i felt compelled

It’s been so much trauma. Living in my car, going to jail, going to residential treatment in a different state, meeting my first love, getting pregnant, being forced to do adoption. Leaving the hospital I went out a different person. I’ve had a lot of hard things nothing compares. I cried all day for months. I had permanent bags under my eyes. Seeing her again she was like a stranger. There’s days where it’s fine others it’s not. It’s been 5 years. The grief is always there like her birthday not being on the family calendar. Or when people say to me oh is this your first when I’m out with my son. I didn’t survive losing her I am not that person anymore

I just came off my medication entirely about a month and a half ago, yet again. I had the worst manic episode I have ever had in my life and I genuinely can’t even believe that I survived. The hospital workers, like the nurses, and the psychiatrist saved my life by putting me back on proper medication and giving me the Haldol shot.

I am 33F and I have reached a point on this journey (I was diagnosed at 21) that I fully accept needing to take medication for the rest of my life and I’m completely ok with it because medication literally is the only thing that keeps me together, other than my support system and my learned coping mechanisms.

Don’t be like me and just take the damn meds. The doctors want to help us and a good amount of them actually care.

Just grateful for my life today. Keep it up, warriors.

To put it shortly, I may have missed a dose after 4 years going strong. My living situation has become a bit hectic all of a sudden, I had a really long work day on top of a summer of long work days, my partner wasn’t around to see if I had or not, and I didn’t want to accidentally double dose. I’ve now put in a reminder so I can check it off but this has never happened before. I got basically no sleep and have had weird hot/cold chills all night. I’m also stressed and have lost a night of sleep over stress before…

Has anyone accidentally missed one dose and it be fine? The internet says to stay calm it’ll probably be fine with some side effects but I’m really nervous I royally screwed up and my life is going to start falling apart. I took a sick day.

Hi! I have bipolar 1, and I've been diagnosed and medicated since I was 16 (I'm now 20).

I do still occasionally have manic, hypomanic, and depressive episodes, as well as some psychosis; however all of these are no more than once or twice a year. I've been in therapy and psychiatrist's offices since I was about 10 so | feel like I have a pretty good grasp of what makes me tick.

I want to be a mother more than absolutely anything.
Not right now because I feel like my husband and I are too young, but one day.

I'm in between staying on my birth control and getting my tubes removed because I don't know if I'm able to be a good mother with my mental illness. I want to be a great mom and raise healthy, well rounded adults and I guess I'm just wondering if this is even possible for me to achieve???

I'm willing to do whatever it takes, with that being said if I feel after some time that I cannot be a responsible and emotionally healthy parent, I will proceed with getting my tubes removed.

If anyone has experience with being the child of a bipolar parent, or being a mother or father with bipolar I'd love to hear your opinions and advice :)

Hey! I was prescribed Olanzapine 5mg for my current manic episode I’m dealing with. I took my first dose at 1:30am. Quite late at night I know. The drowsiness caused me to sleep in until 3pm. I completely missed all l of my alarms. I usually wake up at 10am. I had something to eat and since then I’ve just been sleepy and so drowsy. I then slept again by accident with the TV on until now which is currently 7pm?!

Is this normal for the first dose? Will this eventually die out? I’m so worried because I have work tomorrow and I need to be awake for 8am. I’m still feeling so drowsy and weak, zombie like.

Hi everybody!

Having a mood disorder makes a lot of our lives harder than most. Prioritizing important stuff over all of it. Meanwhile at the same time it can be overwhelming looking at the mess.

But...

Let's break it down into easier more manageable ways. What works for one won't always work for the next. Make this plan according to your energy.

REMEMBER WE ARE AIMING FOR BETTER NOT PERFECT!!

1. Timers

This was a huge help when I started to climb out of the hole I put myself in. I knew I only needed to keep going until that timer went off. Sometimes you get into the momentum and keep going beyond that timer. If so, thats great! If not, lets try again in a hour or two.. or tomorrow.

1. Categories

Just tackle a few thing. Trash first, dishes second, and then laundry. Put those items where they belong, not away.. just inside that room. Our focus is one area at a time like the living room and when you're finished with those items stop or move on. Totally up to you!

1. Motivation

We all know this is probably one of the most diffcult obstacles with bipolar.. getting or staying motivated. Once I was able to muster up motivation and energy I became unstoppable and this where I saw the most progress. My secret is... YouTube. Watching other people clean and break down areas was a huge help. It motivated me to clean my house and I wanted to. I watch real life cleaning videos. Not those pristine houses that "influencers" have, but of real life homes that look like ours.

1. Prioritizing cleaning tasks

Aside from what is done daily, what would help you feel better in your space? Is that a clean coffee table or maybe its a clear staircase because the mail has been sitting there for three months. This will look different for everyone.

1. Housecleaning help

If you are able to spend it.. use it! There are a lot of local cleaning businesses that want to help you with no judgements. These services are generally cheaper than you think. Staying on a maintenance clean will help with those deep cleaning spots that need to be done. The ones you hate.. cleaning out the oven, pulling appliances out and cleaning under and on the side. Cleaning under the couch cushions and under the couch as well. Maybe you just need some help with weekly cleaning tasks. Use this as a resource and not a "I never have to clean now". No you still do lol

And don't forget...

We want BETTER not perfect. We aren't deep cleaning or organizing. If you feel up to.. do it. If not, no worries. Maybe another day, week, or month.

I hope this helps you! Add other tips and tricks in the comments to help others 👇🏼

I feel like my brain’s baseline is so fucked up - it’s hard to just enjoy normal life stuff and accept a regular way of living. It’s absolutely killing me. Whenever life starts feeling too normal I have to fight the urge to jump on a plane and do a full life reset. During some of my manic/hypomanic phases, I genuinely had some incredible experiences and everything just starts feeling pretty bleak in comparison. Now it feels like I need a ton of stimulation and adrenaline to actually feel satisfied. I hate that I know how great I “can” feel.

Mostly need to rant but advice is welcome.

So my anti psychotic was increased a couple of days ago and then further increased today. It's being used to treat psychotic symptoms in the form of delusions, which I do not believe are delusions no matter how many times my psychiatrist and loved ones have said it.

To make it brief it involves being warned that my chest is rotting and that some sort of tragedy is coming through the music of Ethel Cain. And furthermore that it is from the fictional character the songs are about rather than the artist behind the character, Hayden. I believe there is an alternate reality where Ethel Cain exists and is sending me messages.

Now it is as though those thoughts have had their volume reduced, like going from screaming to talking. It feels good in the sense that I am no longer spending all my free time, as well as time at work, trying to decode meanings and lyrics. The issue is that I feel like my ability to decode these messages which I still believe are out there for me to discover, has been reduced. And I am becoming worried I will miss something important due to my meds interfering that will have consequences later on. I feel like I see the world with less clarity now

Hi there, I’m 36m, and I was diagnosed with bipolar 2 and generalized anxiety disorder about 8 years ago and was trying my best to keep it in check and manage my health. Around 2020 with Covid and an earthquake that happened in my area I had to move, lost my job, and lost contact with my NP that was helping me. So at that time I ran out of meds and couldn’t really find a new doctor (because of no insurance). So I tried a natural approach. Needless to say it didn’t help.

During the past 6 years I’ve had some major ups and downs, and I’m pretty sure I’ve shifted into bipolar 1 (no formal diagnoses yet) as I noticed I had a major manic episode when visiting Las Vegas. I finally got a somewhat stable job and have decent insurance now.

This past week I met with a spiritual advisor (who happens to be a psychologist) and he referred me to a local NP that might be able to help get me on new meds and even out my moods. Only problem is the appointment is 2 weeks out.

I say I feel punished because I disclosed to my immediate supervisor my bipolar disorder, and explained that I would be adjusting to medication. Since then the leadership at work has been kind of distant short with any requests or questions. Coworkers have been less than helpful and I’ve even had jabs at my mental health.

I just wanted to feel better and I feel stupid for disclosing. Maybe I can get some intermittent fmla and refocus on myself while getting my meds figured out.

Does anyone have advice for navigating bipolar in the workplace? I feel like I’m losing myself and on the edge of losing control of everything.

This is hurting me so bad. The mood swings. I’m down or I’m up no in-between. But does anyone else feel like they constantly have to make themselves “up” to appease those around you? Or just meet everyday responsibilities?

Of course I’m sure. I’m struggling guys. Brief, but my experience with this didn’t really start until late teens/early 20s. I come from a Christian Science background. If you know you know…. It was never acknowledged and actually was very rejected by my mother or anyone when I tried to voice what was happening. So what do we do? Cope. At least try. I coped in all the wrong ways of course.

I leveled out by 27. I thought. I had a baby. Health issues. But then I had another baby, too fast. Love them both, but it’s been a lot. My mental health took a downward turn. Nothing scary, just down. Down down down.

I find myself in depression often. I love my kids. This is all I ever wanted. But fuckX maybe it’s the world, multiple issues problems… but I feel disconnected from myself totally.

It’s hard. Not knowing how I’ll think or feel. Feeling ashamed of anything I say or do, regretting it, then doing it again instantly.

I find I am drawn to people with this, unknowingly. It’s not a shock most of my friends are bipolar or adhd or depressive.

I just have to get right. As in I’d love to be off all medications. 💊 that seems silly as I try and it slaps me in the face. At least I can start with some. Idk if anyone else can relate but also having adhd (and suspected autism) I think the meds are hurting more than helping.

That’s just me though. I work in special education actually. Why, because they are some of the only people I feel genuinely okay around. I love my clients and students. I feel for them. I relate.

It started back in November and lasted for a few months.

Typing this right now makes me feel a heaviness in my chest. But long story short, during my manic episode I was posting at least 40 Snapchat stories a day; posting literally everything that came to mind. And this went on for months

Friends from secondary school, friends from my workplace, friends from my university—they all saw my fucking antics.

I thought I was being funny, but I looked like a fucking ass to everyone. And that version of me way back in November is the complete opposite of what I am when I’m “stable”, so that’s more salt in the wound. My peers now think of me as an ass.

Will it ever get better? I grimace at the thought of that shit. I physically recoil.

Soooo normally I am a well-kept person but since some time I have really trouble to maintain hygiene. I even put away lotions etc and I just apply sunscreen. Hair washing? Disaster. Going to the shower? Takes me ages to mentally prepare even tho afterwards I feel great.

Idk if it's me self-sabotaging myself or what I just cannot bring myself to it.

I take my meds religiously so I dont know what's wrong.

I dont feel my parents can help me. With my therapist I dont see any progress in myself with the many sessions we've probaby my fault.

My fridge smells terrible because of a mistake I made. I dont enjoy class anymore and have to drag myself to college.

I've been addicted to graphic content for ages. I was going to go to an EMDR therapist but I never got round to a proper session. I'm bipolar with ADHD and very likely autism.

I struggle with boundaries and goals. My mental health continues to deteriorate.

I'm starting to realize I'm just stuck like this.

I wish I didn't have to deal with any of this anymore.

Hi! I was recently diagnosed after receiving an ADHD diagnosis years ago (and now being told that was a misdiagnosis). My doctor is changing up my meds (currently on Vraylar and starting Gabapentin + Lithium) and I have no idea what to expect.

I guess I'm just looking for general advice/tips for making life easier. I'm constantly so irritable and anxious, I have no motivation to do anything, and every little thing sets me off.

Any support is appreciated :)

Hello all! Decided to make this post because i’m curious if anyone else’s meds make it hard to get aroused.

I’m currently on 1200mg of Oxcarbazepine / 200mg Lamotrigine a day. I take Hydroyxcine for my anxiety/insomnia as needed.

It’s not much of a problem for me or my husband. If anything, it’s given me room to focus on other things like working out and jewelry making.

This isn’t a post to be nosey , just genuinely curious

My bf is in a cult called IDMR. We've been together for five months. This is my soulmate. I won't talk to my guy friend anymore because he and I used to like each other well over a year ago now we're best friends. My bf doesn't mind I just feel like I'm cheating on him because I wouldn't like him doing the same and I just want to be a good gf.

With him, he has kept pressuring me to join his classes or at least attend but I tell him I don't want to. But everything time I talk about my spirituality he brings up his classes saying "I thought you were coming to my classes?"

Since then, I'm psychotic, I hear voices calling me a list, cheater and I don't deserve to be here because I'm a cheater....it's heavily distressing me. What should I do???? Please.

it’s currently 2am and i’m wondering if anyone else can relate to my experience. for context i (f23) have been stable for 5 years since being diagnosed and medicated. i haven’t been fully manic or depressed since 2021 which i know im so grateful for.
the thing is there will be times where im not necessarily manic but im not what i would consider ‘normal’.
tonight, for instance, i had a stressful shift at work (i work with young people in residential housing) and im finding it hard to wind down. its strange because i was feeling slightly this way last night but was able to take a melatonin got to sleep. tonight… well i took a melatonin a few hours ago now.
i find it so hard to describe these feelings to my therapist or psychiatrist. i dont want to label it as manic, because its not, so i usually say mini mania. other times this happens are when i am up submitting an assignment late or something triggering happens. luckily its a rare occurrence but its still so confusing. other than insomnia, my other symptoms include impulse buying clothes at night, racing thoughts, jittery, more talkative, alert, keep finding things to do other than sleep etc.
for further context i got diagnosed with adhd a couple of weeks ago too. though the doctor did say it was mild and the inattentive type so i dont think im hyperactive or anything?
if anyone has any thoughts or similar experiences, please share! i would really appreciate it :)

I did a very good job at managing my bipolar symptoms- then some life changes happened and I feel lost a stranded going through symptoms again- I hit a crisis point last night and I still feel sad, anxious and completely off (depressed)what should I do? What steps do I need to take? How can I help my partner know what to do?

I’m trying to survive work for the next 7 hours but what can I do- thank you!

So I've bee diognesed for a few years now alongside autism and adhd and it's just been a fucking wreck so far.

I've ruined every romantic relationship I pushed alot of friends away when I was in a depressive state because I would just ignore everyone I would have no energy to reply let alone even think about having some shitty conversation about nothing.

Past 2 months or so I can legit feel myself getting worse my sleep is fucked I have no appetite and won't eat for upwards of a week sometimes more.

I'm getting pissed of at everything and I fear I'm going to lash out on someone I just feel this empty feeling swirling inside me intertwined with all my pent up anger and it's driving me to insanity

I have no energy for anything it's just complete apathy and when I do feel something other than that well it's just pure fucking anger

I genuinely don't understand how people can be stable with this condition and make it to a good age that sounds absurd to me?

I'm not even 27 yet but fuck the idea of having to just deal with this my entire life is quiet dier indeed I don't even think I'm making it that far If I'm being honest

I'm not even angry or upset anymore I'm just done trying to figure this condition out nothing I do makes any fucking sense anymore, I'm just floating about spectating life as it goes by and I've got no ticket to participate in this life it seems like

Sorry for the rant

Has anyone else ever lost a lot of weight? I’ve lost a ton of weight and it’s not typical for me at all, I was just wondering if this is something anyone else has had as a symptom. I’m pretty sure the cause of it is literally just not wanting to deal with preparing food / tired

My medication has caused a bit of emotional blunting which I was incredibly grateful for initially. I wasn’t so affected by everything in life. However, now that my relationship is on the rocks to the point I am contemplating ending my engagement, I am not so grateful. I can’t feel/gauge the severity of the situation accurately as my reaction has been so mild. I want to feel as upset as I feel I should be but I can’t. It’s confusing and frustrating right now. Has anyone felt with emotional blunting clouding judgement before? Any advice is appreciated.

I ran out and need to get back on them asap im so so relieved that I can buy them tomorrow. I no longer have insurance so they went up $30 and that has had me spiraling. Im also going to call someone about insurance!!!

I’m 41. Two kids and a husband. Amazing kids that deserve a better mother. I love them and my world revolves around them but the way my husband and I fight- they don’t deserve or need to hear. I feel like my husband pushes me to make me go overboard. If he’s so mentally sane then he should know how to treat me and talk to me. He called me a piece of shit tonight because I don’t want to go on the family vacation tomorrow. He spent a ton of our vacation money today and I flipped. I went off the chain. But I’m a piece of shit. The kids though. They have to live with this. We have to be separated for a year before filing for divorce. In the meantime, I am going to get therapy for me and my
Kids. I had a bad childhood and I know it scares them. I hate myself. I should have given birth and let someone sane raise them. I know they love me but when it’s all said and done, I shouldn’t be here.