I don't know what to do in my marriage.

I say this as someone who deeply loves his wife and would do anything for her. But I'm incredibly frustrated, and I honestly feel like she's making life much harder than it needs to be.

We've been married for three years. When we got married, I moved an hour and a half away from my family and the place where I grew up. That was my choice, so I'm not blaming her for that.

I hate divorce, and I believe Scripture only permits it in cases of adultery or abandonment. I have no intention of divorcing my wife.

The problem is that we've had this same conversation over and over again, yet very little changes.

My wife struggles with depression, but she refuses to seek counseling or professional help. She's one of the most negative people I've ever known, and although I don't think she means to, many of her comments deeply hurt me. Living with constant negativity has begun to affect me too.

For the past three years, I've done the vast majority of the laundry, dishes, and household chores. When I ask for help, she'll usually improve for a month or two, but then everything gradually falls back on me again.

She's also very stubborn about simple things I've asked her to do, and I often feel like my concerns aren't being heard.

One of the hardest things for me is ministry.

I genuinely believe God has called me to pastoral ministry. But because of where our marriage is right now, I don't believe I meet the qualifications to pursue it. I've shared this with her multiple times.

She has told me she doesn't feel called to be a pastor's wife. That absolutely breaks my heart.

I've explained that I don't expect her to be some highly visible "first lady." All I've ever wanted is for her to faithfully follow Christ and worship with me. She doesn't have to lead ministries or be in the spotlight.

Church attendance has become another painful issue.

Our service starts at 10:30 a.m., and I usually begin trying to wake her up around 8:00. Most Sundays she still doesn't come. She stays up too late Saturday night and usually has some reason she can't make it. I jokingly call it "Sunday sickness"—she feels terrible until around noon.

Part of this started after we changed churches.

Before we were married, I told her that if she wanted to continue attending her church, I wouldn't stop her, but I couldn't stay there myself.

She grew up in a church that is very similar to the Independent Fundamental Baptist movement. Her grandmother, before she passed away, made her feel guilty for attending a charismatic church with me and accused her of abandoning her faith.

One night she came to bed crying because she thought she was living in sin simply because she wasn't exclusively using the King James Bible.

I've told her many times that I don't care which faithful translation she reads. If she wants to use the King James Version, that's perfectly fine with me. I think it's a wonderful translation. Yet this issue still comes up from time to time.

She says she doesn't feel close to God at our church and that it feels like a social gathering to her, even though our pastor faithfully preaches through books of the Bible, verse by verse.

I understand it's different from what she's used to. When I attended her former church, the pastor mostly preached by loudly shouting throughout the sermon. That's simply not my style, nor where I believe God wants me to be.

At this point, I've accepted that I may not be able to pursue pastoral ministry because of my current circumstances.

What I can do is strive to be the best husband I know how to be. I can stay faithful in prayer and Scripture. I can continue encouraging my wife to walk with Christ and attend church without nagging or becoming bitter. I can also continue sharing the gospel with others. I don't believe God has disqualified me from being an evangelist.

But I'm heartbroken.

I've shared all of this with my wife multiple times, and I honestly don't know what else to do.

Part of me wonders if this is my own fault. When I was looking for a wife, I pushed my sense of calling into the background because what I wanted most was a wife and a family. I also sinned sexually before marriage. I've confessed that to God and asked for His forgiveness. Sometimes I wonder if the hardships I'm facing are God's discipline for my past sins. If they are, then I still praise Him because He is good and just.

I was born with a bad back, which limits the kind of work I can do. I don't have a college degree. I'm thankful to have a job I can physically handle, even though it doesn't pay a lot. When we got married, my wife had an excellent job. She later left it, took another position that didn't work out, and thankfully now has a decent job again.

Sometimes I wonder if, because she has the more physically demanding or traditionally masculine job, she feels less responsible for helping around the house. I don't know if that's true, but it crosses my mind.

I'm trying my best.

Whenever I'm tempted toward bitterness, I remind myself how many times I've disobeyed God and how gracious He has been to forgive me.

I truly believe my wife is a Christian. I just don't believe she's in a healthy spiritual place right now.

I'm going to keep praying for her. I'll keep encouraging her to come to church. If she truly wanted to return to her old church, I'd even be willing to attend with her if it meant she would faithfully worship God, even though I know I would struggle there theologically.

Please pray for us.

If you have any biblical, practical, or wise advice, I'd sincerely appreciate it.

"I tell you, in that night there shall be two men in one bed; the one shall be taken, and the other shall be left." "Two women shall be grinding together; the one shall be taken, and the other left." "Two men shall be in the field; the one shall be taken, and the other left." - Luke 17:34-36

PONDER THIS

In Luke 17:34-36, Jesus said, I tell you, in that night there shall be two men [people] in one bed; the one shall be taken, and the other shall be left." "Two women shall be grinding together; the one shall be taken, and the other left." "Two men shall be in the field; the one shall be taken, and the other left. Now that’s interesting. Some are sleeping and some are working. In part of the world, it will be day, and part of the world will be dark when Jesus comes. One will be taken and the other left. What a marvelous thing it’s going to be. And if Jesus were to come on a Sunday morning, many of us would look so sanctified. But not everybody is saved. One will be taken and the other left. Some are going to be swept up to glory and others would be left. Are you ready for that reality today?

- How can a person be ready for Jesus’ return?
= How does regularly thinking about the return of Jesus give us the urgency to be ready?

PRACTICE THIS

Take time in prayer today to ask God if you are ready for the return of Christ. Respond as He calls you. APR

https://www.lwf.org/daily-devotionals/ready-for-jesus-to-come-again