So I recently had to get a new binder after losing some weight so I didn't have one for about a month (returned old one, exchanged for a new one). I finally got it yesterday and I'm feeling slightly torn.

I thought about wearing it with a muscle tea I just got (we love that boxy masc feel sometimes amirite?? 😌), and as soon as I put it on and looked at myself in the mirror...I felt off. First of all, wasn't flat enough but I was able to position it to look it's best. I'm a 44D. Flat ain't happenin and I know that lol 2nd thing was I wasn't used to how tight it is but meh. That's an adjustment I can make, but I can't deny that might've been part of it.

Those two things but I think the dysphoria I felt was the most heavy, which was SUPER scary at first cuz I was like "omg this means I haven't been trans this whole time. I was faking it after all", but I think it might be that wearing a binder is another reminder that my body isn't what I want it to be 😔 At least with a bra, I can just say, "yeah I'm a trans man but I haven't started my transition process yet", but I feel like when I'm wearing a binder, I feel like a poser or something maybe?? Idk. AND IM NOT SAYING ANYONE ELSE IS; THIS IS JUST ME. Plus, when I start T, the idea of being a pretty boy with a deep voice and facial hair and boobs fits the femme/genderfuck trans man, I feel like on the inside

(ah fuck does that mean I don't want top surgery??? I'm so fucking confused)

Does this make sense to anyone else? Does anyone else feel/have felt this way?? I'm doubting myself all over again.

Trying to go for femboy vibes ^^'

No T yet and idk if I want to take it. I enjoy the androgynous look. But I'm working on getting top surgery with the help of a psychiatrist!

I’m trying to get into bending the rules around makeup a bit. Before I transitioned I was very “pretty” with it, so now I’m playing around with colours and putting highlight in different places

I got my first bra minimizer as someone who stopped binding for about 2 years. I don’t see a difference like with a binder, but I’m trying to prioritize my health. The fitter when I asked if they had anything that compressed more said “I recommend you go to a medical store that will offer something like that as it can be dangerous due to the amount of compression.” I felt a little sad but I’m going to see how this will do (it was so expensive, more expensive than a binder, but it looks like most of them are) Everything is so expensive and while I’ve made poor decisions with money in the past I want to prioritize how I look now.