i am FA and my ex of three years and i just ended things. i had just been able to be completely honest about how deep my feelings for her were. however, bc of things i’ve done in the past, she said she can’t do it anymore. i do a lot of testing behaviors that can sometimes get out of hand, but they never escalated to the point in prior relationships than they did with her. i dont understand why im like this. her rejection, even slightly, makes me completely shut down, even though i really just want more connection

There are moments when you realize you do want love.

Not all the time. Not even most of the time. Only in fleeting moments. In the moments where you realize the sound of your voice feels better with another. In the moments where you're walking down the street and you catch two people together, their laughter spilling effortlessly into the world around them. In the moments where you notice how naturally their hands fit together, how comfortably they rest their head on the shoulder of the person they've chosen.

You wonder what it must feel like to know someone is home. To know what it's like to be held without fear and without resistance.

It's in the moments where you meet someone and, for a brief second, you can almost see the possibility of what the two of you could become—a future that exists for only a heartbeat before it quietly disappears. Then they leave, and you're left watching them walk away with this grayscale pit in the back of your throat, feeling as though you've just lost another chance at love. Another chance where love quietly looked in your direction, only to choose someone else instead. A part of you knew they were never going to choose you, and you were never going to choose them, but that isn't what hurts. What hurts is that, for a moment, you let yourself believe it might finally be your turn. That maybe, just this once, love had decided to choose you.

It's only in those moments that a part of you feels empty, vacant, and lonely. It's in those fleeting seconds that everything else grows quiet, the world fades into grayscale, and no matter what you do, the emptiness you carry somewhere deep within your soul outweighs the hope that maybe, one day, it will finally be your turn.

You wonder, does everyone else get the chance to experience the kind of love your body aches for? Does everyone else get to experience eyes looking into theirs with the strange feeling that you've somehow known each other long before that moment? Does everyone get to be chosen but you?

As time passes, like it always does, the longing slowly quiets. The ache settles back into the place it came from, and you return to yourself. The idea of love drifts away again, as if it had never been there at all.

Until the next time.

Because you only want love until the possibility of actually having it becomes real. Until the fantasy becomes something that could ask you to be seen completely. To trust someone enough to place the parts of yourself you've spent your whole life protecting into someone else's hands. Until being chosen no longer feels comforting, but terrifying, because the closer someone gets to your heart, the more they have the power to break it.

But the longing was never the difficult part. Wanting someone has always been safe from a distance. It asks nothing of you except to imagine. It's only when the possibility begins to reach back—when someone might actually know you, choose you, stay—that your body remembers everything it learned long before your mind ever understood it.

And you're never quite sure what hurts more.

The familiar emptiness that returns every so often to remind you that you're still alone.

Or the possibility that one day, once someone finally chooses you, you'll spend every day wondering when they'll stop.

For me it is like a gut wrenching sickness. I feel as if I have barbed wire restricting my throat, and the walls are closing in. I can feel my heart beat fast and every instinct tells me to get away.

This only happens in true moments of clarity when I feel like I am truly developing feelings. A small like or attraction is manageable but true longing feels crushing.

It is consuming. Like I want to disappear. I want to delete all of my social media and purge every semblance of them from my existence.

I cannot withstand the thought of them hurting me. I know I don’t have the mental fortitude to take betrayal again. All of these thoughts plummet into my throat and gut and I want to lock myself back into my safe prison.

I want connection so badly but the thought of sharing my soul again rips away any longing for connection. It genuinely feels like the world is dark whenever I realize I am in a vulnerable position.

This amount of seriousness usually entails a SEVERE detachment. The more I am attached the more I want to rip away. I won’t speak for days or I’ll look for reasons to justify my leaving. I’ll leave the answer vague because I can’t explain my true reasoning.

The numbing of my emotions is usually pretty effective and eventually I’ll truly stop caring and enjoy being alone again.
It feels like snuffing out a flame and the more they resist the more it burns.

I’m moving in with my partner in two weeks and I’m scared what it will bring up in me, how fast will I deactivate and start just seeing bad things in him. I really dont want that happening but I feel like it’s inevitable… is there anything I can do to help this, other than communicating with him and taking my space when needed.

Edit: i’m already thinking about some things which might cause me deactivate and get anxious

TL;DR: 5 years with a genuinely loving, supportive girlfriend. My hesitation was always about her I was not fully commit to her.I've realized the real block might be my own fear of full commitment, not anything about her or her family. Trying to figure out whether to commit and how to actually break this pattern.

That's the real issue: my hesitation was never actually about her. It's been about her family's background. Since I was a kid I built up this image of marrying into a wealthy, highly educated family, and I've been quietly measuring her against that image instead of against reality — even though, when I'm honest with myself, I don't think her background would cause any real problems 10 years into a marriage.

Digging deeper, I don't think this is really about her or even about status. I think I might have a broader pattern of avoiding full commitment — I've noticed the same "start strong, then fade" thing in my exam prep, fitness, and career plans too. This might just be the relationship version of something bigger. I've also been feeling kind of emotionally flat about the whole thing lately, which probably isn't helping me think clearly. I genuinely don't know why I do this, and I know it's something to work through with an actual therapist, not something I can just think my way out of.

I'm 27, a doctor running my own small clinic and a family medical store, dealing with education loan EMIs and family financial responsibilities on top of it. I'm the analytical, weigh-every-option type, which is relevant here because I think I've been overthinking this for way too long.

I've been with my girlfriend for 5 years. On almost every measure that actually matters — personality, loyalty, emotional support, even financial support through hard times — she's genuinely the best partner I've had or could reasonably ask for. If she'd come from a wealthier, "higher-status" family, I would have married her years ago without a second thought.

Over these 5 years we've broken up and gotten back together roughly 5 times, and every single time it's ended the same way — no real decision, just drifting back together. Most recently we split for 6 months and agreed to focus on my exam prep instead of the relationship, then reconciled again without actually resolving anything.

Now my family has started opposing her too, officially over an astrology mismatch. It's not really about money — her family is actually a little better off financially than mine. It's more that her family's general outlook feels a generation behind what I'm used to, and that makes me feel awkward, even though day-to-day married life would really just be the two of us.

Here's what I've had to admit to myself recently: the "reason" keeps changing. Wealth, then astrology, then her family's mindset. Every time I actually examine one closely, it falls apart, and a new one takes its place. Small, completely normal things (she once said we'd get "a vehicle" and it turned out to be a scooter, not a car) have made me doubt the entire relationship, way out of proportion to what actually happened.

So, honestly asking:

- Has anyone been in a similar spot — hesitating on a genuinely good partner because of somethings off (unconsciously finding reason to get out )— and regretted (or not regretted) how it went?

- How much weight would you give a repeating pattern like this (5 breakups, always undecided) versus just committing and working through it?

- Any thoughts on family objections that keep shifting (money → Expectations → mindset) instead of staying consistent .

I'm hurting her ,i feel very bad . Should i leave or Should i break my madeup mind ?

Romantic or Platonic