I feel like teachers bent over backwards growing up in bais yaakov trying to convince us why it’s not actually offensive and not sexist and frankly that’s a load of nonsense. It is absolutely 100% sexist and offensive. They should just admit that patriarchal societies came up with the idea of having men say “shelo asani isha” and just get rid of it but of course they never will 🤦‍♀️

Just a reminder not to learn Torah on Tisha b'Av as I know that would bring you all great joy on this day of sorrow

I wrote a post about how we need to stop mourning the temple. I am grateful to not be frum anymore and not have to pretend to want animal sacrifices to return. Would love to hear your thoughts!

https://apikorsus.substack.com/p/stop-mourning-the-destruction-of

I’m still ITC but not sure what the future holds for me. I’ve been super busy with 9 days menus and planning for Tisha b’av and I just wondered for those who are out of the closet for a while, do you still keep track of the calendar? Or do you just not know unless you bumped into some reference to it on this forum?
How does the Jewish calendar affect you at this point?

Genuinely the best drink ever

And I was told that these fast food non kosher places were nasty that was a complete lie. Just had the best chicken sandwich with Mac n cheese I’ve had in my life wow I’ve been missing out, absolutely zero regrets besides the calories lol

And how does that work, if so?

I’ve mentioned my kids in passing on this subreddit before, but the truth is I only have one, and she’s not required to dress tznius by frum standards yet. But it’s approaching. And I hate the thought of forcing what is essentially an 1800s-style of dress code on my child.

She shouldn’t have to suffer because her mother made the poor decision at 20 to become frum. It was a mistake. I admit that. The issue isn’t my husband’s refusal, he’s fine with her choosing her own path in life and to not be boxed in with everybody else. I’ve also lost interest in finding a more rightwing frum school for her so I guess that isn’t really the issue.

I’m mainly concerned that as she begins living her life that isn’t influenced by fundamentalists, she’ll be rejected by her frum family and neighbors. Or be considered OTD (we all know how frummies view us as having some sort of mental illness and constantly trying to mekarev us), and possibly my own OTDness being exposed (which, whatever I guess. Let it happen eventually). We’ll eventually move to a better neighborhood, sometime in the near future, but as of right now it’s not a possibility.

I hope I’m making sense here. The main thing is I want my child to be able to interact with secular kids and be able to fit in with them as well. When I grew up, I was given the freedom to dress however I wanted. My child should also be able to choose her own clothing and styles without being told she needs to wear a knee length skirt or that her shirt needs to cover her collarbones and elbows. It doesn’t make any sense to tell a child this! She should have fun trying different styles and choose what makes her feel most authentic, and to be able to run around outside without tripping over a long skirt.

Was anybody here able to allow their kids the freedom to dress how they wish and somehow still stay in the community? I don’t see how it can be done unless you’re really really modern (which isn’t the place I live in). Did you find a school that doesn’t have an issue with it?

Interested in becoming reform. Just have to ask

How can Reform Judaism be true?

Ex Orthodox (Hasidic) BT to Judaism here. My mother was Jewish, but she did not raise me Jewish, and when I was 13-14, I, with her consent, got into Judaism. My mother converted to Christianity. She was adopted by ashkenazi Jewish parents and raised a Jew.

For some absurd reason, reform doesn’t consider me a Jew. Additionally also, something tells me that the God personified by Reform Judaism doesn’t make sense. How can the creator of light and darkness, a God who literally hardened Paroh’s heart in Mitzrayim in order to make a point and show how strong he was, who commanded the Israelites to obliterate the Amalakites, and more, and said he would make a new covenant with them in Yirimyahu (Jeremiah 31) due to their failures, become loving and egalitarian. Unless the texts were somehow influenced by Israelite life and inauthentic to the divine. To which reform could also be considered inauthentic to the divine… At first, I was more interested in the Catholic or Hasidic Jewish conception of God. As it seemingly made more continuity with Torah. But my views are more reform. Can someone convince me?

Of course Christianity is untrue and incompatible to Judaism, but their God seems to make more sense than Reform’s HaShem.

Unless, therefore there was an absence of a God in the Canaanite/Near Eastern conception, and it was merely all people trying to understand each other. Maybe the Torah was just an ancient myth that held together a unique and beautiful people for thousands of years, but the God is more akin to Baruch Spinoza’s conception.

As many of you know, I live in a Yeshivish neighborhood (paying rent to my mom, who is MO) because I can't afford to move elsewhere. Occasionally, I have to work on Shabbos, and my neighbors (many of whom think I'm "modern" instead of OTD) tend to stare at me when they see me enter or exit my car on Saturdays. I constantly worry that their stares will escalate to hurtful comments and outright harassment, and these thoughts fill me with anxiety.

This morning, I had to go to work for a few hours. On Erev Shabbos, I'd parked my car around the block - away from my house - in order to avoid as much frum interaction as possible. Unfortunately, I began walking to my car just as the vasikin minyan down the street was letting out. I tried to avoid eye contact, since I know several of the guys who daven there.

As I neared the corner, hoping to make a quick getaway, I heard someone call my name - once, twice. It was a cousin of mine, leaving the vasikin minyan. From the middle of the street, he asked me where I was headed. I got close to where he was standing and said, "I don't want to scandalize you...but I'm on my way to work. I'm parked around the corner to be more respectful. I don't love working on Saturdays, and I actually enjoy the quiet of Shabbos. But sometimes I have to be a team player and work on the weekends."

I cringed a bit, waiting for my cousin to berate me.

Then, he smiled and said, "I am scandalized." He began to schmooze with me about other topics, and we chatted for a minute or two before I moved on. Nobody watched me get into my car, nobody stared at me as I drove away, and now I feel more confident about going home in a few hours.

Hey there, I am new here, as well as in Reddit overall. I was raised in an ultra-Orthodox family which gradually became more moderate with time, but it never diminished the deprivations and trauma I have gained since my childhood.
We lived in a small religious community outside of Israel, and I have been in a small Jewish school with barely any interaction with the society from the very beginning. Just like those many of the Ultra-Orthodox families in Europe I know, I wasn’t taught the local language and it only hardened my isolation, making me think I have sociophobia and will never have any friends. My parents weren’t showing any love to each other or the children at all, which here I found out to be very common among Frum couples, and that gave me a chronical feeling of loss. I could never speak with them about wanting a romantic relationship or befriending local non-Jews because it was a taboo and I was really scared. But nevertheless, I somehow gained access to secular literature and after years of learning about sciences and philosophy, I was sure I want to break the ties with the religious community.

Eventually, when I graduated from the highschool, after a year of heavy fighting with my parents, I successfully made my lonely aliyah and settled in Israel, where finally, not a long time ago, took off my kippah and found a normal, interesting, educated and active society — after all those years with a small circle of narrow-visioned Frums it felt like a fresh breathe of air.

Now as I am typing this on Shabbat’s afternoon, I feel like my childhood traumas are slowly stopping to bleed and I am a free man. Will be glad to have conversations with fellow OTDs.

Very important so I’m a Modox teen living in NY I secretly don’t keep Shabbos and have been having tons of doubts but I am going to Yeshiva in a month in Israel and I want to try as much non kosher as possible before I go.

Please Give me snacks/ fast food/ easily accessible things to try!

Story of a long-haired shepherd in Nazir 4b is similar to a myth of a Narcissus.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narcissus_(mythology)

Just don't look at the time now;) (I'm on a messed up summer schedule...)

Are there any Lakewood conference lines active right now for teens and kids that are OTD? thanks

hey! don't mind the late hour ;)

can someone please send me the link of any phone conference numbers or chats of otd teens in lakewood? thanks

Posting here because I feel like you guys would understand how close the community is. There's a guy in the community who owns a holiday rental. He told some people in the community that he has a hidden camera, and can watch when he wants. He said it's in the pool area (but could be other places too)

I couldn't talk to him individually about it because I wasn't supposed to know. I'm not sure if it's considered a crime, but it felt wrong just knowing this information. I just reported it anonymously to the local police, but am scared I did the wrong thing. What if he finds out it was me? Or find out it was the person who told me?

I'm spiralling and panicking that I might have fucked up his family or something.

I feel so guilty and scared I did something wrong, and don't know what to do now.

Do you guys think I did the write thing to report it? What would you have done? Am I just having an anxiety spiral or is this real?

I’m a college student, very itc/on the fence but I’m curious about something, as someone with a blended family. Upon learning my brother is adopted, a BT friend who was noticeably a lot more religious than me asked “how that works halachically”. I was more on the modern side of Modern Orthodox and not aware of what she meant. Then she clarified and asked “do you have to be shomer with him/not hug him?”. She was a dear friend so I didn’t say “what the fuck, he is my brother”, and she probably forgot about it, but it’s one of the things that has been nagging at me. The casual fucked up weirdness of it all. Did anyone with an adopted family member or blended family get comments like this as well?

I had a halachic conversion 30 years ago. I lived an observant life for 25 years. I no longer keep the mitzvot (except kashrut) but don't flaunt breaking shabbat in public. I still feel Jewish and think the mitzvot as binding. I might get back into it, I might not. Can my conversion be taken away now that I am no longer observant? The conversion was 100% kosher and would be accepted in Israel with no questions asked. But would the conversion no longer be valid in Israel if moved there and I am not observant?

My wife is also a convert and no longer observant. Is it possible my children would not be considered Jewish now? They are in college but are OTD. But down the road if they want to marry someone orthodox is it possible my wife's conversion could be nullified and therefore my children wouldn't be considered halachachly jewish, even though their mother was observant for most of their childhood? She considers herself as an athiest now.

LOL I wonder if Footsteps also helps people. Can someone share if "twisted parenting" benefits anyone except for the founder raising funds? I am wondering if it gives "services" back to clients based on their fundraising.

Hi.

So I'm (M19) an ex-Orthodox Jew, living in Israel.

For the last few months I've been doubting my faith, and I've reached the conclusion that I don't think I believe in Judaism anymore. I haven't been praying or keeping Shabbat, but I have been putting Tefilin but not really much.

I've been making lots of progress, but the problem is that every time I debate one of my friends (they don't know I'm going OTD, only that I have questions) they keep giving me weak claims and excuses, some of them I've already thought before, but it's making me really anxious and worried that I might have made a crucial mistake in my judgement on the matter. Even if their arguments aren't really that powerful.

For example:

A friend told you have to be an idiot to see the prophecies of the bible getting fulfilled and not believe in Judaism.

I said, okay, you only have 3 prophecies that have been fulfilled:

1. The Jews would survive in the diaspora and not assimilate.

2. The Jews would return to their homeland.

3. The land would be barren and desolate until their return, during which it would bloom.

The first 2 are effectively the same one, since they can't return to their land if they die, but anyway, it's hard for me to imagine a way for the Jews to not have endured. After 500 years in Babylonia, seeing what had happened to the other 10 tribes, and needing to remain in contact with the land of Israel, I don't see how they would not develop the modern Rabbinic system, and make themselves more resilient and less reliant on the temple but rather on synagogues and the portable Halakha (both Talmuds and the like).

Other than the 3rd one, both are also self-fulfilling prophecies, since if you command everyone to want to build a temple, ingrain in their collective mind the necessity of them returning to their homeland so much that even lots of secular Jews have heard this from their parents, would it be surprising if they'd returned?

And the 3rd argument is only true, if we say that the Byzantine Empire didn't get the memo, and decided to settle there for 3 centuries, during which the region had reached a peak population of over 1 million people, which would not be surpassed until the 20th century under British rule, and they also managed to grow crops, cultivate vineyards, export produce to all over the empire, etc.. If you want to say the promise to the Jews was not broken, you would have to explain it unlike traditional Mefarshim like the Rashbam or Rabeinu Bahya, which would mean you have to change your interpretation, meaning unless nothing extremely specific that would leave you no escape hatch would have happened, you would not concede on any of your prophecies or promises by God, so they are not falsifiable and therefore not great proofs.

Despite this though, I'm still left with this gnawing fear that he might be right and I might not be looking at this objectively.

Do other people also feel like that? Did you feel like that once and now you don't? If so, what helped you get through this, or what can I do?

Thanks.