So I’m a junior in high school. I recently came out as genderfluid to a handful of people(close friends, parents, sister). However I plan on appearing more feminine this upcoming school year. But I’m not too sure how I explain the sudden outfit changes or appearance changes. One day I may look like a boy, another I look like a girl(that’s what I’m hoping for at least). But high school kids can be ruthless so how do I approach this?

For context I'm a huge gamer, AFAB and have feminine features, and I wear makeup and present feminine because that's what I prefer. However I feel masculine on some days, weeks sometimes, and I express this through my gaming avatars (changing to a masculine avatar, presenting as a guy). I don't, however, present masculine in real life. It's not that I don't want to, but rather because I know I don't look good masculine and I already struggle with insecurities about my appearance. I know in the back of my mind that I'm genderfluid, but I can't help but feel like I'm not valid, as if I'm not really a guy when I express that I am. The only thing that changes in real life, I guess, when I feel like a guy is my personality, at least a little bit. My way of speaking maybe. Has anyone else experienced this?

I've often thought of this myself at times. Especially when thinking about whether or not I would date a cishet person

Because obviously dating bi/pan people would make things easier for me to express my gender out in the open

But I'm starting to ask myself if fully coming as my gender to my partner is a non-negotiable for me

Or is it something I don't perceive as something I have to do to be in a relationship with my partner. Every trans relationship is different after all

I mean, I know they would have to accept me wearing traditional and non-traditional clothing when it comes to gender

But that's not the same as gender identity as a whole

Anyways, I'm curious to know some of your thoughts and opinions

So as the topic says I am gender fluid, AMAB. I am entertaining the idea of going on estrogen but continue to present male publicly. Estrogen will open up the possibility for more easily presenting female in public at my leisure. I understand where there is a point where I have to put more effort into presenting mail than presenting female but that's why I'm asking for thoughts and stories

I'm curious if there is anyone else that is either looking at a similar path or is taking a similar path to what I am considering.

Your stories and your input are appreciated

This post is meant as a joke more than anything but, you know when you get a shock because of static well this been happening with me at work a lot i been getting shocks and giving my coworkers shocks too (most intentionally cause it's funny) and it been happening on my days as my female self, is being funny so far

I'm 17. I just don't really know what gender I really wanna be. I guess I'm fine staying as a guy, but then there's some days where I'd wanna be a girl. Like, if there were a button, I feel that I'd wanna press it, but I just don't know if I'd wanna stay that way. I dunno, it's kinda like having a cringe shirt imo. It's something that you'd really enjoy in private, but when out in public, you feel insecure about what others might think or say about you. It's not harmful, but it might hurt others emotionally and cause them to lash out.
I just feel like I've kept this in for too long, and I just want an outside opinion abt what I've been feeling. Thx in advance, sillies <333

TL;DR – I’m in my 40s and just starting to accept that my gender identity is not what I’ve always been told it’s “supposed” to be. I think I might be genderfluid, but I’m not entirely sure yet. My therapist recommended I explore my gender identity, but I have no idea how to do that and would love some advice.
 
Detailed version:
I’m a bit lost and not sure where to turn. I don’t yet have the courage to talk to anyone IRL about this, aside from my therapist, and it was just in the most recent session that I finally felt ready to tell her… and oooooh wow, I was scared shitless to say it even then, but luckily I have a therapist who understands gender dysphoria (one of the things I was specifically looking for in a therapist). Anyway, I am so sorry in advance if this post ends up sounding like I’m rambling. I’m struggling to sort through the feelings I have, and I’m not really sure where I fit right now. I’m over 40 and feel like I’ve swallowed and suppressed these feelings so much because I just didn’t know what it all meant, and I still don’t… and I feel like I’m so late in the game that it’s just going to cause me heartache if I start exploring now, but I also feel like avoiding it all my life has left me missing a big piece of myself. I don’t feel like I have the energy to suppress it anymore, but I have no idea how to not suppress it.
 
I was assigned female at birth. I grew up in a small town and in a very conservative and traditional family, so there were a lot of things my dad would say “belonged to boys” or that only boys were allowed to do. My mom stayed quiet on the matter and didn’t say anything, so I assumed she just believed the same thing my dad did. I grew up with a lot of boy cousins, and my dad would never let me do a lot of the things boys were allowed to do. He’d openly tell me I wasn’t allowed to do things boys did because I was a girl. The boys always got to decide what activities we’d do, what games we’d play, what museums we’d visit, because girls are supposed to go along with the boys but according to my dad it wasn’t right to ask boys to do things girls wanted to do, even though the things I wanted to do were things most kids like regardless of gender. I have a very early memory of being potty trained and just not understanding why my parents didn’t teach me how to pee standing, because I felt like that was something that belonged to my body too, and when my dad told me it’s something only boys can do it felt like it was a permission thing rather than an anatomy thing (and I have recently learned how to pee standing, and wow has it helped to alleviate some of the dysphoria I feel around my body).
 
I never quite felt like I was totally a girl, there were a lot of points where I felt like I was supposed to be a boy or even a non-gender somewhere in between. Even now, some days I feel like a woman, and LOVE being a woman on those days, but other days I feel like I’m non-gendered, and still other days I feel like I’m a man. On those days, I feel like my body is a cage and nothing feels right. It gets a lot harder when I’m on my period, and it always crops up when I have to pee and am forced to sit. Sometimes it really drives me crazy, because I don’t *always* feel like I’m in the wrong body, but sometimes I feel completely in the wrong body to the point that I almost feel like I can’t function. It’s like I’m simultaneously trapped in my body and completely disconnected from it. Some days I feel like I am supposed to have a penis, and sometimes the feeling is so strong that it feels like I do have a penis, but it’s just detached from my body and gone missing. If I could have any wish in the world, it would be to be Mystique (from X-Men) because she could change her body at will. I always imagined that when she’s presenting as a male that she has all the anatomy of a male, and if I could have any super power I wouldn’t hesitate to have that one… I don’t even want to be different people, I just want to be able to morph between a woman version of me, a man version of me, and a non-gendered version of me.
 
There was one day when I was 9 or 10 that I was home sick from school. Back then (early ‘90s), daytime tv was mostly talk shows, so I’d channel surf and pop between whatever was on. My dad was at work and my mom was at the opposite end of the house doing chores, so I could watch whatever was on without anyone knowing. There was a talk show I came across where they were interviewing people who were transgender, but they didn’t use that word back then (or if they did, I didn’t grasp it as a kid), so I remember there was a woman on there and the host said, “So you’re a woman… with a penis?” The woman smiled and nodded, so confidently. As a kid, I thought that meant that some girls grew penises at some point in life, and I remember thinking, “Oh wow, that makes so much sense! That’s going to happen to me! I’m going to be a woman with a penis!” And that thought made me feel so comforted and made a lot of the feelings I had make so much sense. When I learned years later that people born with vulva didn’t just randomly sprout a penis at some point in life, it was a major heartbreak for me.
 
My therapist asked me how I felt about pronouns, and I told her that honestly they/them feels so perfect. Some days I do feel like I’m she/her, some days I feel like he/him, but a lot of the time they/them feels like it’s the best. I don’t feel like I could ever feasibly use they/them outwardly, because although my dad died a while ago, I don’t know how accepting my family or friends would be if I came out at they/them, especially since I’ve been she/her for more than 40 years now. I also have a partner, whom I love more than anything, and he’s a straight cisgender man. He is very open-minded and progressive, and he defaults to they/them for everyone until he knows which pronouns they prefer, and he’s always been super supportive of his non-binary and genderfluid friends. I know deep down he’d support me too if I ever told him about this part of me, but since he’s a straight cisgender man I worry that it would change our relationship, and I would never want that to happen. I also know that I could never be they/them with his family, because my partner’s best friend is non-binary and his parents constantly misgender and deadname them. When my partner calls them out on it, his parents always say that they support my partner’s friend but that they’re just “too set in their ways” to adjust to they/them pronouns. My therapist asked me how I’d feel if I could snap my fingers and be they/them without anyone questioning it or not accepting it, and I started crying at the thought because just imagining it felt incredibly freeing.
 
My therapist suggested that I explore this side of myself and my gender identity, but I’m utterly clueless how to do that. I thought about trying to wear some men’s clothes around the house, like boxers, but I’m worried what my partner would think and if it would make him uncomfortable. I’ve fantasized so many times about going out in public presenting as male, and it would be a dream. I love presenting as female too, and I know I don’t want to be a man all the time, but I wish so deeply that I could oscillate between all the genders I feel are inside of me. I’m not even entirely sure if this means I’m non-binary or gender nonconforming or genderfluid or something else… I’m not super worried about labels, because I don’t want to tuck myself into a restrictive box and get caught up in the labels, but labels can also help us understand ourselves better and serve as at least a starting point for exploring an identity.
 
I’m really unsure what to do or how to explore this part of myself, but I just don’t want to hide it away. After I opened up to my therapist about it, the rest of the day I had the lowest feelings of anxiety and depression that I’ve felt in a long time. Just telling her about it made me feel so liberated. But I don’t feel like I can be open about it outside of talking to my therapist, especially with the current political climate and the fact that I live in a largely red area. I’m scared to explore because I’m afraid I’ll let myself want something I’ll never be able to have.
 
I’m sorry this post ended up being so long, but all of this has been rumbling inside of me for my entire life and I’m finally acknowledging it all instead of pushing it down. Does anyone have any advice?

Hi chat, I am Riven ^-^ (any/all). This will be somewhat a vent post. I am 20 AMAB and I have found that other trans people just expect that I would/should be also on HRT/e or whatever else. They expect me to appear like a woman or whatever when right now I really can't do my homework on HRT and I don't have money. I guess there will always be people who will invalidate you for these reasons but it has been over a year now that I went through the cycle.

On top of that, I have built a social life around the fact that I am kinda queer but not out to a few people but cis to most of my friends/acquaintances/family. It is the part that makes me the most paranoid that if I dare try to be with my local community/go out with trans friends I would be outed by coincidence/would slip and leak it to my parents and then the world would become a nightmare (yes I am still financially dependent since I study in a university still).

I have been presenting cis for a long while now and it feels like sometimes I am losing my feminine side because it is repressed. At least there are slight signs that she Is still present and I try giving her some room. I have an affirmation ring no one has questioned and I've gotten an alt choker which also helped me in some situations.

My mental health is in wrecks, depression and CPTSD still mess with my head but I have started exercising and since summer heat is a huge nerf I go for brisk walks a little before the sun sets. It helped me sleep better than I had in over three years. Also made me bedrot less and the scary/paranoid thoughts go away easier.

I wouldn't even go on about my dating life, it is nonexistent and on top of that I choose deliberately not to do it because it would repress my identity and I am a wreck so I wouldn't offer something real.

There are also plenty of times I have gotten pretty dysphoric from seeing my body hair, specifically armpits and legs, thus I wear cargo pants all day. About dysphoria, I also miss my painted nails even though it was only 1 time and it wasn't perfect, kinda makes me not look at my nails at times just to avoid it. Also my biceps, shoulders and broader frame is kind of a point of grief for me but I can't do anything about it

Anyone could give me an outside perspective on whether I should make some serious decisions about which friends to keep/engage with, whether I should out myself (I believe it would be very destructive so kinda hard), whether I could also slowly "radicalise" my outfits so it will be rocky but much smoother than going from 0 to 100 in a few days?

That's my yappathon, thanks

I'm 17 AFAB/XX and have developed a strong crush on/infatuation with someone in a very short space of time, and now I only feel female. I didn't really want to tell him I was genderfluid but the topic came up because I sent him my Wikipedia userpage and forgot I had the genderfluid UBX on there, he asked if it was for privacy reasons and I said no, that I was actually genderfluid but not considering medical transition.

This isn't really something I should overthink because I know the reason I feel feminine is because I want to balance out his masculinity, and he's a lot more masculine than I'm used to considering I've only dated girls in the past. This has made me have a mild existential/identity crisis. Does my gender rely solely on whoever I'm dating to mimic heterosexuality? How does gender feel for a binary person compared to a non-binary person? Can a genderfluid person be binary if their gender is directly proportional to the gender(s) of those in their relationship? What difference does it make if I'm just cisgender? It surely can't be that much, right?

We're probably part of the lesser statistic in the world who think about gender constantly when 90% of people either take it for granted, don't really question it, or have a binary gender identity. That's why I don't like telling people I'm genderfluid unless they're somewhat non-binary themselves, the attribution of the label by cisgender people feels confining and counterproductive, like I'm locking myself in a fragile glass room and people have to stare at me from the outside.

Originally and honestly (I assume) my genderfluidity came from four factors: my autism, the friends I've had, my bisexuality, and wanting to understand men. Autism can delay developmental milestones and I didn't see gender as at all significant until I was older, throughout my life I've gravitated towards queer people (don't want to sound 'social contamination theory'-ish, but I genuinely loved and admired these people), I've known I was bisexual since I was ten and around my first female crush I felt comparatively masculine, and I was bullied mostly by boys at school due to my anger issues, so I thought if I became more masculine they would leave me alone. The last three factors have one thing in common: the desire to connect with others. If my genderfluidity no longer serves this purpose but femininity does, could I be cisgender? Has my genderfluidity just been another result of my autism delaying developmental milestones? It's probably not okay for my identity to be so tied to other people, but I've never really seen myself as a concrete thing and I'm sure some genderfluid people can relate to this, so how much harm can it cause?

It's also worth noting that I'm an only child, and growing up has been pretty lonely outside of school. It makes sense to me that I would create a masculine persona to fill a gap not only in understanding between myself and (other) men, but to feel less lonely in my own company. When someone else takes this space, it then makes sense for the man persona to disappear, because he isn't needed anymore. I've seen a few posts here recently about how difficult it is for cisgender/heterosexual people to date genderfluid people, and it might be because it feels like there's competition. That's at least how it feels in my mind right now with the masculine persona. It would honestly feel better if he left completely, but I don't want to hurt myself by getting even more attached to my crush, nor do I want to find out I'm wrong and end up repressing my gender to make myself more appealing to him. I also have friends I feel more masculine than feminine around but masculine women can exist without being genderfluid so that's not really a problem.

TL;DR: Questioning my gender because of a crush. What's the difference between being genderfluid and cisgender anyway? I've identified as genderfluid since 14 because of my desire (and failure) to understand both men and women due to autism and loneliness, and it made these two things easier. Being cisgender now fills that role better than being genderfluid does. It's likely I'm cisgender but I could just be going through a feminine period in my genderfluidity. I'm also cautious about changing my identity to please someone else, I've seen it happen to a few non-binary people and it never ends well.

Also I'd just like to say, last time I posted something on Reddit, people were very hostile about my writing style... I try to make these posts clear and entertaining even though I have real problems. I'm pretty sensitive to any remarks about sounding psychotic, nonsensical, or AI-generated (I am a real person) so please just don't bring up my prose in the comments. Feel free to ask any questions if I haven't been clear enough. Any other topical feedback is appreciated. I know there's a lot to unpack here and you don't have to respond to any or all of it by any means, getting this off my chest has made me feel better already. I love all of you genderfluids in my Hewlett-Packard personal computer ❤️

Hi people, I wanna see if others feel the same. I don't identify as a man (I'm afab) but I do identify as a woman, because I feel like womanhood is a thing that happened to me more than a gender. Like I'm a woman politically. My actual genders feel more like feminine (in different ways) masc, all at once, kinda nothing, etc. I learnt to "dodge" social dysphoria by framing my existence as a woman in a political sense within a very binary world. If someone calls me a girl, they mean girl as the thing that I happened to be assigned to and that allows me to be a feminist from a specific experience, for example. It still hurts that people don't see the full reality of my existence obviously, whatever. But yeah when I look at cis men and women it feels like their gender is an exaggerated version of it. Like drag! Man and woman feel like drag. If all genders are something we do and perform, cis genders are the most "out there" performance. And the way it hurts when they don't see my full reality is almost like if they all lived in drag 24/7 and couldn't see reality. Blinded by the game they're playing.

What are your thoughts. Anyone relate? Am I going insane

Hi all,

I recently have been finally coming to terms with my body image and identity, and I think I'm gender fluid? I just get really back and forth on how I want to express myself, and it's been like this for a long time. I've been putting in a lot of effort to get myself to more of the gender neutral mark, been working on gaining muscles and lowering my voice, and I've been really happy with my progress so far, I'm just worried that like.. I'm not actually genderfluid. Which is why I'm especially worried about asking for T.

My main reason for wanting T is my voice. I have a wide vocal range so I can speak low when I want to, but normally, I speak high. I don't know if it's just an insecurity, but I hate hearing myself with my high voice. My question is if this is a valid reason to seek HRT?

It's just very weird for me. I think I'm genderfluid based on signs, and I feel comfortable identifying with it, but it doesn't feel anything like when I came out as queer. When I came out as being attracted to women, it was something I had repeatedly realized through my childhood and young adulthood. Being genderfluid, there are a lot of signs I can look back to, I guess I just don't feel like I'm valid enough to really call myself that. I also keep going back on if I'm genderfluid or NB. I went through the same label crisis when I came out as queer, before I eventually just decided I didn't care. It's just a bit different because I have to look someone in the eye and explain to them that I hate the way my voice sounds, I hate the way my body looks. I don't know how to approach it.

Sorry this is kind of a vent. If you have any advice, or stories of your T experience, please please let me know!! Thank you :'))

i’m pretty sure i’m genderfluid, i’m not really sure. i’ve been identifying as nonbinary for a few years, honestly moreso for other people’s sake than my own. easier to explain i suppose lol. but now, im here & i feel like my expression is pretty aligned with fluidity & whatnot, idrk. i’m not really in a position where i can tell anyone in my life, or really explore it, & it feels like something i just, want someone else to know & understand & see me as. that’s all :P

I'm transmasculine and fully transitioned. Post-hysto, post-top, T for ~6 years, pass pretty much everywhere. But I'm multifaceted and it feels suffocating!!! Mainly in trans circles, if I'm being honest. Strangers don't GAF if I'm being girly, but people who want to "affirm my gender" will expect me to be ultra-butch and treat me accordingly. But I'm a girl too, you know! I like glitter and frills and makeup and feminine things. I just feel like no-one out there wants someone who can't "pick a side" because then you can't project all the gender stereotypes on them to make yourself feel better/comforted. I may be a cute boy, but I'm a cute girl too!!!!

Does anyone else feel like this? Are there any people out there that are actually attracted to genderfluid people as they truly are? Whyyyy is the only queer person I can relate to Trixie Mattel...

I’m genderfluid with a masculine name, one of my best friends is genderfluid with a masculine name, and my soon-to-be college roommate is also genderfluid with a masculine name??

Like what are the odds?????

I think I’m gender fluid but I don’t know. Can somebody who is Gender-fluid or somebody who knows someone Gender-fluid please help? Maybe ask some questions to help me figure it out? I don’t know. I have no reason to be scared to talk about it, I have a very supportive family (with the exception of a few) and very supportive friends. I don’t know. Please help

so back story

I am genderfluid, felt femme as far back as 2002. Tabbled with clothes, breastform over the years

i was diagnosed with bipolar disorder in spring 2006

i have been taking lithium carbonate for 20 years

my phyciatrist asked me to discontinue taking it due to slightly reduced kidney fuction. I have been off it for a week

since then my femme feeling have increases by a notable factor

i am considering estrogen though legitimate or online means

i am worried these feeling are a posslbe low grade manic episode, more then likely i getting used to unsuperssed and undampened emotions

I would ideally like to live as may masc and femmes selves at my lesure with in reason

i know i should wait for when i am down to baseline before doing anything but mama need tittie juice

Ok so I’ve recently been exploring gender more but how do I know whether or not I’m just faking it? Sometimes i feel like I want to be a woman really bad and I cry about it and stuff but sometimes i just don’t care?!?. I hate how off and on it is but I don’t know whether the times I want to feel like a woman are real or if they are just in my head. I’ve been stressing so much about everything and stuff and it sucks.

Can u be both at the same time?

Like for example, I have girly hobbies, sometimes like girly clothes, and sometimes feel like. I'm half a girl, idk it's confusing. But I also feel mostly like a guy most the time. And even when I feel girly I still have chest dysphoria and still want to be on T and have top surgery, I'd rather be a feminine man. But like it's all so confusing, and I hope this is the right subreddit to ask this in

I don’t know if this is legible but I just wanna be heard vent
I don’t know who or what I am btw sorry for eny spelling mistakes I am dislecsic but am born a man and have wanted to be more feminine my hole life I am ashamed to say it but I definitely yoused to be homophonic and still can be I hate it idk why I think like a homofobe a lot of the time when I like to dress feminine and wher makeup and paint my nales and stuff but feel so much disforaia about my appearance I have constant extreme body heair and I am scared if I shave it my girlfriend will finde me unattractive and I love her but idk if I am even a man at all and I don’t want to louse her she supports what ever I do but i she is attracted to men and more and more I just don’t think I am one at all I have never even tolde her think I am gender fluid and sometimes she is says I think you might be gender fluid I get defencive and say shit like I don’t like labels and say I am just me but I want to be more feminine but I am just not idk what I am even trying this for idk what I am even doing I have never even posted on redit bethore Idk if this is even the right subreddit to put something like this in I just want the world that doesn’t know me to know I am not a man I have resently come out to my mom as bi she just kind of ignored it I think I am happy that she did cause I hate to talk about it I am slowly getting better with my thinking in homofobic ways and I know homofobia is not okay in eny way and it just set backs society

I want to just ask how it has gone for yall especially the people who are fully fluid how does it feel when you miss your (agab) or do you ever miss it at all

I don't know if this is weird, but I experience dysphoria sometimes and I don't really like being born a man. But at the same time I feel cringe being genderfluid and stuff.

To be clear, I'm not hating on other trans people or anything, I don't think they're cringe and I respect their identity and see them as that. But for me, I just feel embarrassed that I'm genderfluid. I say I'm male alot, but I don't like that too.

I don't know how to even feel.