Hi everyone,

I grew up in a household with constant shouting and conflict. Because of that, I developed an extreme fear of being yelled at.

When I was 18, I was repeatedly screamed at, humiliated and insulted by a classmate during a weekly laboratory course. This continued for the remaining 1.5 years of school, until I graduated.

After the first major incident, I developed an intense fear of going to the lab. From that point on, it felt like my entire life revolved around it.

I couldn't switch off at home, during weekends or even during holidays. I was constantly thinking about the next lab and trying to prepare for it, even though it was mostly practical work and there wasn't much I could actually prepare.
Even after a car accident during that period, my first thoughts afterwards were about having to go back to the lab.

After many years of therapy, I still struggle to understand how I managed to endure that level of fear, humiliation and psychological pressure for almost two years without seeking help. What I struggle to understand even more is how I managed to live with that level of fear and humiliation for so long without eventually seriously harming the classmate who was putting me through it.

Has anyone else experienced something similar while the bullying or abuse was still ongoing?

Did it completely take over your life, to the point where you could barely think about anything else, even at home or during weekends and vacations?

Do you ever look back and wonder how you managed to endure that level of fear, humiliation and psychological pressure for so long without eventually seriously harming the person who was causing it?

Hi folks, first-time redditor here.

This is a bit specific, but I’m looking to hear other perspectives and experiences with medication for PTSD and persistent depressive disorder. I’ve also been diagnosed with inattentive type ADHD, but I have wondered if the ADHD problems are symptoms of the other conditions rather than an additional disorder.

Before continuing, I am working closely with my psychiatrist to find the correct medication(s) for my mind and body, and I’m not doing anything without their supervision/knowledge. I’m simply looking to hear other experiences.

Depression is my primary “complaint,” so antidepressants have been necessary. I have a high susceptibility to SSRIs flaring up severe gastritis and other GI concerns, so Wellbutrin was recommended, as it is an NDRI with few gastro side effects rather than an SSRI. The ADHD symptoms have been treated with Concerta. This combo helps me get out of bed, take care of myself, and focus, but it gives me terrible anxiety and absolutely does not help when my PTSD is activated. We have previously added Buspar to the mix to help the anxiety, but I am wondering if I just need to kick the stimulant and go a different route to treat the depression and ADHD symptoms with the PTSD and anxiety in mind.

Basically, how are we managing our depression and ADHD without activating our PTSD and anxiety? Is there a solution? Thanks for your support.

I’m starting EMDR reprocessing for my PTSD. I’m scared and reluctant to start. I’ve been doing a lot of self reflection on why these feelings are coming up. I didn’t feel this during the first steps of EMDR. I was honestly relieved and hopefully of “feeling better”. My PSTD had infected every part of my life and I feel like my life has been on hold. But not starting feels scary and risky.
At first I think I thought if I got better that was me “forgiving” the person who hurt me. But the more I’ve sat and journaled about these feelings I’m realizing something worse. I don’t forgive myself for what I let happen to me. In a fucked up way, subconsciously this is the consequences/punishment for not getting out sooner.
I know it’s messed up and I wish I didn’t feel like this.

i just literally cant take it anymore everything is so fucking overwhelming

im in a "relationship????" with a man who rapes me cuz he threatens to do it to other people and he says i deserve it cuz im ugly and self harm anyways and anyone he hurts is just a poor girl who wont deserve it. he's sent me a recording of him raping people and tbh its my fault im in this situation. my parents drive me crazy because one day theyre evil the next day they're buying me my skincare, my self esteem is shit, and i've just fully become numb. i had let this man do whatever to me bc i wanted to numb the part of me that ever sought out love and well it finally worked. university applications r in the fall. if i get into my dream school will it even matter???

i have friends

why do i crave romantic love this badly

I’ve been struggling with ptsd for around 7- 8 years and I go to therapy every week and constantly try to work it but lately I get stuck and cannot be with my partner, it’s been almost three years since we got together and I love him but idk sometimes I cannot love him because I’m scared if literally nothing, and get mad and he has helped me a lot with getting therapy and stuff but I hate myself for not being able to give him a normal relationship

Tw: grooming mention

Recently I was online and saw a post regarding grooming and stuff. I dont even remember everything but it was regarding grooming online and basically victim blaming. I know its a dumb online thing and I've been trying to dismiss it but it's been buzzing in my head.

I was groomed online a few years ago. I STILL carry heavy amounts of guilt from that and the shit I've seen/heard combined with my irl experience wich influenced that one. Ive had therapist and medical professionals tell me it wasn't my fault but I cant belive it. And that just confirmed something in me.

I haven't even cried or felt much towards talking about it in a few years and here I am actually tearing up over it. I know I fucked up I'm still trying to make up for it but i genuinely dont know how many times I have to apolgize until it leaves me alone. It just will not go away.

Before anyone tells me to take a break off the internet. Don't worry I planned to change tiktok accounts to start over to fix my algorithm and I'll be staying on my safe platform wich is youtube.

I'll have my twin help a bit (He's not entirely real, but idk). This entire thing is just really bad. Feel free to think of me however you want. I've probably heard worse.

How do i get this to stop? I cant have one and now im not going to bed because I'm scared if i do I'll have one when I'm trying to sleep but i have to sleep

I am so tired. I can't sleep anymore. I can't confide in my best friend anymore. I've been beating myself. Driving with my eyes closed. Writing poetry doesn't give me any relief or closure anymore. Simply hearing my mother snore, or someone talk about a visit to the doctors sends me into a crying puddle. My therapist encourages me to see the long term benefits of my treatment, but I feel so miserable in the moment I can't even consider being in a better place. I feel so emotionally sick that I want to vomit but I can't. My therapist asked me to think if good things I can do for myself but I can't think of anything. Everything just prolongs the hurt. My meds helped at first but now I'm back to ruminating, running the treadmill of my trauma over and over.

Nothing changed , same shitty life same everything. I remember when the psychiatrist prescribed it to me he said :, don’t worry you will feel suicidal for the first 2 days and on the third day you are going to love life and wake up like a whole new person. I bought it i really did and i think the only thing that kept me from harming myself or killing myself was that i took benzos alongside and sleeping 16hrs+ a day. I left that body long time ago and I don’t recognise myself anymore. If reaching for help did that i can’t imagine what not reaching would have done because i am so miserable and i can’t talk and i can’t do anything and nobody is aware. I am somewhere else and there’s nothing to do because i fought and i fought and i lost.

hello

im 16f and honestly i havent been able to read romance novels in a year

my parents have been emotionally and physically abusive for years tho not as physically abusive after CPS was called when i was 12 and during periods wehre i am super super docile?????? idk its confusing

anyways reading romance novels opens this super big pit in my heart and i want to start crying and idk what it is that i crve. ive been dreaming of protective romantic bf since i was rly little but now it just hurts? esp when i read novels when someone is avenged or protected or just simply loved, ygm. idk

the pit hurts so much i start seeking abusive relationships cuz like the pain cancels out the other pain. eded up in a pseudo-relationship w a 41 year old serial rapist who threatens me by threatening to rape others if i dont comply. my friend thinks im out but im not cuz im in so much misery its just easier to stay and be hurt so i dont dream of being loved

i hope to be loved the way they love in books but i just feel so hopeless :((