transitioned. not that it matters. anyways.

i was decently close to them. i mean, we joked a lot, and i had knew them for several years already- almost my entire life. we had a couple serious conversations about life and death and faith. i grew up through elementary and middle school with them and they were my friends throughout. they could be very teenage-boy-y at times, but hey, we were dumb middle/high schoolers, it happens.

in 10th grade they were pretty much my only friends. one close friend i had who had moved away in 7th grade ( god, i cried so much) was messaging me to wish me a happy new year. we had gotten relatively distant, but we still talked every month or two. but on that day he wished me happy new years, he asked me if i knew about this secret discord server they had without me, and i said no. he sent me some screenshots of the things they said there, and then invited me to the server. he himself never participated in it. thankfully.

at the time, another close friend of mine who ill just call L had been best friends with since kindergarten was at the time about to move away as well. all my "friends" made bets on when they thought i would hurt myself, get horribly depressed, or kill myself after L was supposed to move across the country. i was already so petrified of losing L in my life too. yet they joked about preparing cash for the bet. some gave it months, some gave it years. i immediately stopped talking to all of them. nobody bothered to message me. why would they? i only talked to them every fucking day for years. was my entire livelihood really comical enough to make a fucking bet on? i mean what, youd make 40 bucks after i kill myself?

id already been struggling with depression and suicidal ideation for a long time. this was by far and away one of the most hurtful things ive ever had to experience. i relapsed in my self harm and substance abuse so much that i was worrying the two people i had left. what a great way to start of that new year, huh?

L never ended up moving away. i thank the lord for it every day. we're still very close friends and talk every day. its been many years since then and ive made a quite fantastic friend group over the past 2 years but im still petrified. im so scared im going to be left behind or forgotten. that someone is eventually going to turn on me. that they secretly dont like me, or are waiting for me to give up and leave. they treat me very well. i know its not rational fear. but i cant stop fearing.

i think about it almost every day. ill never forget the feeling in my stomach reading those texts. i never want to experience that ever again. i have so mych i want to say but its hard to say it in a way that makes sense. im such a piece of shit. maybe they were all right about me. i wonder if theyll still get their money if i ever do it.

I’m a 21 female I want friends it’s hard for me to make friends. I don’t feel like there’s anything necessarily wrong with me. I just come from a place where my mom constantly kicks me out doesn’t do anything for me and I have to do everything for me. it’s really also hard just discovering them autistic.

I recently found a friend and we would like some things however I come over to her house and constantly finally so I don’t know if the word is jealous but just a lot of the things she has I mean she worked a minimum wage job just like me, but it’s like no one is badging her for money and she can just kinda live her life. Her mom helps her out or her dad. and it’s like she comes from a place just like me so it’s like it’s very hard. I don’t wanna say to be friends but I’ll be there and we hang out with your sister and she gets along with her sister and I don’t really have a relationship with anybody else and I just find myself distancing myself from people like this but then it’s like I wanna be friends because you know but then it’s so hard because it just everything I want and I need and I just don’t get it and it is very hard for me to see these things happening to other people and not meI don’t want anything malicious it’s just really difficult of a reminder.

Well worth a read/listen- wow 🤩

AIO or was my mum being unfair?

TL;DR: My mum told me I shouldn't still consider myself a victim because my trauma happened "so long ago," then said I should just control my involuntary fight-or-flight response because it upsets her when I flinch. She called me selfish when I explained it's not a conscious choice. Am I overreacting for feeling dismissed?

A little background:

I have a history of trauma that started in childhood and continued throughout my life. I have some alphabet diagnoses linked to it like bpd. (I know I didn't have it the worst, and I'm not trying to compare trauma. I know I'm just a little hot-wired in the brain now.)

I function well. I have a job, pay my bills, look after my pets and generally have my life together. But functioning doesn't mean the trauma disappeared.

My trauma wasn't caused by one thing alone. There were multiple forms of abuse and instability that shaped how my brain learned to survive.

It also wasn't one event that happened "years ago." It was abuse throughout my childhood and teens, followed by further instances of sexual assault during my adult life.

The actual context on me overreacting:

The conversation that started all of this was about tattoos. I mentioned that I'd like a Medusa tattoo. If you don't know the symbolism, Medusa has become an emblem of survival and solidarity for many survivors of sexual assault.

My mum looked at me and said,

"But that was so long ago. Do you still consider yourself a victim of assault?"

I said yes.

I'm a victim of what happened, and I'm a survivor because I'm still here living my life. To me, those things aren't mutually exclusive.

She then said,

"I don't think you should count yourself as a victim anymore. It was so long ago. Why do you need a tattoo to remind you?"

That really hurt.

The tattoo wouldn't be there to remind me. I don't need reminding.

For me, it would represent surviving. Reclaiming my story. Acknowledging what happened without carrying the shame of it.

We tried to move the conversation on, but she asked if that's why I flinch because I'm not "over it."

One thing that has never really gone away is my startle response.

If someone unexpectedly touches me from behind—especially my back, neck or head—I don't just jump. My body goes straight into fight-or-flight before my brain has a chance to catch up. I've flinched, lashed out, shouted, burst into tears and ended up shaking afterwards. It isn't a conscious choice.

(One example was at work. A manager noticed the ties on the back of my dress had come undone. Instead of saying something, they came up behind me and started tying them without warning.

I immediately froze and shouted, "Don't touch me."

I was taken into HR afterwards because of my reaction demanding an apology. I did apologise but also stated it was a reaction I cannot control and i deserved an apology too.)

I tried to explain this carefully to my mum because she has a habit of coming up behind the sofa and running her nails down my spine or scrunching my hair from behind. She means it affectionately, but she also knows it makes me jump. She then gets upset when I instinctively whirl around or bat her hand away like a startled cat. (She's made jokes for years about how I'm like the cat, that I don't like to be touched and only like men. It took 10 years for her to finally hear me say, "Please stop with that bullshit." Firstly, it's rude. Secondly, I've had girlfriends and boyfriends, so it's wildly inaccurate.)

I explained that this isn't me rejecting her (the jumping/flinching, not telling her to stop comparing me to the cat). It's my nervous system reacting before my brain has caught up. It's one of the lasting effects of the trauma I've lived through.

She said,

"Well, it's not fair on the people who love you. They're only doing it out of affection."

I explained I genuinely cannot control that initial reaction.

She replied,

"Well, you need to try and stop and control your reactions. It's upsetting when you flinch when I touch you."

I lost my temper.

I stood up so quickly I knocked my chair backwards and said,

"No. No, I don't. It's my brain trying to keep me safe."

She called me "f\\\*\\\*\\\*ing selfish and inconsiderate."

I bit my tongue instead of saying what immediately came into my head:

"Maybe if you'd protected me as a child, I wouldn't react like this."

Instead, I walked away.

Now I'm wondering if I'm overreacting.

I understand that my reactions can be upsetting for people who care about me. I don't enjoy living like this either. If I could simply choose not to go into fight-or-flight when someone unexpectedly touches me from behind, I absolutely would.

But after being told my trauma was "so long ago," questioned about whether I should still consider myself both a victim and survivor, and then told I should simply control what feels like an involuntary trauma response, I can't help feeling incredibly dismissed.

Am I overreacting, or was my mum expecting something I genuinely can't control?

Whenever i go through something traumatic or really stressful i respond really well.

Usually my brain is extremely loud. It’s hard to focus on one thing at once. It’s like having someone constantly scream at you to do something but the tasks keep changing. Very stressful.

But when I’m going through something traumatic the voice is gone. I’m extremely calm and all i do is focus on whatever needs done and i do it with no problems. Sometimes i’ll start shaking really bad but i’ll still be calm mentally.

If i don’t have anything traumatic happen to me for a few months i’ll get extremely depressed and stressed out. I’m always depressed but when something traumatic doesn’t happen it’s gets really really bad. Like suicidal type bad.

Does anyone have any idea on why that is? I’m starting to get into a better place where i don’t have something traumatic happening every few months so it’s starting to really affect me. I’m trying to get into therapy it’s just taking longer than expected. So any advice or insight you can give me is greatly appreciated.

(TW: death
I was living with my brother who was struggling with alcoholism for a while. Completely different person when he was drunk. I didn’t know how to help him and I couldn’t. Tried having many talks with him. Basically came home from college to live with him to try and make him feel less alone or better.
Two weeks ago he was drunk, fell asleep or passed out with a rifle in his bed and it accidentally went off and he died. He was only 21. I was the only one there to handle it. It was terrifying and horrible.
We both have CPTSD in some form due to how we grew up, and I feel I have a better understanding of that kind of trauma or how to navigate it. This is obviously entirely different.
I’m having a very hard time. I’m 22 and don’t know everything. Parents/family are very unreliable. Nobody else was there so there’s this feeling of no one understands how disturbing it is or the severity. I don’t feel very comfortable with them anyways to talk. I think I’m terrified of feeling anything or losing my mind if I think too deeply about what happened or the consequences of him not being in my life anymore. He was just someone who was supposed to be with me forever. I get scared to think if he suffered or just even the fact he no longer is here. Can’t wrap my head around it.
Anyways I’m not sure where to go or things to help specific to this. Videos, articles, groups, anything idk I just want a better understanding of this kind of trauma and how to handle this before I go into give up mode and probably go off the deep end. Right now I think I’m heavily blocking it out or dissociative during the day because it loops in my head. I will cry or it will be unbearable for a moment and then it cuts off. Sick to my stomach all the time, etc.
I have an online counselor I guess but I mostly had talked to her about my family childhood trauma shit. She didn’t say much to begin with, and now with this I’m tired of her little “take it one day at a time” line because this shit is just so heavy. Feels like it’s not enough

I'm a 21year old male remembering old times including the passing of my dad at the age of three but started grieving at seven. I remember being scolded by teachers because I was crying too much during class and I struggled to focus because all I could think about was dad and I was always worried about my family being safe at home while I was at school.

When I had therapy, I was diagnosed with separation anxiety and my sister with autism, she would have these tantrums and beat me up even though she is one year younger than me, I was always comforted by my mom, aunt and grandparents. In middle school I was bullied for being quiet and distant, my "friends" would use me for laughs and as a punching bag literally and they would occasionally steal my food and money.

In high school everything remained the same however I always wanted a girlfriend only to realize that I barely even have any real friends, so I was alone throughout my school years and still am. I finally finished school at the age of twenty since I was kept back in grade one and three for not focusing on classes. So, I decided that I would take a year off and spend time with my family and focus on writing short horror stories and this is the week I go for my driver's license, and I am scared that I might end up like my dad in a car crash, I only hear good stories about him and what a good man he was and how he always came home to us after work.

I don't remember much about him but damn I love him. I don't know where life takes me next, but I am now happier than I ever was and that is thanks to my family and how they supported me throughout the thick and thin, even if my sister used to beat me up, I am so proud to have her as a sister and I love my entire family with all my heart.

Only thing still bugging me is why did so many people in school took me for granted? and how can I improve so that no one ever hurts me again? because my lifelong dream is to have my future wife as my best friend and I would love to be a wife-guy and would love to give my children the best childhood ever and not have them experience what I had. Advice would be greatly appreciated on how I can improve and where I can make new friends here in south Africa.