I read the chats of the past few moths again. She is soo done with me, she just wanted to escape and I didn’t let her, I kept feeling there is something, something inside of her for me, if I can just get to that, maybe she will come back. But I should have understood when she started comparing our situation to me and my other ex, how she was able to cut contact when she loved me. Fuck I feel so horrible and regretful, not only did I lose my self respect in front of her, pushed her away a lot and wasted so much of both of our time, she just simply didn’t want me, why tf was I so rigid to understand that, a month of disbelief is ok, but 5 months of being in denial, she got so tired of me, I’m sure she feels a bit relieved now. It’s sooo fucking tragic how things became between us, how absolutely sure she is, it hurts me so damn much. I must move on, this is no way to live life. She is grieving but she has moved on from the idea of me and she is extremely extremely stubborn as a person on her decisions so she will stick to it no matter what and that is what scared me the most but I don’t have an option now😞

Necesito consejos o desahogarme me enteré que mi ex se casó con su novia rusa, ya pasaron dos años y medio que terminamos pero me sentí horrible creo que aún tenía esperanzas.

I knew her my whole life. We have the same friend group, and all our friends were rooting for us. We started finally dating after 10 years and she love bombed me, said she knew we were always meant for each other. Then 6 months in she started going distant and cold. I have no idea why to this day. She kept saying she still liked me and was still interested, she even invited me to an event this weekend after texting me all week.

Then today I saw it on instagram. Her holding hands on a date with the guy she's been seeing for months already while stringing me along the whole time. It's been the most soul crushing experience of my life. That image will be burned into my head until the day I die. I don't get how someone who seemed so sweet, kind and genuine can be so heartless and cruel. I just don't get it.

I’m 24 days post-breakup, 22 days since I last saw him in person, and 14 days into no contact after our final logistical text exchange.
(This timeline doesn’t even feel real.)

This has been the most heartbreaking loss of my life. I’ve never experienced this depth of grief, pain, and longing after a relationship ended. 💔

Journaling has helped me organize my thoughts and feelings, and I wanted to share something that has helped me in hopes that it resonates with someone here.

Yesterday I wrote:

“By the end… we were both grasping at straws. The relationship needed to end.

We were two people who loved each other, but had become increasingly incompatible in the way we related to one another.

We were desperately trying to save something that neither of our nervous systems knew how to stabilize anymore.

I felt deeply in love with him the entire relationship, but another truth that existed was the way I would tense up and feel anxious every morning waking up next to him… and that same feeling whenever one of us entered the same room.”

I’ve been trying to accept the end a little more each day, and upon reflecting today, this thought has helped me:

I’m not grieving a place I can go back to.

I realized that the relationship I’m longing to return to… no longer existed by the end.

I’m grieving the version of the relationship where we both felt safe, connected, and hopeful. But that wasn’t where we were anymore.

We hadn’t been there for a long time leading up to the breakup.. 😞

Even if he called today and said, “Let’s try again,” (as much as I WISH for that) I know that I wouldn’t be stepping back into a place of secure attachment.

The pain, exhaustion, tension, and resentment wouldn’t simply disappear.

I’m grieving something that was real, beautiful, and meaningful, but also something that had already changed.

I can’t go back.

So I have to let go.

I know it’s easier said than done.. but this helped me to push through another day and I hope it helps someone else. ❤️‍🩹

I don’t know how you make peace with something like this.

I’m not claiming my perspective is the objectively correct one. I know I have my own biases and blind spots, just like she has hers.
But I’m genuinely bewildered by how differently we seem to remember our relationship.

Sometimes it feels like things have been reframed to the point where I barely recognize our relationship, myself, or even the person I loved. That’s been one of the hardest parts to grieve.

I don’t want to be right. I don’t want to “win.” More than anything, I wanted us to arrive at a shared understanding of what happened. I know we’re not in a place where that’s possible right now, and maybe we never will be.

I’m just trying to hold onto who I know myself to be while accepting that someone I loved came to understand me in a way that feels almost unrecognizable to me.

I don’t know if anyone else has experienced this, but it has been one of the loneliest parts of losing someone I loved.

My ex of 4 years, (we both women, Im 35 she is 31) had an affair with a workplace colleague (woman, 25) this year.. I found out from reading her confession on chat gpt. For months (Late January - end of March) she was gaslighting me and lying to me when I would ask if there was anybody else... she then became very manipulative at the end and push and pulling me.

I asked her to come and collect her stuff from our flat, I put all her things in bags outside our flat and gave her a pick up time. She picked up her stuff, and asked me twice via text if I was keeping the playstation (I brought her for Christmas) I ignored this, she has messaged me this today...

\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*Hi i hope you’re ok. Just wanted to check with what’s going on with the flat? Not had any correspondence about a notice being handed in so assuming you are staying on? So I will need to take myself off the tenancy? Also, I need to collect the rest of my stuff and clothes as stuff is missing. You also didn’t reply to me about the PlayStation, you’d given me that as a gift? I need to drop your Indian clothes and speaker off too. So can we arrange for an exchange or something or if you still don’t want to see me then let me know a day you will be out for me to get my stuff and return the keys to you?\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*

I have messaged the property management and asked them to remove her from the tenancy agreement from next month, I have already changed the lock barrel so she can't let herself in.

Can anyone please give me some advice on the best way to manage this, I want minimal contact with her. Every time I hear from her, my body starts shaking and my heart rate goes so high - its horrible, just want her out of my life now. Some of my friends are suggesting it maybe would be easier to let her back in one last time, but I don’t want her any where near me.

I can’t believe she is acting like this.. she not only cheated, lied and gaslit me for months, this was less than 2 years after she watched me go through the sudden death of my mum who was only 57, I had a cancer scare this year (whilst she was having the affair), and had to have a biopsy the day after I found out, she went to work, and I went to the hospital on my own. And she now because she decided to leave and go live with her parents and leave me and the cat she wanted, I maybe will have to move out myself.. she has disrupted my entire life and hurt me incredibly; and all she can focus on is this playstation and her saying things are missing.. which isn’t true. Since this affair came out, and even before she has treated me as if I am the bad guy and the one that cheated!? It’s crazy.

Thank you all so much, this is incredibly hard and I feel so alone right now and anxious about all of this.

As we’re friends and live together it’s a little bit soul destroying. His new girlfriend is quite full on and it seems to bother him. I stuck my nose in where it wasn’t needed and suggested he talk to her about it. He responded saying the problem is that he isn’t full on enough. I feel embarrassed that I let my selfish feelings get the better of me and I don’t know what to do. He still treats me normally but it’s just so upsetting now.

Long story short, I’m the one that broke up with my bf a month ago. I broke my own heart too, but it needed to happen. I was emotionally overloaded and exhausted from months of emotional labor. I wasn’t doing things right I admit.

Starting about a week after the breakup, once I relieved a lot of the burden and initial shock and grief, my emotions came back. So did my anxiety. Extreme anxiety. The kind that puts a painful ticklish string through your core. Since then (so for about 3 weeks), every weekday at about 3pm I get this full-body ticklish heaviness, almost like a panic attack or heart attack, that sits for about an hour or two. I work out every evening and it relieves it, but in the moment I sometimes feel like I’m genuinely going to have a heart attack or pass out. I do something different but am still in office each time it happens. No triggers I’ve noticed, nothing extremely repetitive.

Has anyone heard of this before? Does anyone know why this could be happening? I’m young, active, managing my emotions through physical and mental therapy tactics, but it comes through only when I’m working at 2-3pm EVERY. DAY. Without fail. Please dont tell me im dying lmao.

I really wish he would reach out. More than anything, I wanted closure. I wanted one final conversation where he would just be honest with me. Towards the end of our four-year long-distance relationship, he became so secretive. He stopped telling me what he was doing, where he was, and who he was talking to. Whenever I asked, I’d either get vague answers or no answers at all. It left me wondering if he was cheating or if there was someone else, and those thoughts have completely consumed me ever since. The uncertainty has destroyed me mentally. I have constant dreams about him being with other women, and I wake up feeling sick to my stomach. My mind keeps replaying every little thing, trying to figure out what happened and whether I missed signs. I feel like my body is exhausted from carrying all of this grief and anxiety. I don’t even know if hearing the truth would make it hurt less, but I wanted the chance to hear it from him. I wanted one last phone call where he would answer my questions honestly instead of leaving me with silence and endless “what ifs.” Has anyone else struggled more with the unanswered questions than the breakup itself? How did you ever make peace with not knowing the truth?

My partner (33M) and I (26F) were together for almost 2 years in a long-distance relationship. We cared about each other but we had completely different communication styles. He was emotionally reserved, avoided conflict, and often needed space. I, on the other hand, needed reassurance and open communication.
Over time, I felt emotionally neglected. I started suppressing my own feelings because whenever I needed comfort, I felt like I was asking for too much. Eventually, I reached my breaking point. We had a huge argument where I completely lost control, said hurtful things that I deeply regretted and told him I wish you the worst out of anger but I sincerely apologized afterward.
Instead of breaking up with me, he said he forgave me but that the relationship had reached its limits, that he was emotionally exhausted, and that he needed space to think. He never explicitly ended the relationship or gave me a final answer.
It’s now been 17 days of complete silence. I have respected the space he asked for and haven’t contacted him, but I honestly don’t know how to interpret this anymore.
I’m not looking for false hope I’d just like to hear from people who have been in a similar situation. If your partner asked for space, did they eventually come back? If yes, how long did it take, and what happened afterward?

TL;DR: My partner asked for space after a major argument but never officially ended the relationship. It’s been 17 days of no contact. Has anyone experienced something similar, and did their partner eventually come back?

I feel stuck in my own thoughts. I miss her but can't let go. Suddenly she was gone. Did she ghost me, did something happen? I haven't heard from her in a while now and thought i was OK. But then yesterday it hit me again. Talking with people, i just miss the connection i had with her, nobody compared to her. I don't dare move on, hoping she will return explain why she wasn't able to reach out. I don't dare let go, I'm in denial. Or maybe she really is in trouble, she did say the weeks before she vanished that things were getting more tense for her, that she had to communicate less often, but never said nothing at all. I still hold on to that hope she might return. I opened up to her, i let her in. I hadn't done that for most people ever, I'm a super private person, it takes a lot for me to trust someone, I'm usually paranoid and always on guard, even if i trust someone. But with her that all went, i didn't have a guard up anymore. It makes it so much harder to not talk with her daily. She's still on my mind every day. Secretly i even hope she reads this now. I'm even thinking is she testing how loyal i am, how long i will keep waiting for her?

How do you deal with this?

Those who ghosted, why? Was it easy?

Those who were ghosted, how do you cope?

Separação com filhos

Li vários posts aqui sobre isso, mas senti a necessidade de compartilhar minha história também, para descobrir como lidar com a situação.

Nosso relacionamento completaria 8 anos em setembro e temos uma filha de 3 anos.

Nosso relacionamento já teve muitas desavenças, principalmente por ciúmes e falta de comunicação. Depois que nossa filha nasceu, as coisas só pioraram. Ao longo do último ano, estivemos perto de terminar algumas vezes, mas, por causa da minha persistência, continuamos juntos. Estávamos bem — ele até tinha começado a dizer que me amava novamente — e então, de repente, devido ao estresse de ambos os lados, ficamos cerca de 3 dias conversando apenas quando necessário. Ontem ele veio falar comigo, dizendo que o objetivo da conversa era terminar, mas que ele não ia realmente fazer isso. Ele conseguiu me fazer perder a paciência, jogar meu anel no chão e sair. Então começamos a conversar sobre uma separação de verdade e como lidaríamos com as coisas em relação à nossa filha... mas estou arrasada. Eu o amo muito e não queria que nossa família terminasse assim. Fico pensando muito em como minha filha vai reagir e aceitar isso com o passar do tempo. Estou me sentindo péssima — mal consigo comer e estou com pressão alta. Hoje mandei uma mensagem para ele perguntando se ele concordaria em dar um tempo, mesmo que fosse só por um mês, para que pudéssemos nos acalmar e tentar de novo — pela nossa família, pela nossa filha. Ele ainda não me respondeu; não sei se ele vai responder ou simplesmente me ignorar.

Alguém já passou por algo parecido e poderia me dar algum conselho, por favor? Estou me sentindo tão perdida, preocupada com a minha filha e completamente de coração partido.

Hi. I want to sum this up as easy as possible. Since April 2024, I have been off and on with a man who I thought he and I were in love with each other - the reason I keep going back and me thinking that soul mates find their way back blah blah right? Well June of this year we reconnected, to which he told me the gf in between us he had broken up with. About a week ago I got a text message from a friend a photo in a are we dating the same guy facebook group of him. I know it was the ex because he told me she had DMed multiple of his friends and girl friends from home and here after "I picked her up to get the rest of her stuff, showered while she collected it and when I got out she locked herself in my bedroom and went through my laptop" INSANE story sir. But I fell for the manipulation. I clearly have thought that was all odd and took initiative to DM her myself on a burner acct. She told me that they met in June 2024 and were exclusive in September then. Funny we broke up in October 24. Also informed me they were together up until last weekend hence just now posting about it. HE told me the girls she DMed were his friends from home and looking at the girls she recently followed that is true.... She also followed my real acct after the burner acct convo ended so she knows about me? Besides that, I know he is a piece of shit from her saying all the stuff from the peak of our relationship being the start of theirs. I am just confused what to do here, he doesn't know I reached out to her and is asking to see me before my trip this weekend lol I know I should leave but seeking advice because I am genuinely at a loss.

To make a very long story short, I knew this girl in middle school. Let's call her S. She was the first friend I made there, and at the end of eighth grade she texted me saying that she liked me and hoped the feeling was mutual.

I, of course, had to be a stupid middle school boy. I didn't know what "mutual" meant, so I never texted her back to tell her I felt the same way. To this day, that's one of my biggest regrets.

When we started high school, we ended up in the same homeroom. I wanted to clear things up, but I never got the chance. She had become friends with someone who made fun of me almost every day in front of her. I would try to joke around with S the way we used to in middle school, but this new friend would tell her to ignore me or shut me down before we could even talk. I don't know if S ever told her about the text she had sent me, but after that everything between us just seemed to switch off.

Around my high school friends, I acted like I was the happy, joking guy. Looking back, though, I don't think I was ever really the same after what happened with S.

Then COVID happened. The few friends I had drifted away, or it felt like they always had someone they'd rather talk to. When we returned to school during junior year, I really only had one friend. Even then, we were just school friends. We never hung out outside of school.

I eventually told her everything about S, and she encouraged me to text her and try to reconnect. So I did, even though I already knew things wouldn't be the same. She had built a new life and made new friends, and I felt like I would only be filling empty space.

I sent her a message that said something like, "Tripping up the stairs is embarrassing, but nothing is more embarrassing than not knowing what the word 'mutual' meant." She replied and said she was in the middle of moving and wanted to talk more afterward.

We never did.

I'd still see her in the hallways, and she would always wave at me. Even then, I knew nothing was ever going to happen between us.

Ever since graduating high school and starting college, I've had dreams about her. They always feel incredibly real. The way she talked, the way she joked, and the way it felt to be around her all come back so vividly. Every time I wake up from one of those dreams, I find myself wondering what I would give for the chance to go back and change that one moment.

At the same time, I see her on Instagram living the life she always said she wanted. I'm genuinely happy that she's doing well, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't jealous. She kept moving forward while I stayed stuck looking backward. She's living her life, and it often feels like I'm still caught in the past, wondering what could have been while feeling like I've accomplished very little with my own.

But I think now, at 21, I desperately need to move on. I've spent years thinking about S, and in doing so I've stayed quiet about things I'm starting to notice in my own family and in my own life. I don't want to keep living in the past anymore. I don't want to keep wondering what could have been or wishing I could go back and change one moment. I just want to move forward, but I don't know how.

So someone, please help.

How to be okay with no contact?

For context I had a gf and we were 3 years and 5 months. Broke up 2 months ago. For the 1st month ee were on and off. Today she decided to say that she'll end sending anything and stop being friends too. We're in the same group of friends and we decided to be casual or so I thought. We stopped whatever set up we had maybe 2-3weeks ago and the same day she said for me to not beg her to accept me in her accounts if she ever unfriended me. I respected that and i genuinely understand. I was also the reason why we broke up, got controlling and insecure but i was changing up until now. How do i be okay with us going no contact? How can i feel okay when we are not in contact anymore? Not blocked but she's on private, and she unfriended me. I feel like Im going nuts i feel so anxious. How do i genuinely get over it? How do i stop getting panic attacks? How do i make peace with her absence?

Karma doesn't exist. Or at least, negative karma always exists when it comes to me. At the slightest hint of a vaguely immoral action, karma strikes and makes me miserable. Yet the rest of the time, I’m kind and good to everyone; I do plenty of favors and try to make everyone happy. And karma stays silent. Or maybe I should just be grateful to be alive? Fuck it, I hate my life.

For five years, I made so many sacrifices for my girlfriend—I literally saved her life. Then, one day, she wakes up and decides she doesn't love me anymore; she starts an OnlyFans account and begins seeing a bunch of guys less than a week after leaving me. What happened to post-breakup respect? To avoiding hurting the person you loved for so long? She can do whatever she wants with her life, but couldn't she at least wait a few months? Because if I were in her shoes, I would have done that without anyone even asking; I’ve always done so after a breakup.

And here I am, telling myself: "One day she’ll come back and beg to get back together, because I was the best guy she could have ever had"—but what a deluded fool I am. Now she goes out every day, has people around her who care about her, has fun, can sleep with whoever she wants, and doesn't think about me anymore. Meanwhile, I haven't slept in months; I keep waking up in the middle of the night with anxiety because I dream of the lovely girl she used to be and realize we aren't together anymore. I can't get back to sleep, I can't eat, and I suffer from constant panic attacks where I try to hurt myself—or worse. She took all the money I had; I’m alone all day with no one to talk to or go out with. I’ve been reduced to writing here all day, looking so desperate as I churn out post after post and cry because no one answers—all just to find a little company and avoiding to have one my crisis.

And a year from now, I’ll still be alone, without friends, working every day for the rest of my life. Meanwhile, she’ll already have a loving new boyfriend, be rich thanks to OnlyFans, and won’t even remember the guy who saved her life from her abusive family.

And everyone tells me, "You have to try to understand." I have to try to understand? I’m always making excuses for other people's actions, even when they’re downright cruel to me. Why doesn't anyone ever try to understand ME? Why am I always the one who has to make an effort for others, while no one ever makes an effort for me? I’ve always been the least appreciated son, the family outcast, the one excluded from every friend group and bullied, the one who struggled in school, I’m not anyone’s first choice, nor their second, got rejected by every girl, and has no bright future ahead. I don’t think I ever did anything wrong to deserve all this pain, and I’m tired of having to be the mature adult when no one else is willing to be that way with me. I don’t even have the courage to end it all once and for all.

I am exhausted by this life. Everything was fine; I had the one person who made me happy, and now she’s the worst of them all. I didn't really do anything to make her leave—I was building her dream, supporting her for years while she worked on her own dreams. But I suppose I asked too much from my life. I just wanted to have one person with me who truly loves me and wants to be with me. I have no one to hug. Not even my parents. I truly, simply want someone who loves and cares for me, who shows it, and who cuddles me.

I just can't do with someone else. I love him so much that I let him to use me. I am feeling so low