I somewhat wish I wasn't bi, which comes from a religious and family position where choice feels like something I don't have. Truthfully I would embrace being bi if I could, and I would have had a boyfriend a long time ago, but that's just not an option. I truly wish simply being with someone that is the same gender wasn't viewed as something so wrong, but thats not the reality we live in.

Growing up in a religious family, there is no middle ground. I'm either betraying my family because they believe it to be wrong, or betraying myself because I still believe in my Christian faith, and I would condemn myself by indulging. There's no easy way to go about it except to abandon one or the other. In another life I probobly would be a very different person who would probably be a lot more free and not have to hide anything. Maybe not.

There's just something about talking to guys that is so much easier than women. I think women are beautiful, but I find men just as attractive. I wish I didn't because I could at the very least just say I have no game or something stupid like that, but because I do its just choosing to be alone. It feels I'm suppose to be alone forever, and the messed up part is that I accept it. I accept being alone and the never finding, or seeking love.

There's no way to hide a gay relationship from my family who would disown me rather quickly, and Christianity condemns me from persuing it. Its a no win situation. Its a messed up situation.

I know some people will not understand and probably think I'm going about this the wrong way, maybe think I'm an idiot, or that I'm over exaggerating. Others will likely say that my family would accept me if they truly loved me, but thats just not how it works. I can keep that side to myself and opening up is choosing to throw away my family, when I don't have to. Yet, there's a case to be made that I'm denying myself a very big part of being alive and being a lot happier. To me though, it just feels selfish if I did.

I just wish there was a clear answer. Not one side vs another preaching their interpretation of a book so muddled by time that you start to wonder if there's anything left of its original meaning. A real answet to a real prayer.

Maybe I am just being dramatic. Sexuality is just another part of my self-destructive mental state, but that feels just as impossible to escape.

I am in my early 20s and it feels like I am struggling more and more. I cannot be with men at all for my entire life and I have to hide my very strong feelings from everyone I know. For me it even got so bad that I ended up going to an STI clinic and getting Travuda and Doxypep because I felt like I couldn’t control myself anymore. I ended up feeling convinced and flushed it all down the toilet 2 days after I got it, so I still have never had penetrative sex with anyone(sadly I have done brief mutual masturbation and brief oral sex.)

Even if I gave in I would still be incredibly unhappy, so it looks like there is no good path for me.

I’m a guy, 16y and before all of this happened, I had never questioned my sexuality—not even once. I was attracted to girls my whole life, had crushes on them, watched straight porn, and I was even in a relationship with a girl. I genuinely loved her, we kissed, spent time together, and I never had any doubts about my sexuality.
Everything changed after I took a supplement. Soon after, my libido became extremely low, and I could barely get erections anymore. That scared me because it was so unlike me. My mind immediately jumped to the thought: “What if I’m actually gay?”
That single thought caused so much anxiety that I became obsessed with finding an answer. Since then, I’ve been stuck in what feels like an endless cycle of intrusive thoughts, checking, analyzing, and doubting everything. I constantly monitor my reactions, replay memories, question my past, and try to figure out what is “real.”
One of the hardest parts is that I sometimes become convinced that the supplement somehow changed me or “made me gay,” even though another part of me knows that’s probably just the OCD talking. The fear feels so real that it’s hard to separate anxiety from reality.
Before all of this, I never had these kinds of thoughts. I never questioned my sexuality, never worried about being gay, and never felt the need to analyze myself. It all started after my libido crashed and I panicked.
Has anyone else’s HOCD started in a similar way? Did a physical change or a stressful event trigger the intrusive thoughts? I’d really like to know if anyone can relate because this has completely taken over my life.

​

I've heard arguments for both sides. That it's alright as long as is just kissing. It's just the way people meet each other right now and a step to dating, and that if it isn't hurting anyone or doesn't become a priority in your life its good to hook up sometimes. Even a priest once told me that if both want, there is nothing wrong with it. But I also heard that it is sinful, that no Christian should ever do it. I also heard that you shouldn't even kiss your girlfriend. And that there is better ways to find a girlfriend (I tried and it didn't work).

All things considered I really don't know if I should just go to a party and try to hookup with some boys or girls, besides, if everything goes wrong I just never do this again, some friends said that even if I don't like it afterwards, its an important thing to do in your 20s. So well, people of reddit, what do you think?

Hey family,

I am struggling as a young man on how to reconcile the desire for true genuine male bonding/brotherhood with my ssa desires. I do believe the Lord is working and delivering me but I am struggling so much with wondering if the pain of lonliness I feel from lack of close friends stems from my ssa too.

The reason I say this is because I have never heard any of my buddies mention this same feeling of lonliness like I do. I also want to add romantically I am satisfied in my wonderful wife but still feel the pain of no close male friends so deeply.

I write now with much pain in my heart. If it is from my ssa I am not exactly sure what to do? And if it isn't (which I don't believe it is not) what can I do about it if the brothers in Christ I know suck at friendship? Why even try?

Hey guys I continue to be shocked at some of the things I find on YouTube from time to time.

Now I know there are gay relationships that last years and a few that last a very long time. But this video is talking about a problem within the gay community where relationships struggle to last just 6 months!!! Now for me, who has never dated a guy, that was shocking.

https://youtu.be/zIHVY6emvRI?is=C6PXYB82F6sUYHpy

Have you experienced this? There are lots of videos out there, but this was interesting and I still find it a bit hard to believe but knowing what I know about emotional problems amongst gay men, it kinda makes sense, maybe.

Has anyone experienced this? Seen this? is it not shocking to you?

I think we get painted only one narrative with being gay, that it's the same as heterosexual but with 2 men.

(WARNING: Use your words carefully. Perhaps talk about your own experience and what you've seen. Reddit seems to flag anything it doesn't like as hate speech. I'm not trying to trap you.)

The original group I posted this in recommended posting here.

For context: I’m a 22 M and I’ve never had any experience with a guy. However, I happened upon a dude my age and we’ve been talking a bit, and I can see myself hooking up with him soon.
The thought is both tantalizing and terrifying.
I need to figure out my shit before I do something I’ll regret.

Every post in this sub tends to be negative. Usually it's about sadness over having to be celibate, or struggles with self-hatred or temptation. I'm glad a community like this exists, where we have a chance to air our greviances and not feel alone.

But I think I'm in a different position than some of you. Maybe it's because I'm also attracted to women. Maybe I just had a supporting church family for years. Maybe it's because I didn't really come out to anyone who wasn't a Christian. Maybe it's because I live in a place where almost everyone claims to be a Christian. I'm not really sure.

But whatever the reason, I'm not miserable, at least not about my SSA. I live alone. I have an unremarkable, unfulfilling job. I'm not the healthiest. I should probably get out more. I'm 31 and I've seen lots of my friends get married in their 20s, because I went to a Christian college where that sort of thing was normal.

My life isn't the best it could be. My supervisor at my job is a tough person to deal with. I have wasted years of my life. I get horny sometimes and have sexual thoughts that I shouldn't have, about either men or women. My OCD and autism have made my life tough in some ways. I don't really know what I want to do in life.

But, I'm not miserable. I'm still relatively young and healthy, I have a good relationship with God, I enjoy Christian content, I write regularly, and even though life isn't always great, I'm not bitter or depressed about it all.

I could get married in the future. It would have to be a woman and not a man, but I don't mind denying myself sex with another man. I know that my SSA came from some mild trauma, although maybe there was some environmental influence I'll never have proof of. I definitely want to heal the years of porn addiction and get over the crushes I had on other guys. But overall, I'm not desperate for marriage and sex right now. I get horny sometimes, but that usually goes away. I'd probably be sad if I ended up never finding a wife, but I'd be able to get over it eventually.

Why do you all think that is? I ask that seriously. I feel bad for a lot of you, but I just don't have the same feelings. The real issues in my life right now are my autism (and people's inability to accept that), and my anger issues. My SSA is much less relevant than it used to be. In middle and high school I had so much shame, and I probably still carry some of that. But a lot of that is gone now.

So, im bi and last month I decided to resing from homossexuality and only date woman, but even though I never even dated a guy, I can't help but to feel a pain in my chest every time I see a guy couple together, or see an attractive boy, or hear something that makes me remember that I will never have the experience of dating a guy. And I know that being bi means I can still have a girlfriend and it should be enough, but it still makes me so sad and worried, but it feels like a sacrifice i need to make

Doesn't someday this feeling disappears or I will have to live with it forever? Do you get used to it someday or you just turn into some homophobe that can't be anywhere near gays? Im praying for the Lord to give me strength, but its not helping yet. Any advice?

I’m going to my church’s family camp next week with my daughter, and I’m excited. She’s going to be with the junior high girls most of the week, and I’ll be in the men’s dorms and adult sessions.

The part I’m nervous about isn’t the camp itself. It’s the relationships.

I grew up in church camps, so I know how these weeks often go. People bond quickly. The men’s sessions often become very vulnerable. Confessing sin, talking about sexual temptation, accountability, prayer circles, and late-night conversations are all common.

Here’s my dilemma.

I’m a Christian man who is quietly gay. I don’t advertise it, and almost no one at church knows. I also know this isn’t the place to unpack all of that. I’m not posting to debate theology, and I’m not looking for arguments about whether my life is sinful or not. I already know the traditional Christian position, and that’s not what I’m asking about.

What I’m asking is this:
How do you pursue genuine Christian friendships when there’s a significant part of your life that you don’t feel free to share?

I’m afraid of several things at once.

I’m afraid someone will ask me a direct question that puts me on the spot.

I’m afraid of accidentally saying too much. (Vulnerability is currency in these circles - iykyk)

I’m afraid that everyone else will be confessing struggles while I feel like I have to carefully edit myself.

Most of all, I’m afraid of leaving camp with friendships that feel genuine to everyone else, but secretly wondering whether they actually know me, and how they would see me if they did.

I don’t want to isolate myself or stay superficial. I genuinely want Christian brothers. I want to laugh with them, pray with them, serve alongside them, and build lasting friendships.

I just don’t know how to navigate environments where vulnerability is encouraged when I feel like one of the biggest areas of my life can’t safely be part of that vulnerability.

Has anyone else experienced something similar, whether because of sexuality or some other deeply personal part of your life?

How did you balance authenticity with healthy boundaries? Were you able to build real friendships, or did you always feel like you were living behind a wall?

I’m especially interested in hearing from Christians who have wrestled with this tension themselves. If you’ve been in a situation where you loved your church and wanted deep friendships, but also carried something you didn’t feel free to share, I’d really value hearing how you navigated it.

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DaNZ-LzB2og/?igsh=Ym9nejAyeW1vM2pl

Some of you may not know the beauty and serenity one has in the final days of Christian Martyrdom. Of course, being Christian, The overwhelming peace of God coming over you in your final days isn't surprising, right? i'm sure it's possible even for us today, to have this kind of intimate relationship providing solace with the Lord Jesus Christ.

I'm in a particularly difficult season now, as I'm an unemployed adult with chronic ... fatigue... And feelings of disconnect- I'm fortunate that i'm still a virgin, especially given my carnality started so young... Ah, elementary school, everyone was so mean to me.. But cute. And I remember going home almost everyday, and just feeling guilty and shitty for not having friends or being cool and goodlooking like my other siblings. Yes, I've wondered how and why I feel the way I do. And for how long I'll feel this way.

I hate giving in, but there's a sweet hollow burning sensation every time I climax and I wonder about this... It's frustrating, confusing, and enthralling at the same time... Am I just being immature? Dramatic? Am I strong or am I weak? I need a woman, right? 'It's just my Cave-man brain.. right? sure.' I thought, so I usually just dismiss it.

Until I had this episode with my Mentor regarding the Leviticus movie, and I started to think less dismissively and more prayerfully about my fantasies and attractions and ... and my sporadic crying or numbness... and then my hyperactivity and eagerness during other days... My mentor is convinced, I'm "Empathic" and "tooled" to help the church in auspicious yet delicate matters. So he said to read the Didache, and prepare my heart. Gladly- but then I remembered, I can't read. :(

Then, Thank God, I found the Didache on sportify as an audiobook. yay~ :D

Hm, and I honestly felt the need to share with you guys how God has encouraged me. I'm reading Ignatious, He was a beloved Church pastor and Martyr. In one of his letters, he's shamelessly demanding to be reunited with his Love.

"I am writing to all the Churches and state emphatically to all that I die willingly for God, provided you do not interfere. I beg you, do not show me unseasonable kindness. Suffer me to be the food of wild beasts, which are the means of my making my way to God. God's wheat I am, and by the teeth of wild beasts I am to be ground that I may prove Christ's pure bread. Better still, coax the wild beasts to become my tomb and to leave no part of my person behind: once I have fallen asleep, I do not wish to be a burden to anyone. Then only shall I be a genuine disciple of Jesus Christ when the world will not see even my body. Petition Christ in my behalf that through these instruments I may prove God's sacrifice. Not like Peter and Paul do I issue any orders to you. They were Apostles, I am a convict; they were free, I am until this moment a slave. But once I have suffered, I shall become a freedman of Jesus Christ, and, united with Him, I shall rise a free man. Just now I learn, being in chains, to desire nothing.....

Pardon me--I know very well where my advantage lies. At last I am well on the way to being a disciple. May nothing seen or unseen, fascinate me, so that I may happily make my way to Jesus Christ! Fire, cross, struggles with wild beasts, wrenching of bones, mangling of limbs, crunching of the whole body, cruel tortures inflicted by the devil--let them come upon me, provided only I make my way to Jesus Christ.

1. Of no use to me will be the farthest reaches of the universe or the kingdoms of this world. I would rather die and come to Jesus Christ than be king over the entire earth. Him I seek who died for us; Him I love who rose again because of us. The birth pangs are upon me. Forgive me, brethren; do not obstruct my coming to life--do not wish me to die; do not make a gift to the world of one who wants to be God's. Beware of seducing me with matter; suffer me to receive pure light. Once arrived there, I shall be a man. Permit me to be an imitator of my suffering God. If anyone holds Him in his heart, let him understand what I am aspiring to; and then let him sympathize with me, knowing in what distress I am.

2. The Prince of this world is resolved to abduct me, and to corrupt my Godward aspirations. Let none of you, therefore, who will then be present, assist him. Rather, side with me, that is, with God. Do not have Jesus Christ on your lips, and the world in your hearts. Give envy no place among you. And should I upon my arrival plead for your intervention, do not listen to me. Rather, give heed to what I write to you. I am writing while still alive, but my yearning is for death. My Love has been crucified, and I am not on fire with the love of earthly things. But there is in me a Living Water, which is eloquent and within me says: "Come to the Father." I have no taste for corruptible food or for the delights of this life. Bread of God is what I desire; that is, the Flesh of Jesus Christ, who was of the seed of David; and for my drink I desire His Blood, that is, incorruptible love."

- Ignatius Letter to the Romans, courtesy https://www.ewtn.com/catholicism/library/ignatius-to-the-romans-12518

I don't want to sound occultic, nihilistic, or lewd, -

my point is, we serve a wonderful sensuous God~ and ought to have a beautiful, sensitive, couragous voice to speak of Christ and our fellow Christians...Perhaps this isn't worth writing about tbh;;; haha sorry, i may post this in the gayChristian or transChristian subs as well. As it is pertinent to identity, right? I feel awfully sad sometimes, seeing the young people ask about their own purpose and lack of confidence in the Faith. I wish everyone could feel encouraged somehow...

Thanks everyone~

Hey everyone, I only found about this subreddit recently but I've been really encouraged by what I've seen here. It's really nice to have a place where we can relate and encourage each other.

I know firsthand that this SSA experience can be very isolating for us. I've seen posts of people seeking accountability so I wanted to create a safe place for us to be more present in each other's lives and have meaningful conversations. I see a real benefit to being more present in each other's day-to-day walks—whether it's sharing daily encouragements, celebrating small wins, or lifting up quick prayer requests.

To help us do that, I've set up a dedicated Discord server for the community, which I've already invited some of you to.
https://discord.gg/s8EEZFcyJ5

Looking forward to walking alongside you all!

As a celibate, how do you navigate the longing for romance and emotional intimacy without just repressing it? I'd love to hear your personal experiences and coping strategies.

I don’t want anyone to comment you don’t need to cure please that’s not an option. I just want someone to tell me if there is honestly a way and if you have gone through conversion therapy does it actually work?

I have been undergoing therapy for a few years and realize my SSA is just a small part of me; I actually may be asexual more than SSA.
I have had few deep male friendships in my formative years and now I'm an older millennial, I have more male friends now than ever before. Most are Christian, many are single.
One friend in particular is very similar to me; we have the exact same interests. We have similar mannerisms and hobbies, our sense of humor is similar and our politics, religion and even style is the same. We both were into these hobbies and interests long before we met each other as well.

I find myself spending a lot of time with him, but usually in small group outings. I sometimes drop what I'm doing to hang with him over other people, I genuinely have more fun with him than other people. I think about him a lot and fun activities we could do. I also get extremely nervous inside around him too. I always am thinking about what he's up to, or where he's at, or who's he's with.

I wonder, am I getting attached? Am I suppressing an unrecognized SSA for him? Is he getting tired of me? Do I reach-out too much? Is my behavior being possessive or annoying?

Apologies for being so absent...

I'll be try short, because I'm in one of those feminine moods, where I have the urge to pontificate endlessly about my ecclesial fantasies...

My mentor, who knows me, my long standing SSA, and tons of other personal defects behaviors is disappointed in me. I haven't been coping well, with some family dynamics. I never do. But I haven't been checking in with him. I haven't been avoidant, just distracted...(?) I wasn't expecting him to call me and create all these drunk sappy feelings....

On the phone, I gave my mentor a long update about my family situation (Plus my college class) He was understanding and gave me some advice on how to stay motivated to deal with it all. heh;; And he reminded me today was St. Johns Day*.

Me: "Well, i wanted to go see this movie for almost 2 weeks."

Mentor: "What movie?"

Me: "Leviticus, have you heard of it?"

Mentor: "Oh, no I haven't. What's it about?"

Me: I explain the movie with a more Christian slant and i don't remember why I said this, but i said something like, "Don't worry , the actors playing the gay couple, are 21 and 19."

My mentor starts asking more questions, and his voice is very even, so I relax a lot and start to ramble. My mentor is not the type of guy to say games and media about X, promotes more X btw. He understands grey areas, cultural / generational differences, and context matter, In that way, he comes of genuinely intereasted.

Me: "I was going to write a review for it, it's queer horror... it's gotten really good reviews so far."

Mentor: "How do you think the movie ends?"

Me: "I hope the monster tortures them and drags them straight to hell, and the movie ends on a cringey PSA like some dystopian WW2 propaganda. Or some crazy voodoo happens and one boy escapes by betraying the other boy, but also ends up being horribly maimed and paralyzed!" - I had a lot of wild theories, and my Mentor chuckled at a few of them tbh.

Mentor: "That would certainly be queer... You sure you wouldn't rather do something else?"

Me: tbh, i'm not sure, "But I already promised some friends i would go see it"
Mentor: "What friends?"

Me: silence

Mentor: "How do you want your story to end?

I got like, 3 words out, and couldn't stop crying. I didn't hang up because he started talking again, and my mentor's voice is really soothing. His voice cracks a little when he basically reads ALL OF 1 Timothy and calls me his son and stuff. IT MAKES ME SO MAD, I WISH WE WERE REALLY FATHER AND SON.

"Timothy, You are like a son to me in the things of the Lord. May God our Father and Jesus Christ our Lord show you his kindness and mercy and give you great peace of heart and mind. As I said when I left for Macedonia, please stay there in Ephesus and try to stop the men who are teaching such wrong doctrine... Wild ideas that stir up questions and arguments instead of helping people accept God's plan of faith. What I am eager for is that all the Christians there will be filled with love that comes from pure hearts, and that their minds will be clean and their faith strong. But these teachers have missed this whole idea and spend their time arguing and talking foolishness, They want to become famous as teachers of the laws of Moses when they haven't the slightest idea on what those laws really show us. Those laws are good when used as God intended. But they were not made for us, whom God has saved; they are for sinners who hate God, have rebellious hearts, curse and swear, attack their fathers and mothers, and murder. Yes these laws are made to identify as sinners all who are immoral and impure; homosexuals, kidnappers, liars, and all others who do things that contradict the glorious Good News of our blessed God,, whose messenger I am.

Now, Burner, my son, here is my command to you: Fight well in the Lord's battles, just as the Lord told us through his prophets that you would. Cling tightly to your faith in Christ and always keep your conscience clear, doing what you know is right. " - [Paraphrased Bible]

I'm just bitterly crying to the point I have to lay down because I feel so dizzy (and aroused?) Snot is somehow in my eyes ,,,on my shirt, my pillow,

My mentor tries to calm me down by listing all the things I'm good at, and how he admired my innocence and maturity. He's genuinely honored and blessed to be able to mentee a fellow child of God, and he's just worried about my depression is lingering, and waiting for the right opporunity to drag me back down.

My mentor reminds me that he understands I'm a delicate sexually repressed man. I shouldn't lean into hyper fantasies, idealizing self torture through handsome actors as proxy, and other stimulating entertainment. As i'm already so tightly coiled about my family, finances, and colllege, there will undoubtably be no grace when the movie eventually upsets me, and i call him, and i'm crying even harder than right now. Ultimately this isn't about my desire for friends, sex, movies, sexual orientation, or secular entertainment being good or bad."gifted empath"; and this gift takes intense study and disciplline or it devolves into more caustic appetites, like sadism. He doesn't condemn me- and he genuinely feels bad whenever our conversations go this route (it's been happening more often tho) ...We talk for another two hours. I'm a little embarrassed to admit, I really like the intimate attention he gives me, details and questions.... I don't feel so small and useless. I know,

'Burner, omg, you wrote all this shit just to say ur not seeing that Leviticus movie. Ur not writing a review. Ur fake and U just like attention hAhaAHAAHa. You deserve to be chemically castrated and alone. gg'

I'm probably oversharring, but you all can hopefully laugh and cry with me.

I'm probably not saying anything new. I'm sure you guys have been in similar desperate situations. Cross for Crown, Death for Life, this and that, such is life...

Love

*Referencing to St. John the Baptist. It's a day that commemorates his birth- about six months before the Messiah started in the early church before the whole Orthodox/Catholics split

As the title says I have a very difficult relationship with my parents and had quite an unhappy childhood. I’m 23 and I live at home with them but we are constantly fighting all the time particularly with my dad. However while my parents particularly my father can be difficult people sometimes I am always very volatile and sensitive to everything about them. It’s not a case of me as purely victim and them as aggressor. I know that other people could manage living with them like my brother can but I cannot. I either overreact to them or try to hold my tongue and find myself so angry and upset I feel sick and cannot do anything.

I am obviously old enough to live away from them but I am very anxious, depressed, unorganised, angry and not doing well with the support of my parents and I think I would do even worse without the things they do for me. I don’t know which is worse continuing to live with them and argue but at least maintaining some relationship or moving away and potentially causing a deeper rift by not being in contact until I feel I am ready to reconcile properly at which point it could be too late. I would also not be able to talk much with my Grandmas who are both in their 80s.

I struggle very much to keep a job or leave the house and I have no friends except one person I text so clearly I would struggle on my own. I still feel like a child and I have very poor social skills that would mean I would be unfit in the real world on my own. I am fairly certain if I moved away from my parents I would struggle a lot, rent is extremely expensive where I live and wages are low unless you are very qualified and experienced which I am not. I would probably become even more of a shut in and I worry I would give in to sexual sin with a real man beyond my struggle with pornography.

Despite all of the issues I described it is possible as I have savings but I am unsure if it is wise.

Tagged as sensitive content 'cause of Nicolosi.

​

Hi, been lurking on this sub for a bit, but didn't have much to post until now. So, last night, I downloaded a pdf of Nicolosi's 'Shame and Attachment' and actually liked it more than I expected. I thought he did a good job at humanizing the clients and many of the stories, thoughts, and feelings laid out in the book were relatable. I think the man, as controversial as he was, really did make an effort to listen to his clients' experiences.

Anyway, I was just wondering if there's anyone here who's read the book that I could talk to about it. I wanna know if it's been helpful or harmful to you. I know the book says that SSA celibate types aren't the best source of male friendship, but it doesn't mean we can't still be friends due to our shared experiences haha.

Take care and God bless! :D

And to add of course: I still STRONGLY believe God is calling me to life long celibacy, regardless if monogamous homosexual relationships are “sinful” or not?