It's awful to see the effects climate change is having on their natural habitat. The Paul Street goth population has been completely devastated.
In my day, you couldn't move without bumping into a goth in head-to-toe black, carrying a skateboard and drinking a can of Monster. At any given moment, there would be at least twenty of them sitting on the bike rail outside Tesco, smoking rollies and communicating through obscure band lyrics.
Now, sightings are increasingly rare. Experts say they had migrated to dark corners of the peace park but now that's been destroyed, it was the final nail in the coffin for Cork cities goth population. Now it's feared they've been absorbed into the wider population sustaining themselves on depop.
Cork City Council really needs to begin urgent conservation efforts. Paul Street should be restored to its natural ecosystem, with additional shaded areas where goths can rest without overheating and a protected supply of eyeliner, studded belts and a dedicated piercing artists.
If this fails we must take it into our own hands and start a grassroots breeding programme and see if the habitat is still viable by introducing that one cousin who gives off school shooter vibes.
Future generations deserve to witness the Paul Street goth in the wild, chain smoking in the rain while insisting that nobody understands them.
