Hi all,

Yesterday I very sadly came to the end of a deeply loving 7 year relationship. Looking back, for most of the relationship I suffered from what I believe was ROCD but what at the time I worried was "just a gut feeling". I have a tendency to over-think and search for unattainable certainty on important life decisions and I think 5 years of long distance also played havoc a bit with my attachment/commitment.

Regardless, 3 months ago all my doubts, fears, and inability to commit/discuss the future came out and so we went on a break to give me space to figure stuff out. It took me 3 months to realise that, at it's root, it was ROCD (or something approaching it) that was underpinning this all and that I deeply love and respect and want a long term future with my gf/ex.

I desperately want to begin a new relationship with her whilst I work through the ROCD but sadly the damage has been done and she can no longer expend emotional energy on someone who could not commit even after 7 years.

Now you've the context (and I've sufficiently vented to Reddit strangers), I guess I have 2 questions:

1) For large swathes of the relationship, whilst suffering from the doubt, fear and compulsive checking and assessing, I also buried quite a lot of this deep down. Can it really be ROCD if I could bury/repress some of these feelings? Surely with ROCD that's impossible to do.

2) How can one work on their ROCD from outside a relationship?

I ask this last one because, whilst I have perhaps foolish hope for getting us back together, I recognise I'll suffer from this habit/ROCD with any new person so want to address as much before beginning something again.

Thanks

Hey guys, I personally don't have OCD which is why I wanted to ask the community because I did research but none of it really explained how to navigate this.

My friend and I are long distance, so we mainly communicate over WhatsApp. We met up two times, once in 2024 and once in 2025. We kept pretty consistent contact between the two meet ups but after the 2025 they started ghosting me, then getting back into contact, then ghosting again. I didn't know they had OCD at all until a few days ago so I was hurt but tried to be understanding. About week ago they asked about show recommendations from me and I was really excited because we hadn't talked in a while, then a few days ago they messaged me and said they were sorry they kept ghosting me, but something happened when I visited them and now I was apart of the contamination. I'm not the source, just a bystander.

I want to help them, and I feel very helpless right now because I don't know what to do. They said they would probably ghost me again, and that they were sorry. I messaged them back and tried to reassure them but I just feel so lost and sad.

If there's nothing that I can do I'll be upset but ok, but I wanted to make sure that that's the case, if there's anything I can do I'll do it.

Please any advice would be amazing, if you have any other questions about the situation I'll do the best I can to answer, thank you all.

This week has probably been my worst for breakup thoughts. I cried on my way to work on Monday which is so rare for me to cry these days and I spent the day anxious and down that I would have to break up with my partner because of these thoughts.

For the past 2 days, ive felt nothing. When I get thoughts of breaking up, I dont cry, I dont panic, it doesnt feel urgent, its just there. Which is obviously quite distressing because ultimately I don't want my relationship to end. Its so hard because I keep seeing so much on social media about breakups and 'your body knows before your mind does' about when to break up and i cant help but feel like if I was genuinely happy I wouldnt be having these thoughts. BUT then I met up with him last night and had a nice time. He's so safe to me. I care so much about him and just hugging him and being with him brings me comfort. But I do still have thoughts with him, sometimes loud sometimes not. Its so contradicting to have a nice time with him then as soon as im home convinced I need to leave him. I dont even understand why anymore.

I really dont know how I can have a happy long lasting relationship if this is what im feeling 6 months in. Does anyone have any advice?

Hello, today I posted an educative video concerning the lesser known and invisible form of OCD:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qgyp0snUZ4I&t=8s

Support and likes will be very appreciated! For Science and mental health awareness! Have a good day.

Why don't we kiss so little? Why do I think I get bored of making sex? What if I feel like he's a friend? What if my feelings have simply vanished?

It has become a huge issue. We had some difficult times in our marriage but we reconnected and started having great sex. Then it became another obsession: when are we having it? How has it been? Who initiated? I need to be reassured every day or it needs to be addressed are we doing it or not. When we do think we are going to do it then the foreplay needs to be exactly right. I might be in the mood and then the smallest thing going „not right” shuts me down immediately to the point or anger and wanting to cry. I can’t „sit with the discomfort” because then I’m trying to decide whether I really want to have it or am I just making myself and BOOM another thing to obsess about. If we do happen to have it I can’t relax if I’m taking too long to finish. Then I worry about if I was weird during it. Anyone else ? And if so, how do you deal with it ? I’m so tired of feeling anxious about it, then upset and sad about it, then ashamed about it.

this week my 18M boyfriend showed me some pics of him when he was younger and he was completely different. i wouldnt feel attracted to his face 1 year ago, and im really fixating on that topic. i really like him, idk what to do

I’m not even sure if I have ROCD, yet I already feel anxious that I actually do—and that I’ll never be able to handle it and will lose my boyfriend. Is it even possible to be completely cured of it?

Can anyone relate?

I was diagnosed with OCD and have had themes like SO OCD, harm OCD, scrupulosity OCD, health anxiety, and so on. I was diagnosed with OCD and questioned it if I was too exaggerative with my symptoms to get the diagnosis. Which my psychiatrist told me is also classic ocd.

Anyway - with now having the anxiety/ relationship doubts, these are the things that I’ve been struggling with.

1. Worrying that my situation is different when I compare to everyone else and that my story is different
   
2. My husband and I have been together for 5 years. I think he’s very cute / handsome. He does have a bigger belly and has gained weight. But otherwise I do think he’s attractive
   
3. Sometimes he annoys me and I like to have quiet time and play on my phone after a long day of work (I work in healthcare)
   
4. I got upset last night because i wanted to make slime (LOL) but he wasn’t feeling good and went to bed. In my head immediately went to “he doesn’t want to spend time with you, you’re not happy with him, he’s being dramatic” which now typing this it all seems to be pretty silly lol
   
5. He’s very kind, I can be 1000000% myself around him, he would do anything for me, I can tell him anything, he’s very trusting, and he supports me in anything I do or need
   
6. Sometimes he drops the ball with gift giving/ surprises/ spontaneity
   
7. Sometimes he cringes me when he tries to act “sexy” before we are intimate
   
8. I try to think of scenarios where if someone who was more muscular and fit would come around - would I leave my husband / feel the urge that I would want the other person more. When it feels like it could, it causes me anxiety
   
9. Sometimes he can be very sensitive / uptight about things

He is the most healthy relationship I’ve ever had and I know he would do absolutely anything for me/ tries to. I don’t ever want to leave him but I guess I’m just plagued by these feelings or them not feeling “enough”. I’m also a week out from starting my period

This is going to be long because it’s really hard to explain but if anyone could read this and help me or give me advice I’d really appreciate it. I’ve been completely debilitated the past two days with severe anxiety and I can’t tell if it’s ocd or if it’s actually an issue.

So in the past I had a huge crush on my bf brother, to the point I fed it so much in my head and was emotionally cheating just on my side (his brother was not aware) and i was dressing up for him, finding excuses to talk to him, texting him to have excuses to talk, etc. constant fantasizing and feeding the crush, and then it ended and I told my bf EVERYTHING a year ago and we still stayed together. I’m so grateful that he gave me another chance because I truly feel so much remorse for it and would never do that again and definitely learned my lesson. Flash forward to nowadays I am still attracted to his brother but have extremely strict boundaries in place and I know my ocd is apart of it. I completely avoid him like COMPLETELY. To the point it gives me anxiety being in the same room as him. I ask my bf to go with me everywhere around his house so that I’m never alone with his brother. I do not talk to him, I do not dress up, I completely don’t do anything I did before, but recently for the past two months maybe more I keep having a constant feeling that if his brother initiated that I would cheat. Every time I picture it it feels like I would cheat with him and I’m so worried. It doesn’t go away. It’s like I can see myself doing it if he initiated and it’s not going away. I also sometimes have a fantasy like thought about it voluntarily but then I’ll immediately push it away, but i enjoyed the thought and had it on purpose but then immediately push it away. This cheating feeling like I’d cheat if he initiated had always been a passive thing the past couple months and I’d always try to tell myself I wouldn’t act on it no matter what but it felt like I was lying to myself or something. And it’s to the point I avoid his brother because I don’t trust myself around him because of h this constant feeling like I’d cheat if he initiated. Then two days ago I imagined him texting me and confessing his love to see how I feel, and it felt like I’d be tempted and feel like I’d be “missing out” on being with him if he texted me and rejected him. I kept trying to tell myself I would act on my values anyways and reject him immediately (he would never even text me by the way. We NEVER speak EVER. And I like keeping it that way). But that “missing out” feeling wouldn’t go away. Then the day before yesterday I got a trigger, I got upset with my bf over something and afterwards I started thinking maybe I’m having these thoughts because I’m unhappy with him and it’s not ocd. And I completely spiraled because it felt like it was true, and that the whole time I was just emotionally cheating even though I was pretty much always trying to reject the thoughts. So I completely spiraled. The next day (yesterday) I spent time with my bf and we sorted things out and we had an amazing day, I felt better and like I could disregard this anxiety, but then last night I was still very anxious about why I kept feeling like I’d have that feeling if his brother texted me, and then the AI said “you can choose to act on your values anyways, no matter what feeling you feel” and after I read that I deliberately had the thought that “maybe if he messaged me I don’t want to act on my values, maybe I’d feel too much like I’d be missing out” and I deliberately thought that and felt it. And it felt like genuinely I can’t convince myself I’d act on my values because it feels like I wouldn’t want to??? Then afterward I think I may have shook my head to reject that thought even though I thought it on purpose, but I’m not fully sure if I did, and then a few minutes after I completely spiraled with severe anxiety after I had it. Then I purposely imagined what it would be like to be with his brother to show myself that that’s what the reality would be, to kind of show myself out of that “feeling” and internal thought, and I did not want to be with him. And that feeling that I’d be “missing out” went away. This made me spiral more because now I felt like I was really emotionally cheating because if it went away just from me picturing it it’s like I needed to convince myself. And this feeling is sort of back still and won’t go away. I’m so upset, I feel so sorry for my bf. I just want to be a good girlfriend. And on top of it this crush on his brother never goes away. I never feed it and just wish it would go away.

I know this is probably so confusing but I’m really scared. I’m terrified I emotionally cheated again and that I should tell my bf everything and that for the past couple months I’d been feeling like I’d cheat if he initiated. I’ve been pushing it away every time because I felt it was ocd but after the last two days and that thought/feeling I purposely had yesterday I feel like I need to tell him. I know I didn’t do any actions but I feel that doesn’t matter bc of the thoughts because it’s like if someone else initiated and how I’d feel. On a side note I do not want his brother to message me but it’s also because I feel I don’t want to be put in that position because I’m scared of how I might feel and it was to Theo point I wanted to block him but didn’t because I’m scared he will notice I blocked him and it will cause more of an issue.

Please give me advice I feel so scared. I’m severely anxious and literally can’t function.

Ciao, sono da un anno con questa ragazza e escluso il primo mese di farfalle nello stomaco, sto passando tutto il tempo credo con rOCD (in terapia, ho avuto diagnosi di Ocd anche di altro tipo). Dopo un anno lei mi chiede come sta andando perché soffre molto e dopo un anno ho sempre dubbi e soprattutto non riesco a rispondere alle domande: cosa sento? Sento qualcosa? Sto bene? Sto male? Cosa penso? Voglio continuare? Voglio interrompere? Mi piace o non mi piace la mia partner?

Ecco so solamente che mi sembra di non sentire nulla tranne in alcuni contesti assurdi tipo Ikea, parchi divertimenti, vacanze con amici all' estero.

Qualcuno si sente come me? (Ho anche tanti altri pensieri su cose che non mi piacciono di lei)

I made a rant vent post the other day about my friendship OCD. And I know not to ask for reassurance.

I’m just so lost. I’m obsessing if my best friend doesn’t even like me. It feels like she’d rather talk to others rather than me and I’m just so so sad and lost. Like what’s wrong with me? Constantly obsessing if she prefers others than me, if I annoy her, if she just said I’m her bsf because she pities me and she knows I’m lonely.

I just don’t know how to beat this feeling and obsession I’m trying so hard to apply methods to myself but they’re not working. It also is just so emotionally painful. I love her sm and just these thoughts hurt so bad man. Like it’d be hard for me to talk to her about this.

just so depressed from this entire thing

So I have horrible RJOCD, and I only recently found out about it. I am currently seeing a therapist who recommended me to do ACT exercises of agreeing with the fear. And I've been trying to do that, but with particular obsessions I have about my partner's ex, I'm not sure what the fear is, so whenever I try, I feel like I don't fully believe myself and the exercise doesn't really cause a stress response.

Before I knew I had rjocd, my partner was very open so whenever I asked him questions about his ex, he'd respond. Now I feel like I've gotten so much reassurance, I can no longer believe myself when I say "*insert fear* is going to come true". I feel like I logically understand that he's not going to leave me, he didn't love her more, she wasn't more special, etc. As a result, when I sometimes have really intense intrusive thoughts about his past, it feels like until I actually understand what the core fear within thr thought is, so the act exercises just don't work. I just end up ruminating. Any ideas on how to tackle that? Any advice would be deeply appreciated, I love my partner and we both feel like we've found the one, I don't wanna fumble 🙏💕

Recently at the psychologist I saw that love is affection, common values, passion. Because of OCD, my partner, the pill, or all three, I don't want sex anymore, even though I used to have a high libido. There's not much passion. What should I do? Should I just not have a relationship at all? I've been tired of dealing with OCD for two years now. Maybe this is just my form of denial, and relationships really aren't for me?

I (21F) have been in a relationship with my bf (M22) for almost 8 months. Ever since I found out about his past (exes and flings), I cannot stop having obsessive thoughts about how they were and how they could've been. He hid it from me at first because he was "scared of me getting turned off or disgusted", but now that I knew he's been very open to me.

At first, I would ask for details in the pretense of curiosity. It really was just curiosity at first but as the relationship progresses and i started loving him more, I started having obsessive thoughts about it. I stopped doing this after multiple searching online, because 'knowing isn't always the answer' as stated in some articles i saw online. Whenever I would open up to my bf, he would always reassure me (and it would work for a while) but then i'll think "oh he must've comforted them like this too). I would end up being in a very bad mood and even if I try to suppress it I would end up being really mean to him.

For some reason, I am extremely fixated with the fling before me (probs because she's the most recent one (??)). I would stalk her socials and get tempted to ask questions. I would always stop myself because I don't want to remind of him of anything that he's did before nor overwhelm him with my RJ. In the end, I would just end up imagining about it paralleled to how he's treating me right now and I would feel very jealous. I feel the same with the other girls before me too but it would always all go back to this particular one.

I get these thoughts everyday and it's been affecting me in school (can't focus on discussions cuz i'll be thinking about it), my relationships (i get moody and mean when interacting with other people), etc. I would lose my appetite and feel very tired mentally of all the thinking.

My bf is a very good man and I just want to stop thinking like this.

Hi Reddit, this is my first post and I’m doing it out of desperation. Me and now Ex were together for 3 years, met at 19, and we’re doing pretty good our first year. However at the start of the second year her OCD started to worsen significantly. So much so where she needed to be hospitalized and we ended things for a couple of months, as she and the therapists felt like our relationship was to blame. However we still kept in touch as she felt I was her only security net and felt there wasn’t anyone else that could be there for her. We Eventually got back together a couple months down the road, but things weren’t the same as before. It was traumatizing for me to see her become less and less a version of herself she could trust, and more a victim of her OCD. Every argument the topic of breaking up because it was too much to deal with would pop up, and she would end up becoming unstable. Normally I have been strong enough to help without taking it personally, and was pretty good at identifying what was her and what was her ocd. Recently though, I have started to struggle on my own, and because of how severe she is, she was never in a place where she could help me( and it’s not like she wasn’t trying or wanted to, but when I say the ocd is bad I mean debilitating bad) nothing has seemed to work for her, not therapies, treatments, medications, and it’s to the point where she is one doctor recommendation away from qualify for the surgery In Rhode Island. I have started to resent the situation, and recently had a moment where I caused a lot of hurt by saying things out of frustration. This is not at all like me, i have usually been strong enough to be patient and careful with my working, but I have felt my needs have become second to hers (which is valid) because of how severe it has gotten. I made the difficult decision to break things off because it was starting to become a bad situation and I didn’t want to traumatize her. I have so much love for her and am having an incredibly hard time with this, but I know having me around right now is causing her more harm then help. It is out of love that I decided to take myself out of the equation. I want her to learn how to rely on her parents and herself a little bit more, because it became my complete responsibility for her emotional wellbeing, and I need to start taking care of myself and my emotional needs as well. However now, she is crying and calling me on the phone saying she isn’t strong enough to do this on her own and needs me there. My heart hurts so much, and I want more than anything to run over to her and hold her, but I know realistically that if she wants to get better she needs to learn how to let her parents be there for her as emotional supports, and start focusing on getting better rather than constantly worrying about our relationship. Everyone in my life has told me I’m doing the right thing, including her parents, but now I’m not sure. What do I do now ? Any advice would be greatly appreciated
Edit: I do not have ocd and am not looking for reassurance for ocd purposes, but more so to know what the best direction I can take for her recovery 🙏

so I tend to do this a lot - my partners sad. I’m sad. my partners down. I’m down. my partners happy. I’m happy - you get the drift.

does that relate to ROCD or attachment styles? I’m not really sure but I’ve noticed whatever my partner is feeling is how I feel and it will impact my mood for the day.

I deleted my last account because I thought I was finally escaping this hell. I was so wrong lmao

This is simply an off my chest type post, I’m not expecting or wanting any ‘answers’ or reassurance.

This is an absolutely disgusting disorder. It is ruining my life. There is absolutely no joy. I am so so deep in this, it’s controlled my life for months. HOW can there possibly be a happy life ahead of me? My thoughts and feelings are so out of control. I feel completely out of control. I don’t understand what’s happening. I don’t know right or wrong, I don’t know good or bad, I don’t know what’s real and what isn’t.

I miss life before I felt this way, though I feel like I was living a lie.

Nobody deserves to feel this way and suffer like this. I genuinely believe even ‘bad’ people don’t deserve to feel this way. Is there actually any way out? Am I ever going to be ok?

Wishing you all the best.