Hello, I'm based in London and I'm 31. My mother over the past six or so months has been saying that she wants to foster a child, ideally a toddler.

I'm not on the best terms with my mother and neither is my younger sister and we currently live with our dad as we save for a place of our own. So this has come as a very big shock to me. When I asked her why she is looking to foster a child, she mentioned that it's because she can't find a job and is struggling for money. Which already was a red flag for me.

I don't want her to go ahead with this, however, I'm a bit torn as to whether I'm just being salty because she hasn't been a particularly great mother to me and my sibling or if I'm potentially depriving someone who needs a foster parent. Shes been hounding me to sign papers and give references and I just don't want to. When I have brought up my concerns, she tells me that I want her to suffer.

Just a note to say, I don't think the potential foster child would be in any danger or physical harm with my mother but it's the emotional side of things I'm concerned about. I don't think she is treating this as the responsibility it truly is.

Am I right to think this way or am I overthinking this?

Hello all. I’m coming here to seek guidance and advice. I recently called cps on a family member, it was a decision I made with a lot of thought and carried the feeling of do I call for a while. I know I made the right decision, I’m devastated that it took this action to get my nephew the help he needs.

My family lives in Oklahoma and I live in another state, but I talk to this person frequently and hear abuse in the home over calls and justification for a dirty home, torn up appliances, and neglect. There is no accountability. My family has always enabled this person because they are really good at manipulating and honestly it’s the easier thing to do.

My nephew is with a family member now and I warned cps when I called that the person who would foster would be a severe enabler and believes anything and everything my nephew’s parent says. They ended up letting them be the care taker anyway, even though they failed the background check.

Unfortunately, my nephew is for lack of a better word, feral. He’s not socialized at all, violent, and a lot of other things.

I don’t think my family is a good fit to care for him and I feel like the best option would be a non-biased foster family who specializes in socializing neglected children.

I’m really distraught over this, I just want the best for my nephew and I live so far away that I can’t physically help, and if I did live there, I’m not sure I’d even have the resources to help get my nephew where he should be.

I guess I just need advice. Like are there family/couples that work with kids who are feral? Is there advice I can give the current foster to let go because it’s also out of their wheel house? How would you guys handle it? How can I help so far away?

Edit to add: my nephew is 7 and was diagnosed with level 1 autism at 2 after his diagnosis his birth parents stopped taking him to the doctor. As he’s gotten older and no work has been done with him he has digressed significantly. His violence is toward people and animals (due to him seeing nothing but violence) when cps came they said it was one of the worst houses they’ve ever seen. My nephew’s dad told the case worker that he straight up doesn’t want the kid. And unfortunately the mom should be in psychiatric care and has been off her meds and uses drugs and alcohol to self medicate.

When my nephew wants attention, naturally, he acts out. But unfortunately he still gets ignored or he gets locked in a room by himself for hours at a time. This neglect has resulted in him pooping on the floor and smearing it on walls, tearing up wall panels, breaking kitchen appliances, and torture of animals, among many other things. When I say feral in this post I do not mean it toward the autism at all. I’m also not trying to justify my usage of the word. Neglect has led this child to chaos.

I’m also unable to take him at the time due to me having animals and 2 daughters. I know my dog would bite him in defense of getting hurt, and I honestly worry about my daughter’s safety if I were to take him.

seems like the agency we are working with is continuing to build a case against bio parents even though our experiences have been different? mom upset during visit ends visit then caseworker notes mom ended visit but doesn’t explain she was emotional seeing her baby. Seems like it’s being made out that she doesn’t want to engage. We keep being reminded of how mom is so young and inexperienced. I’m getting the vibe they are dragging this out but never plan on reunifying. first time foster parent. Is it normal for the agency to be cold toward the bio parents? maybe due to the nature of the case which was battery w a deadly weapon. child was a witness

About to become a new foster parent that is aiming to start with a 0-18 month age group. Does anyone have a list of questions they typically ask the case workers as they call? Like the important info about the child like allergies and such.
Just want to be prepared when someone calls so that my wife and I can give the best care possible

I recently posted on here something that happened regarding a foster child I Nannied who needed to be removed from the home and the day came. It was honestly traumatizing for me to see so I can’t even fathom how terrible I feel for this boy. I miss him so much already and not knowing how he’s doing at his new placement is eating at me. Foster mom has reached out to the new placement regarding him and passed along information but hasn’t heard back yet.

He is not the first child I’ve said goodbye to while nannying but this has been the hardest goodbye for me due to the circumstances. How do people cope with this? What are some of the best tips if there are any. I love all the kids I care for so much and saying goodbye has been one of the hardest things.

I’m beyond pissed. So I’m fostering my little cousin and SATURDAY NIGHT at NINE OCLOCK at night her GAL messaged me asking to come over Monday afternoon to meet with my FD before court and I didn’t get her message until Today, Tuesday. I messages her back as soon as I seen her message letting her know when we will be available to meet. She tells me, oh I already stopped by Monday evening and talked with her. She and my kids were outside playing. The kids didn’t even say anything but they are so use to people in and out now that to them it’s no big deal that she was here. I work full time and while she was here I was napping before I had to go to work.

My question is, is this normal? This is my first time fostering and she’s been in my care for a couple years and have had some crazy experiences but this particular situation is a first. I don’t remember ever being told that these people can have 24-7 access to my house whenever the hell they want. I’m completely mind blown and beyond pissed that she took it upon herself to just stop by. It’s not my fault that she didn’t message me and communicate before the scheduled hearing. Let’s be honest here, messaging someone on a Saturday at 9pm and EXPECTING me to be available that Monday is insane. Even if I did get her message Saturday evening I wouldn’t have agreed to meeting on Monday because I worked Monday and it was not enough notice to take the day off. I’ve had multiple issues with this GAL…. But this one takes the cake for sure. I’ve had to establish boundaries with everyone we have to deal during this process but ESPECIALLY this newer GAL. She’s pushy, nosy, oversteps, rude, zero courtesy, obnoxious, and stomps all over whatever boundaries I put down. Am I overreacting?

Sorry for the all over the place rant but I’m just so frustrated that I can’t even think straight.

I have no idea if we would run into an issue or not. My husband (51) had a child when he was like 20. The girl he was with tricked him into him believing she was on the pill but she wasn’t. It even went as far as court to (I think) terminate his parental rights (which is what he wanted). Would we be denied to be foster or adoptive parents? We are now both married, employed and have a kid of our own but I don’t want to dig up the pass if we don’t have to. Any insights??

My current FD of five months is my first placement and I am absolutely in love with her. But it has been beyond frustrating navigating the foster care system, especially dealing with the case workers and other agency employees.

As someone who has also worked in the nonprofit world, I understand they are short-staffed, not paid enough, etc. But I am so exhausted dealing with a case worker who can hardly answer any questions, all while wanting authority (and hates her job and even said, "Never become a case worker," to my baby while playing with her). Not just her, I get calls from 10+ different workers sometimes all asking for the same paperwork, for example, and getting frustrated that I sent it to another worker instead of them. All the while, when I have an important question and ask one of them, I get redirected to another person, just to be told I should be asking the first person I asked.

Beyond the incompetence, they are so quick to tell me I'm doing things wrong. My pharmacy gave me a synringe to help give the baby her medication and the CW told me I shouldn't be using it. This is to name one random example. But you get the picture. Recently FD was sick over the weekend so I followed the exact manual by bringing her to the urgent care, notifing the emergency line, forwarding the doctor's note to the CW, AND setting up a follow up with the PCP for the next available day. Still, apparently I messed up by not letting the bio mom join in on the follow up appointment (which was never a requirement prior). They have also blamed me for her sicknesses in the past, which I found out about because of the AI notes shared after a zoom meeting that I was a part of, which they stayed on longer to discuss me.

For those of you who have been doing this for years, how are you dealing with the emotional burden of the employees/bad system? I get stressed when I see missed calls from the agency and am not sure I can keep this up after my current placement, even though I care a lot about the cause.

+ forgot to mention, every home visit is scheduled last minute, then she arrives an hour late almost every time, and/or asks to reschedule an hour before. I think she genuinely forgets I work a full time job or something...

My family has been trying to become a foster home through Georgia DFCS for 3.5 years. We've completed all of the required training and paperwork, and the only thing left before our home can be opened is the home study.

The agency that contacted us said they aren't currently taking on families with our placement preferences and that we would need to be placed on their waitlist. After already waiting 3.5 years through DFCS, we're hesitant to join another waitlist.

Because we have a young child with special needs, changing our placement preferences (to special needs, and children older than our child) isn't a realistic option for our family.

Has anyone else been in this situation? Is there another agency that can complete the home study, or another way to move the process forward?

Hello hive mind! We are current kinship foster with adoption on the horizon.

Family member has just had another baby and it looks this baby will be fostered by myself or another family member before a move to TN.

The TN family isn’t currently certified, but they want to get a jump on the certification process in TN so they will be ready when the state is.

I’m not familiar with TN so I told them I would try to find some resources for them. Can anyone recommend an agency in the Memphis area? Is it better to go straight through the state?

We’ve got some waiting to do while the process works its way through the court but reunification services are unlikely and they’d like to be ready.

Thanks in advance!

I am the kinship placement for my 3mo old nephew in Missouri. I live in Michigan but have been staying in MO while we work on getting an ICPC. My sister is in jail but has not had her official criminal hearing so it’s made a long process feel longer. For background- she gave birth in state custody and I have had the baby since birth.

Are there any resources for housing in cross-state kinship situations while awaiting clearance to leave? I have been taking care of everything financially myself, am working on getting licensing so I can receive assistance there but that’s definitely not enough for an apartment while still paying bills back in MI

A post for conversation, or to share what's on your mind without creating an entire post about it.

Hello, everyone! My husband (41) and I (42) just learned that we’re moving forward in the adoption process for our foster son (2.5m). He’s been with us since he was 9 months old. We plan on being fully transparent and honest with him about the adoption, obviously in an age appropriate way. Does anyone have any recommendations for books or any other resources we can use to help the process? He loves to read so something we could read together would be great. Thank you!

UPDATE- after many phone calls, documentation, and serious talks with supervisors, foster child is being moved to a therapeutic home that also has his biological 10 year old brother in a few days and until then I will be constantly supervising him and not letting him alone with children. I am not isolating him he is still very much loved and I have treated him just the same, just making sure to keep reiterating inappropriate touch, etc…I really love this kid and he needed more than foster mom was equipped to handle. We will still keep in contact with his resource family.

I’m a live-in nanny for a foster family, and something happened over the last two days that has me really shaken. There are two boys who are both 4 years old. One has been with the family since infancy and is adopted, and the other is a foster child who was placed only a few
weeks ago because foster mom has his six month old bio brother.

The foster mom interrupted the boys during a private “game” that involved inappropriate touching. She separated them immediately. Then later that night within 3 minutes of being unsupervised while she was in the bathroom they were completely naked again. Then, less than a day later, I found them trying to play the same game again in private. The boys told us this was a game they “always play where the foster child is the kid and the adopted son is the daddy.”

The foster mom felt what she witnessed went well beyond normal childhood curiosity and reported it to the caseworker right away after each instance and requested to disrupt the placement immediately.

Looking back, there are a few things that now worry me. The foster child often wanted to be alone with the other boy and would sometimes ask adults to stay out of the room. The adopted four year old who usually wants his mom or I to stay with him at bedtime started asking us to leave. Foster child also showed a strong interest in getting one of the babies by himself often telling me to leave them alone, shut the door, etc, which I redirected at the time but didn’t think much of until now…

My understanding is there was some initial pushback from his caseworker that children can be naturally curious, but the foster mom felt this situation was outside of what she considered normal. The foster child was supposed to be moved, but now they’re saying they haven’t found another placement yet.

I care about both boys. I’m not trying to blame either of them. They’re four years old, and if one or both have been exposed to something they shouldn’t have, that’s heartbreaking.

I’m mostly looking for perspective:
Does this sound like something professionals would consider beyond typical childhood curiosity?

What usually happens next in situations like this?

The foster child has a biological brother who is six months who is also in the home, is there a chance they will remove the six month old as well?

I’m their nanny I live with them I’m assuming the caseworkers will have to talk with me, I guess I’m just very nervous I’ve been this families nanny for a long time and have seen a lot of stuff with other foster children but nothing like this.

First post here, so please bear with me. Seven months ago my wife and I took in her 3 nephews (9,7,&5) and neice (22months) as kinship foster parents. The 5 year old is developmentally delayed, acutely disregulated, and is prone to random, impulsive acts of violence against himself, his siblings and my own biological children (m11, f6). I have been reporting his erratic behavior to the parents and the department since the second week of placement. His sibling shun him, my own children hide in their rooms, refusing to be present in the common areas of the home while he is present. They do this for fear of being tue victim of an impulsive act of violence. I have requested resources, aids, and training to help us manage his behavior and provide a safe and stable environment for him and the other children in my household. The department consistently tells me that any aid for the child must be sought after and provided by the parents, while the parents consistently claim there is nothing wrong with the child and accuse my wife and myself of bullying him.

To be clear, the child requires constant supervision and displays no real understanding of consequences or boundaries. His impulsive acts of violence are sporadic and inconsistent and always performed with a bright smile while at play. We do not believe he actually intends to harm anyone, but these acts are becoming more dangerous with greater effect to the safety and stability of the other children in our home. We have requested aid, psychiatric care, and assistance. The child regularly sees an occupational therapist who had also suggested psychiatric care, but, aside from an evaluation done in early April, nothing had been done.

Yesterday, in response to a night of irregular sleep accompanied with disruptive behavior, a three hour outburst after breakfast where he screamed at the top of his lungs and periodically yelled profanities at anyone in sight, and assaulted my daughter, grabbing the hair on top of her head and screaming as loud as he could directly into her ear, we took him to the ER for crisis management. I expressed to the staff that I cannot take the child back into my home as his behavior constitutes a threat to the other children and creates an unsafe environment. The ER staff were wonderful, supportive and did everything in their power to manage the situation, determining the child to be in a state of crisis and in need of immediate psychiatric care but as the foster I cannot provide consent to treatment. When the parents were contacted, they declined consent. The police were involved and someone from the department eventually informed me that if I didnt allow the hospital to discharge the child back into my care without treatment, I would be investigated and charged with neglect.

To be honest, part of me is venting my frustration on behalf of myself, my family and the child. But a much greater part of me is concerned and fearful about the future. The parents have been allowed to dictate terms to my household, providing little else beside clothing while transportation is consistently demanded. Any attempt to get help for the child is met with hostility and animosity. The department has done very little to seek aid for the child or for my family, and now I am demanded by the department to continue to allow this child to harm himself and others impulsively at the threat of very serious legal action.

I dont know what to do. I need help, and I cannot allow this to continue. Any advice would be appreciated.

Have any of you had a foster baby transition from your home to live with a parent in an addiction treatment facility that allows infants and offers parenting classes as well? If so, what did you think of that? What was the long-term outcome, if you know?

Help… fd 13 does not want to go back home and has severely backlashed since learning it will happen soon. She is scared history will repeat itself and thst she will become mom #2 again to her seven siblings … any advice ?

Im so heartbroken and need advice

I need other perspectives. Maybe im to close to the situation to think clearly. My husband and I have been spending the past 6 months doing everything we have to do to become foster parents. We can not have children of our own and so we became foster parents to help families but also if the opportunity to foster to adopt comes that is potentially how we would have children.

So we finally got final approval last week and got our very first placement 2 days ago. He is a very sweet, smart, well behaved child. He is on the track to be reunified so I know were are not keeping him. But this seem like a great way to dip our toe in and get to know the system and how the whole process works.

The day we got him there were things we needed to get so as soon as we got him we put him in the car and went to the store. While we were at the store we got some negative looks and a negative comment because his is not the same race as us. Later that night my husband voiced his feelings that it bothered him.

I get it. I didn't like it either but I decided to focus on giving the child we have the love he deserves. Now because he is our first we decided to take him as a temporary placement for a few nights and we have to decide by Monday if we want to be his permanent placement or if we want to let him go to another foster home. I want to be his permanent placement until his reunification with his family.

So 2 nights ago was when we got him and went to the store. Yesterday I left early for work and took him to daycare and my husband worked late. By the time he got home I had already put the child down for bed. Today we all got home around 5 and we got to spend a few hours together. So he and my husband have not spent a lot of time together.

Well I told my husband that I would like us to be permanent placement for the child. He got very quiet and said that he's trying to give it time and the child is very sweet and well behaved but he is uncomfortable with the judgemental looks and he doesn't know if he wants to be the childs placement and always be looked at in public.

So I asked him if that means any adoptable child of another race is a no for him. He got extremely stiff and said he doesn't know.

I am just so heartbroken. I thought we were going on this journey together to love children unconditionally and help them. I'm heart broken that he doesn't want to keep the one we have because of the color of skin. I lost so much respect for him tonight.

I want to be a mom so bad. I unfortunately can not have any myself. Blood doesn't make a family. Im so disappointed in him to let people he doesn't care about affect him like this. We have been given so many positive looks and comments. Everyone close to us and who matter to us are very excited for us.

I don't want to give up a child because of their skin color. I understand that this particular child is going back to his family at some point and I have to say goodbye but thats because he is being reunited with his family. This child has done nothing wrong.

It doesn't matter if we have a child that looks like us, we are always going to be judged about something because everyone has their way of parenting. Im just very upset with my husband and I lost respect for him. I dont want to be the foster family that only accepts children that look like us.

I don't know if I can do this. I dont know if I will get over this if he makes us give up a child because of skin color. Now im just wondering if he will show favoritism to kids that look like us. He hasn't even given the child a chance. He hasn't even really tried to bond with him. Im so mad and frustrated and heartbroken.

our 4F FD has a history of sexualized behaviors with a strong interest in kissing, boyfriends, etc.- part of it being a hopeless romantic, but part of it seeming concerning. daycare today told us at drop-off that there's a little boy she keeps running away with to hide in tunnels and under blankets with, and 4F knows it's not okay because she gets all sneaky and looks around to make sure no one sees them first. no idea what they've been doing under there, I can only imagine and worry. she also will lift up her shirt at daycare to show people her chest and wants to see other people's bodies - this is an issue at home as well, trying to 'catch' other people off guard to see their bodies.

we are going to bring it up with her therapist, who knows there's a history of sexualized behavior and possible sexual assault - at the very least, she has seen birth mom engage in sexual behavior, because she will say "my mom does this" before doing something very inappropriate - and hope that her therapist has some ideas and can help. we've read books on consent, have talks about private parts, who can see and touch what and when, and keep working on consent and accepting 'no' about bodies in all contexts (animals, people, toys, you name it - if they do not say 'yes' it means no!), how to dress and treat our own bodies respectfully and appropriately, but it doesn't seem to be helping. does anyone have any experience or advice on how to move forward with her on this? what to say or books to read? we want to be trauma informed and keep her safe, but I truly don't know what to do besides asking the daycare to keep her and the boy separate. I know that's only a bandaid, because if it's not this boy, it'll be another one. just not sure how to handle sexualized behaviors, especially in someone so young (yet very intelligent), and hope people might have some ideas. thanks in advance

As the title describes - my husband and I have found ourselves unexpectedly with another child in our home. She is a lovely 7 year old girl, who is super sweet, very smart and thankfully gets along well with our kids. We have 4 children 8, 7, 3 and 8 mos. This little girl needed a safe place to be, and we offered temporary guardianship. The plan is for guardianship to last a year- it could be more or could be less.

What advice do you all have to us in regard to bringing a child in? Mistakes to avoid? Words of wisdom? Help!

We are trying to make a placement decision to determine our fit for a youth.

I would love to hear from anyone who has experience caring for a foster teen who has engaged in self-harm, suicidal ideation and attempts.

What was it like? What supports did the teen need and what supports did you need? What advice would you have for a foster parent in this situation?

I would also love to hear from any current/former foster youth who have been through this. What did you need? What would help you? What would have made things better or worse?

An acquaintance of mine who lives in the USA is at risk of losing her parental rights of her 4 year old son because she has mild intellectual disabilities and can not cope, and he has level 2 Autism minimally verbal.

I understand this but what gets me is he is getting bruised and broken bones every other day while in the care of his foster parent. It is a difficult situation.

The grandparents on the father's side have offered to take the child to no avail. How should his mom and foster mom go about explaining things to him, and is there anything the bio mom can do to make sure he is safe?

I live in a different country and my heart breaks for this little boy.

Good afternoon to all whom the contents of this message may be of interest. I am a fourth year Griffith University psychology student who is conducting a study on the experiences of parents of autistic children currently living in Australia, if you would like to read a bit more below:

Are you the parent of an autistic child?

Researchers from Griffith University are looking for parents of autistic children living within Australia to engage in a short online survey (approximately 20-25 minutes) regarding their parenting experiences. Please note that a parent, for the purposes of this study, includes any individual currently fulfilling a parental role to an autistic child, including foster parents. We would really appreciate hearing this valuable information from you, if you are interested!

Our Goal

To gather information from parents of autistic children and their experiences in the role. Ultimately, we hope this information will be utilised to provide insight to and/or support the development of neuroaffirming care for autistic children 😊

If you wish to know more information about the study, or would like to proceed with the survey, please visit the following link: https://griffithuw.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_7TZVDS077sSq45g.

For any further queries or concerns, please contact student researcher Stephanie Davidson ([[email protected]](mailto:[email protected])) or supervisor Dr Sarah Lee ([[email protected]](mailto:[email protected])).

This study has been approved according to Griffith University Ethics requirements under the following ethics ID: HREC/2026/0202.