What happens when your comfort zone though not a place of total security or satisfaction is navigating life within the binary as a bisexual person, yet you’re afraid of the non-binary identity? You fear both how society might perceive your attractiveness and the possibility of realizing that your previous ways of expressing, identifying, and presenting yourself to the world were actually limiting and restrictive? What if I don’t care how others refer to me, as long as I refer to myself in the way that feels right? And what if I continue to present myself with a feminine aesthetic simply because I like it—not because I feel it’s been imposed on me? Is this a step toward a non-binary identity, or is it a reinvention of what the binary means to me personally?

(Sorry for my English is not my first language)

I’ve recently finally acknowledged that I am transmasc. I’ve come out to two friends as nonbinary and started using they/them pronouns with them. I’ve also said fuck it and ditched 3/4 of my girl clothes.

That was hard, it felt like releasing years of baggage watching dresses disappear. Most still had the tags so it was an interesting reflection on Urban Outfitters price changes over the last six to eight years.

I’ve known for ten years. The first documentation I have that something was up is from 2016. It’s little trans middle schooler poetry, it’s honestly quite sweet but sad. I don’t think you need a full break down of ten years of bad coping skills and attempts to ignore all of this. However, I will say I spent most of college drinking to cope, to the extent I would black out and come out and force my friends to refer to me by a different name, and then refuse to acknowledge it. This eventually ended up leading to a gender intervention, and after nearly three months of gender therapy and a lot of actual non-avoidant thinking, I’ve decided to start transitioning.

My issue is I think I’m doing it too fast. In the span of two weeks I’ve cut my hair, ditched majority of my clothes (which realistically I wasn’t wearing anyway), and changed my pronouns. My name is on the chopping block. I want the change, but that the same time I don’t want to speed run this. But I also feel like I know now and I can’t live how I’ve been living anymore. It’s been ten years, but it’s also been three months. How do I reconcile the two?

Tell me the story. Why do you love it? Does it have a special meaning? Or just a bunch of sounds you like to pronounce? Any advice how to pick up mine?

So, now it's been officially a whole year since I found out about being trans(or non binary, idk, idc)

I have not changed a single thing about my outside identity. I am still the foolish boy from one year ago, externally at least. The only thing I managed to pull off to feel some euphoria was using a theatre piece I was takin part in as an excuse to wear a tiny bit more feminine in public, for one freaking day, and that was it.

My social circle is too hellish to change anything qbout it. My direct family probably doesnt know what we even are, my outside ""friends"" are going to kill me and exclude me from everything. And even for the people thst srent transphobic or toxic, it's gonna be an akward time for them and me.

It's kinda hard to describe, but as I never got to experiment eith my style or personality thst much, I took the default "stupid overconfident teen boy" set and I try talking like that to everyone. I never ever showd genuine emotion and I like to describe myself as an "actor" cuz of that.

If I stopped pretending to be cis, I would not just have to change my social circle slmost entirely, but i'd have to rediscover who I actually am beyond my mask. I'd have to kill a part of mine to move on.

So what im asking is how? How can I turn my entire personality into something else? I just cannot imagine how thst would look like for me. It seems so unrealistic.. so impossible to do..

I’ve identified as transmasc nonbinary for about a year so far but now I’m questioning my gender again. I don‘t necessarily feel like either a boy or a girl(I was AFAB) but i do feel like my gender is more masculine leaning than before. Ive started using he/they pronouns, but this was a long journey of starting with she/they, moving to they/them, then beginning to use he/they. I’m not sure if I’m a trans man or if I’m something that falls under the nonbinary umbrella. My gender dysphoria generally revolves around wanting to be perceived as a guy, like having a deeper voice or more masculine body traits, so I could feel more comfortable in traditionally fem clothing. I just really need help with figuring out what I am because my brain doesn’t like not knowing things about myself, and gender is a big part of me.

The reason? I have bracelets that say my name and non binary. I also have a non binary, leabian, and rainbow kandi cuffs. I usually hide them, but i took a nap today and accidentally left them on the couch. My mom asked about them and asked if they were mine, and what they meant. I said that some were for a friend, but i don't think she bought it. My parents arent homophobic or transphobic or anything, but I'm still figuring myself out . I dont know what to do.

So I struggle with how to defend my gender for easily over a decade and have been wanting to go by a different name at least since middle school (wanting something less common and more unisex).

I am struggling to even cautiously apply the Agender title to myself, as I don't have any dysphoria just some slight discomfort regarding feminine pet names and a complete lack of feeling feminine, but it's what I'm going with for now 🤷

In day to day life I don't tend to bring this up or request specific pronouns, as I am currently in a country where the language does not offer a neutral option outside of neo pronouns.

On online profiles I list they/them pronouns and Agender as I do see myself as a person way more so than connected to any gender.

All of my pictures are in somewhat neutral/androgynous clothing. So no skirts or dresses, nothing showing off my chest, no heavy makeup, mostly a muted color palette of greys and forresty colors. I've also started wearing some more jewelry to show up as more alternative.

I now also updated my dating profiles to a more neutral name in the hopes of that reinforcing how I'm trying to present. The problem with that arises as soon as they learn my government name and immediately switch to using that instead, completely forgetting the name I have on my profile and they had called me before 🤷

The issue is that I get a lot of interest from guys who will either ignore the information I give or outright tell me they are bothered by it but still want to pursue me cause they think I'm "hot" 🤦

Even the ones who do seem to be fine with it will call me very gendered pet names over and over even with me telling them I don't like those and offering pet names I do like.

I also feel like I can't show any feminine outfits or it feels like false advertisement cause that is not what I wear most of the time and it resets any progress on more neutral language.

I have previously been with a pansexual person but even then they wanted to see me as feminine and would disregard what I was saying whenever I brought up how I saw myself in terms of gender, having to beg them to even use the term partner for me. my struggles were disregarded because I did not want to make major and immediate changes and struggled with things like finding a name I like for myself.

Sadly I find myself mainly attracted by masculinity so I find myself mostly faced with cis guys and even the queer ones seem to have expectations for how I dress or present based on my biological sex.

At this point I'm starting to question if it's even possible to find someone to accept me as anything but a woman? 🤷

For a longer context on how I see myself, in case that is helpful for any advice:

I am mostly comfortable with how I look, not wanting to do any gender affirming procedures or hormones (there are a few things I'd maybe like but most of the effects aren't for me).

I am outwardly read as a cis woman but I feel mostly genderless (just a person) with occasional hints of feeling masculine in certain actions or contexts.

I mostly dress quite neurally in cargo pants and T-shirts/hoodies or slacks and sweaters, with occasional dresses when it's too hot.

If just imagining myself it would be male though, so I've described it as a "gay guy in an afab body " before , just without the want to transition. This just seems to be an impossible situation to find someone who will be able to actually accept me how I see myself 🤷

I’m taking 1mg sublingual estradiol twice per day as well as 200mg spiro and 120mg raloxifene to limit breast growth. I’ve been on spiro for like over a year but i just started the hormones and raloxifene like a couple months ago. this is all diy.

on my left side I have basically no breast budding or soreness. But on my right, there’s a quarter sized bud that’s relatively firm and kinda sensitive. I’m getting kinda nervous abt how uneven the growth is. I’ve been considering temporarily going to a higher estrogen dose to trigger budding on the left side but idk how good that idea is. Humans have on average around one boob but i’d rather have none or 2 tbh

any uhh,, any advice?

I saw a Virginia Woolf quote that got me thinking about the nature of androgyny. Do you find your gender to be additive androgyny (masculinity/man + femininity/woman), neutral androgyny (in the middle of masculinity/manhood and femininity/womanhood) or more of a fluid androgyny (moving between masculinity/man and femininity/woman)? Also, I was wondering if any of you guys present androgynously or not, and why (not). I find transandrogyny to be really marginalised in the non-binary community, like androgyny is almost dogmatically advocated against, so I wondered specifically about what other androgynes think, since I am an androgyne myself. Since I'm a femme lesbian, I present more femininely, but I was wondering how other androgynes experience internal androgyny and presentation.

I'm apart of the non-binary umbrella (demigirlflux, AFAB), and I'm closeted to be specific. I'm also a teenager (15 and a half) to make this make more sense.

Today I went to a summer camp and I had to introduce myself with my deadname (my new name is Alva). It made me uncomfortable but I didn't think much of it and introduced myself with it, feeling nervous.

Honestly, I've known I wasn't a girl completely when I was 10-12 and a half years old and changed my name since my birth one didn't feel fitting but I've been closeted for these past few years, so you can already guess I had to use my deadname not just at school but for other places; like the gym (I go there twice a week). I haven't told anybody the name I prefer to be called and I can't tell the reason why I find it difficult to make others call me Alva outside of my parents (specifically my mom, but my dad too).

Every time I hear someone with my deadname being called I think they're calling me (my deadname is common, unfortunately) so I look around only to realize they were talking to another person with the name (it's a female name so technically a girl with it), and it makes me feel even more dysphoric(?) but I don't show much stress. Only people who know about my new name and identity outside of the internet are my older brother and irl best friend, other than them I'm closeted with other people I know.

I tried doing research about this but I couldn't find anything that helped me understand this, so...a little help please? I know this sounds dumb but I've been doubting myself for a bit over this now.

I've heard on here and multiple reddit post that my voice can lighten or soften if I go off T. Overall T isn't really for me for a couple of reasons which are social reasons, not feeling like a man anymore , dealing with therapeutic phlebotomy and not wanting to take estrogen cream plus not liking how different sex feels in terms of orgasms and stuff like that , and just not wanting to do shots/gel anymore and do labs .

I've been on a lowish dose for 2 year which was 40mg of the shots then I went up to 50mg for a month before stopping cold turkey due to losing insurance and my job during the pandemic. Then I went back on using gel first on 40mg then to 50mg on gel which was too much for 6 months then back to 20mg for 6 months then I was too low so I went back up to 40 mg for 2 months now and will probably stay on 3-6 more months .

If I can get tropical DHT from a compound Pharmacy I might stay on for another year depending on how the DHT blockers affect me since both pills gave me side effects. Overall I'm super ready to stop T it's really just my voice and my monthly stuff that give me dysphoria. I feel weird because I actually miss some part about being on Estrogen but I'm scared of sounding too feminine again, or my voice lightening.

So overall I'm pretty loss on what to do . Also I can't afford electrolysis or use IPL due to my skin color I'm African American with dark curly hair and pretty dark skin, and have a lot of hyperpigmentation scars and folliculitis due to shaving and having curly hair, plus Trichotillomania. It sucks . I'm not really sure what to do just that the thought of having a beard makes me so physically uncomfortable.

Really because I can handle the sensory texture of having any hair in general which is why I shave everyday including the hair on my head. So I had this issue before T, since childhood . I just wonder how much will my voice lighten off T, could anyone give me some examples ? My voice completely changed from my first 2 years on low dose T . I'm assuming this is my permanent voice after T but I'm not sure since it's cracking again since upping my dose . Overall I'm happy with my voice I just don't want to sound like a pre T voice or even my voice after I stopped the first time .

I've identified as nonbinary for 11 years. I go back and forth on labels a lot but agender feels like "home" to me. It's the most natural, it's where I always come back to when I've explored for a bit, and it is comforting when I feel I'm properly embodying it. I am very secure in the validity of my gender.

That said, I find myself really often trying to fit into binary identities that just do not work. I'm AFAB and on T. I have tried really hard to push towards masculinity to assuage the dysphoria which arises from femininity. I worked my ass off voice training and get a good 90% he/him, sir on the phone now. Initially when I would get called sir I felt euphoric, even giddy at it. But as time has gone on I kind of hate it nearly as much as getting ma'am. Last summer I dealt with the opposite problem of trying to fit more into a feminine binary which made me go into a nasty dysphoria spiral.

I don't think this is internalized transphobia on my part, exactly. I know I'm nonbinary, that my gender is valid, that it's okay for me to be nonbinary. But I think I'm having a sort of mental block that results from a combination of the world being so binary and my dysphoria being so intense. I am overwhelmed by gender. Everyone who speaks to me is sorting me into a binary without me wanting it. Even the people who ask me "are you a guy or a girl?" do so with the assumption that I will be one or the other. So when I try to assuage the dysphoria, I run into extremes that make the situation worse and discount that hey, I'm nonbinary. Just running into another binary is not going to help. That's what I mean by "discounting my own nonbinary identity."

I know that was long as hell so I appreciate anyone who read all that. Has anyone else dealt with similar? How do you cope with the reality that the dysphoria may never go away, only traded for something which is slightly better? Or, do you have any advice on how to stop these sorts of spirals before they start?

so i'm afab and i've been wondering a lot recently about whether i'm nonbinary. i don't feel anything towards my legal name and she/her at all and i am already going by they/them on another account for a few months to test them out and i've been vibing with them. i'm still not sure if i can use the label nonbinary in full confidence though. i also don't like looking in mirrors or seeing pictures of myself. i do really not like certain parts of my body though, like my breasts. sometimes i can just forget they exist but then i'm unfortunately reminded of them. i just dont like looking at them in the mirror because to me it looks like they??? shouldn't be there??? i had to try on a new bra recently and i absolutely despised wearing it because it had pads and felt deeply uncomfortable because i felt like it was putting more emphasis on something i didnt want.

has anyone else felt like this at any point because i'm really not sure where to go here.

Hey all,

I'm some kind of bi Enby After 12 years of introducing myself as cis gay. I'm feeling quite bitter and misunderstood in most groups i'm in and rather annoyed when I get gendered/ when gender expectations are put upon me. I've done some social transitionning by having casual chats to lots of various friends but it doesn't change my daily discomfort (nor how they speak about me). I don't really feel like making my looks more fem, cause it's not me, but i'm just tired of not fitting in. Can you relate ? Were you patient enough to explain clearly ? Do you live Moments of gender euphoria, and how ? And about sex and romantic life, do you have supportive partners whom see you fully and find you sexy ?

I'm a bit lost between feeling the risk of being shamed daily for being outspoken or being a bit "walking aside myself" if it makes sense.

Hey!

Starting off on a positive note - I'm engaged! My partner proposed to me a couple of weeks ago, we've been together for 6 years. He's my best friend in the whole world and I'm so excited to be married to him. <3

So I'm actually a little bit new to being nonbinary (they/any). It's definitely something I've been questioning on and off for years, but I've only recently come around to being "out" as such. I have a close circle of friends, alongside my partner, who have really helped me in figuring things out, experimenting with pronouns, finding what I'm comfortable with. I do think I'm starting to feel good about myself for the first time... maybe ever? But again, I've only been out for a couple of months or so, and only to this group of people. (As a side note, I knew my fiancée was thinking of proposing and was really worried about this identity causing him to re-think some things and lose attraction. Luckily that didn't happen and he's crazy supportive, but that was part of why it took me so long to embrace this about me.)

With all that context, the beginning stages of wedding planning are... a little bit stressful. I don't any anything big or fancy, but I do want a wedding. It's all just very...gendered? There's some aspects of it that I'm looking forward to spinning off in my own way (for example, I'll wear a dress, but I'm gonna wear some converse and a sick-ass jacket over that bad boy), but there's other aspects of it that... I dunno. Being called a bride, or bride-to-be, is weird? Preparing for the 'big day' feels really overly feminine? How do I have a maid of honor if my friends are all queer (and I struggle to have a close enough friend to have that conversation with anyways)?

I dunno. I guess I should be out to my family in order to make this work, but to keep it vague, I have such a hard time sharing things about myself /because/ of my family lmao. We're in a good spot now, but things were certainly rough in the past and I'm afraid of caring unnecessary friction. There's also the added wrinkle of my family offering to pay for the wedding, so I feel like that's going to cause my mother to feel she has leverage over me when putting it together - which I suppose is a conversation for a separate Reddit post. It's all just really complicated.

Any married NB folks willing to give me advice? Whether that be suggestions on more gender neutral wedding stuff, how to navigate being out to family, etc. Would really appreciate it. Or just some general support, that'd be nice too. 🫠

Would a cis woman with her estrogen cranked to hell benefit from T-Gel microdoses? Like would that balance out the hormones?

I know T-Gel and Nexplanon turned my cycle off entirely. But I had high T for a cis woman to begin with and that’s why mine were broken. And too much T makes estrogen go crazy.

But I know someone with cranked estrogen, and she definitely will not go for this. She’s got it covered with other things. And this isn’t a recommendation situation or anything. I’m just curious.

Hi! I’m 21 n/b and have been wearing a binder for almost a year now, not daily, but enough to want to get a better one. I bought mine off amazon because it was what I could afford and the easiest to get at the time, but now I’m wanting something a little better. I’m typically a 40DD so I’m not small, and I have a tummy which causes my current binder to roll up when I sit down. It also has gotten a bit stretched out which sucks because it wasn’t the best at flattening to begin with. Does anyone have any recommendations for good binders or binding techniques I can try that would help flatten my chest more and be more comfortable for all day use? I would really appreciate any advice or suggestions please!

So, I(22, AMAB) have recently begun exploring my gender, I've had some pretty rough history with it as when I was younger I questioned it on multiple occasions, but was always promptly turned down by my parents, forced to ignore it and not think about it. I considered if maybe I was simply trans at one point, but ultimately decided the concept of fully letting go of all my masculine traits just didn't feel right. I like the concept of being feminine, I like the idea of being androgynous and having the freedom to present either masculine or femininely when I want, I've on multiple occasions related to nonbinary characters in media and have had many signs pointing to my suppressed desires to express my gender more freely. all of that culminated when my current partner decided to finally address the topic of my gender with me, and was super supportive and kind and patient with me. After now fully realizing I do want to be nonbinary, I've thought that due to how my physiology is, how I'm built, I might need to take estrogen/go through HRT if I want to look the way I want to. But I dunno, I've read that at around 22 it becomes less and less effective, and also, I also don't want to fully transition, as I don't like the prospect of some of the feminine traits it brings like boobs, but the other stuff I've seen HRT cause I do like, such as softer skin, more prominent hips and curves, less body hair, fat distribution in the body, etc. so I dunno if I should just try to achieve those things through methods like exercises, shaving, and diet, or if theyre not even possible to achieve that way since I look far too masculine for my own taste. Overall, I just want some pointers, and was hoping some people who've gone through similar might know what to do? Thanks in advance either way! :3

Boiled down, I'm genderqueer, but I actually don't have any sense of rejection towards my body. If anything, I'm happy with it.

Lately, I've been considering going on estrogen because I heard that trans femmes who had thinning to balding hair pretreatment actually saw results where their hair started growing in thickly on their heads. Personally, I have naturally fine hair that's gotten thin because eczema made me scratch at it like crazy. I've treated my scalp problem, and now I'm looking to boost the likelihood of my hair growing back in as thickly as it used to be. I already use alma hair oil; would estrogen help?

Mainly, though, I'm wondering if there's a chance of me feeling more femme with estrogen. I like being NB, I don't have any interest feeling more attached to me AGAB.

I'm cis, and I get very little about the non-binary experience, but I'm trying to get into writing really short stories for fun and the one I'm writing now follows a person who gets comfort in the form of a ghost attached to them (pretty much it). So it's not a story about being non-binary, as I would have no idea what it takes to write one, but it does follow a non-binary main character. It's more about longing for something to hold on to, escapism, etc.

So questions.

- If you aren't out to your parents yet (could be if you are out to them too!), what disrespecting things do they do to force you to conform to a certain gender they set out in their heads?

- If you are from a poor background and you specifically try to look androgynous, is it hard to get stuff that help you to find your style, and if it is, do you just thug it out and push through it being uncomfortable?

If any of my words have put anyone the wrong way in any capacity, please call me out. Thank you if you choose to answer this!

*Apologies, long explanation

Wasn't sure whether to tag "Question" or "Advice", but here's the Thing-

I (AMAB, level 21 creature) have been looking into and exploring my identity and have been looking into trans, nonbinary, and genderfluid spaces but wanted to ask for myself. I've presented male practically my whole life, but within the past two years, finally got my own money and freedom to try thigh highs, more feminine clothes, and generally exploring my wardrobe and expression. I have a beard currently and plan to grow my hair with it but can't find a style (never got to grow my hair until late teen years).

Main point is, I feel outside of the gender norm for guys and have recently felt dysphoria in both specific directions, so I use he/they, and now experimenting adding she. I take pride in my beard and hair, but recently have leaned towards she/they but want to still present with a beard and my general masculine features as nonbinary and possibly genderfluid. I just want to ask for guidance in finding myself and make sure I'm doing the right thing for myself and my identity.