Vent indeed.
>_< >8I It f--k--g s--ks !! how a lot of meat alternative foods and foods which are so critical to adding to the savouriness of dishes which ppl subsist.
Legumes, soy beans, garlic, onions, cheese etc are make for really satiating meat free dishes but if there was ever an aesthetically oriented reason to GMO alter them (esp.those first four) it's so that they wouldn't be so sulphur imbued as to make gassiness so much more insufferable !!. It's so f--k--g demoralizing !!, not only to be exposed to it but also feel yourself the cause of it particularly when you prefer to veer vegetarian or vegan. I'm awkward* enough as it is and this semi-involuntary nonsense of a bodily reaction, an aftermath of the necessity of eating happens to me amidst doing so many doing something so strainful and important ?!?!!?! >_< . It's the sort of inexcusable pathetic nonsense that you wish 'shuts off' after teen development but nope ! >8I .
Recently I left a fitness class and it was so f--k--g embarrassing how at one point the only person consistently to my side (my right) was covering there face with a towel and coughing while the instructor dismayingly was exposed to it (they sometimes came by near my left as to adjust the music source) and as weird as this sounds, that it was such a demoralizing let down for someone East Asian adjacent to me hurts more since I'm reminded of how I struggle and ardently want to 'look put together/be well adjusted' while around my amiable sister-in-law (who is East Asian). It eventually started to show in how I wasn't really moving much or enthusiastically as if doing so would trigger me like a d--n gross gas bomb, with me remaining in a 'child pose' come the cool down. I honestly don't blame them if when things wound down they'd hate and/or dread me ever more b/c of that !. It doesn't help that I struggled to unlock a bike as to 'make a more prompt getaway' afterwards.
>_< F--k the pungency !! and how it can reek of, if not eggs then straight up 'the worst parts' of garlic and onions at times with an uncanny almost as if f--k--g maliciously intentionally designed pungency of repulsiveness !!. It wasn't even yoga !!, but a weight-centric class which means that much more to me as someone who disdains and struggles w/resistance stuff but f--k !, you found time to exercise throughout a week, been struggling pornography throughout it, yesterday tediously awaited a laptop delivery to sub for what one was likely stolen after misplacement last week, you got a feedback call as to possible social benefits in the morning, one later at work as to clarifying a doctor referral, a mental health appointment tomorrow, a family berry picking event in the morning and one last appointment at a different fitness place elsewhere come Sunday morning.
I painfully realize now how if I feel that, that risk 'is real' during a fitness class it's better that I dip out into the washroom for howsoever long or (worst case scenario) howsoever often as to better 'safely release it from the system'.
._. I'm embarrassed to appear there next time out of dread of this happening to anyone else. Despite my hesistance to make more purchase given the recent laptop, I'm seriously considering apparent 'activated charcoal' underwear b/c of this pathetic nonsense ( :I it baffles me in that ~'if it has charcoal will it even much work after a few laundry washings ??').
* >8 I EFF THAT IDIOT WHO I REGRET HAVING HAD FEELINGS FOR WHO MADE THAT WORD FOREVER SO MUCH MORE WORSE FOR ME !!!!.