We have been married for 23 years.

It was amazing. It went about as well as you could hope. We went from being shy about getting nude to closing the place down having had sex with strangers for hours, and bringing a woman back to our hotel room to keep going.

We decided 2 - 4 times a year is probably the right frequency moving forward. We took the train to Toronto; it's a trip.

But now I have this side of me that I need to hide from quite a few people in my life. We went to "just check it out" and apparently are freaky people who will bang (hot) strangers while anyone can waltz up and take in the view.

I didn't predict that.

Edit: I cannot stress enough what a good time my wife and I had. Everything about this makes sense now. I always thought the whole cuck thing was weird, that I would have trouble watching my wife have sex with another man. Nope. It was crazy hot. I would have NEVER guessed that I could simply engage in group sex with zero privacy, either. In the moment it felt completely natural.

Meanwhile, last night was dinner with my parents. Dad learned what FAFO stood for and complained about the degradation of our society. "Everything is getting so crude." He was also horrified to learn that I'm working on a hobby novel about a lesbian romance. Well Dad: your daughter-in-law and I had a LOT of almost anonymous sex with two women and a man last week, lol.

Just a heads up for those just starting out in ENM, the excitement and NRE can make our brains go brrr and make it difficult to make logical decisions. So I wanted to make sure folks knew that while condoms reduce the risk of STI transmission, they don’t protect against all of them.

STIs that can get around condoms include: HSV-1, HSV-2, HPV, Syphilis, Pubic Lice, and Trich.

I am not saying don’t use condoms. They protect against fluid transmitted STIs. And reduce others Just be smart about your body and your health.

Another note that some folks seem to forget: some STIs take 2-3 months to show up on a test so getting tested right after an encounter and then not repeating it later is not recommended and could put your other partners at risk.

Happy slutting!

Edited to add that you should still get tested a couple weeks after an encounter! Well as 2-3 months later.

I am recently out of a 20 year monogamous relationship.

After some time, I had met my, now, girlfriend, and she had let me know from the beginning, that she was non-monogamous. I had accepted that, and I've been putting in a lot of work to rewire my brain, through reading, podcasts and therapy.

During a therapy session I was asked about boundaries. I had never thought about boundaries for myself, as I was wasting away in my long term marriage, but this is a new beginning, and I want to focus on me first.

The most important thing to me is truth, and openness. And I had been very clear about that from the beginning. She had shared the same sentiments with me. Lies and omissions are cheating in this relationship.

Sitting down to discuss my recent therapy session, and talk about boundaries, I asked her, "Have you lied to me, or purposefully kept something from me, to keep from hurting my feelings?".

I was absolutely blindsided to find out, that she was hiding a partner from me. She told me, when we met, and were discussing what she had going on, relationship wise, she sensed I was getting overwhelmed at the situation, so she held one back. I knew she had 1 long term partner, and a few people she dates from time to time. I can't figure out why one more would have had a difference.

When she would be going offline for a bit, she would tell me she was going to be with her 1 long term partner. Now she has revealed to me, that wasn't always the case, but it was just easier to keep from hurting my feelings. She says she always wanted to tell me, but the timing just never worked out.

I'm absolutely devastated! I had trusted her 100%, and put in so much work over the past 3 months to make this something great, because she is an amazing person. But I can't looked at her the same way ever again.

I'm lost in what to do. She says she remorseful.
She wants to rebuild trust. But I can't help think that there may be more. Maybe she's not as special as I made her to be.

Hi everyone, interested in potentially having an ffm threesome for the first time as a single gal wanting to explore her sexuality.

The thing is, I’ve really struggled with penetrative piv sex in the past due to pain (or I guess more a fear of pain), so if I were to take part, that’s something I wouldn’t be able to do.

I’m curious if anyone has been a part of a threesome where they haven’t received piv sex and if that impacted their overall enjoyment, especially because the other f would be receiving. Or if they found the m partner to be favouring the other f.

Any and all advice is most welcome!!

The second time was even more intense and unforgettable. Seeing my wife so confident, desired, and happy was an incredible feeling. She had that same beautiful, curvy confidence that reminded me of Lisa Ann. The most exciting part was the trust between us, the shared fantasy, and experiencing something together that brought us even closer.

Ive shared her with my friends and it was insanely exciting!

I know this, too, shall pass. I know one day, I’ll smile because it happened and they were beautiful and our time together was lovely, but right now I am a mess. I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, the tears come randomly throughout the day. I miss them so much.

I was the partner, the monogamous one, thinking I could handle a casual FWB relationship with someone practicing ENM while dating to look for my next monogamous partner. Then I realized all the little moments had slowly added up, the sweet gestures, some vulnerable moments, the emotional connection, and the sexual chemistry. I caught feelings hard and now it’s a lesson learned in hindsight.

We care about each other deeply but ultimately, letting each other go was our act of love for each other, to accept each other and ourselves for who we were. They don’t return my feelings to the extent I have for them and we differ in our relationship ideologies. When we said goodbye, I wrote them a letter, telling them that I still cared and wished them well. We exchanged some kind words, then parted ways and went no contact. I didn’t want to stay friends because I didn’t trust myself to not catch feelings for them again.

It’s been a few days, some days are better than the others, but right now I feel so low. I have this sinking feeling that their position to always be open to meeting potential partners puts them in a place where they’ll be busy meeting other people, going on dates, and will move on more quickly than I will.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that, I don’t wish them emotional pain, but right now I feel so alone in this sadness and the grief is so overwhelming. They meant a lot more to me than I realized.

Maybe this isn’t exactly helping with healing but if you have similar experiences, from the side of someone having to let down a partner gently, or letting go of someone you cherished, even if temporarily, would you please share your story with me?

How did you say goodbye? What was it like for you?

I know this is different by person, but was it easier or harder to slowly taper off and ghost? Was it easier or harder to say goodbye more explicitly?

If you practice ENM, it seems you might experience these types of break ups more. Do they ever get easier?

Thank you so much <3

I am in an open relationship, I have some experience in it but barely any and not very positive until I met my now partner who has been so supportive and loving and reassuring and everything. He’s been in many open relationships so he is very used to the dynamic and how it works, I’m not.

Anyways, my main issue is wanting to read his messages with other partners. In our relationship we are only open sexually, we have each other as a main partner then we have some casual one night hookups or like fwb adjacent partners on occasion that are seen every month to a couple months or so then eventually fade out.

I know I have abandonment issues and some bad trust issues from previous experiences, and it makes me want to read his texts to, like, prove to myself that he isn’t talking emotionally with them. I know he doesn’t really flirt and it’s mainly talk about sex and what they’re gonna do and stuff along those lines, but nothing really complimentary flirty or emotional; and he’s allowed me to read some due to me being curious but it makes me want to read them all all the time which is EXHAUSTING for me mentally and just not realistic.

How do I get over this, or train myself to stop thinking to read his texts whenever I can?

I already know what they talk about, he’s let me see and we’ve talked about what we talk about. It doesn’t even really bother me what they talk about since it’s usually about a date or what they’re gonna do in bed, but it’s just that my brain needs to KNOW even if I know it’s nothing to worry about. But I can’t feed that and I don’t wanna monitor him, the whole point is having fun and trusting each other.

Any help?

My idea was to try and just distract myself when the thought came up, or just to tell myself it’s not an option, but it didn’t really work that well

Pls help and ask questions

Met a married woman through a friend.

She brings up fetlife and a few other things in our conversation, so I ask if her and her husband are monogamous given this isn’t a typical conversation you have with new people if you are….

She says no, not monogamous, but doesn’t give much more detail. I got her phone number.

How does this normally go? I have experience dating but only with other single people (even solo poly, etc, just never an actual married person).

Am I asking her to go do something like I would with anyone else? Am I asking her (before that, over text or something) what her arrangement with her husband is?

Highly curious and interested in pursuing this but my normal charismatic self is not there given this dynamic that is new to me.

For context me (22M) and my GF (21F) are curious about a threesome in the future. We are looking for a girl for our third. And we are not 100% sure which way we want to go. I am okay with either or. But her best friend has said she'd love to have a threesome with us and her and my gf have had intimacy before so it's not really a new thing for them they just have never had a threesome. And she's concerned if things would be weird between her and I, she said she'd prefer if her and I hungout more first. So her and I are closer friends first so in that scenario we'd be more like friends than her being like our third. But she also says she really wants her friend to experience it and thinks that I'm great in bed and she thinks she deserves that.

And on the other hand she said if we found a stranger it might be a lot cleaner and avoid any awkwardness afterwards. But then that may be harder to find.

Just curious if anyone has been in this scenario before and what your thoughts are?

So I(29F) have been recently thinking about being in an open relationship with my (33M) fiancé. I’ve never been in one before, but have always thought about it because I’m a restless soul. Any relationship I’ve been in, I feel I reach a point to where I just want to be with another man. I’m very flirtatious and love those first feelings of being with someone new. Now that being said, I love my fiancé deeply, I’ve never loved anyone like him before. But he has a lower sex drive than me, which is fine, but I just feel I’m not being satisfied sexually. When we do have sex it’s great, but it’s also the same sex we’ve been having for 7 years. Part of me feels he’d be open to it, since me and him got together originally when he was seeing someone else. However, he’s a jealous man, and I fear he’d take it the wrong way and that I don’t love him anymore. So I’m just looking for advice on how I could approach this. TIA!

My girl(27) and myself(30) officially decided to open our relationship, all communication in order and we are really excited. Any advice on how to connect with likeminded people? We’re very much interested in couples and potentially open to everything!

So me and my husband are in a sort of EMM relationship. He is a trucker so he wants me to be able to be pleased when he isn’t there. So we brought up me getting a FWB. I wanna make sure that I respect our engagement and stuff so I want to ask for y’all‘s opinion on important boundaries that can be set so that everything goes smoothly.

So I (24F) am super new still to non monogamy and I’m just genuinely curious if its possible over time to form a quad dynamic but not starting out with a partner or joining another couple. I’m only 24 so I’m in no rush to really be in a relationship right now but I’m just trying to plan for the future I guess.

The more i’ve read about non monogamy the more I’ve come to love the idea of like a “Four Income, No Kids” MFMF but its like Bi4Bi4Bi4Bi situation. But I’m also aware enough to realize that that might be super super niche and hard to come by.

I feel like in even wanting something like that I’d be like Nick Fury putting the Avengers together (cringe I know) but because I don’t have a partner currently and dont really want to join another couple either, it feels kind of insurmountable for that to be realistic.

Ideally I’d love to meet three other single people also who’d be down for something like that but it seems like the odds are stacked against me. Is this a pipe dream or should I not give up hope for my future relationship? I’m open to any and all advice because again I genuinely have no clue how to navigate any of this.

I had too and I can say if y'all say URS too

I (24F) am single and have been dating around since my divorce in January. While I was married we had opened a few times (and it wasnt the reason we got divorced either lol) but we never got to actually doing a MFM as many times as we talked about it. Still though I’ve always been intrigued by the dynamic and have been trying to coordinate an MFM with people I’ve been getting to know in kink spaces. I’m really just looking for any advice or tips on how I should go about coordinating this with the people I have in mind and if I manage to arrange it what can I do to make sure everyone has a good time and feels comfortable since we’d all be single. I’m such a newbie to all this still and would love any advice!

(I’m not trying to find partners for this through here just looking for advice only)

I’m not sure if this falls into the nonmonogonmy subreddit because it’s not about adding a third person to our relationship, just a question broadly. It keeps being rejected my the r/sex mods. This is more a fantasy/research question.

Curious if any of you have had a threesome, do it regularly, actively avoid.

Really just any story about this topic. The only request I have is that if you have had a threesome as a couple, how did it happen?

i (24f) recently tried following the advice everyone gives nowadays and keeping my options open. everyone always says you shouldn’t focus on one person too early, especially when you’re just getting to know people. like don’t put all your hopes into one person, talk to multiple people, see who you actually connect with. and honestly i don’t understand how some people do this.

i don’t even mean in a judgemental way. i genuinely don’t know how people can casually talk to 3 or 4 people at the same time and remember everything about everyone. my memory is already bad enough, but suddenly i had multiple conversations happening and my brain just stopped working.

one person would tell me about their family situation, another would mention a hobby they love, another would talk about a trip they’re planning, and then a few days later i would catch myself thinking “wait... who told me this story again?”

the worst feeling is when you accidentally ask someone something they already told you before because you genuinely forgot. it makes me feel like such a terrible person because i do care, i just cannot store that much random information at once.

at some point i realised dating multiple people is basically a whole management problem. you are finding people, figuring out compatibility, remembering details, deciding who you actually want to spend more time with. it weirdly started feeling like managing a whole pipeline.

so i started keeping notes after each date because i realised i genuinely needed help remembering basic things. like after every conversation i would just dump whatever i remembered into acciowork, and it would organise everything for me. their hobbies, random things they mentioned, stories they told me, little preferences that i would probably forget otherwise.

honestly it sounds kinda insane when i say it out loud 💀 like imagine going on a date and then going home to update an ai about what happened.

but at the same time, is it really that different from writing things down in your notes app? people use calendars to remember birthdays, reminders to keep track of important events, and apps to organise their lives. why does trying to remember details about someone you are dating suddenly feel weird?

the part i’m struggling with is that i don’t want dating to feel like a spreadsheet. i don’t want people to become profiles that i’m comparing or treating like some kind of project. but i also don’t want to forget things that matter to someone just because i’m trying to juggle too many conversations at once.

So we've decided to have our first MFM threesome, it's one of those things that we've talked about, and we really want that experience.

Since we don't want to have backlash from someone we know, we've decided to go for the one night stand approach.

We planned to go on vacation, any good place you can recommend to make this a great experience.

We are thinking maybe Cancun.

Any suggestions or experiences like ours

My girlfriend (22F) and I (23M) have been in a long-term relationship, and we’ve been talking about having a threesome for about six months. It’s something we’ve both genuinely wanted to explore together, and after months of conversations, we’ve finally found someone we’ve been chatting with for the last two weeks.
We’re both excited, but I’d be lying if I said we weren’t also nervous.
Our biggest fear isn’t the experience itself—it’s the possibility of it negatively affecting our relationship. We love each other and absolutely don’t want to lose what we have.
We’ve talked through a lot already. We’ve agreed that if either of us starts feeling uncomfortable at any point, we’ll stop immediately with no guilt or pressure. We’ve also agreed that if jealousy or unexpected emotions come up afterward, we’ll talk through them together instead of pretending everything is fine. Our relationship comes first, no matter what.
This also isn’t completely out of nowhere for us. We’ve gone to a strip club together and even got a lap dance at the same time. We sext with women online together fairly often, and we go to nude beaches together regularly. None of those experiences have caused any major issues for us, and if anything, they’ve led to good conversations and made us feel closer. We’ve also talked about this threesome consistently for months, and every conversation ends with both of us feeling excited about it.
I know none of those experiences are exactly the same as a threesome, which is why we’re still a little nervous. I think that’s probably normal, but it’s hard not to wonder if we’re missing something important.
For those of you who have been in healthy relationships and had a positive threesome experience:
Was there anything you wish you’d discussed beforehand?
Did anything unexpected come up emotionally?
Is there anything you would recommend we do before, during, or after the experience to make sure our relationship stays the priority?
We’re looking for honest advice from people with experience—good or bad. We know there are risks, but we’re trying to be as thoughtful and prepared as we can be.

Hi! My partner (32M) and myself (24F) have been in an open relationship for about 4 years. It started out open and now I'm wondering if thats truly what I want with recent events. Backstory: we currently have 3 kids under 5, one is his, one is mine, and then our youngest together. This is his first open relationship and he tells me that he loves it, which is why this is hard for me thinking this way. I have had two open before, one was abusive and the other our careers took us different directions. He works full time being the sole provider for us but we still live paycheck to paycheck. Yes I am aware thats not good, but when I work, we dont worry about money. I attend nursing school and recently found out we are pregnant with our last baby which explains all of the emotions as of late. We haven't really felt close for a while, from nursing school, to our youngest not sleeping, and his kid having unmanageable behaviors at times.(upside we finally got him help).

But when he went out last with another woman, it was like a truck hit. I was having a hard time dealing with it, he did not do anything wrong, he followed all boundaries we have in place. So I was not sure why I was feeling so jealous of this other woman. Both our sides are open, but his boundary for me is that men are off the table, only women, which is fine, I am bisexual, just do not have a lot of experience with other women. He has been trying to be intimate for awhile and openly talk about it, but eventually is falls back to what is was with barely any sex at times. I do not feel I have the time or energy for anyone else with our day to day life, I coordinate almost everything for him and the kids so it runs smoother on a daily basis. It feels like we dont have time to connect and when we make time, it is always interrupted. But it feels like this open relationship is more important than what goes on at home and with each other. Am I wrong to feel this way? How do I handle the jealousy of other women? Any advice is greatly appreciated, I want to work through this with him and make it work. We have already had so many conversations, some productive, some not so much.

My husband and I met at a kinky-swingers club. At that time, both of us had sexual partners. After four months seeing each other, we decided to become romantic partners, and we ended with our sexual partners. We've been together around two years now, married for one, and things have been going well, for the most part. But we forgot to explain what we expected of our relationship. Stupid mistake, I know.

He had been in the liberal world way longer than I had, and he doesn't belive in monogamy. He doesn't consider himself poly per se, because he believes he can have sexual partners, have a good time with them, but want nothing more to do with them, and then come home back to me, with whom he says wants to have the romantic relationship and sees a future with.

I know I can have multiple partners and see people, only as long as I had not 100% committed emotionally (a bit of an avoidant here, I know it was wrong). I have had multiple partners at some points in my life, but I was always the one that came into an existing open relationship, never opened a relationship myself. Around 8 months ago, I realised I actually wanted a fairly monogamous relationship with him when he casually said that I could do and talk and see whomever I want, and I don't even have to tell him about it.

First and foremost, I have no desire of seeing anyone else. Secondly, the idea of him seeing and having sex and flirting with someone else feels uncomfortable to me (and I've told him so). Lastly, if we were, in fact, open, I would like him to tell me about it, to check in on me. I don't want to vet, but I would like to be informed. He is against that. He says he is his own person and owes me no explanations or my permission (which yeah, he doesn't need my permission, but...)

We've spoken about this topic a couple of times. He says he wants and will continue speaking with other women. Thats non negotiable. He also says he would like to go back "hunting" and be with other women, but it is not a necessity *as of now*. He says he has thought about having a relationship with two women (unicorn hunting) and is something he would like but doesn't need right now. He says he understands my POV but doesn't share it. I understand his but don't feel comfortable with it. We reached no agreement. The conversation finished there.

I am feeling wildly uncomfortable and emotionally activated. I have been in poly relationships before but, as I said, I was always the one that came into it. And I am not sure how to determine if this uncomfortableness is something I have to work on and push through to be able to meet him where he's at, or if it's me disregarding my own needs and we are just not compatible.

I am a firm believer discomfort is important, necessary and not something to avoid but to learn about and work through, and I do love and want to stay with him. But this conversation was two days ago, and as much as I've thought, meditated, and felt through it, I cannot seem to reach any conclusions on how to move forward. I don't know how to approach this. If anyone could give me some advice, some insights... I would greatly appreciate.