r/TwoSentenceComedy • u/Ripcord2 • 7h ago
I went to Disneyland but I don't remember it. I think somebody slipped me a Mickey at the snack bar.
15
Upvotes
r/TwoSentenceComedy • u/Marktesla_76 • 1h ago
Walked into an army recruitment center
•
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Recruited three of them
r/TwoSentenceComedy • u/Riddle-Maker • 7h ago
Whenever there's an issue at the sewage treatment plant, management is pretty fair to everyone.
3
Upvotes
They really believe in doo process
r/TwoSentenceComedy • u/Marktesla_76 • 7h ago
What's it called when someone throws diaries to your head from above?
0
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Shower thoughts
r/TwoSentenceComedy • u/Riddle-Maker • 1d ago
My pawnshop went out of business.
67
Upvotes
Seems most people want the full chess set
r/TwoSentenceComedy • u/mirabellaproperties • 1d ago
My wife asked me to put ketchup on the shopping list.
36
Upvotes
Now I can't read anything.
r/TwoSentenceComedy • u/Marktesla_76 • 23h ago
"Do you think Bowie was a good musician?"
2
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"Yes, he was alright, though his song went on forever and he was awful nice"
r/TwoSentenceComedy • u/Marktesla_76 • 1d ago
A man asking an English teacher to marry him
19
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Response is: "I don't know, can you?"
r/TwoSentenceComedy • u/Marktesla_76 • 1d ago
"I'm not cut out for this"
6
Upvotes
"Well, then, grab the scissors"
r/TwoSentenceComedy • u/Marktesla_76 • 21h ago
How do you call a woman with a PhD?
0
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A doctor
r/TwoSentenceComedy • u/Outside_Normal • 2d ago
"What's a common, everyday thing where we see it as a solid, a liquid and a gas?"
163
Upvotes
"OK, while 'poop' is technically correct, the answer I was looking for was 'water'."
r/TwoSentenceComedy • u/Ripcord2 • 2d ago
Every time I watch a heavyweight boxing championship, one of my friends says "I'd let him beat me up for ten million dollars." As if anybody is going to pay ten million dollars to watch an insurance salesman get punched in the face and start crying.
29
Upvotes
r/TwoSentenceComedy • u/Riddle-Maker • 2d ago
I resolved to never come to a gun fight unprepared again.
13
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"No more Mr. Knife Guy!"
r/TwoSentenceComedy • u/Marktesla_76 • 1d ago
"Finally, I'll fend off against the most powerful of the Jedi's, the one and only-"
0
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*Sounds of Jedi turning on the lightsaber on the wrong direction*
r/TwoSentenceComedy • u/Single_Examination_4 • 2d ago
The pencil was a cosmetic miracle: the patient could be given a new, improved beauty simply by sketching them that way.
58
Upvotes
Its inventor's four-year-old daughter was possibly a poor choice of arist.
r/TwoSentenceComedy • u/Marktesla_76 • 1d ago
I'm gonna give you my love, I'm gonna give you my love, a whole lotta love
0
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About five pounds, sliced
r/TwoSentenceComedy • u/Marktesla_76 • 2d ago
"Oh, fuck, I think I've left the stove on..."
5
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He was met with condescending looks by the rest of his family, while they were rushing to evacuate from Chernobyl, in 1986.
r/TwoSentenceComedy • u/Marktesla_76 • 3d ago
I did a complete 360° when I realized I had been slacking in Math Class
62
Upvotes
r/TwoSentenceComedy • u/Marktesla_76 • 2d ago
If the enemy won't back down, neither will we
3
Upvotes
If the enemy backs down, so will be
r/TwoSentenceComedy • u/CrashCrysis07 • 3d ago
For a fee of a limestone chunk, and 2 friends you can join.
4
Upvotes
Damn pyramid schemes.
r/TwoSentenceComedy • u/Marktesla_76 • 2d ago
"It's certainly a beautiful goal, with that curve that makes it impossible for the keeper to try a save...
1
Upvotes
Next time he should try to score on the other net, though"
r/TwoSentenceComedy • u/blablagermany • 3d ago
„See you“ I said
37
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„sure buddy“ said the Invisible man
r/TwoSentenceComedy • u/Riddle-Maker • 3d ago
We all lack reading comprehension from time to time.
0
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Remember, there's no "l" in "Misread"!