I overheard my gf on the phone with a telemarketer.

"Dylan, I know you're just doing your job, and you're doing it well by the way, but I'm not your girl, so how about you stop wasting your own time and my time?"

"Okay... Dylan... I'm sorry to cut you off again. Your voice is just as valid as mine. I'm not trying to, like, silence you or anything, but Dylan honey, you're not listening to me. I literally need nothing from you other than goodbye ma'am."

"Dylan. No. You're still selling. Okay. You sound young, so tell me, do you want me to mom you or do you want me to serve bitch? You'll hate both. What will it be, Dylan?

"Thank you, Dylan. You have a nice day too."

So I'm at Small Cheval and these guys are at the table next to me and one of them goes "so I told my mom i said 'mom, leave me alone, I'm chilling with my boys'"

And then another guy goes "yeah dude that's valid"

And then one of the guys claimed that his shake cost him $14 when he actually got a shake, large fries, and a canned soda. But he just kept on saying that he couldn't believe it cost that much just for the shake, even though he bought more than a shake.

And then, prob my favorite moment, they are talking about chicken nuggets and one of the guys that talked much less frequently went ahead and said "I know this might sound crazy you guys, but sometimes I dip my chicken nuggets in honey" and the guy that was talking about his mom earlier unironically went "dude dont ever say that again"

Man 1: So I got to the toilets and there was a barrier. £1 it cost! So I said to him, you open this barrier right now or I’m going to shit on the floor.
Man 2: This is London, bruv, you shouldn’t be advocating for people to shit on the floor.

Walking down the hall at an independent living facility I hear two older women talking about Pete Hegseth and the testosterone tests: "He is absolutely obsessed with the bodies of these young men!"

I'm dead 😂

Picture this: hubby and I are waiting to be seated at the cool little cafe off the twisty canyon road, where we’d chosen to mark our 30th wedding anniversary (yep, 30 years!).

Dude is sitting on a stool next to the adjoining shop’s entry, and gets the host’s attention to ask “Is she yours?” Dude points to a server.

The host is confused, asks for clarification, and dude says “Does she belong to you? Is she yours?”

Host says no, and dude says “Is she taken? Is she single?”

Host says he doesn’t know, but will ask if dude likes. Dude becomes jokingly annoyed, telling the host he’s “not supposed to blow up my spot,” and “you’re supposed to be a good wingman and keep it quiet.”

This is where I’m properly icked out: dude just out loud says “She’s a filly, isn’t she? That one’s a filly, I can tell!”

The host is now ready to seat us, and I can’t help myself. I look dude dead in the eyes and said “Maybe start by not comparing her to a horse.”

Dude, just be better.

Overheard today in a discount store in southern WV.

Long read....needed to get it out!

Edit/addition.. talking to my brother, there's a lot more issues, mostly a lot of small things, but apparently there was an issue while they were at the mall yesterday and my brother blew up and then shut down due to all the stress he's been under at work(understandable we work together i know what he's going through and I try to help as much as I can from my position but there's only so much I can do). They're both stressed out about the kids returning from Florida next week as well, teenagers aren't easy to deal with .. especially the 16f.. like I said in a few of my comments, I'm not mad or resentful in any way and I will do anything I can to help them through this, if that means taking my niece and nephew for a weekend here and there so they can have some alone time than that's what I'll do. I'll always love my brother and I care for my brother in law deeply, he's a really good guy. They're just dealing with a lot.

Yesterday I overheard my brother in law arguing with my brother, he must have thought I was still in my room....or he just didn't care if I heard(not sure)

He was complaining to my brother about me not paying rent and a few other things, always being the one mowing the lawn and something else I couldn't hear.

I stood there frozen at the top of the stairs, him and I have always had a good relationship and were able to talk about anything and everything....I don't know why he couldn't talk to me about things that were bothering him this time.

A little backstory, I loved out of state to work with my brother last may 2025, the plan was to stay with them for a while. I'll admit a while turned into more than a year, but everything was going good or so I thought. I helped with bills when my brother asked, I put food in the house, helped with my brother in laws teenage kids when needed/asked. We all spent a lot of time together outside of the house, going to events and on day trips...where I'd pay for a lot. I did that because I wasn't paying rent so I helped out in other areas.

Back to yesterday...he was saying to my brother that he was just going to quit his job and live here for free and not pay rent. Mind you I do have a job and it's quite well paying, I don't pay rent because my brother never asked me to, and he's not afraid to ask for money towards things...

We were all supposed to go see Odyssey yesterday that fell through, they both left in Separate vehicles...I stayed in my room. My brother texted me later on saying he was home and he would be staying in his room after their fight...I said I heard it and that's I was sorry I was the cause.

He replied yeah...stress levels are super high, need to figure out short term solution...I hit him back with already done. I have two walkthroughs for apartments Tomorrow (today).

While I've definitely stayed longer than we planned, my BIL has said many times, that I could stay as long as I wanted, that it was nice having someone else to help with the kids.. especially when they became too much and he needed a break. We were just joking on Friday about a big party he's planning for all the summer birthdays for our friend group and the game he's setting up...

So I don't know what happened in the span of 24 hours but regardless... I'm moving out, hopefully by the end of the week so that way I can salvage our friendship. I'm not mad at him and have no resentment or anything, I just wish he would have talked to me... we're both adults, we're both the same age actually.

At my friends house listening to a conversation between him and his 6 year old daughter.

Daughter: Daddy, Daddy!! Can I go play at the neighbors house? Pleeeaase???

Dad: No, honey. You guys can play outside but I don’t want you going in over there. I don’t know her parents well enough.

Daughter: But Dad! She comes here all the time.

Dad: She does not. She’s never came past the doorway.

Daughter: Yeah-huh. She’s been upstairs in my room.

Dad: I don’t remember that at all.

Daughter, starting to pout: Well that’s cuz your old, Dad. Old people can’t remember nothin!!!

Dad, trying not to laugh while turning to Me!: See what I deal with?

🤣🤣🤣

I was walking downtown, there was a lovely teal blue C8 Corvette parked along the roadside. Mother and son pair in front of me. Kid, about 8 years old, points excitedly to the Corvette. The mom says, "yes honey, but you have to work really hard to get one of those."

Grandpa swimming at the beach with his kids and grandkids said this just now. I'm watching my daughter boogie board and had to share. This is probably true for too many of us.

Lady 1: "Well, his first wife turned out to be a lesbian and he found that very difficult to deal with."

Lady 2: "I understand; it must be really difficult to realise that your spouse prefers women to men."

Lady 1. "Not so much that: it was all about the licking. He didn't do that stuff so it made him feel inadequate, like if he'd done that she wouldn't have left."

Walking to the market yesterday on a central square in the city. The first stalls are still 50 meters away with only a garden hose reel on the ground for one of the stalls, for the rest completely flat and unoccupied. Family of four in front of me, guy holding hands with one of the small kids. He stumbles on the reel.

His wife looks incredulous to him and says ‘Seriously?’

My gf and I overheard a mom and her son in the restaurant. The two of us got so invested in this conversation that we ate in silence lol.

Mom: It's your birthday. I should be treating you.

Son: Stop saying that, ma. You almost died giving birth to me. Least I can do is take you out for lunch. My birthdays are basically just me saying thank you for making me.

Mom: Don't forget your father. He played a part too. A very small part if you know what I mean.

Son: Not sure I want to know what you mean, ma.

Mom: You know exactly what I mean. You've seen photos of your father in a speedo.

Son: Ma please. It's a family restaurant.

Mom: Tell that to the DJ because the music they're playing is not very family friendly.

Son: It's fine, ma. It's Rammstein.

Mom: It's Rammshit.

Son: Blasphemy... on my birthday. Shame on you, ma. Rammstein got me through my first ever break up. You remember Megan?

Mom: Did her brother talk in the third person?

Son: He had a speech impediment, ma.

Mom: Maybe I'm thinking of one of your sister's boyfriends. Wouldn't surprise me if one of them loved saying their own name more than saying your sister's name. She had a thing for narcissistic men.

Son: Had?

Mom: PAUL. Megan's brother. Now I remember. Nice boy. Always on a skateboard. You're right. He never would've talked in the third person. Did he have an accent?

Son: Stuttering is not an accent, ma.

Mom: Oh shush. Finish your fries.

Son: I'm full.

Mom: Eat a few more fries.

Son: I'm 38 years old, ma. I know when I've had enough to eat.

Mom: If you can count your age, then you can count how many fries you're wasting.

Son: I'll have one more fry, ma. Just one.

is to give them the middle finger.

-dude talking his pal down about work billshiz. Delivered dryly and without much emotion. Chefs kiss, sir.

Overheard this conversation between H - Husband, W - Wife, and T - Teenage daughter

H - "No human can say 'rough' twice in a row."

T - "Really?!?!... Rough rough?"

W - "Good dog!"

T - Facial expression says that she's not related to these people.

I love these everyday examples of parenting done right.

In a grocery store. Stock clerk to store manager actively trying to be anywhere else: “In every part of the Bible, the Old Testament and the New Testament, God has a very old face, doesn’t he?”

Not the Bermuda Triangle (is that even a thing anymore)

I woke up one morning and noticed that my nose was swollen, but I didn't know why. I marked on my face with some of my wife's makeup to keep track of any spread to make sure it didn't get worse.

It did. I ended up taking myself to the ER and ended up in a bed for a bit. Finally the doctor slides back the curtain and comes over to the bed side with her doctors-in-training. Asks me a few standard questions and then walks out, closing the *curtain* behind her.

She may have taken a few steps away, I'm not sure, but I hear her say, "We refer this area as the triangle of death because any infection can easily spread into..." three specific areas.

I was left rather dumbfounded that I heard her say this so nonchalantly, that when she came back in a few minutes later, I just sat and smiled. It ended up being a random, minor infection and I was discharged a day or two later, but I'll never forget the Triangle of Death.

I overheard my dentist and his assistant talking while they were rendering 3D scans of my mouth.

Dentist: So you don't know what the word "aloof" means?

Assistant: I know what it means now, but when I heard the word come out of her mouth, it was my first time hearing it, so I had no idea what she was telling me.

Dentist: So when she called you "aloof" what was your reaction?

Assistant: I asked her to repeat the word. And she did. Like 3 times. Back to back. Aloof aloof aloof. I nodded like I was listening to someone speaking Parseltongue and then I laughed for no reason before telling her that she almost sounds like my dog when he barks in his sleep.

Dentist: Did the date go from aloof to kapoof?

Assistant: She misinterpreted my dog comment and thought I was calling her the B word, so... yeah.

Dentist: Okie dokie. Worse than an aloof to kapoof. Just... oof.

Overheard at an outdoor craft fair this evening. Incidentally I make pea soup with bone marrow and it’s delicious 😅

My daughter talking on the phone with her friends (all 14): "Suuure, bears started as dinosaurs through a giant centipede. Riiiight. I'm just not sure I buy that, but I'll listen..."

I was playing poker, and the two guys next to me had the most bizarre, albeit short conversation.

Man #1 - "What do you do for work?"

Man #2 - "Nothing, I have brain damage from being shot in the head. How about you?"

Man #1 completely ignoring the "shot in the head" comment. - "Oh you know lots of stuff, mostly banging Hollywood Chicks".

After a weird awkward silence...

Man #1 - "If you were to take three average people from Florida, and combine their intelligence, that's how intelligent I am. It's both a blessing and a curse."

Man #2 - "I'm sorry, I'm a little slow and don't know what you are talking about, it's the brain damage."

I really don't know if the guy was bragging about how smart he was, or if he was insulting the average intelligence of a person from Florida. Also this took place not in Florida.

I overheard my gf talking to her brother on the phone while we were stuck in traffic.

Girlfriend: You wanted a woman's opinion, Tom... so don't get upset at me for providing an opinion you don't like.

Tom: I'm not upset. I'm just shocked. I didn't expect you to sound just like mom.

Girlfriend: You're comparing ME to mom when you're dating a fucking MILF?

Tom: She's not a fucking MILF. She's just older. And we're not dating. YET.

Girlfriend: Thomas.

Tom: Yes mom.

Girlfriend:

Tom:

Girlfriend:

Tom: Okay sorry. I'm listening.

Girlfriend: Call me mom one more time bro.

Tom: I said sorry didn't I?

Girlfriend: This woman graduated high school when you were born. Cool. Love that for her. You literally graduated high school last year. Vibes. Good for you. Cut to... whatever the fuck is happening between the two of you. Like... I'm in no position to judge this person, but it's giving grooming.

Tom: It sounds bad when you break it down like that, but we're all adults though. I actually think you'll like her. She teaches me things.

Girlfriend: Please stop. I know more than enough about your sex life already, I honestly don't wanna hear more.

Tom: It's nothing sexual. She showed me how to overcome my gag reflex when I brush my teeth.

Girlfriend:

Tom: Hello?

Girlfriend:

Tom: HELLO?

Girlfriend: Change jobs, Tom. Stop house sitting for these hoes.

A guy on a bicycle in the parking lot of a national wildlife refuge. He asks Siri “Is there a handheld device that can be inserted in the mouth to negate a breathalyzer test?”