For context - SHO in busy surgical department.
Recently returned after having 6 weeks off due to stress and burnout. The first few days of my time off were mentally just like I was at work - felt like I had to be up early, be productive, squeeze in the gym, see friends, quick food shop, you get the drill⦠only after constantly telling myself that āthat can waitā or āwhy am I rushing/what is the rushā did it hit me how long Iāve probably been in this state of overdrive just mentally not sitting still, let alone the physical side of the early mornings/late finishes/surgery with little time for much else.
Even everyday little things were eye opening, I felt weird about taking my time doing the food shop and spent my time actually looking at things instead of thinking I need to be out in half an hour so I can make dinner and prep lunch before a quick gym session which would be rushed aswell! And then the gym which is a hobby of mine, I made it a point not to go everyday because I felt like I had to do something productive but when I did go, I actually took my time and enjoyed my workouts and they made my body feel better as opposed to just more exhausted!
It wasnāt all positive, I suppose being by yourself without much of a routine does make you stop and think and sit with your thoughts and anxieties which isnāt always comfortable but probably better than being masked by a life where you donāt even get time to think
Now that Iām back at work Iām questioning this whole thing - looking around me and seeing more senior colleagues and wondering if theyāve ever even had time to think and reflect and if they did, would they still choose this life? And for me, itās made me question things too - will be just shy of a decade till Iām a consultant in this speciality provided things work out and Iām thinking, is this worth it? I do enjoy the purpose of surgery and so much has gone into even getting to the point Iām at and so much more will go into getting to where I want to go and part of me wants to soldier on and just prove something to myself but if Iām completely honest, the lifestyle associated with this isnāt something I like at all and I donāt think anyone likes. I know itās not all about money but these thoughts and feelings are only fuelled when I look at my friends for example (through my eyebagged fluid filled undereyes bloodshot from a week of nights) and see them certainly working hard too but easily matching my salary or out earning me working as electricians for example.
This is causing me to feel a level of uncertainty and anxiety especially since weāve all sacrificed a lot so the sunk cost fallacy etc.
Would love to hear insights and thoughts! I always think that if I feel like this Iām sure others do too!
So please share your thoughts and insights and for anyone who has taken time off and it felt liberating like my time off did (literally felt like my neurons could breathe again) share your time off stories and recommend activities because one thing I struggled with was actually filling my free time (not that you have to but a change of scenery might be good). And for anyone feeling burnt out and wanting time off, please take it! You will feel like a completely different person.