So I recently had to get a new binder after losing some weight so I didn't have one for about a month (returned old one, exchanged for a new one). I finally got it yesterday and I'm feeling slightly torn.

I thought about wearing it with a muscle tea I just got (we love that boxy masc feel sometimes amirite?? 😌), and as soon as I put it on and looked at myself in the mirror...I felt off. First of all, wasn't flat enough but I was able to position it to look it's best. I'm a 44D. Flat ain't happenin and I know that lol 2nd thing was I wasn't used to how tight it is but meh. That's an adjustment I can make, but I can't deny that might've been part of it.

Those two things but I think the dysphoria I felt was the most heavy, which was SUPER scary at first cuz I was like "omg this means I haven't been trans this whole time. I was faking it after all", but I think it might be that wearing a binder is another reminder that my body isn't what I want it to be 😔 At least with a bra, I can just say, "yeah I'm a trans man but I haven't started my transition process yet", but I feel like when I'm wearing a binder, I feel like a poser or something maybe?? Idk. AND IM NOT SAYING ANYONE ELSE IS; THIS IS JUST ME. Plus, when I start T, the idea of being a pretty boy with a deep voice and facial hair and boobs fits the femme/genderfuck trans man, I feel like on the inside

(ah fuck does that mean I don't want top surgery??? I'm so fucking confused)

Does this make sense to anyone else? Does anyone else feel/have felt this way?? I'm doubting myself all over again.

I’m trying to get into bending the rules around makeup a bit. Before I transitioned I was very “pretty” with it, so now I’m playing around with colours and putting highlight in different places

They/ He 🩵

Its been a while since ive let my facial hair just grow in and maintain it rather than shave it off and just rock my stache. Also been liking wearing eyeliner/ glitter again and I just feel so good having both lately ! Ive always wanted to be a blend of fem and masculine traits and I think im starting to find my little niche

ft the shirt I just stole from target while picking up my T

I got my first bra minimizer as someone who stopped binding for about 2 years. I don’t see a difference like with a binder, but I’m trying to prioritize my health. The fitter when I asked if they had anything that compressed more said “I recommend you go to a medical store that will offer something like that as it can be dangerous due to the amount of compression.” I felt a little sad but I’m going to see how this will do (it was so expensive, more expensive than a binder, but it looks like most of them are) Everything is so expensive and while I’ve made poor decisions with money in the past I want to prioritize how I look now.

Im getting closer to feeling like I might actually wanna go on T. I talked to my doctor about it and she said that starting on a microdose of it will allow me to see some some changes slowly and also may be able to help with the symptoms of menopause I'm experiencing. Is there anyone who might be willing to chat with me about their experience of going on T and how you finally decided to go through with it? I feel like I probably do want to but I have a lot of fears about it. Talking to my doctor helped with some of that fear but I still have so many questions and hesitation and don't know anyone I can really talk to about this.

Loving my hair and makeup

anyone else rocking the trunks and bikini top combo this summer??

it would help me to see more feminine ftm people, or maybe cis gay men that have that energy. any celebrities? characters?

Seller never shipped a skirt I wanted so I had to improvise but I think it turned out cute!! Repurposed a necklace for a chain accessory too ( ＾ω＾ )

been regaining the courage to branch out more femininely in expression now that i’m further on T! i love rainbow, sparkle and shine, jewelry, and funky colors and patterns. here’s some favorite older selfies, including when i got my medusa repierced with my second favorite shape: a star! 🌟

Had my first T shot two days ago and celebrated that night by doing my makeup :)) Can’t wait to start feeling more like me !

My last consult is next week on Thursday. Hopefully after that, I can get the proper prescription and start! Are me and my mom gonna clash? Yeah, probably. But at this point I don't care. If she really wants to see me happy and thriving as she claims, then T will only support me there.

Its T time soon🎉🎉

Also I was bored and did this little look. Not my usual but I didn't want to wash off a bold eyeshadow look today cause that sticks for dayssss.

Pre-everthing. I never do makeup either but I was feeling it with the flat chest. I think if I gained some muscle I'd look pretty stellar. I even got hit on by another queer person, it was validating.

My boyfriend helped me experiment with polygel and builder gel on myself. There’s also chrome, cat eye, and jellies 💅🏼 I need to learn how to do this myself since my nail tech might be moving overseas and I don’t trust other nail techs in my area. I’ve tried going to other nail techs and they’re so rough on my cuticles and leave my fingers burning. No thanks 🙅‍♂️😮‍💨

I already know what went wrong with the polygel—didn’t hold down the dual form correctly so the cuticles got messed up and are lifting. 🤷‍♂️ I tried to fix with builder gel. Oh well. We’ll just try again when they inevitably lift.

i feel so much prettier when i wear a binderrrr :3

Got some new clothes recently, it definitely helped with improving my mood. Feeling and seeing myself more and more as a little pretty boy as time passes. 🫶 Could use more tattoos + a flat chest tho.