Hi all. I've been exploring my gender identity for a little while now. I've known for the longest time that I was different in some way, but could never quite... Explain it. For reference, I'm a 38 yo male. I've always had this desire to be feminine. I always thought maybe it was just a sexual thing, a kink, that I was a crossdresser to get my rocks off... And that was all. However, I started openly dressing femininely a while back, and it's funny... It's like I gained a piece of me that I was always missing. Any kind of "sexual" outlets involving it have basically dissolved and I dress femininely and go out openly. I feel like this is who I am inside, and it feels really good.

This, of course, has also made me question whether I'm Transgender or not. I mean, if you look at the "Trans" umbrella, of course it is sort of a huge encompassing label, involving many identities. However, as much as I love this other side of myself, I don't really necessarily want to abandon my entire masculine-aligned self, and tear down everything that I've built as I am. I'm married, with a kid, and the thought of that completely disappearing and transitioning to someone who identifies as a female, as awesome as that sounds, is also kind of scary, because I don't know like I said given everything that I've mentioned. It could be possible that I have more than one gender identity. I also see all these GORGEOUS trans ladies who have transitioned and look absolutely stunning and I sometimes think, "god, I wish I could look like that!"

This other side of me, my feminine-aligned nonbinary/transfem side, and my masculine gender identity. I like to call my other side "Brianne" since it is the female version of my name.

I feel like many Trans folks, who feel deeply about the fact that they are the opposite gender, seems to be very prevalent. But, then again, all people are different and this is my own journey.

Could it be possible that I'm bigender?

So I was in the bath and had an epiphany that does me no good but made me smile. It shouldn't have but I couldn't not share it.

I got a job as security at a hospital and was told I'd get one role but then found out the hospital is being relocated and the role I'm logged as is apart of that new area. So.... i got placed in the mental heath ward!!! The last place anyone wanted to hang out got 12 hours a day 4 days a week.

They also have the shifts made up 2 days and 2 nights and then 4 days off before repeating which is killing me slowly. My poor brain can't tell what day of the week it is anymore.

But while in the bath I was reminiscing about how they were forming (forcing into hospital custody care) someone homicidal...

And the place is already full of people who generally don't wana be there, but let's just spread a little person who wants to kill others into the mix. Why not.

My brain in the bath want to that meme of the factory and the cats going to the *blank* factory. And I realized I'm the cat going "well i hope it's not crazy at work today" *works at the crazy factory*

And I just couldn't not laugh a little to myself.