I don’t spark joy, I don’t feel joy, I don’t provide anything, I don’t help anything or anyone, I hurt everyone I love and that loves me, and then nobody loves me.

My mum knows I self harm and I don't want her to know that I don't really want to stop doing it, I just can't find an excuse to do it, i don't want to talk to her or my dad because they have their own problems.im on the verge of relapsing I can feel it and I like seeing the blood run down my leg because every time it seems like a little bit of the pain and sadness leaves my body with it

I started Venlafaxine at the end of May after trying various amounts of Ssri's with no noticeable changes. Once I went from 37.5mg to 75mg I felt amazing for 2-3 weeks then felt a major drop off in mood so the doctor recommended i go up to 150mg. Once again I felt great for 2-3 weeks but since yesterday I'm feeling pretty shitty again, is this normal? Today my doctor told me to raise the dose again but im not sure i see the point in making any side effects worse if im just go to have the same results over and over.

Everyday, no matter where I am, I always think about relapsing, I want to feel that sting and I just need it. I can't stop thinking about it. Is there truly something wrong with me? I feel like i can never be happy if I'm always thinking about hurting myself

I just want to vent. I’m exhausted.
I’m an MBBS student, and I honestly don’t know how much more I can take.
We have constant exams almost every week, and now my prelims are going on. The pressure is insane. I have two more days left, and my sleep schedule is completely ruined. I’m on melatonin and prescription sleeping medications just to get a few hours of sleep, and I get migraines on top of that.
Apart from academics, I keep trying to represent my college in competitions, prepare case presentations, and somehow keep my CV decent. No matter what I do, it never feels enough.
What hurts even more is my parents. Even when I score well—I’m usually 2nd or 3rd in class—the response is always, “That’s it? Only these marks?” Every time I do better, the expectations just get higher.
Then there’s my love life, if you can even call it that.
For six months I was stuck in what felt like a situationship. She gave me constant mixed signals, leaned on me for emotional support, let me spend money on her, and I genuinely believed something was there. In the end, she got involved with a guy she met online who was five years older than her. They hadn’t even met in person. Looking back, I know I ignored all the red flags. That’s on me too.
That relationship destroyed me.
I self-harmed by cutting my wrist. I punched a wall so hard that I fractured my 3rd metacarpal. During hospital postings, I broke down crying in public. Sometimes I’d be studying or working and tears would just start coming out for no reason. It felt like my brain had just given up.
Then I met another girl at an airport. We clicked instantly, talked 24/7, met up, and for the first time in months I thought maybe things would finally get better.
Then she left because her ex came back from abroad.
Before that, one of my exes cheated on me with her own best friend. The only relationship that actually felt healthy ended on good terms because the stress before NEET changed both of us.
Now I’m here, trying to survive MBBS.
It’s constant pressure about attendance, eligibility for university exams, internal assessments, practicals, viva, prelims… I have pharmacology practical prelims coming up, and I’m probably going to have to pull another all-nighter.
I’m in therapy, but my parents don’t even know. Thankfully, my institute provides free therapy and medications because I’m a student here. I don’t think I would’ve been able to afford it otherwise.
I’m just… tired.
Please give me solutions too
TL;DR: MBBS student drowning in constant exams, terrible sleep, migraines, therapy, and pressure from parents despite scoring near the top of my class. A painful 6-month situationship led to self-harm, a fractured hand, and emotional breakdowns. Another girl left when her ex came back. Previous relationships also ended badly. I have more exams in two days, probably another all-nighter ahead, and I just needed to vent.

Hi, I'm 27 and I am depressed since I was 10 years old. I tried to be happy, to have a decent life but I never succeeded. I'm french and I'm here for write my story one last time before my suicide. I don't know if I'm at the good place or wrong place but just need someone can listen me. So thanks for you, who listen me.

My family never loving me. When I was young, my father forced me to write with right hand because i'm left-handed and left-handed mean the devil's hand. My grand father hated me because i'm a girl and a vietnamese (My origin, i was born in french, but Vietnamese and Chinese), like I'm illegitimate. He is racist and sexist, and hate left-handed. So by him, all his daughter hate me too, because i'm ugly, stupid, a girl who never love. I tried so hard to be accepted at my family but in vain, I surrender. It make me depressed, I can't trust people, even if they here for me, for help me. I'm so scared. At 8 years old, I went to Vietnam with my mother and brothers, young sister, after this, my life turned into a nightmare. My mother hysterical and always hurt us with iron rod, she open the head of my brother (He go to hospital for, thanks my aunt), she was strangling my sister too. And she leave us alone, without anything, for a fucking man. She cheated on my father ! After this, its on turn of my brothers to be mad, they hurting me, touched me around every kids on the village. I was the punching bag for them, alone and no one for help me, can't scream, only cry of my pain and sadness. I learn to survive, I remember like It was yesterday. Now I'm 27 years old and I have a partner who love me, a loved job, a house. I have everything can make me happy, but I'm unhappy. I can't bring myself to trust people, I never try to have professional help (So scare), maybe I should try ? But Its to late for me... I'm so tired of everything. I'm so grateful to my partner who never leaving me behind, for loving me and did everything for me. He's my pillar, my lover. I love him so much, I don't know what I would done without him. But, even If I supposed to be happy, I can't out of my head my depression. The fact I'm not a ugly person, stupid, an unwanted person or broken. I think I just need help and someone to listen. I constantly repeat myself but that my way of expressing myself. I'm sorry for all my spelling mistake, I'm french so It's hard for me and I'm new on the Reddit.

I'm introvert, depressed, suicidal (Its not my first time I try to suicide, the first time, the life save me. It gave me the strengh to move forward, but now I'm ready to try again to kill myself).

Thanks for reading.

Everyone I have ever met has disliked me.

I am a failure in everything that I do.

My dream was to go to medical school and be successful but I lost sight of my goals and became focused on being validated by women.

Now I am in a long distance relationship with a woman and she wants to have an open relationship. She’s wanted one since she saw my small penis. She made me aware that she will probably not be able to stay faithful to me.

I will be the laughing stock of my medical school for the next 4 years until I graduate.

I have no place to stay and I will be without an apartment because I just found out I would have to repeat a week ago. I am currently working on an appeal.

I want to pretend most days I’m not a worthless piece of garbage but I am. I am totally and completely worthless. I have nothing to offer and no one wants me. My only appeal to my current girlfriend was becoming a medical doctor.

I spent my whole first year being told I was pathetic socially and I was too dumb to be in medical school. Now I proved everyone right.

My credit score is going down because I have nothing money left I can’t even make minimum payments because I am wasting money on a girlfriend that wants to sleep with other men when I am not around. I am going back to a medical school that has all but given up on me.

I went through so much pain and racism and people who did worse for put ahead. But I’m a failure a complete and utter idiot.

I given up, I have no power to try and live a life, not to mention trying to save myself, everything is overwhelming, it's all too much.

For one full year I tried various meds with my psychiatrist and nothing worked, and I'm too self aware for therapy. Gave it all a try, it didn't work, and I have no power to try again (I'd crash out hearing again the 'how do you feel about this' type of questions).

I’m so lonely,socializing scares the shit out of me and drains me but it’s one of the only things that I enjoy at the same time. It feels impossible to make friends when you’re a 20-something loser who can’t keep a job because you’re so depressed. All I do now is play video games,watch YouTube and daydream about an afterlife that I don’t even really think exists. I just want to be able to actually have a group that I feel like I belong to. I’ve never felt comfortable around my family and I don’t think I ever will. No one wants to be friends with a lost cause and I wouldn’t want to either,but this shit just hurts too much.

I was diagnosed with severe depression today. My psychiatrist advised me to lean on my support network during this period, alongside taking antidepressants and making lifestyle changes.

The problem is that I kind of want to deal with this on my own. I don’t really want to tell my friends or family about my condition because I’m worried they’ll become overly concerned or start treating me differently. They also have their own problems and responsibilities, and I don’t want to add to their burden.

Is it possible to get through this mostly on your own? How do you learn to enjoy your own company and not feel so isolated? I’d really appreciate hearing from anyone who has been in a similar situation.

I have suffered depression my whole life. My mom was a drug addict and I had to see her every day get beat up by my alcoholic step father. My father is in jail for a gang murder. I grew up sooo poor junk crazy. I thought all I needed was money an to get rich. I work construction now and I make good money I just got $3200 commission check and got a $6500 check coming on Friday but instead of being happy which I was when money came to my account I later started feeling this annoying depression creeping up on me it’s like the money don’t anything . It comes in waves one minute I’m fine and next minute I’m in the darkest part of my life. I drink alcohol every day seems to be the only numbing thing I can use but ever since my dui they have me on probation and I’m feeling every single emotion possible and it sucks cause I can’t use drugs or alcohol to numb it like I usually do. What the heck is wrong with me 😔

Forgive me as english isnt my first language and I am writing this with my brain on overdrive and tears blurring my screen and staring at the river.

I have adhd and aspergers. I dont even know if I felt love ever at all.

My parents were physically and verbally abusive up until my teens.

To cope with it I put myself in harm's way as a kid/teen.

I am now 31 years old and work in a very isolated from the world type of career.

Ive never fit in as I didnt like to be touched.

All my exes cheated on me.

It was always a third party.

Ive never had close relationships. a 2 am friend.

I was always there for everybody. They had described me as a doormat. On their beck and call as I love helping people and hopefully in the end to be their friend.

I have lost my partner of 8 years. Broken up things with him as he has been cheating often and I forgave him all these years as I thought I couldn't find anyone better.

I tried making friends/dating but I get ghosted as I am too weird/strange of a person and socially unaware.

I believe I am doomed to live a life in where I am just backround noise.

The river seems so appealing. I just need a hand. I hope in my life it comes. For now the cold water seems inviting.

so...i don't know how to get out of this cycle...procrastination....i know that i have to put in work...practise to be good at something...but i just can't seem to just do it...i don't know what is wrong even before doing the work ..even before starting , at the back of my mind the feeling that i won't be succesful at it...that thought it just stops me from even starting, i know that i have to start,to begin but, even before doing that there is always this heavy feeling in my chest it just...makes me overwhelmed to the point where i spend hours crying and trying to get over that mental and emotional breakdown...it's like i know i need to start...and i do but my brain,my body they just won't cooperate.... or maybe I'm just lazy...even things i used to love don't excite me anymore...I'm even tired of listening to music ,youtube, reels ...nothing works...i just spent my day doing nothing ...just laying down on bed or ..just sitting on the porch.....what do i do? am i depressed?

Why don't suicidal people eventually come to this realisation? : r/SuicideWatch

I was a drug addict for almost 15-16 years, and I recently quitted drugs 2 months ago. However, I don’t feel good nowadays, I’m more tired, sleepy, got anger issues back, I get irritated every time. I’m dealing with depression right now! Nothing is going good, my job is not giving good results me for my hard-work. I don’t have anybody to talk to bout this.

I’m a 28 yrs old single male, I don’t have any girlfriend lol, and when I see guys younger than my age are enjoying their life to the fullest with their partner, I feel like “I used to enjoy a lot when I was in their age, and I didn’t care even if I was broken up with my girlfriend, I used to go for solo trips lol! Idk what’s happening with me!
But I’m losing my mind now, and idk what’s should I do lol!

i am extremely disabled from my mental illness. basically do nothing all day just sleep and exist. my parents said they are going to force me into a nursing home permanently. i am in my 20s, this is not how i expected life to be. feeling hopeless. what do i do

Whenever my social anxiety and depression gets really bad , and I feel like ending it all , i work and plan a sick solo trip to a beautiful valley in the mountains, because if I'm ending it all , i atleast want to experience the beauty of being there. It helps me keep going because that's something to look forward to.

I am just wondering if anyone else has experienced this and hopefully could offer some encouraging advice.

So a couple years ago I was doing very well on my antidepressants (pristiq with modafinil to help with the excess sleep). Then I got on birth control and things got worse but was still manageable. Changed my birth control and things got better but still not back to how it was before. Then I quit my job and things went downhill, not the least of which was I ended up losing my mounjaro that was controlling my diabetes for two months, causing my A1C to raise to like 8.4 or something. Then I got back on it after getting new insurance for like a month and then decided we were gonna try for a baby. So then I had to stop modafinil and mounjaro.

I'm now on just the pristiq and insulin for my diabetes and still unemployed. My depression has me at a basically almost non functional point. I find no pleasure in anything. I don't look forward to plans with friends, even though I enjoy the time I spend with them. I sleep all the time and when I get up early (aka a normal time), I end up getting tired a few hours later and pass out for another 5-10 hours. Doing chores is a monumental task that most times I can't actually accomplish and my self hygiene is deficient.

One thing I'm also curious about too is the fact that my emotional regulation is non existent. Like when I did well, I'd get upset, think what am I feeling? Why am I feeling that? Why does that make me feel this emotion? Oh this past thing explains why I feel that way about this. Ok I feel fine. But now... I sit there and think... I feel bad. I feel bad. I just don't feel good. I feel bad. Like my mind is running in circles and literally incapable of processing the emotion. At the same time clearly my introspection is still intact somehow because I'm thinking of all of this.

Anyway, I'm frustrated because I can't figure out the right medication that's safe to take while trying to conceive but my lack of emotional regulation and deep introspection is making it impossible to figure out exactly what my problem is so I don't know how to fix it and I feel out of control. Like I can't do anything to fix myself because things like diet and exercise are too difficult for me right now and the med situation feels like a giant guessing game. And I'm just hoping if I could figure out what's causing me to feel so freaking terrible, maybe my psychiatrist and I can have an easier path to the correct solution as far as meds. Cause idek if it's just things getting worse, or say modafinil was just really doing something for me and I need something that works the same way but is safe.

Anyway thanks for reading.

Edit just for a little context: 35 year old married female with PCOS, diabetes and chronic depression.

How can I escape my family when i feel too ugly to have confidence to apply for jobs? My mom loves to see me suffer and not accomplish anything in life. I can’t let her win but i also have nothing that can help me succeed in life. I’m stuck depending on her unless I force myself to learn how to make money online idk what else I can do at this point.

almost 4 am currently writing this i’m sorry if it gets long and i don’t expect anyone to see it. i’ve been struggling with being severely isolated and i have no friends i haven’t seen high school and even then they weren’t my friends i spend my days now on the internet mostly or i shuffle cards or play chess i like repetitive stuff i just found out something really bad happened and someone told me about it hours ago but i wasn’t as surprised as i thought i would be plus i knew it was gonna happen sooner or later from what i was doing. anyway i was groomed at 14-15 by 2 men nothing physically happened because it stopped basically as soon as it started but it led me to not have much contact with my dad who already didn’t talk to me much and that made me want any sort of attention so i went around and with multiple people and i showed nudes etc to get attention and because i have no friends and im alone and i know its bad to say you’re alone to people because they use it against you but idk what to do or who to talk to about any of it and when i do its all generic stuff and before the grooming too my mom would say i wouldnt get married or wouldnt even mention couples or marriage or anything of the sort to me so it pushed my further into what im doing im insecure even after i showed so many people myself and im not happy with myself even after they told me things that were to praise my body but i never wanted and dont want to be praised on body even when i show willingly its habits that never died because i got so used to it and so used to the attention now it stopped because the pictures are being passed around and im the one to blame for giving them in the first place. i have a lot of hate for myself i think thats why theres no self respect i talk to myself because no one else will talk to me about what’s going on with me im called crazy i go in hoodies in this summer and a bunch of other shit i’m doing i don’t even want to get married anymore or have attraction in that way i need friends and shit to do that’s beneficial to me and doesn’t tear me down and i’ve said it before and it never happens because from the social isolation i don’t know how to talk to people and they don’t like talking to me because of it like the conversations end quickly i’m not good with a lot and i have one specific dream now but i have to work on it to achieve it and i have to worry about my parents and what they’ll do because it requires me to leave

I just need a few pointers from people who had no will to do anything about their mental health yet something small or something that seemed insignificant ended up being helpful.

I’ll provide some details about what I’m going through for some background.

My business was impacted quite severely due to the current political situation and I had to come back to my home country as my work was completely halted. I stayed positive for the last 2.5 months. But now I’m not ok.
I liked my independence, security, money and freedom and suddenly I’ve lost all of it without any hope of getting it back anytime this year.

The first 2 months I was sure that it’s all temporary and I’ll go back by June and I kept myself busy. I’ve read at least 40 new books as I didn’t want to have a single free second to think about my future.

It’s not safe to go out and about in my hometown also there’s nothing to do except eating out when you do decide to go out. I miss just walking around and thinking about life, the peace, the autonomy I was used to for the last 2 years is gone without any reprieve.

The worst part is my business was in a completely different sector than my qualifications so I can’t even apply for jobs abroad as I’ve 2 years of gap in my resume if I go after the career I studied for and I’ve no educational background for the career I’ve immersed myself in the last 2.5 years. Also, I’m not getting a job in my hometown as that means toxic work culture and no payout because I know even if I get the best paying job it would be only 4% of the monthly profit I used to achieve in my business. That would only increase my downfall into depression.

I am a teen with diagnosed depression, and something I've noticed recently is I've been dissociating more, been more irritable and have been struggling with derealization. I was on an SSRI for about 2 months, but was forced to quit due to other medical reasons, and have yet to get back on any treatment. Does anyone have any sort of tips for getting out of these dissociation/derealization spells?

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Hi i really dont know what to do

I genuinely cant tell what is wrong with me. Ive delt with severe mental illness for years now as well as trauma and i see a therapist weekly although i am unable to see her this week. In march and april i was severly depressed so my room became disgusting its a studio apartment, its extremely bad like cups of pee and trash and mold and old water and cans and stuff. Ive been better but i still cant tackle the room because it piles up and up and up and its so gross. This is five months now i cant walk freely in my apartment.

The place i go for therapy knows about the mess but not how severe it is like trash up to my bed frame, brown mattress, especially the pee its so embarrasing i cant go in my bathroom because there was mold and tissue everywhere so i just closed the door. Fruit flies everywhere and flies. Barely any space to walk. I havent showered in five months. I wasnt leaving the house before but now i do because of therapy so i think i am less depressed but just very anxious its so disgusting and frustrating.

I dont know what to do with myself. Its even more gross being on my period in this space. I have a bag of throw up im trying to psyche myself up to throw out. Just a huge pile of garbage and like sweat in my mattress. I should be able to clean it but i cant. Its so gross. Like im rotting in here but i go on walks now and grocery shopping but three months ago i only opened the door for delivery driver for groceries. I should be able.

I'm 23 years old and I'm not entirely sure if I have depression since I can't get a diagnosis at the moment and I really struggle to feel affection towards my friends. I do think I could be depressed and that could be the reason since mostly this year I've been experiencing anhedonia. However, I also think that this could have started last year and I gradually started losing interesting in more things and feeling more of an emotional distant. I also think I got tired of feeling like I made more of the initiative to hang out with friends and when I did not they usually would sometimes send me tiktoks or interact through social media but not seem like they wanted to hang out with me last year. So, I am just thinking maybe it is part of me feeling like there's something missing, feeling like I've been hurt by the lack of consistency and presence from people, but depression probably made it worse. If someone has experiencied this, and the situation improved, I would appreciate if you shared your story, because it is very difficult to live like this and really not be able to relate to others.

(Just for clarification, I do get along very well with my friends and with some of them I have a lot in common and have shared personal things or problems but it just doesn't seem to be doing much and I remember years before I used to feel like after hanging out with one of my closest friends that I really appreciated him and feel thankful after we hung out, and now that does not happen anymore with anyone)