r/Petioles • u/IH8FPL • 5h ago
Discussion I’ve never known what my medication is like without weed. That needs to change.
My ex and I bonded deeply over weed. I’ve had my medical card for six years and it helped me so much with my mental health. In the aftermath of our breakup, we both realized the negative impact weed played in our relationship; it created a lot of stagnation due to poor self discipline and avoidance of the problems in our relationship.
I was always selective with my strains, the purpose, and the form. I always saw it as beneficial, until it wasn’t. It’s gotten to the point where even sativa strains aren’t giving me any boost, energy, or uplifting high. It’s all just… fog.
I took a step back and realized I have been smoking weed since I first got diagnosed with ADHD and put on meds. I don’t even know what Wellbutrin feels like without weed.
I have severe CPTSD and anxiety, and I felt like weed helped for a while, but it’s quickly become a habitual problem. My usual routine includes smoking as soon as I log off work (I work from home) and before bed. But sometimes it bleeds into all hours if I’m bored or unable to focus on a task I want to get done (yay executive dysfunction). I don’t want to feel foggy when I wake up. Or have this jittery urge to smoke when I’m understimulated or I can’t decide what to do with myself. Or jump straight to my bong after work. It’s affecting my focus, my drive, and my daily ability to be productive.
The thing is… I have community. I have a social life. I have routines and things to pour myself into… but I can’t always stick to that, and weed becomes my comfort. It’s just easier to smoke and cope, enable myself almost. I realize my medication would probably make all of those actions easier, but the weed is masking the motivation.
I am deeply anxious about nightmares given my CPTSD. How difficult is sleeping without it? I plan to only take a puff of a vape or an edible before bed, not my bong or joint. It’s so easy for me to binge smoke on those. Weekends are for smoking, but only after I get certain things done and do other things to feel refreshed, confident, and healthy.
I want to try to restructure my relationship with weed, something to enjoy as a treat and pastime, versus a reliance. I worry I’ll struggle at first when I am experiencing executive dysfunction, as I’ve previously turned to weed to get me going, but it doesn’t always help. Perhaps switching to edibles or vapes during these moments could help.
Thanks for reading — if anyone has any tips, let me know ☺️