So i went to see the Odyssey yesterday and got into an argument with someone over the seat. My ticket did not specify the row but it was seat 11 and i can tell you for a fact it was one row behind the VIP section. I ended up raising my voice and he left me alone in the seat. Afterwards this dude comes uncomfortably close to me and tells me that we should take things outside. I just keep doing what i was doing and told him "what do you want''. I told him i would call the cops because i didn't like the look on his face. This dude was super shifty and kept reaching into his hand bag. I told him that if he had a gun then it really wasn't worth my life and that i apologize. I was worried about a gun or a knife and my adrenaline surged. My hands were literally shaking slightly. I showed him my ticket and he basically argued with me saying ''it wasn't fair what i did to him''. At one point he jerked his arm subtly but did not do anything. I followed behind him outside and thought about striking him to the base of the skull or using an RNC to deter him but he ended up waving goodbye and leaving. He also asked me whether i liked the movie. I have no idea what the fuck was going through this guy's head. His body language was very mixed. He even showed me his bag to reassure me. I think my confidence and unwillingness to move at his commands probably made him feel that a fight would be more complicated than just a sucker punch. Anyway, i'm glad it didn't escalate to something that could result in either of us getting hurt or legal involvement.

I suppose my question is what would you have done and what if the dude ended up sucker punching me? What would be the appropriate response.

I’m considering getting my girlfriend one of the Byrna Non-lethal products for her birthday. Reason being is that we move a lot and that can get complicated with traditional methods. I also don’t think she’d be able to use a real one if she needed to.

Does anyone have any experience with these products? Is it a viable self-defense tool?

Hey everyone.

As someone with a background in military reconnaissance and sniper instruction, I’ve spent years analyzing threat models. When I'm away, my biggest worry is the safety of my wife (who works late hours) and my teenage daughter.

I looked at standard civilian solutions like Apple "Find My" or Garmin LiveTrack, and from a self-defense perspective, they have a massive, fatal flaw: they are entirely passive. If an attacker suddenly knocks the phone out of your hand, breaks it, or turns it off, the map simply freezes at the last known location. Nobody at home realizes anything is wrong until hours later when you fail to show up. In a real emergency, you don't have time to open an app, swipe a screen, and press an "SOS" button.

I wanted a system that flips the logic: instead of shouting "I'm in danger," it silently checks in to say "I'm okay." If it goes silent, the system acts automatically. Since we all wear smartwatches, I built a custom tool for Garmin watches that functions as a silent, automated check-in.

Here is the tactical logic I implemented:

The Server-Side Timer: When activated, a countdown runs on an independent server, not just the device.

Silent Check-ins: Every 30 seconds, the watch sends a silent background ping. If you don't manually reset the main timer before it hits zero, the watch gives you a quiet vibration warning ("Hey, you okay?").

Automated Alert: If you don't respond to the vibration within 30 seconds, the server automatically fires an emergency SOS to a private Telegram group with the exact last coordinates, map link, and heart rate data.

The "Silent Phone" Trigger: If the phone gets destroyed, turned off, or loses cellular connection for more than 90 seconds, the server recognizes the drop in communication and automatically triggers the alarm anyway.

Biometric Triggers: It automatically triggers if the heart rate drops dangerously low or spikes above 140 BPM while the user is completely stationary (panic/struggle response).

We’ve been family-testing this for 4 months, and the logic holds up. It gives peace of mind without requiring them to constantly stare at their phones or draw attention to themselves in a dark alley.

I’m sharing this because I want to get the community's perspective on this approach.

From a self-defense standpoint, what flaws do you see in a "Dead Man's Switch" approach for civilians? If you were designing an automated system like this, what other triggers or fail-safes would you include (e.g., automated ambient audio recording)? Let's discuss.

When I signed up, the class teacher and I texted back and forth, and he said I was welcome to come to the first few classes for free. He said that it was self defense and a mix of martial arts. I told him I’d love to join, but that I am shy (I’m extremely afraid of a man attacking me and hurting me. My dad used to always scream at me, and at times my dad said I made him want to hit me, and that I had made him regret ever becoming a father. I’ve been harassed and touched and grabbed at every job I’ve ever had. I’m just scared and I wanted a class where I could learn some moves and believe I’m not helpless)

I told the trainer that I may need to just watch at some parts, and I asked if that would be okay. (I can’t have a stranger full on attacking me yet. It scares me and I don’t know this teacher.)

He said yes through text, and that it wouldn’t be a problem at all.

My boyfriend was very proud that I built up the courage to attend self defense because he knows I’m afraid of men harming me because of all the ways I get harassed regularly.

When I got there, one side of the dojo had some people who were laughing and wrestling. One of them was on top of the other, and I thought “okay. That looks scary, but he won’t make me do that on my first try.”

While he and I talked, I nervously gestured to girl who was being straddled and pinned down to the ground pretty aggressively. “Okay I don’t think I can do that haha” I said. He looked at me kind of annoyed, and said that a man may put me in that position one day and it will be too late for me to defend myself if I don’t learn.

My boyfriend has worked with me about my fears of being raped or harmed by men, and has told me that I will not ever get assaulted, and he has worked hard to earn my trust. Hearing this random new man tell me that men will very likely try to straddle me and pin me down was really jarring and it made me rethink everything my boyfriend told me.

I really thought I would go in there and come out with some confidence, but the teacher started talking about how someone might start choking me against the wall one day and “what are you going to do?”.

It scared me so bad that this man I’ve never met was describing all the ways I was vulnerable.

I said “I was thinking I could work up to that, but not on my first class. Maybe I could watch that part. I just can’t have someone like, choking me”.

He talked at one point about how I might get strangled against a wall (gesturing to one of the walls in his class) and “what are you going to do?” I just felt ashamed and said “I don’t know” and just kind of looked down. He said “you don’t know” or something like that? And he said I had to learn somehow before it was too late.

I kept saying that maybe I could work up to that, but that I was a beginner and I may need to work up to these things. He kept replying that I had no plan for if someone strangled me or something like that.

Eventually I made an excuse that I needed to just have a private lesson sometime. He said he would call me tomorrow, and I left quickly. I don’t want to talk to him ever again.

I got in my car and didn’t expect to start crying.

My eyes got all watery and I realized how much I had dreamed of coming to that dojo. I had imagined where my parking space would be every week, how I would make lots of friends there, over future years of attending and training, how I would learn to be strong and not helpless and scared all the time. I had dreamed that I could build up my confidence there, and keep trying and training, and pick up self defense or kick boxing as a hobby. I didn’t realize that I had so many hopes of this place teaching me how to push away men at work who want to touch me (one of them did today at work, and then laughed at my startled expression).

I’m scared, and I thought I had found some light in the dark but I’m just still scared and I feel extremely defeated and vulnerable again.

I don’t even want to tell my boyfriend I failed because he was so excited to see how excited I was to find a place where I could build my confidence up, over the next few years.

Edit: yes I am in therapy. I told my therapist about creepy male customers at work. She says I better stand up for myself, and say “no” to these men. I told her I’ve done that before and it just turns the men on even more. It makes me disgusted with myself. I tell the men off, and I say they “can’t talk to me like that”, and they just laugh in my face or look me up and down and give this dirty grin.
My therapist just got sad and said “I’m so sorry” and kind of seemed frustrated that there was no solution to this problem.

Quick note: Hey everyone, just a quick heads-up: I used an AI assistant to help me write and translate this post because my English isn't very good (or at least, I don't feel super confident with it yet). I wanted to make sure my ideas and questions came across clearly without any misunderstandings. Thanks for your patience and understanding! Greeting from Brazil!!!

Hi everyone!

I am currently planning to start my self-defense journey. However, I have a very clear philosophy: for me, violence is strictly the absolute last resort. My primary goal is to learn how to defend myself and others (family, friends, or vulnerable people) while prioritizing control and the safety of everyone involved, without resorting to active physical aggression unless it is 100% necessary.

As I am building my training schedule and theoretical study plan, I would love to get your advice on a few specific questions. Any guidance or tips you can share to help point me in the right direction would be highly appreciated!

1. What are the "passive" and control techniques called?

Since I plan on hiring instructors for the physical, active side of training (like Boxing and Jiu-Jitsu), I want to dedicate my solo study time to the mental and strategic aspects.

• What are the technical names for passive defense methodologies and concepts? (I know terms like Situational Awareness, but what other concepts or frameworks should I look up?)
• Which books or manuals do you recommend for studying these passive techniques, tactical communication, verbal de-escalation, and the psychology of combat/violence?

2. Standards of Evolution: How to measure progress?

In bodybuilding, you have very clear, objective standards to measure your evolution (e.g., muscle mass, definition, body fat percentage, or how much weight you can lift on the bench press).

• What are the equivalent "standards" or benchmarks in martial arts and self-defense?
• What concrete physical, technical, or mental milestones can I use to track my evolution and know I am actually getting better? (For example, is it based on sparring performance against resisting opponents, reaction time or specific physical fitness metrics?)

3. Training Time, Proficiency, and the 5-Year Plan

I am mapping out a medium-to-long-term plan for my physical and technical development.

• On average, how long does it take to become genuinely proficient in Boxing or Jiu-Jitsu (JJ)?
• Is a 5-year horizon of consistent training enough to reach a level of proficiency where I can realistically rely on it in a high-stress street situation?
• Beyond sports-centric belt ranks, what parameters define someone as being "street-ready" or "good" at actual self-defense?

4. Training Routine and Hiring

I want to take this very seriously and invest maximum effort into it.

• Who exactly should I hire? Should I look for a personal trainer with a traditional martial arts background, an urban self-defense instructor (like civilian-focused Krav Maga), or specific individual coaches for Boxing and BJJ?
• Is training 3 times a week sufficient (or sustainable)? I am willing to dedicate myself intensely, but I want to know if this frequency is productive for motor learning or if it will just lead to overtraining and injuries that will set me back.

Thank you in advance to everyone who takes the time to share their experience and help me kick off this journey on the right foot!

So I am 16M 47KG(last time I checked in Feb) and somewhere between 5'7-5'8 in height.

So I am having some people in my school who are always looking up to fight and while some go to gym and do strength training most of them are just heavier than me like 70-80KGs some ever more although they are smaller than me in height like maybe a inch or two.

Main point here is that I might get in a fight with some of them not because I want to buy they like to sort out things with fight and always have that egoistic personality so I want some advice how can I fight back if it takes place as i can't always expect a teacher to be there in situations where a fight can't be avoided sometimes

hi everyone! i’m new to this subreddit, so i apologize if this fits better somewhere else.

i’m 24F and moving out of a *potentially* unsafe environment (for me). I’m concerned that with my upcoming move, the people that I’m currently living with will attempt to physically harm me to prevent me from leaving (or recruit the help of others to do so). My concern stems from vaguely threatening comments made by the other party, previous physical altercations, and a bunch of gut feelings.

Safety measures i’ve already taken: keeping a varied schedule, physical and digital evidence of any previous concerning comments and actions, stashed go-bags, hidden my personal documents, endurance training so I can run fast and far (in case I dont have access to my vehicle), several more that would take forever to type out

any recommendations for additional safety measures would be super appreciated!

I think the title speaks for itself.

I’m a 25 year old male who has zero experience in any self-defense or, for that matter, combat sports. I do go to the gym, but even that has its limitations. Even though I’ve never been in a physical confrontation over the last few years, I do feel like it’s important to be able to defend myself if needed.

In my direct neighbourhood I have the opportunity to do Muay Thai / MMA (basically a 10 minute walk from my home) and BJJ (around a 15 minute drive).

My question is, what would you recommend I start with, and also, how was your experience starting off with this? I feel like the thing that kept me away all these years was the thought of being ashamed that I can’t defend myself at this age.

I'm a highschool student. I've never been in any serious altercations, and I'm mild mannered and don't cause issues with anyone. One day I was sitting at a lucnh table with my friend, and someone came up behind me and put his arm around my neck and lifted me up (headlock). I was trying to pull his arm off me but it didn't work. After a few seconds he released me and I just froze and looked up at him. What should I have done? How can I make sure things like this don't happen at school?

I have an extremely bad fear of walking outside alone or being alone outside in general and I would like to take more walks everyday but I’m extremely paranoid especially as a woman. I would like tips to keep myself safe if I ever encountered a situation where I’d need to protect myself or how to be less paranoid

I came across multiple times people saying that it gives a stronger punch and reduced the risk of self injury. Is that true? And if its true is there any tool thats even better or specific designed for this purpose?

Hey, so I started Uber eats on my bike and I'm concerned about it taking me into a rough area. I thought about doing a belt holster of mace, but I'm concerned about the safety coming undone and id accidentally spray myself while riding. Or maybe should I carry a taser?

And by older I mean 50+, in decent shape, work out often, but have arm knees and shoulder joints and a back that act their age (ache) often 😝

Where does someone like that start (other than the usual weights and cardio which is already happening).

Would love to know more advanced techniques on self protection against someone who knows how to fight, take down techniques, effective holds, escapes, proper hitting and punching and blocking, anything and everything (and low impact at least for practicing 😝 )

Alright so that is the first advice every reputable person would give you. But how tho?

Those who have it take it for granted, like it is actually hard to turn it off. It comes with practice. I'll do my best to bridge the gap.

Use all your senses. I can't give away all the game because as they say the game is to be sold, not told.

Just be aware. Don't have your nose in a phone, tunnel vision.

Be loose. it makes you more receptive.

That one is free.

Read books like Rory Miller. Peace.

Only object I got in my house that I think could do some serious damage is that dumbbell, everything else would break/is too heavy

After work, it was around 9:40 PM, and I like to walk in the parking lot to get my step count up for about 30 minutes. In the same parking lot, there is, I guess, a pickleball field. It’s a new thing, and it attracts a lot of people, almost 100 at times, many of them teenagers.

In this area, there are a lot of wealthy teenagers who have a lot of money, and their parents buy them fast, nice cars. The parking lot is huge, almost too big for the needs of where I work and for the pickleball field.

I had my earphones in and was walking. I know that the teenagers drive really fast in the parking lot because it’s so big. They speed, going like 75 miles an hour. So I try to be careful. I walk near the islands and stuff, which may not protect me, but I’m trying to stay aware. Maybe I shouldn’t be walking there. I’ve always walked there. It used to be a lot quieter and safer before the pickleball fields. I’ve been walking there for about six years, and there have been no problems, but recently it’s been becoming more unsafe.

Out of nowhere, while I’m walking, someone yells, “Get the fuck out of the way! You need to watch where you’re going, you white piece of shit! Cars have preferential treatment in parking lots. Pedestrians don’t have the right of way. If you keep walking around here, I’m gonna run you over, and it’s gonna be your fault.”

He then drove off and parked at the pickleball field a couple hundred feet away. He had driven around before parking and met up with someone. I was only about 20 feet away from my car, so I got in as fast as I could. I was very scared. I didn’t say anything when he was yelling at me. It was some teenager. I just looked at him because I was shocked.

When I got in my car, I had an adrenaline dump and had a hard time concentrating. I wanted to call the cops, but I didn’t because I didn’t think anything could be done. I thought about confronting them, but I didn’t because I know that wouldn’t have solved anything. There’s not much you can do when somebody is in a vehicle. What if they actually do run you over?

That’s the thing. They’re in that car, and they think they’re invincible. I don’t know. I guess I just have to live with the fact that he got the best of that interaction. If he was on foot, it would be different, but because he was in a car, he felt invincible. Stupid, spoiled rich kids. Perhaps I shouldn't be walking in the parking lot anymore. But a part of me just feels like if I leave, then I truly have lost. Part of me wonders my pride was hurt because somebody was bossing me around or frightening me and there's nothing I can do about it I think sometimes you just have to take thanks this is nothing you can do I wish there was something I could have done. I was thinking maybe I should've just told him to F off what if you would've got out of the car and attacked me what if you said oh you just told me to F off I'm gonna show you how tough I am and he gets out of the car and like I don't know shoots me or something there's a million reasons never to stand up for yourself a million fears

So I am extremely curious as to what it feels like. My brother has done it to himself multiple times and says it’s not that bad. I’m trying to get someone to describe what the pain feels like but if I google it or use AI to try and figure it out, it always thinks I’m depressed. I have such an urge to do it to myself but I am scared haha 😂

Update: I finally got brave enough and did it and if anyone else is wondering, this is exactly what it felt like to me: exactly like getting burned on like a hot stove or pan just without the lingering sensation. If anyone’s wondering if it would deter an attacker, just think would it stop them from attacking you if they got burned or just say “ow” and more than likely keep going.

I want to learn how to fight for self-defense, but don't really have a trainer available for a variety of reasons. My idea was to watch videos/courses on how to throw a punch, dodge, block, etc., and then practice sparring with my brothers. To avoid injuries, we wouldn't be hitting each other at full force. Obviously, it'll be messier than learning with a pro trainer, but probably still good enough for overall self defense. I was thinking about getting a pair gloves, hand wraps, mouthguard, and a mat. Is this a great idea? What would you guys advise?

Bring out the memes!

I live in the worst part of Philadelphia unfortunately. Not to long ago I was robbed and then jumped by 8/9 men. They got me from behind so I'm not sure what I could have done to protect myself.

I'm looking for any suggestions for anything that I can use for protection. Keep in mind I'm in a city area, the attackers will most likely be running around, moving fast and multiple of them. I would need something to have enough effect to keep them in one spot for a moment so I can swiftly seek safety. Because if not then they will without a doubt sh00t me.

So depending on the situation I would have to go really assess what is happening and if me using protection is a pro or con.

ANY advice at all would be helpful.

Hey, I’m not sure if this violates the weapon rules or not, but I don’t have any idea what other subreddit I’d post this in.

I work at an ER as a scribe and was recently notified we will either have to start paying to park in the garage near the hospital or park for free at a parking lot a sizable distance away. Seeing as we already don’t get paid very much already, I, and many of my fellow coworkers, will likely elect to park in the lot.

This, of course, makes me concerned about the safety of my fellow employees, especially if we’re working the night shift and having to walk alone in the relative darkness.

So, I was thinking of buying mini pepper spray to distribute to people who want it, preferably in bulk, and I wanted to know if anyone’s done the same and has any recommendations for what to buy. I’d most likely just be paying for this out-of-pocket, but the price wouldn’t be too much of a concern for me.

My daughters have started riding public transportation and have faced harassment on several occasions.

Mostly men becoming aggressive after declining their advances.

They currently have tazer and pepper spray we purchased from a sports store.

HOWEVER, we were informed these items are banned from public transportation and their schools.

Their father said to ignore the rules but I disagree.

What other options are available?

We are in Texas and they are teenagers.

I just came back from hanging out with a colleague of mine. It was my wife, her, and I. When we had our last cup of coffee and left the place, we were standing near my colleague's car, having our last two-minute conversation. Suddenly, I realized a guy was standing about 10 feet away from us, specifically behind us, wearing a puffer jacket (35-40°C weather btw), one hand in his pocket, and nervously looking around, constantly checking his watch on his wrist. After realizing this, I told my wife and my colleague to get in the car. She took us somewhere farther away, where she and my wife said that they both realized the weird guy. I know that we were safe then, nothing dangerous happened, or whatever could have happened was prevented thanks to our awareness, but I just can't get over it. I'm now at home, sitting in front of my laptop, imagining what could have happened. I'm imagining every single scenario, and I feel extremely stressed. What if something had happened and I couldn't protect my loved ones? I practiced martial arts before, Muay Thai for about 4 years, and I still kinda do, but I feel extremely stressed after similar situations. Even if nothing happened, I can't get over it and think about the situation for at least two days. Is this normal? Does this happen to all of us, or do I need some professional help?