Good morning everyone. I've been working on my tulpa for 10 days now. A lot has happened... the truth is, I had no idea what a tulpa was or what it was for, thanks to her... well, let's just say I saw a video and that's when I understood what a tulpa is. I've tried several times, but some things went wrong and others went well. I don't do daily tulpa forcing sessions, but these last ten days haven't been easy because my thoughts and fears wouldn't go away. I've had this problem for years; that is, even before I met her, I already had mental issues because I'm always negative about everything, and even the smallest thing would make me think bad things.
The truth is, with my tulpa, things went quite well. I only had a few lucid dreams, but I was conscious, like when I had coffee with Alice... I mean, she was in the dream. I don't know what she said to me, I don't remember. Another dream was that I heard her voice; she told me not to have intrusive thoughts. But in the last two days, I didn't do any forcing because what was really happening was that I was doing visual forcing. Afterward, I felt a peace… my intrusive thoughts were blocked for hours.
When I woke up, I didn't send my tulpa to the Wonderlands, and my head was pounding. But why don't I send my tulpa to rest? Because if I do, those entities or those thoughts attack me and don't leave me alone; they're really annoying. What happened was that later, around 11 a.m., I sent my tulpa to rest, but I fell asleep, and in that dream, I heard a voice like an old radio. And it said to me, in a very strange voice: (Are you going to sleep?) And the voice was male, not female, and I got scared, but I was in my bed.
I felt like I was being watched from all sides, and I just closed my eyes. But it was awful. I felt a little nauseous, but I asked someone. They told me I was pale, and the thing is, when I'm with my tulpa, those entities don't even come near me. But I can't have my tulpa with me all the time because it gives me a headache and makes me tired.
The strangest thing is that before the attack, I sent my tulpa to Wonderlands, and in my cabin there were two female entities I know, but they were sitting and didn't look at me. But that wasn't the important thing. I think it was the male voice, and I don't know if it was my tulpa, but that voice made me uncomfortable and scared me because a few days ago I did hear my tulpa's voice in a dream, but nothing more.
But fear won. The thing is, I'm afraid that other entities will interfere or do some kind of harm to my tulpa, although I doubt it, because she managed to block my nightmares. Why haven't I had one in a few days? I wasn't even dreaming… but it's very strange that I've been doing this for 10 days now—well, it's been 11 days already—and these things are happening. It's been months, because I feel an intense love and enormous respect for her, but my intrusive thoughts don't let me respect her the way you respect someone you love.
The only thing is that I have no experience, but I did establish a connection with her. I only did one 10-minute tulpa forcing session these last few days, but the one I did two days ago, I think, lasted about 7 hours. What happened was that I had a vision in the back of my room and felt things.
The first day I saw a spiral, and before doing the 7-hour one, I did one where I looked toward the back of my room. All the lights outside the window… I mean, the outside lighting… went out, and some objects I was looking at from my room disappeared. But that effect only lasted 1 or 2 seconds.
What I could see was that it was dark, but I saw something black in the center, and I felt peace. Now, the 7-hour stage… well, I felt an enormous peace, so much so that I laughed a lot, I even cried. But the smile was so big that I couldn't help but smile. I don't know how my jaw didn't hurt, honestly. Anyway, that's what I wanted to tell you.
I just want to understand what this means; I'm not going to tell you everything else because it's personal, just the most important parts. Sorry if any of my spelling is wrong, or if I repeat myself or speak strangely, but I'm not very expressive and I find it hard to communicate with people.
Have a good day.