Here's what I've got and my thoughts about them (from the back row, left to right):
Clandestine Paris Royal Screw: What can I say? I like the bottle (and the name). That's about it. I mean, it doesn't stink, but it doesn't smell amazing either. Mostly it just smells like a musky, generic floral perfume. It's just meh. But I do like that bottle!
Nanette Lapore Aura in Bloom: I picked this one up at TJ Maxx because I only brought samples with me on a trip and then couldn't stand any of them. Stupid. Anywho, can't be going on with life without a perfume I can at least somewhat enjoy. This one is nice for summer, a fresh, easy, and uncomplicated green, fruity floral. Doesn't blow me away or anything, but it's pretty.
That Liquid Gold in the Scentbird jobby: That's Heretic Voodoo Lily. Scentbird lists the notes differently than Heretic, and I heard so many conflicting reviews of this one. I didn't know if I'd love it or hate it, but I had to try it. I love it! And it's weird because there's a lot of notes in there I don't usually ooh and aah over, like the blast of frankincense that opens the perfume. And it's a blast. That turned me off for a second, but then it unfolds into something so well blended and magical. And it apparently has oud and patchouli, which are also usually a no for me, but somehow, this perfume gets it RIGHT. It's a dark, mysterious floral and is going to be my fall go-to.
Versace Red Jeans: This is one from the way back machine I keep just to reflect upon my Juicy Coutour- velour-pants-wearing days. Idk what the notes are. I don't care. I don't wear it. It's purely for memory's sake. But my daughter will wear it sometimes, and it makes me smile.
Dolce and Gabbana Light Blue: That bottle was my mom's... She's no longer with me... And I miss her. And I can smell her when I sniff this. There's a reason for the undying popularity of this scent though: it's citrus in the sun, melting icecubes in lemonade, the subtle waft of wildflowers and woods in the heat of the day carried on a gentle, yet cool, breeze. It's really lovely.
Katy Perry Purrs: I love a cheap bottle of perfume that smells decent and is cute. Yes, I got this mainly for the bottle as well, haha, ridiculous. But it's really not bad. It's fruity. It's floral. It's fresh. It's totally 2000s. It's a nice summer fragrance that will probably last the rest of my life given the size of that bottle.
Clinique My Happy Peony Picnic: I had a thing. It was a search for the PERFECT peony moment. This occurred after I tried and fell in love with Acqua Di Parma Peonia Nobile... Only to realize that it gives me EXCRUCIATING migraines. Debilitating, crippling migraines. So, I tried this. The initial spray is a fun, super bright blast of punchy, fruity fruit-fruit with a hint of peony. Then it dries down rather quickly--too quickly--to a pretty hum-drum vaguely woody floral. That's just my experience though. Would love to hear if yours was different.
Monet's Palette: Also acquired in my search for the second greatest peony perfume. The presentation is absolutely FABULOUS and far more impressive than perfumes that cost 4x as much. Just saying. It's a pretty, but also pretty basic, floral with a nice dose of peony. It doesn't last long though. Good thing the bottle is ginormous, and it's inexpensive. You can douse yourself in it. It's great for spring.
Sand and Fog Strawberry Spritz: That's my daughter's perfume. She's 9. She liked the bottle, so here we are. I honestly thought it would smell like sweet ass. It doesn't. It's definitely sweet, which is not really my jam (haha, get it?), but it's pleasantly so, with a real recognizable strawberry flare and a nice, if linear, fruity, vanilla-y dry down. Would I wear it? No. But when my kiddo wears it and I catch a whiff, I find myself enjoying it.
Mair Peony Silk: Yep, you guessed it: another result of my noble Quest for Peony. It's quite lovely and as close to Peonia Nobile I could get without dying. Guys, I even tried making my own perfume. Too bad it turned out smelling like soap and "public restroom," in my daughter's words. She's not wrong. Anyway.... This is a good one! A little punchy fruit grabs ya at first and melts into a pretty peony-heavy floral that's nice and bright and effervescent. The dry down gets a faint hint of woods, but not much, which is okay. That's not what I was looking for anyway. It's like Peonia Nobile minus the patchouli. Doesn't last long though...
Avon Haiku: This one surprised the shit out of me. It's great, really. My step mom gave me a sample, and it was sitting around forever. I associate Avon with the neato antique bottles of complete ass fluid, so I in no way thought I'd like this. BUT when I started really getting into perfumes, I thought, "What the hell?" Well, geez, proves I can be WRONG. It's a pretty straightforward perfume, not super complex or anything, but it's a lovely green, light floral with a hint of citrus. It lasts a pretty decent amount of time, and it's CHEAP. Yeah, this one's a winner.
Penhaligons Luna: This was LOVE at first sniff! The notes sounded interesting, I got a sample, and holy mother of gods, I almost died and went to heaven willingly on the spot. It's like nothing else I've ever smelled, and the juniper berries are the absolute star of the show. It's a beautiful floral with this weird piney note that's so perfectly balanced and blended that I just almost don't believe anything can smell so good. Can you tell it's my favorite?
J Lo Still: This is an interesting, mild, approachable perfume. It's light and breezy, like catching a hint of freshly cut flowers while you're enjoying your first cup of tea in the dewy sun of an early summer morning. I do enjoy it, and it's inexpensive. Doesn't have super staying power, but hey, like I said: inexpensive. Douse it up.
Peonia Nobile: Why, you might be asking, do I have this deadly (to me) perfume sitting so innocuously in my collection? It's the hair mist, not the perfume. That's why. It doesn't last long at all, and I can't spray it into my hair because I'm literally bald, but fuck it. I love it anyway. It's a weak and watered down version of the original, but it still smells great, and I can douse myself liberally without wanting to curl up and die. That's a win.
Heretic Scandalwood: If you want a sandalwood that's not creamy or sweet, this is the one for you. It's precisely why I like it (and no hint of pickles helps too!). Creamy sandalwoods smell pretty nice to me at first but then the nausea hits, and I hate them. Yes. I'm weird. And sensitive apparently. This one goes hard on the woods, but it's also got a deep rosey floral hit that cuts that edge a little. Throw a hint of spice in, and you've got yourself a gorgeous, if not subtle, unisex sandalwood that is perfect for cooler weather but can be worn all year too.
Heretic Dirty Rose: This is a dark rose, great for winter. It's Portrait of a Lady minus the patchouli (which is a good thing for me). It's complex, heavy, and deep. It's for a night out in a LBD vaping on the balcony with a crisp winter breeze biting through your tiny ridiculous dress. And feeling fucking glamorous.
Hyalite and Co. Montana Alpenglow: This is made in Bozeman, Montana, and it smells like spring. It's tuberose heavy with a hint of citrus that, weirdly, isn't bright. It's like standing in the middle of your flower garden with the first flowers of spring emerging, the grass is dewy, it's a bit cold still but lovely out nonetheless. Can't describe it any other way.
Hyalite and Co. Nomadic: Oh yes, this is a winner. Idk what the actual notes are supposed to be, but I def smell rosemary and woods, maybe cedar, with a dark hit of something sweet yet not cloying. It's herbal and vaguely refreshing yet grounded and makes me want to not just touch grass, but hug it.
Demeter Thunderstorm, Prickly Pear, and Peony: I put these all together because I generally wear them together, sometimes minus the Peony if I want a little less sweet floral. Thunderstorm smells exactly like petrichor after a spring rain in southwest Montana, and throw in the Prickly Pear for a genuine scent of home, it adds a light and bright hint of floral fruit, kind of. It's a weird one to describe. I love this combo for spring and early summer.
Last but not least at all, Byredo Mojave Ghost: I fucking love this one, obviously probably since I've got a massive bottle of it. Violet is the star, but it's floral, not waaaaay powdery, It's a beautifully blended perfume where you can smell the woods, but they're balanced so well with the floral notes that you can't necessarily parse them. And unlike a lot of musks where you can just smell pungent.... something.... in the dry down, it smells fresh and good, like clean skin. It's also gorgeous for literally any time of the year.
That's all folks! Hope you enjoyed this weird romp.