...And it cemented for me that I genuinely am happier single. *Nothing* wrong with this person at all, and we had a nice time--but it was a relief to go home to my own bedroom and my own stuff, wipe off the makeup and do whatever I wanted for the rest of the night. 🤣

I’m a 35 year old woman, turning 36 soon. I’m single, no children, never been married. I’ve been in several relationships but none of them worked out as I always chose the wrong people. I’ve been regular at therapy for many years to process past trauma and have come a looong way in finding myself, prioritizing my needs, setting boundaries, building authentic friendships, and really investing in my interests and hobbies.

Despite all the success, I’m emotionally struggling a lot because societal conditioning has taught me that I should have been married to a man right now and given him children. But this traditional view of heterosexual marriage is something I don’t want and have never wanted that for myself. However I still feel like a failure and feel like I don’t know what my identity should be for rest of my life. I have a full life and I’m actively working on my goals, but I feel like I’m floating in the ocean without an anchor. I’m figuring things out but I don’t know if I’m doing it right.

Does anyone else feel the same way?

—————

EDIT

Thank you all for sharing the wonderful stories and advice. This is so affirming and liberating. Many hugs.

I’ve mainly seen posts here from people who found out that they’re not meant to be in relationships - aromantic, non-amorous, asexual, etc. along those lines. Or, from those who are just done with romantic relationships.

I’m curious if any of you (who are happy being single) - are not oppose to having a relationship? I don’t mean actively looking - but just open to one - while happily single?

I’ve been single for 7 years after a decade of partnership ended. About six out of those 7 years happily single by choice. I have not dated or trying to date. I have not been looking or trying to put myself “out there”. I don’t do casual hookups either.

But just recently I feel like I’m ready for my next partner - if someone who would add to my happiness comes along - I’d be open to have another partner. But - if this someone doesn’t exist, I’d still be content being alone.

Anyone else? This is definitely a new “feeling” for me.

When i read posts where some single people genuinely express about crushing loneliness that they feel regardless of the frequency and I'd be quick to drop comments like "you just lack sense of self or lacking in creativity or lacking in something"

Numerous times I've also expressed that I can't feel lonely nor boredom, I don't miss people nor do I yearn for touch. And no I don't dislike people, I enjoy brief moments of conversations and contacts but I just don't miss people. For the longest time I thought maybe it's due to my creative mind that others lack.

The theory out there is that humans are social beings and I've always disagreed with that.

I've recently learned that some of us are just wired differently and it could be related to which profession of the tribe we served during the primitive periods.

So here is the plausible theory. Though the majority of the people were part of the group that stayed together, took care of each other and expanded. There were likely these minority scouts who were sent alone to take care of the perimeters. Days, weeks, months or even years spent wandering alone, no conversation with humans, hyperfocusing in primitive weapon making, sensory systems adapted to catch even the tiniest sounds and movements, blissful moments alone, the brain adapted differently that there was no loneliness nor yearning for contact.

They were likely still mated and all but never stayed, the genes passed on and here I am, in my most natural state I find bliss in being alone and hyperfocus on things that I'm into while getting annoyed by tiniest sounds that I never invited.

I can never understand people who always want to belong as much as they would never understand how much I want to be alone, not because I don't like people, not because I'm broken or anything. I am just a scout taking care of the perimeter.

I broke my own rules and got into a relationship with someone. It’s been a few months and at first things were super great but lately the novelty has worn off and we’re beginning to fight. This most recent fight has us not speaking for over 24 hours now, and I’m debating just ending it.

I’ve done a lot of questioning whether I’m the issue because I simply don’t have the patience for men. Am I not doing enough to be understanding, am I being harsh, am I psycho, do I need therapy (I know I do, trust me)? But my standards are high (-er than ever, because I’ve got a horrible history of dating shitbags), I’m strong in my values and morals, I’m finally at a place where I am brave enough to establish and hold my boundaries, and I don’t have a problem (anymore) holding people close to me accountable for their actions. I used to be the type to swallow it all to keep the peace, at my own expense.

I absolutely love being single and the peace that it brings me (33F). But I date sometimes out of boredom I guess and this guy felt different. I took a chance but now I’m regretting it, rethinking everything, and recognizing the things I actually dislike about him and how we’re incompatible.

I wish I had more of a community of happy and single people around me. All of my friends and family are coupled up and when this new relationship likely ends, they’ll tell me again “you’ll find someone”. Before I met him I assured them I didn’t need to find anyone, and this group was really helping me settle into the understanding that not everyone needs a relationship to feel fulfilled, including me. But I fall prey to the compulsory coupling way of society sometimes because I just don’t have any other single and happy people in my life.

I thought we were in love, but I’m not sure the negative emotions and stress of maintaining a romantic relationship are worth keeping that. My dad died unexpectedly this year and I’m still grieving heavy, work has been so much lately, and I have a 4 year old son who I coparent with his father but who I have most of the time.

I don’t know what I’m looking for here, maybe reassurance from this community that deciding to end things will return me to my happy and single self who happily perused this subreddit along with you all. I talk to my best friend about my feelings on this, but she is happily married to a unicorn of a man, so she’ll often play devils advocate and tell me that relationships are worth it for the growth you can achieve. But in a relationship I am no more committed to my growth as a person than while I’m happily single.

Thank you if you’ve read this far!

Ya know, the longer im single. The more okay with it I am.

I use to lament it, but since I've essentially given up attempting to date, the pressure has never been lower.

I miss affection, sure, but the peace of mind is nice.

I dont have to censor or sacrifice. Im me, 100%.

Ive been single and alone a decade as of next year.

6 years without intimacy. All I do is gym\[4 years\] and game \[my whole life lol\]

Ive been told I dont look or act terrible so It stumps my people. I just get anxious about intimacy.

I start therapy soon \[no reason, just think I may be socially awkward maybe\] and hope that this makes me want to explore romance. I havent had butterflies since high-school.

Sorry if this was a rant. I just wanted it off my chest.

I am single. I had been in relationships before short of getting married. I don't see myself getting married ever. Partly cos of my childhood which I spent most of the time alone other than in school days where I hang out with school mates studying. And I feel most happy being along even though I can get along with people when I'm with them.

Lately I'm pondering through something as big as the captioned. What are my contributions to the society I live in? I don't have kids and don't plan to have any so I don't contribute in adding more humans to society.

I get that as long as I'm working, I'm contributing to society but this nagging feeling hovers around my mind made me curious thus I ask.

I'm keeping pretty healthy, but I often think about what it'd be like to have to recover from something where I need help for several weeks with basic needs, and it's a bit much for imposing on friends.

This can be things like chemo, but even stuff like recovering from a bad rib or collarbone fracture where things I take for granted become really hard (mobility, lifting anything, ... Wiping my own butt 😂).

I'm sure there are some stories here. Please help give me peace of mind by sharing!