Hello very new here, just curious if any of you identify as gender fluid but are still closeted for one reason or another. I feel like I have lived so long AGAB that it would disrupt my close peeps

I think my niece might have just come out to me, and I completely missed it.

I've been babysitting for my brother over the school holidays. My nephew is 6, and my niece is 13.

I'm 39, AMAB, non binary, and I have a boyfriend.

A few weeks ago, my niece asked if I was non binary because she saw the pin on my bag. I told her yes, but that I use both he/him and they/them pronouns. I've been out to my family as gay for about 12 years, and they've never had an issue with it.

My mum has questioned why I wear nail polish, earrings, and sometimes more feminine clothes 3 years ago, but since has stopped as I get gel nails every 3 weeks. I just told her those things aren't gendered and that I wear them because I like them. I never mentioned being non binary because I didn't want to create any more confusion.

My niece is an artist, and she was showing me a project she was working on for class. I was looking through all of her anime style characters and told her they were really cool. It wasn't until afterwards that I had a delay reaction to the Pride flags in the corner of the drawing, I'm almost certain one of them was the genderfluid flag, but I can't remember what the other one was. I just remember it had three horizontal stripes. I'm pretty well verse in flags as I made pride merch a few years ago.

She went back to her room afterwards, and I didn't think much of it at the time and then my brother arrived home from work. I won't see her again until next week, so I might ask her about the artwork then.

Looking back, the way she showed me the drawings reminds me a lot of how I was before I came out as gay. I wouldn't directly tell people. I'd wear a Pride bracelet or casually mention my boyfriend, almost presenting it without actually saying it.

Thinking about it now, my mom has also mentioned that my niece doesn't want to wear makeup or perfume anymore, and that she's started wearing more grunge style clothes. I just said she's probably figuring out who she is.

My brother and sister in law are both very progressive, so I'm not worried about how they'd react.

What I'm unsure about is whether it's my place to say anything to my mum. Now to be clear it would be me saying she is genderfluid and then she tells her about it.

What I'd like to do is explain to mum how to simply create a space where my niece can be herself. Things like not automatically steering her towards the girls' section when they're shopping, or making assumptions about what she should like based on gender. Just giving her the freedom to explore who she is without expectations.

Would it be inappropriate for me to have that conversation with my mum, or should I just leave it alone?

I am going to be attending all days of SDCC and while I am genderfluid and present/am perceived masculine “most of the time”, I do plan to wear a dress and feminine clothing 2 of the days to the Convention, I fear that when I go to the Con as a women but without any makeup or other things to help me pass, I won’t know what restroom to use cuz I appear as a guy from the chest up. Any advice?? Gender neutral bathroom locations if any? Thank you in advance, any questions are welcome for clarification

I am discovering myself and currently i see myself as genderfluid, and a thing i been thinking about is if i should or not keep my beard, i am 20y and i wanted to have a beard since i was a kid and now idk, like i still like the beard (even if i wish it was softer and less messy) but now i keep asking myself if it should go or not, and if i don't take it off how i can style it?

I'm pansexual and transmasc genderfluid. 90% of the time I can't tell if when I'm attracted to a guy it's gender envy, if I like him in a gay way or if I like him in another way (cause I'm not a girl so I don't really know wtf else I'd like him as lol. Maybe in a nonbinary way I guess right?). Wtf hahahaha Anyways just wanted to share and see if anyone else felt like this.

I have panic attacks almost regularly about my body and my identity- I’ve chosen a name for myself but I’m scared I’ll never have the body I hope for. Is that something that can be helped or will I have to suffer with it?

Please if anyone has some advice I’d really appreciate it- whilst I’ve tried wearing both male and female clothing it only seems to help a bit and when I’m alone it’s still soul crushing-

Sorry if this is a little dark- be safe all

I don’t know if this just sounds narcissistic but before realizing I was genderfluid, coming out, and presenting much more masc, I was a very desirable “woman.” I had been bullied for my looks growing up as a tomboy and afterwards spent the next decade basically minmaxxing myself towards the unreachable peak of feminine beauty standards. While I was still alternative (and dressed the part), my beauty allowed it to be a cool and desirable thing rather than a weird one. People would stop me on the street all the time to tell me how beautiful I was, men would obsess over me and tell me I’m the hottest girl they’ve ever met…don’t get me wrong I was never social media celebrity stunning but I was attractive enough that people would genuinely think I could represent their “dream girl.”

I loved the attention, and I still do love attention, even though it also invites hordes of creeps and weirdos. But it always felt like I was basically cosplaying a manic pixie dream girl when deep down I always felt I should’ve been born a boy. I knew that if I transitioned to being a trans man I would be objectively, much less conventionally attractive (I’m short and had round and feminine features), it just didn’t objectively suit my face and body at all. Wanting to stay so desirable combined with how oftentimes I felt very much so like a woman, combined with how I felt if I transitioned I would be killing my chances at love, led me to suppress my gender issues for the vast majority of my life. I always identified it as “I’m not trans, I just really wish I were born a cis man.”

Fast forward and around a year ago, I ended my last relationship and involved myself in the queerest community I’ve ever experienced. I finally allowed myself to process that there were more options than just being a trans man. To be honest, I had heard about genderfluidity before, but my internalized transphobia was always strong enough to reject it. I felt bad about “normal” transgender people, let alone “weirder” varieties (I logically knew this was just internalized transphobia speaking but emotionally I couldn’t get over it). Due to other reasons, I committed to giving up on exclusive monogamous relationships (basically a if it’s my soulmate I’ll do it but since chances of finding a soulmate are low, I’ll probably never do it again) and decided to live my life without fear that doing what I want to do and being who I want to be would stop me from being loved by someone who could’ve been “the one.”

These influences made me fully realize I identify as genderfluid — the way I describe it is that I still think I was meant to be born a cis man, but I wasn’t, and since then living as a woman for two decades has ingrained that identity enough within me that the most accurate description I have is genderfluid.

I cut my hair, dressed much more masculine. I was always loved for my cute/round/feminine features, but I always hated them and felt they didn’t suit who I was inside at all, so I even got surgery that makes my face look more masculine. Despite my best efforts (short of T) I still completely look like a girl, I would never pass from the front (at best be mistaken for a non-passing trans man), but I look and dress much more androgynous and masculine. I can confidently say that the person I look like now is so, so much closer to who I am inside than ever before. And when I dress and feel masculine or androgynous, I feel so euphoric.

That being said, it stings to get treated differently in public. While I’m certainly not ugly, I’m definitely not a classic “dream girl.” I made a post about this transition, and while there was plenty of support, it was things like “you should be yourself” rather than the glaze I’m used to. I also got the following comments:

- “Bro crazy, she was actually top tier hot”

- “Dang…just throwing away the physical look lottery like this”

- “Damn why you ruined yourself like that”

It feels so bittersweet. Months before making this post, I told one of my closest friends that it feels like I’m giving up the keys to the kingdom. He said he never took me for one who cares what other people think. And yea, even though it’s painful to hear those comments and feel like wasted potential, in a weird way they made me feel so happy at the same time…because this is what I expected and wanted when I decided to transition…I knew this would be the reaction, and that the men who used to lust after me would be turned away. I’m no longer so widely desirable. It feels so freeing to know that I really lived up to my other values and beliefs by making a decision that is true to myself and my happiness even while knowing how much “social power” I’m giving up by willingly shooting my conventional attractiveness (not that transitioning causes someone to be less conventionally attractive, I’ve actually seen the opposite more commonly but in my case definitely true). I’ve always claimed the ultimate goal I chase is true freedom

There’s not really a moral to this yap lol…I just wanted to vent because although my friends all support me nobody really understands it (no genderfluid friends). Or maybe see if any of you relate. It feels so complicated to finally see the result I agonized over, yearned for, and feared in motion

When people say this, I don't understand what they're talking about. I stop being gay all the time!

I’m 22 years old, assigned female at birth, and my entire life has been this huge dysphoric roller coaster that my loved ones have never fully understood - I mean I don’t even fully understand. I just know “I am” and “therefore”.

There’s a story my mom retells from when I was about age 4. I was at a birthday party for one of my preschool friends (princess themed) but she had a younger brother by about a year so there were his friends too, who dressed up as knights. At said party there was also a face painter. All the girls got butterflies, but I had asked for full Spider Man. My mom tells me how tickled she was seeing her daughter climbing trees in a princess costume, face painted full spidey, socializing better with the boys than the girls. And that essentially sums up my life 😅

As I got older though, especially towards the end of elementary school when boys and girls begin transitioning to middle school, where you learn about puberty and social norms, it got a lot more confusing. For the longest time I was simply existing. Described occasionally as a tomboy, but really no understanding of the labels family members and friends were prescribing me. Suddenly my guys friends got awkward around me, because I was continuing life as normal, when everyone else started to play gender roles. The whole “guys and girls can’t be friends”. And that’s when I started to become more aware and questioned for the first time: Who and What am I?

I didn’t know there was an LGBTQ+ community, only that I had a few people in my classes with rainbow stickers on their notebooks who’d wear tails to school. Not judging at all because I believe in free self expression, but I didn’t necessarily align with those kids, still just like an odd one out. And so while I made friends with them, the internal struggle for identity continued.

And THEN. I got my period. It was HORROR. I had learned in sex ed that it’d be coming soon, but because I didn’t feel completely like a girl on the inside, I thought if I didn’t wish to have a period, I simply wouldn’t. That was the first time I felt true dysphoria. I felt betrayed by my own body. The fact that I couldn’t will it away filled me with anger and confusion about why God would even give me this body to work with if I didn’t want it. I knew from a very young age that raising children wouldn’t be my thing - looked draining and like it’d require a lot of patience and sacrifice. And when I found out it was my anatomy that’d be carrying children, that my body would be the one doing all the work and carrying all the risk, from pregnancy to the horror stories I hear about labor, I was overwhelmed with hatred for myself. I felt so uncomfortable I didn’t even tell my mom about my first period, even though I had no supplies and needed help. She found out the second time because I’d bled through my pants, and I’ll always remember the amount of shame I felt in that moment. No one was shaming me, but it felt like anatomical betrayal. I was already questioning my gender identity in a way, and now it felt like my body wasn’t mine if I couldn’t control it.

Fast forward to end of high school where I finally became comfortable enough to start presenting masc. I’d cut my hair really short and was trying new names and pronouns at school. In college I finally had the freedom and money saved to undergo HRT, because my journey had thus far led me to believe that I must be a transgender man. And for a while I was really safe and comfortable in that. I was on T for 4 years and had considerably transitioned. My periods had stopped and there was hope in my heart that my reproductive system would become sterile. I finally felt confident enough to start dating and having sex, because for the first time in my life, my body felt like mine.

My first real partnership was with a transgender woman, whom I’d also lost my virginity too. To sum up the relationship, it was angelic. If anyone ever needs to feel validated in their identity, I highly recommend a T4T relationship. She made me feel so confident and empowered. Truly I wouldn’t be who I am today without her. And that’s because while I felt at home, I began observing femininity through her eyes, not the femininity I was raised up in, influenced by doctrines of the Christian faith, that taught me being a woman was a burden. Her femininity was truly divine, and she reminded me of all the things I loved about being a woman and being queer. Our relationship eventually ended on good terms, but I was left re-questioning at age 20, if the path I’d taken was really me.

Then I began having breakthrough bleeding after 4 years on T, and that sent me into a full reexamination of myself. The dysphoria came back and with my hormones all over the charts (intense mood swings, cramping, fatigue, migraines, irregular periods) and my mind scrambling for an identity that made sense, I chose to take a break from T for a little and let things settle internally while I figured out who I was all over again. And I’m glad I did.

I’d say today that I identify more with a biblically accurate angel, a fairy, an alien, or a mermaid, more than I do man or woman. It’s not one gender I feel closer to, more like I wish for the absence of it. Some days I wake up and feel like I’m a man inside a woman’s body. Like in another life I could’ve been a cis-born male who expressed themselves through drag. Other days I wake up feeling the divine feminine, a goddess in the body I was meant to experience in this life. And on most days it’s a mix, like two souls fighting for attention in a single body. This is the most like me I’ve ever felt. And no one can tell me any different because as I said, I simply Am.

I’m still struggling with my anatomy. I’m actually writing this because today I’m having a difficult time with a new birth control I’m on. As I’ve explored other relationships, I’ve done research on contraceptives and was on a high dose pill for a year that completely suppressed my menstrual cycle. But it also made me angry and depressed. I’m on a new pill, and the moodiness has subsided, but the breakthrough bleeding and having to remember to take it at the same time everyday, is a stinging reminder that my body still doesn’t totally feel like mine. And that probably for the rest of my life I’ll have these back and forths.

What I am grateful for, is finally knowing who I am. How I wish to identity and express myself in a way that’s genuine. I hope that one day I’ll find people in my day to day life that may share some of these experiences. To know that I’m not alone :’)

Hi, I think I am genderfluid but I'm not sure. Sorry for the bad english, I use a translator and I do know how to process my ressentie.

I'm female, but I've never been given the right gender. As a child, I was a tomboy; in my early teens, I was the one everyone thought was a guy; and in high school, I was mistaken for a trans person (FTM or MTF) or a lesbian. It got to the point where I didn't even bother correcting pronouns anymore and didn't care how people gendered me.

The thing is, since I've been in a relationship, I've realized it feels strange to be constantly reminded that I'm female. At first, I just thought it was because I wasn't used to it, but gradually I realized that I don't always think of myself as a woman. As a teenager, I had the famous "am I non-binary, am I trans?" doubts, but I never really saw myself as genderfluid.

I realized that when people mistook me for a guy and my friends laughed about it, saying I was the only capable guy in school, it made me happy. I've also always wanted a deeper voice because I find deep voices amazing on girls and higher voices attractive on men too—anyway, I'm getting lost.

Basically, it's all a bit confusing, I have doubts, and I'd like to know how it went for you because I don't have any close friends or family who are genderfluid...

Just a vent because I don't have anyone to talk about this to.

My boyfriend is cis and when we were initially talking, I told him pretty early on that I was nonbinary and didn't really like being referred to as a girl. But because of where I am in my life I'm not exactly out to many people because I don't want it getting back to my parents (who would not be supportive) and I'm often referred to as my agab. He's tried his best but more recently, after we started dirty talking to each other more, he's slipped up with pronouns and referring to me gender-neutrally. This itself isn't really that big of a problem on it's own- I've only recently started considering myself genderfluid but I don't mind the idea of being perceived as girl-ish at times. It's just the way that he's done it, I worry he sees and maybe has always seen me as a girl primarily in his head. Like I can never be free of my agab. And in the context of sex, its made me feel more uneasy because what about when I slide the other way? Like I've recently been feeling more masc and Boy-ish some days, and I don't know how to express that to him because of how his misgendering of me has been making me feel unsafe. He's told me he's pansexual, so realistically he shouldn't have a problem with dating an enby who's actually genderfluid who's sometimes a guy, but I don't know, I feel like even if I tell him I wanna be referred to that way, he'll never really perceive me as such. He's cis, he has an intimate understanding of growing up that way, and I think it might be hard for him to get past that divide. I don't know. I'm gonna end up talking to him about it all eventually

I'm in need of a little help. As the title says, I'm a confused teenager. The past couple of months, I've been questioning my gender and sexuality. I'm AFAB, and mostly dress masculine. I've been questioning if I'm genderfluid because some days I wish I was a guy, and some days I'm happy being AFAB, but some days I also just feel androgynous. I haven't used any other pronouns to see how i feel about being referred to differently, but there's also not many people in my life that would use different pronouns for me. I also dress more masculine most of the time because I feel insecure dressing feminine. If anyone could give advice that would be greatly appreciated. Also sorry if there's any bad grammar.

I am a 14 year old boy.
A few months ago I thought I was trans but recently I’ve realised that I like the idea of being both a guy and a girl, like I’ll see women online or while out and about and feel this pang of jealousy and I’ll see other genderfluid, non-binary or femboy creators and wish that was me but I’ll also just wear masc clothing and feel like a guy.
I’m so confused pls help

So im 34 gender fluid male by birth. Ive always keep to myself. Most my days are male days spent with work and all of normal life stuff. My girl days are spent enjoying life hanging with friends and so on

A week ago I finally push past my nerves and made the call got on mtf hrt. I got the E in injection form, t block pill, and since I was unsure about breast growth my doctor blocker to stop or at least slow that super happy

But of course since ive start everyone else storys have been popping up in the feeds and they are making it sound like after im all this a while gender fluid isn't going to work anymore. I want a more feminine hips and butt but they are make it sound like I wont be able to hide my figure on my male days and make me feel like my face is going to be odd

I hope to here from someone with more experience with the subject

So I’m definitely gender fluid I used to think I was trans a lot back then but realized I liked being a girl too and not just a guy, although I definitely lean towards thinking or living more like a guy and I’m just so comfortable in my head I genuinely forgot sometimes that I have the body of a woman. A chest and thick thighs, like in the shower looking down and I’m like “holy moly I got a chicks body!” As if i didn’t grow up all my life with my body??😭 idk I never look at myself in the mirror and I have a pretty masculine face so I think I pass looking as a guy most of the time without actually trying

Of course I do have my times were I feel like a girl I do dress all feminine and looking cute, I do enjoy being a girl but it’s definitely a thing that catches me off guard whenever i remember “oh yeah, I’m a girl.” I’m usually comfortable with my body but whenever I remember I have a girls body and no dick or flat chest when I’m still feeling like a guy I definitely feel insecure around people just because I know they will only ever see me as just some girl. Because I know I’m not just some girl, I’m also a guy. Sometimes I don’t mind but you know sometimes I do really depends if I’m feeling like a girl or a guy that day

Anyone else feel this way or just me??

i usually present masc or at least androgynous, but very rarely i'll reallyyyy want to present fem, but i literally have no clothes that reflect that so i just do makeup. but i feel really uncomfortable leaving the house like that honestly and choose not to, but then it's like im uncomfortable either way. i've been presenting as a trans man for soooo long and idk, living in a conservative area definitely doesn't help because all around im just viewed as strange i feel. but idk

i guess im just asking for support and if anyone else relates and what you do? ik at the end of the day my expression is up to me, but i just want someone to relate to i guess

kinda a rant but yeah

I want nothing more than to look like a boy, but i have a really traditionally feminine look. Idk, like i have soft features, i'm short, and those r things i will never be able to change. I like feeling feminine sometimes, but sometimes i also wanna feel masculine but I feel ridiculous every time I try to be. So i just lean into being feminine, and it sucks. There are a lot of days where i just wanna look masculine and be perceived as such but I can't and i hate myself for it. I look at pictures of guys all day and i have folders on tiktok of specific actors/ characters, and my friends think its bc i like them and I'm attracted to them but i'm not. I just wanna be like them, effortlessly masculine

How can I look more masculine? I alr have a binder but I can't wear it a lot in the summer bc it's too hot so that adds a lot of dysphoria. I can't do this anymore

(this is my first post like this, so bear with me if it's confusing or longwinded. lol.)

I might be genderfluid or genderqueer.

I have, recently, began questioning my gender again, and from what I've seen that seems to be a constant/reoccurring thing with people under the genderfluid label.

The reason I've started questioning again is because I started feeling less like a 'woman' than i have in the last ~2 years. Looking through some of my private posts have also had me realize during one of my question phases i presented differently than i do now.

I *know* labels aren't all super important or all encompassing but having a labels can help me feel more 'secure' in a sense.

But my questioning of the label comes from my lack of connection to being perceived/referred to as a man. While not opposed to I don't often feel that and I haven't felt that way in quite a few years.

so, I have a few questions:
- how did you 'know'?
- how does genderfluid 'flow'? is it day-by-day or can it be over longer stretches of time (months to potentially years) --this is my biggest point of confusion.
- how did you choose a name that felt right? (all name recommendations for neutral names are mostly earthy or element based which is not what I'm looking for lol)
- how do you cope/deal with dysphoria/questioning?
- is it normal to resonate less with specific sides of the gender spectrum?

(originally posted on the nonbinary sub)

Recently coping with the idea of being genderfluid, and I'm currently in the middle of a situation with a girl I'm dating who is *at most* bicurious. She's only ever seen or known me as a man, so presenting any other way brings about a feeling of guilt knowing that it's probably not what she bargained for. I feel like I'm too complicated of an identity to date knowing how much I'll change.

How do you guys find dating? For those of you in relationships, what kind of people are you with? Are they okay with it?

Some days i feel like a man and i feel happy in my body, other days i feel like a girl whos trapped in a mans body. Wish i could just switch between being male and female at will.

Hi there. I'm originally AFAB and recently realized I'm genderfluid and on masc days I've noticed I get voice dysphoria. I'm trying to do some research on how to make my voice deeper. I am bilingual in both English and German, and I've noticed that when I speak German, I tend to speak deeper but when I speak English, it's higher and harder to make it sound more masc. I've also noticed that my voice comes from two different areas when I speak both languages (German from lower throat, English from my head). I speak in an English speaking country so it would be important for me to be able to speak in a deeper voice in my everyday speak especially if I identify as a guy on some days.

Because I do not want to damage my vocal chords, I was wondering if anyone thought if this could work - would it work effectively if I could speak in German first to warm my vocal chords up to going deeper and then try and speak English and force it down to that level at least? I do know of other ftm techniques like the humming technique and I want to incorporate that into my training too. But I'm curious if this could work as a start? I do not know much about actual voice training from a coach perspective so I really want to make sure that my vocal chords are not going to be damaged over the long period of time if I do this.

Apologies for bad english by the way.

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Hello everyone! Throughout my time in LGTBQ+ online spaces, I've heard of many terms that means prefering to date others who resonate with your experiences with the same identity

Bi4Bi (Bi dating Bi)

T4T (Trans dating Trans)

Q4Q (Queer dating Queer)

So I've been wondering if anyone here has preference for dating other trans people? Or could you care less about whether or not your preferred partner is trans