r/ToolJerk 2d ago

Ææææææææææ Learn to don’t mind.

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27 Upvotes

r/ToolJerk 3d ago

Ææææææææææ Dwahhhh! Dwahhhhhhhhh!

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27 Upvotes

r/ToolJerk 4d ago

(づ◔ ͜ʖ◔)づ Bless Nolan <----------- Upvote if you demand Christopher Nolan make a TOOL IMAX concert movie!

10 Upvotes

Fret for your live show concerts. With how hard Danny hits least no need to worry about the camera noise, sadly IMAX can only film 3 minutes at a time so we'd only be getting Disposition.


r/ToolJerk 4d ago

1235813 forty six & 2 is clearly more than just 2

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62 Upvotes

only for humorous purposes


r/ToolJerk 3d ago

(づ◔ ͜ʖ◔)づ Bless Nardo When was this EP cover made? And when was covid and lack of toilet paper? Maybe now they'll believe in miracles?

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1 Upvotes

r/ToolJerk 6d ago

Who are you to wave your finger? Average TOOL fan

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245 Upvotes

r/ToolJerk 5d ago

(づ◔ ͜ʖ◔)づ Bless Nardo <--------- Upvote if the normally greedy Maynard has touched your bitter heart with his act of generosity to the ill.

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8 Upvotes

r/ToolJerk 6d ago

PrYiNg OpEn My ThIrD EyE I wonder if they know the pieces fit

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123 Upvotes

r/ToolJerk 6d ago

Fuck, here we go again Why are they blaming trump when blaming Maynard is way more fun?

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0 Upvotes

r/ToolJerk 7d ago

Send more money What should Aussies do this December? Get APC & Puscifer tickets, or get QOTSA & Primus tickets? I tried to get an APC ticket yesterday but it wouldn't let me buy the ticket for some reason (I blame Maynard for Ticketek being shit).

4 Upvotes

Anyway, the real answer is wait and see if Fred Durst is playing The Good Things fest this year.


r/ToolJerk 8d ago

What is...Puscifer? This trailer looks like a big budget Puscifer sketch.

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2 Upvotes

r/ToolJerk 9d ago

Fuck, here we go again When did Danny glow up like this?

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51 Upvotes

r/ToolJerk 9d ago

(づ◔ ͜ʖ◔)づ Bless Sam Maynard's wine friend passed, so long we'll miss him.

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10 Upvotes

r/ToolJerk 11d ago

Alright then, picture this if you will: Impressions from our Tool Yoga last night

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151 Upvotes

r/ToolJerk 10d ago

And after calming me down with some orange slices and some fecal pooing, MJK revealed to me his only Tortoise He said, "You are the Chosen One, the One who will deliver the message. A message of hope for those who choose to hear it and a warning for those who do not."

7 Upvotes

But I'm a slow tortoise I said to the rabbit the rabbit said 'Buy my wine fool", it wasn't the sort of support I needed but at least he tried.


r/ToolJerk 10d ago

Maynard's Dick. mayonnaise ? 🤔

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11 Upvotes

im high as shit


r/ToolJerk 11d ago

SCHISM! I got the Schism video played in a mental asylum, ask me anything.

9 Upvotes

Now TOOL have more crazy fans than ever, now I can rest like Thanos at the end of Avengers 3, I didn't see Avengers 4 but I assume it was him laughing about his victory the whole time. Even locked up I still was TOOLJerking (I was doing research about how they treat the mentally ill).

It felt like a set up, I walk in there and American Psycho 2 is playing

"I probably got a screw loose or two Or maybe three or four of 'em Some fell out and hit the floor".

And then a pretty lady gave me a mandala pic on a black and white A4, so I talked with her about Danny and his mandala pads. Another lady liked my TOOL hat and gave me a chicken nugget.

When it came time to actually speak with a Dr they are all like,

"Hello". Good morning, I'm Dr. Watson. How are you today? How – are – you today?! Look, son, you're in a safe place. We wanna help in whatever way we can. But you need to talk to us. We can't help you otherwise. What's happened? Tell me everything.

So I tell them I was planning on hunting and killing Maynard James Keenan because he blocked me twice on his twitter/X, they jot down some notes, have a brief chat away from me, they let me out 2 hours later and I was off to the bottle shop on the way home.

I was glad to be out but worried one of the crazies might hurt Danny with all the new fans I made for TOOL, so once I get home I ring up the heath team and ask "Why did you let me out after I said I was going to hunt a man?" Turns out the Dr had been blocked by Maynard on social media too, she says to me, she says, she is reminded of Bill Hicks, the SANE MAN called crazy for being too advanced then she said"You know that Maynard James Keenan is a real jerk". The Dr did go to suggest I watch Always Sunny to calm down so I put on This one and Danny DeVito's Frank character reminded me you never hunt a man (Unless he's the man on the moon apparently). So in summery TOOL have new fans and Danny (Carey) DeVito just saved Maynard's life.


r/ToolJerk 10d ago

Fuck, here we go again However, "Stayin' Alive" (approx. 104 BPM) remains the global standard taught by most health organizations and provides the exact same pumping tempo for CPR. What is the tempo of the sound in LAMC?

4 Upvotes

r/ToolJerk 11d ago

SCHISM! Casual Tool reference spotted

18 Upvotes

Don't know if this has been shared, but I was doing some hearthstone stuff and found a Tool reference in one of the cards


r/ToolJerk 12d ago

Alright then, picture this if you will: Damn

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32 Upvotes

r/ToolJerk 13d ago

ಠ_ಠ This is the mod of ToolJerk

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47 Upvotes

r/ToolJerk 13d ago

Sound the dread alarm.. Still can't believe Trent Reznor ripped off Tool so blatantly!

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47 Upvotes

What a ripoff. He couldn't be original, huh?


r/ToolJerk 13d ago

Why can't we not be sober? I've found a drink that is cheaper and tastier than Maynard's wine.

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57 Upvotes

r/ToolJerk 14d ago

Fuck, here we go again Wear the Grudge like a gown?

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128 Upvotes

@justtatem


r/ToolJerk 13d ago

Caligula would grin DISCUSSION: Who would win in a rap battle, Maynard, Vanilla Ice, or Eminem?

6 Upvotes

All a bunch of lame ass white boys regardless. (Anyway, the real answer is Fred Durst).