It’s been so much trauma. Living in my car, going to jail, going to residential treatment in a different state, meeting my first love, getting pregnant, being forced to do adoption. Leaving the hospital I went out a different person. I’ve had a lot of hard things nothing compares. I cried all day for months. I had permanent bags under my eyes. Seeing her again she was like a stranger. There’s days where it’s fine others it’s not. It’s been 5 years. The grief is always there like her birthday not being on the family calendar. Or when people say to me oh is this your first when I’m out with my son. I didn’t survive losing her I am not that person anymore

I was enrolled in my state's workforce program to try and find a job that would accommodate my disabilities. They had me do a psych eval to start the process. Everything looked good on paper. All my scores came back above average except one. The only thing that messed me up was that they officially added psychotic features to my dx.

My case manager met with me today to review the evaluation. He immediately jumped right into recommending I apply for disability. He gave me credit for being compliant with medication, going to therapy, and pursuing job placement, but ultimately he thinks I'm not stable enough to enter the workforce full time due to my hallucinations. He offered a few options but they weren't really anything that could lead to financial independence, insurance, or to a career. We decided to close the case and I'll try to apply for disability.

I feel so angry and lost. On one hand, I see that I have potential and that I am intelligent, but it is all for nothing. I feel betrayed by my mind. I've done everything I can to improve my situation. I have a mental disability and a physical disability, and I can't seem to get out of this situation I'm in. My personal life is chaos, and my relationship with my partner is failing and borderline abusive. This was my last hope.

I have to hope that I'll find another path out. I'll keep trying to find a good med combo and work on my physical health. This fucking sucks.

Ive bene having some very light hypomanic episodes, but i miss so much the heavier ones, i even thought of shopping medications. I grieve It, i miss It with all of me. I even miss the worst parte such as paranoia and having Little tò no sleep for days. I dont know what to do, Is this normal?

I just came off my medication entirely about a month and a half ago, yet again. I had the worst manic episode I have ever had in my life and I genuinely can’t even believe that I survived. The hospital workers, like the nurses, and the psychiatrist saved my life by putting me back on proper medication and giving me the Haldol shot.

I am 33F and I have reached a point on this journey (I was diagnosed at 21) that I fully accept needing to take medication for the rest of my life and I’m completely ok with it because medication literally is the only thing that keeps me together, other than my support system and my learned coping mechanisms.

Don’t be like me and just take the damn meds. The doctors want to help us and a good amount of them actually care.

Just grateful for my life today. Keep it up, warriors.

Really sucks - no matter what job I have - retail jobs, corporate jobs, sales jobs, driving jobs - erratic emotions just do not allow any emotional stability, emotional calmness to be a reliable worker, someone to be trusted, someone to be counted on. Hence, can never get ahead in any job, always at entry level. So damm frustrating.

Say hypothetically someone has hypomania for an extended period of time (let’s say a few months) and they never experience any depressive episodes, what would this be categorized as? BP 1? BP 2? Would this just be considered mania? Like, the person is able to function socially and is able to go to work still, but everything their mind is constantly racing, always talking a mile a minute, believes they’re superior, and gets four hours of sleep every night. Since they are able to still function in guessing this would be considered hypomania, but without depressive episodes this wouldn’t be BP 2. So, BP1?

I was diagnosed with Bipolar 1 just over 5 years ago after a horrible manic episode at 47. Looking back at my life I wouldn’t say I showed major signs of bipolar and went many, many years with absolutely no symptoms at all.
Anyways, my husband had an affair with someone 20 years younger than him and is blaming my bipolar. Attacking me at every opportunity. I have been stable and medicated for 4yrs. He said to me last night- Go take your yogurt and your medication, go to sleep. Rinse and repeat. It’s the sign of insanity!
I work full time
He’s become my worse nightmare. Telling me all the time I’m not fit to be around kids (16,16,18). Meanwhile while he was having affair he was out of house from 8am-9pm every day.
He says he’s moving out but I don’t believe him.
He was so supportive before this affair.
Why is he behaving like this and bringing up my bipolar at every opportunity? Telling me I’m crazy all the time!!

i felt compelled

Mostly need to rant but advice is welcome.

So my anti psychotic was increased a couple of days ago and then further increased today. It's being used to treat psychotic symptoms in the form of delusions, which I do not believe are delusions no matter how many times my psychiatrist and loved ones have said it.

To make it brief it involves being warned that my chest is rotting and that some sort of tragedy is coming through the music of Ethel Cain. And furthermore that it is from the fictional character the songs are about rather than the artist behind the character, Hayden. I believe there is an alternate reality where Ethel Cain exists and is sending me messages.

Now it is as though those thoughts have had their volume reduced, like going from screaming to talking. It feels good in the sense that I am no longer spending all my free time, as well as time at work, trying to decode meanings and lyrics. The issue is that I feel like my ability to decode these messages which I still believe are out there for me to discover, has been reduced. And I am becoming worried I will miss something important due to my meds interfering that will have consequences later on. I feel like I see the world with less clarity now

Does anyone else deal with feeling heavy when the bipolar depression hits? Yesterday my manic episode ended and hit with depression. It felt like a flip of a switch, it started with a headache and then my arms and legs started to feel so heavy. Was wondering if anyone else deals with this when a depressive episode hits.

don't think it's like psychosis or anything but almost a similar vibe. like lacroix... like the memes about lacroix.... idk if people still make those memes. things have unhooked themselves a bit and flown around my head like butterflies. I am trying to stay grounded here, I can do that. but I want to explain things in the poetic way they happen in my mind.

I can't talk to people. it is hard to go outside. people's gazes seem to hurt me. I got scared my neighbour was trying to flirt with me so now I changed my schedule completely so we never run into each other and I have been ignoring his texts. other people too. my friends. because I can't talk to people, I feel their eyes all over me and I can't interface with the real world the same way right now. it feels like there are small people or spirits around me who move out of my line of sight when I turn my head. I can't see them because they move out of the way, but I sense them there in some way.

I am so sad and I can't focus. I sleep so much. I am so hungry. I want to hybernate. I can't focus on anything. I am not handing in assignments for my classes and I have an exam tommorow I can't get myself to study for. I'm in this hopeless haze where I think nothing is ever going to change and I'm too tired to do anything about that or anything don't worry I guess. but I'm so tired. and I wish I could even at least relate to or talk to the people around me but that doesn't seem to structure right in my head anymore.

It’s different than my usual. I’m sleeping a ton, but also waking up every hour. I feel heavy from the second I open my eyes but can get what I need to get done, just slowly. I can’t cry. I just feel like someone turned everything off. Like I’m not really sure what the point of anything is and it’s starting to feel like a dumb simulation. But I just float along and look forward to the next time I can sleep.

To put it shortly, I may have missed a dose after 4 years going strong. My living situation has become a bit hectic all of a sudden, I had a really long work day on top of a summer of long work days, my partner wasn’t around to see if I had or not, and I didn’t want to accidentally double dose. I’ve now put in a reminder so I can check it off but this has never happened before. I got basically no sleep and have had weird hot/cold chills all night. I’m also stressed and have lost a night of sleep over stress before…

Has anyone accidentally missed one dose and it be fine? The internet says to stay calm it’ll probably be fine with some side effects but I’m really nervous I royally screwed up and my life is going to start falling apart. I took a sick day.

I dont feel my parents can help me. With my therapist I dont see any progress in myself with the many sessions we've probaby my fault.

My fridge smells terrible because of a mistake I made. I dont enjoy class anymore and have to drag myself to college.

I've been addicted to graphic content for ages. I was going to go to an EMDR therapist but I never got round to a proper session. I'm bipolar with ADHD and very likely autism.

I struggle with boundaries and goals. My mental health continues to deteriorate.

I'm starting to realize I'm just stuck like this.

I wish I didn't have to deal with any of this anymore.

I sleep almost all day. I work at night; not all night, just until 1. I can understand sleeping until maybe 11 am or something to catch up, but I’m waking up and then going back to sleep at 2 until I have to leave for work again.

I think it’s a little depression and a little boredom.

when I tried to talk to my psych about it, he recommended I do a sleep study (expensive), and didn’t seem to be concerned about depression, but I am. He’s hesitant to change my meds.

Is it a symptom of my meds? Is it depression? has anyone had this sleeping problem before? Thank you.

I was a confident, bubbly, silly woman during 30 years and then had a very intense mixed episode including psychosis, it’s been a month since I am out and although I feel better w meds and therapy. I get the ick everytime I think about my episode I literally have to color, make a puzzle or do crafty things to take my mind somewhere else… how long did you guys take in order to move on? What changes helped the most? Diet? Exercise? Hobbies? TIA

Hi there, I’m 36m, and I was diagnosed with bipolar 2 and generalized anxiety disorder about 8 years ago and was trying my best to keep it in check and manage my health. Around 2020 with Covid and an earthquake that happened in my area I had to move, lost my job, and lost contact with my NP that was helping me. So at that time I ran out of meds and couldn’t really find a new doctor (because of no insurance). So I tried a natural approach. Needless to say it didn’t help.

During the past 6 years I’ve had some major ups and downs, and I’m pretty sure I’ve shifted into bipolar 1 (no formal diagnoses yet) as I noticed I had a major manic episode when visiting Las Vegas. I finally got a somewhat stable job and have decent insurance now.

This past week I met with a spiritual advisor (who happens to be a psychologist) and he referred me to a local NP that might be able to help get me on new meds and even out my moods. Only problem is the appointment is 2 weeks out.

I say I feel punished because I disclosed to my immediate supervisor my bipolar disorder, and explained that I would be adjusting to medication. Since then the leadership at work has been kind of distant short with any requests or questions. Coworkers have been less than helpful and I’ve even had jabs at my mental health.

I just wanted to feel better and I feel stupid for disclosing. Maybe I can get some intermittent fmla and refocus on myself while getting my meds figured out.

Does anyone have advice for navigating bipolar in the workplace? I feel like I’m losing myself and on the edge of losing control of everything.

Today my psych recommended that I stop my Geodon abruptly without tapering and start caplyta. I take 20mg in the morning and 40mg at night. How bad will the withdrawal be? I’m nervous. I voiced my concerns and she assured me I won’t feel any negative effects but I’m not convinced. TIA!

Has anyone else ever lost a lot of weight? I’ve lost a ton of weight and it’s not typical for me at all, I was just wondering if this is something anyone else has had as a symptom. I’m pretty sure the cause of it is literally just not wanting to deal with preparing food / tired

I feel like my brain’s baseline is so fucked up - it’s hard to just enjoy normal life stuff and accept a regular way of living. It’s absolutely killing me. Whenever life starts feeling too normal I have to fight the urge to jump on a plane and do a full life reset. During some of my manic/hypomanic phases, I genuinely had some incredible experiences and everything just starts feeling pretty bleak in comparison. Now it feels like I need a ton of stimulation and adrenaline to actually feel satisfied. I hate that I know how great I “can” feel.

Hi everybody!

Having a mood disorder makes a lot of our lives harder than most. Prioritizing important stuff over all of it. Meanwhile at the same time it can be overwhelming looking at the mess.

But...

Let's break it down into easier more manageable ways. What works for one won't always work for the next. Make this plan according to your energy.

REMEMBER WE ARE AIMING FOR BETTER NOT PERFECT!!

1. Timers

This was a huge help when I started to climb out of the hole I put myself in. I knew I only needed to keep going until that timer went off. Sometimes you get into the momentum and keep going beyond that timer. If so, thats great! If not, lets try again in a hour or two.. or tomorrow.

1. Categories

Just tackle a few thing. Trash first, dishes second, and then laundry. Put those items where they belong, not away.. just inside that room. Our focus is one area at a time like the living room and when you're finished with those items stop or move on. Totally up to you!

1. Motivation

We all know this is probably one of the most diffcult obstacles with bipolar.. getting or staying motivated. Once I was able to muster up motivation and energy I became unstoppable and this where I saw the most progress. My secret is... YouTube. Watching other people clean and break down areas was a huge help. It motivated me to clean my house and I wanted to. I watch real life cleaning videos. Not those pristine houses that "influencers" have, but of real life homes that look like ours.

1. Prioritizing cleaning tasks

Aside from what is done daily, what would help you feel better in your space? Is that a clean coffee table or maybe its a clear staircase because the mail has been sitting there for three months. This will look different for everyone.

1. Housecleaning help

If you are able to spend it.. use it! There are a lot of local cleaning businesses that want to help you with no judgements. These services are generally cheaper than you think. Staying on a maintenance clean will help with those deep cleaning spots that need to be done. The ones you hate.. cleaning out the oven, pulling appliances out and cleaning under and on the side. Cleaning under the couch cushions and under the couch as well. Maybe you just need some help with weekly cleaning tasks. Use this as a resource and not a "I never have to clean now". No you still do lol

And don't forget...

We want BETTER not perfect. We aren't deep cleaning or organizing. If you feel up to.. do it. If not, no worries. Maybe another day, week, or month.

I hope this helps you! Add other tips and tricks in the comments to help others 👇🏼

it’s currently 2am and i’m wondering if anyone else can relate to my experience. for context i (f23) have been stable for 5 years since being diagnosed and medicated. i haven’t been fully manic or depressed since 2021 which i know im so grateful for.
the thing is there will be times where im not necessarily manic but im not what i would consider ‘normal’.
tonight, for instance, i had a stressful shift at work (i work with young people in residential housing) and im finding it hard to wind down. its strange because i was feeling slightly this way last night but was able to take a melatonin got to sleep. tonight… well i took a melatonin a few hours ago now.
i find it so hard to describe these feelings to my therapist or psychiatrist. i dont want to label it as manic, because its not, so i usually say mini mania. other times this happens are when i am up submitting an assignment late or something triggering happens. luckily its a rare occurrence but its still so confusing. other than insomnia, my other symptoms include impulse buying clothes at night, racing thoughts, jittery, more talkative, alert, keep finding things to do other than sleep etc.
for further context i got diagnosed with adhd a couple of weeks ago too. though the doctor did say it was mild and the inattentive type so i dont think im hyperactive or anything?
if anyone has any thoughts or similar experiences, please share! i would really appreciate it :)

Hi! I was recently diagnosed after receiving an ADHD diagnosis years ago (and now being told that was a misdiagnosis). My doctor is changing up my meds (currently on Vraylar and starting Gabapentin + Lithium) and I have no idea what to expect.

I guess I'm just looking for general advice/tips for making life easier. I'm constantly so irritable and anxious, I have no motivation to do anything, and every little thing sets me off.

Any support is appreciated :)

Hello all! Decided to make this post because i’m curious if anyone else’s meds make it hard to get aroused.

I’m currently on 1200mg of Oxcarbazepine / 200mg Lamotrigine a day. I take Hydroyxcine for my anxiety/insomnia as needed.

It’s not much of a problem for me or my husband. If anything, it’s given me room to focus on other things like working out and jewelry making.

This isn’t a post to be nosey , just genuinely curious

My bf is in a cult called IDMR. We've been together for five months. This is my soulmate. I won't talk to my guy friend anymore because he and I used to like each other well over a year ago now we're best friends. My bf doesn't mind I just feel like I'm cheating on him because I wouldn't like him doing the same and I just want to be a good gf.

With him, he has kept pressuring me to join his classes or at least attend but I tell him I don't want to. But everything time I talk about my spirituality he brings up his classes saying "I thought you were coming to my classes?"

Since then, I'm psychotic, I hear voices calling me a list, cheater and I don't deserve to be here because I'm a cheater....it's heavily distressing me. What should I do???? Please.