Hi, I’m a FTM, F25, and my partner is M34.
Our baby is 5 months old, I exclusively breastfeed.
Ever since he was born I feel like I’ve been doing everything around the baby, and yes, I know as the mom you do majority, but I really don’t feel like my partner helps enough, and we’ve been having lots of arguments lately but it’s like he doesn’t understand he should be helping more.
He gets angry at me, saying he does “so much”. I think the worst is that he completely blames my hormones, saying it’s normal that I hate him during this period, and that even if he was helping more I would still complain and feel the way I do now.
Now it’s getting to a point that idk if I’m the crazy hormonal one that really doesn’t appreciate him enough or I am right and he does not contribute enough as he should.

I will make a rough list of things he does and things I do to paint a picture.
Him:
• pays 2/3 of the rent and buys all the groceries (yes I know this is a big one, and I am thankful for that, the thing is he also makes more than double what I make, and I still contribute with 1/3 of the rent plus electric bills)
• throws away the rubbish (most of the time I get it out of the bin and just leave it in front of the door as if I wait for him to throw it away it usually piles up so much that it annoys me)
• cooks 30% of the time roughly, but almost never washes the dishes after, he sometimes washes some but never all of them, saying he’s too tired, almost never cleans the countertop and hobs, I remember maybe two times he’s done it
• and for the groceries he buys he always emphasises how he carries groceries home (we have a car, with parking underneath our building, 10 seconds away from the entrance and then lift to 5th floor, so yes, he does carry them home but it’s not like he has to walk by foot with them from the shop)
• vacuums maybe once a month, never the whole apartment tho (and we live in a one bedroom flat so really not that big), he usually would vacuum quickly the kitchen only, or the living room, and usually I would have to ask him multiple times, ofc I always expect him to vacuum everywhere and get disappointed every time and just end up vacuuming later myself the whole place
• changed no more than 5 diapers, and that includes two times when I actually washed the baby and he just put the new diaper on
• holds the baby a bit during evenings (he works 5 days from the office) and weekends and plays with him

Now me, I’m basically doing everything else:

• I breastfeed only like I mentioned earlier, so have been waking up during the night always, I haven’t had a proper sleep since before pregnancy honestly, with all the bathroom trips before, and since I was 30 weeks pregnant until 2 weeks pp I was also getting crazy night sweats that would wake me up multiple times per night drenched in sweat (it was awful). Recently I’ve been waking up 2/3 times in a 7 hour period, and I don’t sleep during the day anymore as I always have smth to do in the house. Our baby is in the 91st percentile both in weight and height so he eats a lot, definitely more than 15 times in 24 hours
• I change all the diapers, my partner changed those few when the baby was less than 2 months
• I hold him to burp him usually, unless it’s evening and my partner wants to hold him then I pass him to him afterwards
• I always bathe the baby, my partner has never done it himself, and helped me like the first 2 times, then just me
• I do all the laundry (from start to finish, so hanging clothes to dry after washing, folding them, putting them away), and always have, my partner has only ever done laundry himself when I’ve been away
• and then I do majority of the cooking, washing dishes, cleaning, tidying up, vacuuming, mopping the floors and any other small task at home

I know he financially contributes a lot more than me, and I do appreciate it of course, but although I love our baby with all my heart I’m just so exhausted by all this, and we don’t have family nearby to support, and our flat is too small, he wants to wait a few more months to move to a bigger one, so there’s always things around cause we just don’t have enough space to “hide” everything inside a wardrobe/furniture, and I just really struggle to do all the things so I feel like it always looks a bit messy, so I’m even too embarrassed to invite friends over, but also I can’t get the help I need from friends, I need him to step up.

But tell me the truth, is it really my hormones that make me not stand him anymore and I don’t appreciate him like he says, or I have a point? He also started saying I have postpartum depression, I cry after I get angry at him for not understanding me and being unwilling to help more but I don’t think I have pp depression, and if I do, I think he would be the cause for it. Please help me, I feel like I can’t talk about this to friends and family as I feel too embarrassed, so I’m literally just pretending we’re in a happy relationship in front of everyone..

Ive been dealing with intense anxiety and depression suddenly. Im a parent to an only child and my wife and I had her late (40s). Im scared to death that one day she will think about us being gone and then also i fear the day we actually are gone and she will be alone in this cruel world. Im on medication and therapy but its not helping. I find myself crying and panicking. Has anyone else been through this?

We gained a new home and welcomed our beautiful baby, but somewhere along the way, I feel like I lost my husband. He’s still here, yet he seems so different now. I miss the person he used to be, and I miss the connection we once had. Parenthood has brought us so much joy, but it has also changed us in ways I never expected.

My LO has high needs since he was born. They call it “velcro baby” and mostly preferred to be held by me. I don’t know when it started. My husband used to be so good with our LO. He used to bond with him every weekend when he’s off work to let me rest. One day my baby cries whenever he pick my baby up. I can’t do anything else since my baby cries whenever I put him down. Now baby’s 12 weeks old. Ever since the incident, whenever the baby cries he is fixated that the baby hates him. He compares the baby to the happy babies he had with his ex. Apparently his 2 boys are easily to be read unlike my baby. He’s pissed off whenever he can’t hear the tv because of all the crying. Now every time the baby cries, he doesn’t bother anymore saying he’s gonna cry more. Okay, so I focused all my energy to the baby. I still manages to do some house work except cooking.

Today I asked him if he can cook, told him I didn’t have time to do anything today and I’m starving. He sarcastically responded all meat are frozen, what do I think he can cook. I said just cook whatever you think you can. He went out to buy some takeaways. My LO was very fuzzy and crying nonstop today. I finally settled him down. Told my husband dinner is ready (‘coz I cooked rice), I said I can’t put the baby down and he’s gonna cry if I do-and he said he’s not hungry, food isn’t ready ‘coz the food he bought needs to be heated in the microwave then continued to watch his show. I asked if he can prepare the food. He said he will carry the baby instead. Told him I just settled him down and didn’t want him to wake up. He did a very deep irritated breathing then asked what do I want him to do. I said never mind I’m not hungry anymore. He said I am threatening that I’m hungry, he stood up, punched the packet of noodles then asked me how long does the meat needs to be heated up.

This isn’t the first time he did this kind of thing. I am physically and emotionally exhausted. I promised myself I’m not gonna ask him for help anymore but I don’t have anyone with me. My parents are in another country and I didn’t have any friends.

Currently I've been up and down mood wise and I have days I want to lay there and rot away but I know my 2 kids need me.

Currently 14 months PP and post C-section.

Also had 2 kids back to back.

I’m reposting my post that I made on another subreddit as I figured it would be useful here.

To anyone in the newborn trenches right now. To anyone struggling with the adjustment , with PPD/PPA, as I was, it gets better!

I had such bad PPA and PPD that I get shivers and my chest clenches when I think of those first couple weeks with my son. I couldn’t bond, I was convinced id ruined my life. And he wasn’t even a hard baby by any means.
Well, I’m 17w PP and having wayyy more fun now. I’m not crying everyday anymore. I no longer doubt if I made a mistake or not. Routines are getting established, life has a sense, I can actually go out and workout and do me and not worry as much.

My baby has a personality now. He smiles, he laughs, he plays, his routine is much more predictable, ik what he likes what he doesn’t, he grabs my face and strokes my checks with his little sticky fingers and giggles, Im not worried about SIDS anymore as he’s basically out of the peak age for it. He’s rolling, entertaining himself. Wake windows are longer so I can actually enjoy him and get stuff done while he’s awake without rushing to the next nap or diaper change.

We went to the aquarium and the natural history museum and he actually smiled at the exhibits and reacted to them.

So yea, it gets better!

Ik it’s not the same for everyone, and for some it takes longer to recover, but I really wanted to share my experience in case it helps anyone in the newborn trenches struggling with PPD/PPA.

You got this!

I really think I’m losing it. All I do is scream and yell and I just want to lay down and sleep but I can’t sleep and I do want to do stuff with my kids but I feel helpless because I’m outnumbered. And I just want them to be happy and I feel like I’m ruining their childhood cause I’m completely insane and can’t be happy. I don’t get to sing them to sleep, I don’t get to read to them I don’t get to do things a mommy should do for their babies cause I’m so incredibly stressed out and pissed off. It takes all I can do to clean this tiny ass place 24/7 just for it to always still be dirty, figure out what to cook, then cook it, then clean it and handle naps, and bedtime and baths and brushing teeth and discipline them without traumatizing them. And dealing with a newborn who is only breast fed. And teach them, and help them learn and play with them And also take care of myself. My brain is racing constantly about what I need to do, what I haven’t done, what I messed up, what I should’ve done, what I am doing wrong always. I just can’t get out of my own way and I’m out of control at this point.

I'm four months postpartum and I'm not doing well. I have my family doing things for me like food and laundry, but I'm always angry at everyone. My bub is very coliky and it is now at a point that I can't bear the sound of his cry,I just get hysterical and throw things,scream at everyone and tell them horrible things then later on drown in guilt.

I think I'm a very ungrateful person who only concentrates on what I lack, I don't know why I am like this,is it PPD or did I become a narcissist over the period of time. I'm making my husband's life miserable too by telling him mean stuff (I have mil issues and I could never move on from those abuses, I think I'm punishing my husband for it) .

I just need to get my thoughts out somewhere. I am struggling. My baby was the calmest baby you’d ever seen when she was a fresh newborn, now coming up on 6 weeks she is absolutely fussy all the time. There is always something going on. Right now my mind is running a million times a minute with what could be causing her fussiness. Is it reflux is it gas pains what is it? And now she also has tortcollis. I am feeling so overwhelmed it’s like I’m floating through my life. I am completely disassociating to get through the day. My husband wakes up at 4 am so he doesn’t do any night feeds. I am drowning not only am I physically tired but mentally tired from the researching constantly and worried about her health. I just cannot see this getting any better and as much as I love my baby I am thinking what have I done? I feel so guilty for these thoughts. I see everyone lost on social media their baby and it seems like they are just angels. My best friend also had a baby the same time as me and everytime I try to talk about what I’m going through and what my baby is going through I feel even worse because she claims her baby is perfect and an angel. My baby is constantly spitting up, hers never has. I sometimes
Just feel like I want to run away. Not sure what to do because I’m already on depression medication. I feel like I am slowly dying from sleep deprivation and then when she’s awake she’s crying. Making it impossible for me to get out of the house which is the one thing that makes me feel better. Ugh. And now the only relief I got was when she was eating and sleeping and now that’s stressful because I have to make sure her head is not on her favored side because she is getting a flat spot. I just am so defeated.

My baby is now 13 months old. In the thick of things staying up late and trying to nurse through GERD, heavy let down and oversupply, I was miserable. The problem, the unhappiness was obvious but not continuous. Now that I am done pumping and nursing and he is sleeping through the night sorta. I feel almost worse. My mood swings/sadness were around pumping and around the tough areas ei getting up constantly, feeling alone. Now I feel sad and mad and numb.

I can mask and pretend and get distracted from it at work and when I am busy but when I just sit and have my thoughts to myself. I just hate it so much. I am so tired but am getting more sleep than ever, I feel like I want to snuggle my kids but don't want to be touched. I miss my baby but then when he needs me I want to scream. I don't remember this part with my other kid(she is 5 now) this was the time I started to really enjoy being a mom and was finally feeling like myself again and had a little person that was cute and funny and learning so fast. He is also cute and funny and learning but in the quiet moments instead of being ok and happy and finding myself again I just feel ...bleah.

I am trying. I am faking till I make it I guess. I am going to the gym to get my body back. I am trying to read more books. I am trying to learn sourdough and get back to crochet. When does the quiet moments stop feeling awful. When does the faking stop and I finally start being ok again?

Before you ask yes I am seeing a therapist but she is new to me and I feel like I can't say these things. I had to change therapists at the beginning of the year and it took me months to even find another because I just didn't want to. I don't really even want to talk to her as it just seems hard and like it's not gonna actually change anything.

thanks for letting me put thoughts into words

I'm 8 months postpartum SAHM - I have been on Zolft 50mg since pregnancy - I have been good until now - I'm not sad - I'm just zoning out like I just want to shut down sometimes. I also feel like I'm in a better more attentive mood in the evenings ( just something weird I noticed) my anxiety has also ramped back up with intrusive thoughts and general anxious feeling

Great baby, she isn't fussy at all. We aren't sleeping through the night yet. And i'm a breastfeeder.

Normal? Should I up the Zoloft?

My OB prescribed me zurzuvae as I have been having symptoms of PPD and PPA since giving birth to my baby in October 2025. I’m on a daily dose of Wellbutrin for anxiety already. That helps my daily mood to be steady, but I’ll have waves of sadness, as well as heightened anxiety that I wasn’t experiencing before. I’ve also never been an angry person but there will be times when something small will make me so filled with rage that I have to walk away from the situation. The thing that worries me the most is that I don’t feel as connected with my baby as I do (and did) with my first born who is three now.

I noticed that the trials were for women who were up to 4 months PP, and I’ve only seen testimonies from people who were in that time frame. I am wondering if anyone has taken it this far after giving birth, and if it helped you?

Thank you so much for sharing your experiences.

Hi all, I’m currently on SDI for PPD/PPA. Just curious if there are others who are also receiving such benefits . If so, what is the longest amount of time you extended for your symptoms?

I’m researching whether there’s a need for a better postpartum app. I’m not promoting anything—just trying to learn before building.
• What was your biggest postpartum challenge?
• Which apps did you use?
• What feature do you wish existed?

I’m a ftm to a 4 month old, who i love dearly. We live in a foreign country and we have no family here. All the people we know are barely acquaintances. I know this is on me, and that i should try to make friends and go out more. Honestly i try when i can, even to go for a simple walk in the stroller. I’m on leave and my husband is supporting us. I know he’s doing his best. However i’m just touched out, overstimulated and utterly exhausted. Doing the same thing everyday. Breastfeeding all day and most of the night. The 4 months sleep regression did not help. I feel guilty that i’m not enjoying this “ as much as i should “ . I feel like i just want to disappear for a bit. I wish my mom was still alive so that she can tell me it gets better.
I guess i’m just venting and want some reassurance that i’m not alone in this. I’m doing what I’m supposed to do ( i think) i just feel like a horrible mother

I’m a mum and I cannot cope with the hard days. I clearly wasn’t meant for this life. I can’t take it back. I can’t undo it. I love my baby so much it hurts but everyday I want to die because I cannot cope with the rage and anger I feel when this aren’t going “normal”

Has anyone dealt with PPD on top of (previously well-controlled) “regular” depression? If so, did they change any of your meds? I’ve been doing well on Wellbutrin and an SSRI for a while but I just bottomed out emotionally in the last few weeks. I’m almost 5 months postpartum.

I’ve been having a hard time getting help because OB wants it to be someone else’s area (like regular psych) since it’s not new depression. And I know it’s a medical condition but I feel so ashamed that I have a beautiful baby but I can’t stop crying.

Has anyone taken Zurzuvae with other antidepressants? It’s supposed to be ok (most of the absolute contraindicated meds are NOT antidepressants). But after reading some folks’ experiences, I’m nervous that I’m not a good candidate.

Hello all,

I am a FTM that has previously struggled a lot with some pretty severe depression and anxiety. I am also on the spectrum. My baby is almost six months and is basically exclusively breastfed, causing almost daily meltdowns because of overstimulation, not feeling like an individual anymore, etc. My partner has gone back to work and it feels like our relationship is dying, if not dead already. All I feel towards his is resentment, anger and annoyance. I don’t want to feel this way.

Basically, I feel like my whole world is a complete mess. My baby is very happy and my family tells me how much of an easy baby he is but over the last few months I just want to be alone. I so desperately miss being able to have a day to myself. My boyfriend went to the gym and left our son with his sister and that’s the first stretch of alone time I’ve had since my son was born. I hate that I don’t want to be around either of them sometimes.

My doctor prescribed Wellbutrin and now I have all of this anxiety about how it’s going to give my baby a seizure and he’s going to die. Has anyone dealt with these thoughts? Will the meds help? I feel like I’m on my last leg.

Hi all! I have questions about the baby blues and the fact that all of the literature seems to kind of suggest that they "aren't a big deal," and aren't real PPA / PPD. I am terrified of them though, and I am curious about others' experiences. Background below:

I am a FTM at 16 weeks, and I got pregnant through IVF. I've probably had mild undiagnosed PMDD my entire life, and I've had a series of rough physical and mental reactions to birth control but never been able to get a doc to believe me.

Things got SERIOUS after my first egg retrieval. Basically, an egg retrieval cycle mimics a normal menstrual cycle, but your hormones get WAY higher around ovulation than normal, and come crashing down WAY harder in the PMS period. Over the space of two days, I went from high on life (and hormones) to literally unable to pick up the cell phone to answer a call from my doctor. I had suicidal ideation for the first time in my life, raging tinnitus, the whole bag, and it came out of NOWHERE. It got 80% better when my period started, but it took me months to fully climb out of the hole because that kind of experience is so scary.

Based on all this, I have a fear that the PP hormone crash ("baby blues") is going to be a big, big deal for me. It's also a much bigger drop than an egg retrieval! I am in the care of a reproductive psych now and we'll do some proactive SSRI manipulation + whatever else we need to do to respond to waht happens, but I am just interested in hearing from other people who have hormone sensitive depression / anxiety about how the "baby blues" period went.

TL;DR: I am more scared of the PP estrogen drop than I've ever been of anything in my life. What happened for you?

Currently 5 weeks post partum and I think I’m in thick of it. I feel like I’m not really in my body. I laugh and smile but don’t really feel joy. I hate being alone with baby cuz then I get really depressed and anxious. I feel bad when I need a break because my baby won’t nap or is very fussy, then I don’t feel like a good enough mom because I’m not there tending to my baby or he cries and nothing I do is helping at all. I’m like so attached to my husband but he works now so when he’s gone I literally count the minutes till he comes back. I look forward to staying at my in law’s because I’m not alone and she helps. But then i feel so bad that I’m making her help and she’s losing sleep and she’s in her 60’s and diabetic. She tells me that this is part of life and I need to get used to baby and being sleep deprived and rebuke the depression away (we’re Christian) so when with her I kinda bottle it up and cry when alone like right now.
Please tell me this gets better. I know I should tell my OB which I am I have an appt Tuesday but I just need some encouragement or something.