I have been struggling for months with this. I (25f) have been wanting to break up with my bf (28m) for months in our almost 2 year relationship. I tried for real once and was met with intense devastation and sobbing. My reasons to him were as much as I love him as a person and being his friend and hanging out:
- I donāt see a future together
- I feel incompatible
- I donāt like the version of myself when weāre together
- heās the only relationship Iāve had I feel inexperienced
- I feel a lot of guilt and shame for doubting our relationship and he doesnāt deserve my uncertainty
And he had a rebuttal for everything I said such as,
- āwhy are you so worried about the future you should live in the presentā
- āWhy canāt we just see how it goes, Iād rather keep trying than just give up nowā
- āweāre not incompatible, weāre complimentary.ā
And telling me how much he loves me etc.
And also some unfortunate things like
-āyouāre the most important person in my lifeā
-āyouāre all I haveā
-āyouāre my best friendā
It was so devastating to see him so devastated, that it sent me into a panic attack while we were together and I just said āok maybe Iām wrong I take it back!ā And he just allowed that to happen and has since acted like nothings wrong. Iāve tried to bring it back up to him, but I never get as far as I did because Iām so fearful of his intense emotional reaction that I just freeze up. Yet itās been a few months since that last big attempt and Iām so unhappy, guilty, and shameful. I wish he would let me go, but it seems like heād rather ignore any signs of my unhappiness just to keep us together for his own happiness, and I allow it.
I donāt feel strong enough to end it again for fear of failing, for fear of devastating him, and itās much easier to just pretend everything is fine.
Ultimately I think the root of my problem is my empathy and my friends have suggested is my prioritization for his feelings over mine. Has anyone struggled with this? I can hardly sleep or eat because I feel so bad, yet I feel incapable of doing anything about it.
Any advice or insight? I love that Iām an empath, but how do I be an empath without it crippling me from doing what I really want?