Any changes and apologies ever? Or exactly the opposite + playing a victim + a smear campaign behind your back?

My husband is currently our stay at home parent. We have two kids, ages 8 and 10, both with ADHD. My husband LOooooooves shopping for groceries and thrifting, and does this to excess. But he will not clean our main living area or do decluttering needed -- because the kids made the mess so they should clean it up. It gets to be such a mess, I don't have time due to work.

When I reflected on the work husband is willing to do, it is things like laundry, repairs, and yardwork -- things with a defined 'done' state. He struggles with the work that is never done, like the picking up.

Is there a way that I can help him see or reframe the 'endless' work, so that he helps out with it?

Hey there. This is your friendly neighborhood moderator.

Its been brought to my attention that this sub has been neglected. I'm so sorry. I was unaware how inactive Ive been. I have a feeling I'm the only mod here.

I usually just checked posts here and there that got flagged not checking actual mod mail to allow people to join and post. I'm so sorry. But if people would be able to help with that, that would be fantastic.

Maybe one to check for new comers and one to answer messages? Idk. If I could even get one person to help with that, that would be wonderful.

Thank you.

I finally fully cut off contact with my ex girlfriend at the end of the June and I’m only now grasping with the severity of her emotional abuse. I’ve started EMDR therapy to work on the trauma from that relationship and other complex trauma that has shown up throughout my life, but right now I just feel so resentful towards my ex girlfriend. I know that it’s an understandable emotion to feel considering what I’ve been through, but it genuinely feels so exhausting and draining. I’m thankful for the people in my life who have validated me and actually believed me, but right now it doesn’t outweigh the harm that was done to me

My husband of 18 years struggles to sit down and collaborate. For example, he won't sit to do a monthly budget -- although he will judge me and be upset for spending 'too much' of an undefined amount. He also refuses to just plan, as in make a meal plan for the week and shop according to that. He says instead "I will buy whatever you want me to buy." but he won't meal plan _together_. There are also tons of little small repairs needing to be done at home that he leaves sitting, I think waiting for a time that it can be done 'perfectly.' He wants me to proceed to repair without him, although if I do he will then nonstop criticize the way I am doing/did it. . . . . He can't sit and plan out a schedule for this for me. . . . .Is he ever going to be able to have a true marriage and accept my influence? I don't know if I can stay with this.