Hi all. We are not swingers, never tried and i dont know if we ever will. But i was curious about one thing.. my wife is hot, i am not. I am overweight and just not sexy. What would a men like me expect from such evenings? I could imagine that she would get a ton of attention and i would go home empty handed.. how does it usually work? Thanks for the attention

Hey folks, we had our first date with a gal we met on the app. We had a great time together on our dinner. We talked a lot about different things and experiences. She was very vocal about friendships, and how she appreciates if the couple is generous, buys her gifts. She would love to go out on movies with us and even can come home.

We dont mind taking care of her. But since this is our first time wanted to get everyone’s thoughts little gestures that a unicorn would appreciate.

Hi, I'm 22 and a single female.

Typing this on my phone so apologies for typos or bad formatting. Sorry this will be long.

I got interested in the swinging community because I was wanting to explore my desires and fantasies with people who are experienced. I'm not really interested in playing with women as I have before and it's not for me. The main thing that led me to all this was wanting to have sex with more than 1 man or male couples (though I realise those are probably very rare in the community).

I'm in Europe and taking the opportunity away from home to dip my toe in. I went to one club and didn't stay for long as it was only couples and no one was socialising (something the worker said was not the norm but a result of tourist season). And then another the other night which was much nicer, I spoke to lots of people and had lots of great conversations but didn't play.

I got a couple soft invitations from couples but politely declined, and propositioned by lots of men who I just either didn't find attractive, were way too old for me or dudes who clearly just felt like that was the place to go to get laid. Being the only young single women I really felt like the hot commodity from the second I walked in and it was quite overwhelming.

So with all of that, here come the questions.

Are my desires normal or acceptable for swinger spaces?

What's the best way to let couples know that I don't want to play with women? And are many couples open to that?

Most of the men I met at the last club were lovely and we had great conversations about the lifestyle before they asked to play. And all of them I declined for the previously stated reasons. How do I avoid spending the entire night talking to men I'm not going to sleep with, should I tell them early that I am not interested even if they haven't asked yet? If so what is the best way to do that politely?

And is this all a lost cause? How likely am I to find not too old, attractive men in swinger spaces that are respectable participants in the lifestyle rather than dudes who just want to get laid?

Thank you so much in advance, for taking the time to read.

I (M) have an FWB (F) in another town. I needed to go there and texted her.

It turns out she has a friend (F) who likes foursomes, and her BF, visiting right now. So she asked (we’ve done a good number of MFM together) id they wanted to do a foursome. They said yes.

I asked about the format - like do I get with her and go to one bedroom while she goes with him to another? She said she checked and they are very into a very touchy 4sum on one bed. So we’re doing it in 2 hours.

I’m very slightly heteroflexible, meaning I don’t want or need sex with him. But, for example, my FWB and I have wanted to do a DV, or at least DV. I have no idea his true orientation.

People have told me to try to “steer” what I want. Like saying, “I’m really looking forward to us all rolling around in the same bed’, for example, to guide them.

Do any of you have rapid advice, and dos/dont’s? If it goes well I’d like to make it recurring.

My FWB has done a threesome with her, but has never met or seen him.

So we were lifestyle camping last weekend, and there was a large group of us sunning ourselves on the dock and enjoying some bevvies.

The topic that came up how long would suck and lick a guys cock to get him hard, when you want to initiate play.

We tried to discuss all of the factors at play that the gent might be experiencing, fear, anxiety, nerves, and possibly performance pressure.

The question was "how long do you suck and lick a cock to get it hard," before you change up the plan.

My answer was 10 minutes. I will devote 10 minutes to the task, before I will change it up....maybe he plays with me for a bit, maybe I call in reinforcements (his partner) etc.

Just thought I would ask this question to this group.

I'm not judging, but genuinely looking for other opinions. Cheers!!!

Is there a reason most play doesn’t start til midnight or later?

Most clubs don’t open til 9:00 or later, right?

Why don’t clubs or events tend to open earlier so most can have their fun and be home by 10:00?

This post inspired by comments on another post this afternoon.

First-time poster here. My wife and I have been together for nearly a decade and have recently started exploring the idea of swinging, but we’ve both agreed to do our due diligence before diving in.

I’m confident in myself overall, and I’m not really concerned about my looks or attractiveness. My only real concern is that I’m a bit on the smaller side of average, just under 5 inches, and I don’t want that to become a problem once we start meeting people.

What matters most to us is that neither of us feels left out or like one person is getting all the attention. We both want this to be a fun, mutual experience where we each enjoy ourselves and feel included.

So I’d love to hear from others: in your experience, do men on the smaller-to-average side still get attention in the lifestyle, or does size tend to matter a lot more than confidence, chemistry, etc?

So me (F) & my boyfriend are going to a swinger / sex club house party at an established place

Basically we have talked about our boundaries / expectations etc. He said he’s okay with me hooking up with another girl (which would be me losing my girl on girl virginity lol)

Tbh idk how this works or how to make this happen. Why am I the most awkward person on earth lol

Let’s say I’m there & see a woman I find attractive and am interested in. Where the hell do I go from there HELP 🤣 pls don’t judge meeeee

Also bonus question- if somebody is interested in me / us & we want to say no, how do you say that gracefully?

grazie

Hey r/Swingers,

I’m a 32F in the Minneapolis-St. Paul area, brand new to the lifestyle. My husband is fully supportive and has given me the green light to explore, especially with other women (I’m bi-curious). I’d like to check things out solo first before we play together as a couple.

I’ve been doing some research and looked at ⚠️ Fu5e X / Minn3sota Sw1ngers C1ub, but the site and application process gave me kind of sketchy/“trafficky” vibes, and I got "banned" for expressing my skepticism in the 'interview' LOL. The last two events/clubs I checked out were pretty grungy, had an older crowd, and felt unwelcoming or even a bit scary.

I’m hoping to find a cleaner, more upscale, and friendlier scene with people closer to my age (late 20s to early 40s) who take care of themselves. Looking for positive, low-pressure ways to dip my toes in. I loved the squirrel sanctuary out in Colorado, but have yet to find anywhere similar.

A few questions:

• What’s the best way for a single woman newbie to safely get started in MSP?
• Any recommended clubs, events, or groups in the Twin Cities that are more vibrant and attractive?
• Good apps or sites for the local area (besides the big national ones)?
• Tips for first-timers who want to go slow and prioritize safety/consent?

I’m respectful, communicative, and take safety seriously (testing, boundaries, etc.). Just trying to find the right entry point without jumping into anything overwhelming.

Any advice or recommendations would be greatly appreciated! Feel free to DM if you’d rather chat privately.

Thanks so much!

Getting married in about a year. We’ve been in the life style the entire time. Family had no idea and want to keep it that way. Looking for creative vows which sound like usual ones without all of one and only stuff?

It’s Hump Day! Ask anything you’ve been curious about the swinging lifestyle. Whether you’re barely dipping a toe in or already have the T-shirt and the stories, feel free to ask. Experienced folks, your stories and advice make this better. Not a hookup thread, just a safe spot to chat and learn.

If you're brand new, here are some resources to start with:

[Welcome to the sub!](https://reddit.com/r/Swingers/s/3YXk3ie2dK)

[Swingers Sub Wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/Swingers/s/2BdZ6Qriaa)

[Here is how to search this sub](https://www.reddit.com/r/Swingers/s/T7DMht2bSp)

Talked w a couple from SDC and moved it over to Telegram. The wife photo confirmed with a specific pose and I'm convinced she's at least a real person.

They invited me to a swingers party hosted on SLS and sent me the link for the party. starts at 10pm on a weeknight which I thought was weird.

250 dollars up front for a couple I've never met before doesn't sound like a good idea. And on top of that the woman was very easy to communicate with and prompt...which never happens. It all is suspicious

Am I wrong?

Me (32m) and my partner (34f) have recently become interested in playing together around others, this could be at sex clubs, parties or other swinging environments. We are excited by the idea of playing together around/in the vicinity of others but not playing with others at all. We expect that this is a pretty common desire amongst couples and that there are probably quite a few like us in the scene(?).

We visited a swingers club recently which had some private rooms that we felt might be a good place to start but my partner became worried that people might barge in and not respect the closed door. It started a conversation about how we ensure that our boundaries are asserted and respected by others in these environments.

So my questions are: what are couples' experiences around this issue? Do you find that you have to assert those boundaries often when playing around others or is the culture generally very mindful? Do you often run into unsolicited touching/advances?

All advice appreciated, we are really excited to join in this lifestyle but want to know what we are getting ourselves into first. We're in the UK scene btw

Thanks in advance 🙏

This is probably a long-shot, but is anyone reading this thread planning/thinking about attending Palladium Swingers Club in Valencia (Spain) this Saturday 25 July 2026? We will be based in the Russafa neighbourhood, albeit without a vehicle. M/F couple (WMAF) - native English speakers,

Otherwise, has anyone had a recent experience at the club and would care to comment or share a review ? I've read through older threads, but can't recall any recent reports in the past six months.

I found this gem in a swingers FB group. The question of the day asked how many people folks typically play with at parties.

This woman was nice enough to answer the question, but then went into detail on how sleeping with multiple people in one day is "gross."

Girl.

You're in a group created for casual sex outside of your marriage, but still have the balls to throw shade at anyone that does this differently than you. How delusional are you?

I need someone to explain to me why people are like this.

Do they really think they're better than everyone else, when 99% of the population considers a person that fucks someone other than their spouse to be "gross"?

Some people's logic really blows me away sometimes.

I'm sure this is pretty standard, but still very interesting how things have evolved. Our first desire when starting out was to be with couples, where both of us play with others, in the same room. I had a strong desire to see my wife with another woman too, more so than with another man, but was ok with that too. We did that and it was great. I even had a little bit of a bi curiousity, which i explored, but lost interest.

I remember the first time seeing another man making out with her, totally lost in each others' embrace. It was a bit uncomfortable in the moment. But, the day after, that discomfort started evolving into a strong desire. Over the next few months, we had a single guy over a few times, and I found that the more intimate, romantic, and sensual they were, the more I was turned on by it. Although I love being with couples and another woman, nothing compares to seeing my wife making love to another man, being fully present, and having an amazing orgasm with him.

Anybody else discover a surprising infatuation?

My wife have been talking more about exploring the LS community and we want to dip our toe in the water and attend a club as spectators and maybe play together. We are attractive, and in good physical shape we take great care of ourselves. I'm interested to know what we can expect from a first time club visit. Will we be significantly younger than most couples at clubs in the area? Does anyone have any reviews of Chicago land lifestyle clubs they can share or recommended looking into?

My boyfriend and I (both bisexual) are new to the lifestyle and still exploring-- he has more experience than I do, but our interests and boundaries have very quickly leveled out.

A few months ago, a friend of mine who's also recently joined the scene approached me and offered to take me to her favorite clubs (lifestyle and otherwise), introduce me to people, etc, and said my boyfriend is more than welcome to come along. She and her girlfriend are definitively interested in me.

The four of us had a good conversation of boundaries; the girls said they don't really have strict boundaries for themselves or each other, as long as they do everything together and stay informed. My friend is a strict lesbian (she's had some bad experiences with men), but her gf said she hadn't ever been with a man and didn't know where she stood on the matter. Bf is cool with me experimenting freely with the two girls, as long as he is informed. He wants to be present whenever possible but understands that it's not always possible, and will settle for photos/videos or a fun in-depth retelling. He also made it clear to them that we are welcoming them into our relationship, and he doesn't want to feel that my attention is being diverted too heavily. In other words, he wants unity between all of us and doesn't want to feel replaced/neglected. Totally reasonable imo, considering that we're all new to the game, we're exploring our boundaries, they're lesbians and probably not attracted to him, and they're super interested in me. Of course, my partner and I both want him to be involved however possible, but obviously we want to respect their preferences!

Anyway, the three of us ladies have played around a few times (with bf's blessing) and it has gone well! We recently had our first session with the four of us and bf was extremely respectful. He made no advances unless outwardly invited and was still cautious. I tagged him in to pleasure friend's gf with his hands and a vibe, and she gave the 'okay.' She seemed to really enjoy what he did. Bf and I got her off, and then the two of them got me off. Friend was moral support lol. They left in a good mood, but the overview talk the day after was a bit odd.

Upon asking if the girls had any thoughts about our proceedings, they said they had a good time but weren't sure how they felt about it, and needed to discuss further. It sounds to me like friend's gf enjoyed being involved with him but friend isn't so keen on the idea. They have yet to give us a straight answer, and I can only assume how they feel at this point. I understand they're still exploring their boundaries and that takes time. We'll all discuss at some point soon, of course, and I'm sure we'll get our answers then.

All of this being said, the idea of having to leave out a partner because one person's lack of attraction to men is bleeding onto everyone else's proceedings doesn't sit right with me. I understand that the line lays wherever the first "no" is and that's okay-- other people's preferences aren't within my control. So why should other people's preferences control mine? It seems like what i acknowledge to be morally correct and how i feel about it are in misalignment. Ultimately it's up to the girls to hammer out, I guess.

Any thoughts?

With all the angst about parties starting and ending so late and people not playing until midnight or later, some people think there is a large audience for daytime or early parties.

I think if there was a sustainable audience for daytime parties or parties that start early and end by 9 p.m., someone would have filled that need.

For people who actually host events, is there a market for regular daytime parties or events that end by 9 p.m.? Or are those niche events that attract smaller crowds?

Don’t get me wrong, everyone should do what works for them. Regular daytime parties or early evening parties don’t work for our schedule. It obviously works for some people and I hope they find what they need.

I seen many comments saying it’s hard to get into playhouse I don’t know what it really takes to get in. Do many recommend this place over whispers. What does play house have that whispers does not and why is it more exclusive.

I have seen comments suggesting whispers but I don’t know why is so recommended.

Any tips and advice as first timers. We want eyes and we don’t mind if people come up to us but I don’t think any play, It might change it the moment.

What are we to expect going to either place.

Hey everyone,

My partner and I are heading to Paris soon and looking to check out the club scene. I’ve read through older threads and articles comparing popular spots (like Les Chandelles, Le Mask, etc.), but most feedback centers around Friday/Saturday nights.

Since our trip schedule means we’ll be going out midweek ( Wednesday, or Thursday) we want to set realistic expectations.

For those familiar with the Paris scene:

1. Attendance: Which venues actually maintain a good, active crowd during the middle of the week?
2. Atmosphere/Dress Code: Do midweek nights tend to be more casual or strictly enforced depending on the venue?

Wondering how wives would feel if their husband used their money to take another woman on a fancy date or to buy luxury items.

My girl and I are going to Vegas and have thought about trying our first swinging session. We have gone over rules and what to kinda expect.

We are fairly young 24 and 22 where would you guys recommend more and any tips on first time?

If you and your partner are active in the lifestyle, are there certain acts thst you reserve just for the two of you?

My late wife and I had the rule that only I could cum in her mouth and/or on her face.

Everyone else had to settle for below the neck