I 28M, am an Anaesthetic core trainee. I’ve always been straight, or at least I thought so. I’ve been in serious relationships with women and have never thought of guys in a romantic way.

HOWEVER

I rotated to a new hospital in February and there’s this consultant who has spun my head. He’s early 40s, straight, wife, kids. His presence is just so calming and magnetic and I can’t quite tell if I want him or want to be him.

Since February, I’ve worked with him a quite a lot, and because of the nature of anaesthetic training, we spend a lot of time chatting about family, hobbies, and some other really profound things. The man is just perfect. He’s in great shape and we bond over fitness, he’s great with patients, kind, good with trainees and all theatre staff, and is an incredible anaesthetist. He is exactly the kind of consultant I want to be. At first I thought I just admired him but lately, when I speak to him, I get nervous, I get butterflies, I’m even starting to stutter. When I know I’ll be on a list with him, I do a bit of reading beforehand to impress him, check myself in the mirror to make sure I look okay, and I even wear my nice cologne (I never wear the nice stuff to work).

The reason this has confused me is because I’m not actually sure I’m into guys and don’t find any other guys attractive at all, but I mean this wholeheartedly, if he was single and interested, I would be keen. I don’t think this is just a man crush. This has never happened to me before, I feel confused, lost and I am questioning everything I thought I knew about myself.

Thoughts? Is this weird?

For context - SHO in busy surgical department.

Recently returned after having 6 weeks off due to stress and burnout. The first few days of my time off were mentally just like I was at work - felt like I had to be up early, be productive, squeeze in the gym, see friends, quick food shop, you get the drill… only after constantly telling myself that ‘that can wait’ or ‘why am I rushing/what is the rush’ did it hit me how long I’ve probably been in this state of overdrive just mentally not sitting still, let alone the physical side of the early mornings/late finishes/surgery with little time for much else.

Even everyday little things were eye opening, I felt weird about taking my time doing the food shop and spent my time actually looking at things instead of thinking I need to be out in half an hour so I can make dinner and prep lunch before a quick gym session which would be rushed aswell! And then the gym which is a hobby of mine, I made it a point not to go everyday because I felt like I had to do something productive but when I did go, I actually took my time and enjoyed my workouts and they made my body feel better as opposed to just more exhausted!

It wasn’t all positive, I suppose being by yourself without much of a routine does make you stop and think and sit with your thoughts and anxieties which isn’t always comfortable but probably better than being masked by a life where you don’t even get time to think

Now that I’m back at work I’m questioning this whole thing - looking around me and seeing more senior colleagues and wondering if they’ve ever even had time to think and reflect and if they did, would they still choose this life? And for me, it’s made me question things too - will be just shy of a decade till I’m a consultant in this speciality provided things work out and I’m thinking, is this worth it? I do enjoy the purpose of surgery and so much has gone into even getting to the point I’m at and so much more will go into getting to where I want to go and part of me wants to soldier on and just prove something to myself but if I’m completely honest, the lifestyle associated with this isn’t something I like at all and I don’t think anyone likes. I know it’s not all about money but these thoughts and feelings are only fuelled when I look at my friends for example (through my eyebagged fluid filled undereyes bloodshot from a week of nights) and see them certainly working hard too but easily matching my salary or out earning me working as electricians for example.

This is causing me to feel a level of uncertainty and anxiety especially since we’ve all sacrificed a lot so the sunk cost fallacy etc.

Would love to hear insights and thoughts! I always think that if I feel like this I’m sure others do too!

So please share your thoughts and insights and for anyone who has taken time off and it felt liberating like my time off did (literally felt like my neurons could breathe again) share your time off stories and recommend activities because one thing I struggled with was actually filling my free time (not that you have to but a change of scenery might be good). And for anyone feeling burnt out and wanting time off, please take it! You will feel like a completely different person.

Something to the effect of “frequent sick days, leaving rota gap and service pressures, costing trust money for locum”.

For context I have a couple of chronic conditions which my ES knows about so this was brushed off and had met with OH before.

Had about 5 days off sick in the last 3 months. And I always inform them as soon as I knew I can’t make it to work and follow all the procedures according to department’s policy.

Though before writing something like that if they’d have asked me then I could have easily explained that I’m not skiving off for fun.

I’m not sure if I should approach the person to explain or just leave it as my ES is not bothered?

Just stumbled across a video of an American medical student who got heavily harassed online by both doctors and the public after posting a (quite insensitive) video of him joking about the female anatomy. Lots of videos and posts followed, especially from other doctors eagerly inciting people to punish him, suspend him, requests for public humiliation, and rumours that he had been expelled from his med school. People thought that they had achieve their goal and that's why he went silent online. But apparently it was because he had a major attempt to end his life and ended up in ICU.

It just very randomly reminded of my own experience during my first job as an FY1. I used to get relentlessly bullied by the IMT on my ward, to the point of self-harming, unsuccessful ODs, and having constant fantasies about ending my own life as the only relief. No one seemed to want to believe me, the consultants would just make it worse, and the other juniors would tell me I should accept this situation and take it because he was my senior and I was the most junior member of the team. The job ended, life is the same, but thankfully I never once again experienced something to that level, but thinking about it still upsets me.

It's so random because my situation was very different from this influencer's, but it helped me to come to terms with the fact that that our profession is full of morally virtuous people, self-proclaimed mental health advocates who also push people toward ending their life. And that I have no faith that it will ever get better.

Has anyone had an IMT rotation with no nights ?

Hi all. I am a physician based in the USA and I have a question for my colleagues across the pond. Do you all struggle with note bloat? In case this is not a transatlantic term, note bloat refers to excessive copy-pasting of labs, imaging reports, etc into a progress note. I’ve found that midlevels and residents tend to be the worst offenders. I understand that it’s faster than reading, interpreting, and writing a concise summary, but it’s onerous to sift through and often challenging to track what is actually going on with the patient day to day.

This is a pet peeve of mine. Most days I let it go, but today it’s bugging me more than usual. Do you all have this problem at your hospitals?

Edit: Well, it seems pretty clear that this is an international issue. Stay strong, comrades!

If I have an exam(MRCP) on a scheduled day off prior to my night shift- do I get a day in lieu for this? (Northern Ireland)

Update on a recent thread on nurse consultants: https://www.reddit.com/r/doctorsUK/comments/1uteqq1/the_absolute_insanity_of_nurse_consultants/

Arrowe Park have responded to a FOI request saying they don't use nurse consultants to cover ED/medical registrar shifts, or act as on call consultants or post take.

Is this right? My DMs are open. The ICO will not be impressed if they are trying to hide the release of information.

Im a new resident doctor starting soon and I was wondering what the attitudes are too having less “conventional” scrub designs/colours, loud badges/lanyards etc. I’m big into fashion and have found that sometimes standing out on the ward is not received positively (mainly by my fellow female colleagues unfortunately).

However, I also want to give off a good first impression and I’ve been told before that people are always surprised by my capabilities or they “didn’t think I would act the way I do” after they have gotten to know me and I’m always aware its solely because I do still enjoy to look done up while on a painfully boring ward round. Any seniors that can give any advice or tips? Shall I ease my personality in or should I just be confident in who I am from the start?

I thought it was possible to work as a bank doctor as a locum for

two NHS trusts at the same time. However, when I applied to the second trust, they told me that I needed to be marked as a ‘leaver’ by my previous trust before they could add me as a ‘joiner’. I was under the impression that there shouldn’t be any issue with being registered on the bank at two trusts. Is this an administrative requirement, or is there a rule preventing this?

Can we get rid of this stupid Exam Please

Had 19 days of TOOT, with 6 being strikes this year. Was diagnosed with disc herniation and celiac disease which contributed to most sickness. Was told 14 days is limit of TOOT for a GPST1. ARCP coming up, what will happen/likelihood?

I am a department clincial director. Our hospital has insisted that the organisation of our (higher) registrar rota.

They have made a 1:6 rota for us. NWD = 0900-1700. Long days till 2100, weekends 0900-2100. They have told us that is only possible for this rota to be compliant if on some days there are 2 registrars on call at the same time and other days there are none. Not possible otherwise, they say. Can’t be done. They are the experts, they say - I don’t understand the issues.

I feel like I’ve popped into a parallel dimension.

What? Is this a thing? Does it happen elsewhere?

FWIW ChatGPT has made a very detailed rota proposal that it claims is compliant and I’ve sent it to them to explain why it is wrong.

Incoming IMT/ACF trainee in gastro. Would massively appreciate guidance/tips regarding:

1. Managing portfolio - important tips

2. Building academic portfolio

3. Any IMT-ACF been in-similar position giving part 1 in jan diet of imt 1? Any advise appreciated. How did you plan the rest of the sittings for part 2 and PACES

Is it worth joining a royal college or for now just paying upfront for portfolio fees

Has anyone rotated in salford royal as IMT 1/2/3. How was your experience in training?
Any tips/advises?

How to plan clinic week?

I have to sit the ALS in a weeks time, it’s the 1 day course and I’ve completed the e-ALS material, but it seems like it’s gone in one ear and out the other. I still have the MCQ to do, I’ve been reading the book but just feel overwhelmed. I’ve not done anything medicine related for most of the summer, and am kind of worried I’ve forgotten everything.

Starting specialty training in August at 80% LTFT for wellbeing and family.

Which day of the week is best for none working day?

I have to choose between Tuesday and Thursday.

Hello everyone!

I am an incoming F1, starting this time next week!

I have been longing for a double mastectomy for a long while now, and I am looking into booking it now that I will have an income. I just have a few questions about leave regarding this.

Am I right that as this is seen as a cosmetic surgery this will need to be done using annual leave?

From what I have read I will be able to return to work after 2 weeks, but will need amended duties until about 6 weeks. How likely is this? I understand I only ave 9 days annual leave per rotation. Is there anyway I can make this work?

Thank you!

ETA: kinda sad to see this and my comments getting downvoted :/

I was put forward for GIC, however I'm about to transfer (whenever that happens, I'm on a break until then). Is it cheeky of me to apply for study budget for the GIC before I transfer deaneries? Obviously TPD aware of intention to IDT.

I have to do an extension at the end of FY2 for a couple months due to time taken off work for health reasons. I am unable to get any interviews for clinical fellow jobs primarily because they start in August and I finish FY2 couple months later. Do I wait until there are JCF positions released later on during FY3 and try to find locums in the meantime? What are my options?

I’m hoping to pursue a career in surgery, particularly plastics, so I was really hoping for a foundation programme with several surgical rotations. Unfortunately, I’ve ended up with no surgical jobs at all, and I'm not based in an hospital with a plastics department.
I already feel that I’m behind in terms of building a competitive surgical portfolio, so I’m worried that having no surgical rotations will make it even more difficult to gain the audits, research and operative numbers needed for future applications.
I’m also concerned about what happens after Foundation. If I were to apply for an F3 Junior Clinical Fellow post in surgery, would having no surgical rotations during foundation make it more difficult to secure one?
I’ve tried being proactive by cold-emailing consultants and registrars about research and audits to get involved, but I never receive a response. It feels as though the only times I’ve been offered these opportunities have been when I’ve actually been within the surgical department.
Because of this, I’ve been considering whether it would be better to withdraw before starting, complete a Master's degree to strengthen my portfolio, and then reapply to the Foundation Programme next year. However, I’m very unsure whether this is the right decision.
I’d really appreciate any advice!

Hi guys any recommendation what you use for the stats section? Are the SPMM videos worth buying?

Anybody else notice this phenomenon? Whenever people refer to a hospital (often a DGH but not always) as "friendly", it turns out to be a toxic hellhole. Doesn't apply just to hospitals, it's also when staff refer to their department or team as being friendly.