This is our discussion thread for all attachment types to ask questions and answer each other’s questions .

✅ User flair is required, with your attachment style - your post will NOT be approved without it. Flair can be added by commenting [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/dismissiveavoidants/comments/1bwj954/user_flair_if_you_need_a_user_flair_comment_your/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)

🛑BEFORE ASKING A QUESTION:🛑

Stop and think:

• Is my question dehumanizing? DAs are people too, and this sub is primarily a safe space for DAs
• Am I following the subreddit rules? Including no mindreading (will my DA ex, what is my DA ex thinking, etc) and no whining or venting about avoidants. This is our support sub, not yours. Please respect that when you pose a question.
• What is my question? Then ACTUALLY ASK A QUESTION, not give a random story, poem, or statement.
• Can I easily google this?

ALSO IMPORTANT:

Please review the FAQs before posting your question - we will remove redundant questions that are already answered.

Ghosting

Breakups and No Contact

Should I tell them about Attachment Theory?

Showing you care

Receiving love/care/support

Deactivation

“Typical” Avoidant Statements

Social Media

How to make your DA/FA feel safe

A little while ago my very good probably one of my best friends said to me they could see us being more than friends. My avoidant ass immediately went on an unrelated tangent then said “We should talk about it in person.” Saw eachother in person multiple times I purposely did not bring it up. They told me months later although they could see us as more than friends I was way too avoidantly attached to be in a relationship together. THEY ARE RIGHT BUT

I did realize I do have a crush on them and I was still warming up to them (I am incredibly slow to fully warm up to anyone despite seeming incredibly open and friendly) and now that I realized that and right as I was ready to maybe broach the conversation again, they are in a relationship AHHHHH

I am very happy for the, I am glad they are happy and wish them the best. Like I wouldn’t even dream of being one of those messy fuckers that try to split up a relationship so that’s not what I’m coming on here to talk about. I am so happy my good friend is happy and damn is it also soul crushing but I can’t blame anyone but myself truly.

I think the biggest issue is I don’t even know how to work on my avoidant attachment cuz usually it doesn’t bite me in the ass like this but I am actively trying to correct and just… don’t know how

For those of you living together with your partner, what are your feelings about cohabitation?

Do you see it as exacerbating certain DA tendencies?

Do you think being in a relationship where you live apart would help you manage certain triggers or is it just a bandaid?

I came across the r/livingaparttogether sub and in my personal situation it seems like an interesting concept, especially as I had already inadvertently done it with my partner at the beginning of our relationship.

This is a DA-Only Thread: Here is an open thread to rant, a place we can get things off our chest.

• this is a place for DAs to rant, not others to rant about DAs
• no other AT Styles will be approved on this thread
• any non-DAs: we appreciate supportive comments on other threads, but this thread is not for you

Please, since this is a rant thread, let’s be mindful and refrain from morally judging someone’s rants or offering unsolicited advice. A rant/vent about something doesn’t mean it’s fact.

This is our discussion thread for all attachment types to ask questions and answer each other’s questions .

✅ User flair is required, with your attachment style - your post will NOT be approved without it. Flair can be added by commenting [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/dismissiveavoidants/comments/1bwj954/user_flair_if_you_need_a_user_flair_comment_your/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)

🛑BEFORE ASKING A QUESTION:🛑

Stop and think:

• Is my question dehumanizing? DAs are people too, and this sub is primarily a safe space for DAs
• Am I following the subreddit rules? Including no mindreading (will my DA ex, what is my DA ex thinking, etc) and no whining or venting about avoidants. This is our support sub, not yours. Please respect that when you pose a question.
• What is my question? Then ACTUALLY ASK A QUESTION, not give a random story, poem, or statement.
• Can I easily google this?

ALSO IMPORTANT:

Please review the FAQs before posting your question - we will remove redundant questions that are already answered.

Ghosting

Breakups and No Contact

Should I tell them about Attachment Theory?

Showing you care

Receiving love/care/support

Deactivation

“Typical” Avoidant Statements

Social Media

How to make your DA/FA feel safe

This is our discussion thread for all attachment types to ask questions and answer each other’s questions .

✅ User flair is required, with your attachment style - your post will NOT be approved without it. Flair can be added by commenting [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/dismissiveavoidants/comments/1bwj954/user_flair_if_you_need_a_user_flair_comment_your/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)

🛑BEFORE ASKING A QUESTION:🛑

Stop and think:

• Is my question dehumanizing? DAs are people too, and this sub is primarily a safe space for DAs
• Am I following the subreddit rules? Including no mindreading (will my DA ex, what is my DA ex thinking, etc) and no whining or venting about avoidants. This is our support sub, not yours. Please respect that when you pose a question.
• What is my question? Then ACTUALLY ASK A QUESTION, not give a random story, poem, or statement.
• Can I easily google this?

ALSO IMPORTANT:

Please review the FAQs before posting your question - we will remove redundant questions that are already answered.

Ghosting

Breakups and No Contact

Should I tell them about Attachment Theory?

Showing you care

Receiving love/care/support

Deactivation

“Typical” Avoidant Statements

Social Media

How to make your DA/FA feel safe

This is a DA-Only Thread: Here is an open thread to rant, a place we can get things off our chest.

• this is a place for DAs to rant, not others to rant about DAs
• no other AT Styles will be approved on this thread
• any non-DAs: we appreciate supportive comments on other threads, but this thread is not for you

Please, since this is a rant thread, let’s be mindful and refrain from morally judging someone’s rants or offering unsolicited advice. A rant/vent about something doesn’t mean it’s fact.

I feel bad about this since I know it’s caused by trauma/anxiety. 

But I find it really stressful when I feel like someone’s constantly “monitoring” me or seeming anxious and worried that I’m “mad” at them. They show behaviours such as repeatedly asking if I’m okay, commenting on small aspects of my body language, making jokes because they think the mood needs lightening etc. 

When in actual fact, maybe social battery is just drained and I’m tired, or maybe I’m just “being” and I want to just “be” without feeling like I have to justify every little thing I do. And sometimes even after I tell people like this that I’m just tired, they still seem hypervigilant towards me. 

How do you feel about people like this? Even though I know it’s not fully their fault, I find these people really stressful because I feel like I can’t relax around them. And if I’m in a good mood, they slowly start to put me in a bad mood because it feels like they’re not letting me just “exist”. 

This is our discussion thread for all attachment types to ask questions and answer each other’s questions .

✅ User flair is required, with your attachment style - your post will NOT be approved without it. Flair can be added by commenting [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/dismissiveavoidants/comments/1bwj954/user_flair_if_you_need_a_user_flair_comment_your/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)

🛑BEFORE ASKING A QUESTION:🛑

Stop and think:

• Is my question dehumanizing? DAs are people too, and this sub is primarily a safe space for DAs
• Am I following the subreddit rules? Including no mindreading (will my DA ex, what is my DA ex thinking, etc) and no whining or venting about avoidants. This is our support sub, not yours. Please respect that when you pose a question.
• What is my question? Then ACTUALLY ASK A QUESTION, not give a random story, poem, or statement.
• Can I easily google this?

ALSO IMPORTANT:

Please review the FAQs before posting your question - we will remove redundant questions that are already answered.

Ghosting

Breakups and No Contact

Should I tell them about Attachment Theory?

Showing you care

Receiving love/care/support

Deactivation

“Typical” Avoidant Statements

Social Media

How to make your DA/FA feel safe

DA here. In the last couple years, I've received criticisms from APs of my propensity to emotionally manage others. In some instances, it's clear that it's a means to fully avoid an existing issue, but I've been accused of it in situations where I was delving into a delicate discussion, attempting to address the issue at hand without needlessly creating a new one. I consider the latter to be tact.

​

​

Where do you draw the line between emotionally managing someone and being tactful?

I have a tiktok account and sometimes I repost vids. Some of the vids I repost are, I guess, more vulnerable. Such as people discussing emotions, or kinda soppy “we should all care for each other as humans” type vids. I repost them being like “yep! I feel this!”

But recently I got hit with a wave of cringe and kinda disgust at myself for being so openly… vulnerable and soppy by reposting those vids hahahaha. The idea of people watching them and think “oh wow, she feels this type of way” just feels so embarrassing.

Can anyone relate to that? It makes me wanna delete all my reposts apart from the ones that give very little away in terms of emotionality lol

Side note: and no judgement to people who do this, but I can’t imagine the idea of posting a photo/vid of myself crying lol

This is our discussion thread for all attachment types to ask questions and answer each other’s questions .

✅ User flair is required, with your attachment style - your post will NOT be approved without it. Flair can be added by commenting [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/dismissiveavoidants/comments/1bwj954/user_flair_if_you_need_a_user_flair_comment_your/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)

🛑BEFORE ASKING A QUESTION:🛑

Stop and think:

• Is my question dehumanizing? DAs are people too, and this sub is primarily a safe space for DAs
• Am I following the subreddit rules? Including no mindreading (will my DA ex, what is my DA ex thinking, etc) and no whining or venting about avoidants. This is our support sub, not yours. Please respect that when you pose a question.
• What is my question? Then ACTUALLY ASK A QUESTION, not give a random story, poem, or statement.
• Can I easily google this?

ALSO IMPORTANT:

Please review the FAQs before posting your question - we will remove redundant questions that are already answered.

Ghosting

Breakups and No Contact

Should I tell them about Attachment Theory?

Showing you care

Receiving love/care/support

Deactivation

“Typical” Avoidant Statements

Social Media

How to make your DA/FA feel safe

This is a DA-Only Thread: Here is an open thread to rant, a place we can get things off our chest.

• this is a place for DAs to rant, not others to rant about DAs
• no other AT Styles will be approved on this thread
• any non-DAs: we appreciate supportive comments on other threads, but this thread is not for you

Please, since this is a rant thread, let’s be mindful and refrain from morally judging someone’s rants or offering unsolicited advice. A rant/vent about something doesn’t mean it’s fact.

This is our discussion thread for all attachment types to ask questions and answer each other’s questions .

✅ User flair is required, with your attachment style - your post will NOT be approved without it. Flair can be added by commenting [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/dismissiveavoidants/comments/1bwj954/user_flair_if_you_need_a_user_flair_comment_your/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)

🛑BEFORE ASKING A QUESTION:🛑

Stop and think:

• Is my question dehumanizing? DAs are people too, and this sub is primarily a safe space for DAs
• Am I following the subreddit rules? Including no mindreading (will my DA ex, what is my DA ex thinking, etc) and no whining or venting about avoidants. This is our support sub, not yours. Please respect that when you pose a question.
• What is my question? Then ACTUALLY ASK A QUESTION, not give a random story, poem, or statement.
• Can I easily google this?

ALSO IMPORTANT:

Please review the FAQs before posting your question - we will remove redundant questions that are already answered.

Ghosting

Breakups and No Contact

Should I tell them about Attachment Theory?

Showing you care

Receiving love/care/support

Deactivation

“Typical” Avoidant Statements

Social Media

How to make your DA/FA feel safe

This is our discussion thread for all attachment types to ask questions and answer each other’s questions .

✅ User flair is required, with your attachment style - your post will NOT be approved without it. Flair can be added by commenting [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/dismissiveavoidants/comments/1bwj954/user_flair_if_you_need_a_user_flair_comment_your/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)

🛑BEFORE ASKING A QUESTION:🛑

Stop and think:

• Is my question dehumanizing? DAs are people too, and this sub is primarily a safe space for DAs
• Am I following the subreddit rules? Including no mindreading (will my DA ex, what is my DA ex thinking, etc) and no whining or venting about avoidants. This is our support sub, not yours. Please respect that when you pose a question.
• What is my question? Then ACTUALLY ASK A QUESTION, not give a random story, poem, or statement.
• Can I easily google this?

ALSO IMPORTANT:

Please review the FAQs before posting your question - we will remove redundant questions that are already answered.

Ghosting

Breakups and No Contact

Should I tell them about Attachment Theory?

Showing you care

Receiving love/care/support

Deactivation

“Typical” Avoidant Statements

Social Media

How to make your DA/FA feel safe

I’ve spent way too many hours on Reddit trying to figure out whether I was genuinely unhappy in a relationship or just deactivating. I’ve read a lot of books that provide protocols for deactivation, relationship doubts, overthinking, difficult conversations, and other challenging emotional states.

The problem is that when I’m actually deactivating, I can’t remember what I’m supposed to do!

I’m not thinking, “Ah yes, now would be a great time for cognitive defusion.” lol

I’m thinking, “I don’t know if I love them anymore.” “I feel trapped.” “Everything my partner does annoy me.” “I should have never broken up with [phantom ex]”

So I built a small tool for myself.

The idea is simple. I type what’s going on, the tool identifies the closest situation, reflects back what may be happening, and recommends evidence-based protocols with step-by-step instructions I can follow immediately.

The goal isn’t to tell me whether to stay or leave. It’s to help me get a little more clarity before making a major decision.

Happy to share the link if anyone wants to test it. It’s free. I’m just looking for feedback.

This is a DA-Only Thread: Here is an open thread to rant, a place we can get things off our chest.

• this is a place for DAs to rant, not others to rant about DAs
• no other AT Styles will be approved on this thread
• any non-DAs: we appreciate supportive comments on other threads, but this thread is not for you

Please, since this is a rant thread, let’s be mindful and refrain from morally judging someone’s rants or offering unsolicited advice. A rant/vent about something doesn’t mean it’s fact.