Not a rant, or a cry for help or anything, more of just a realization I've had since becoming a dad 8 weeks ago.

It hard sometimes, the pressure builds up - you know? Being a good husband, being a good father, providing for the family economically, dealing with an older only surviving parent as their sole caretaker, not having reliable or helpful in laws (though my sister in law lives with us and helps when she can). Trying to keep so many plates spinning and not disappointing anyone or failing in one aspect of your life.

For context I am an independent contractor and my income is 100% commission. I have made a good living the past 6 years and can't complain about our financial situation, though we have our stresses. Trying to balance working as much as I can to keep money coming in, while learning how to take care of a newborn, try to make an anniversary or milestone birthday special, and dealing with the needs of a failing older parent - and all my life as an adult I have never been the one to ask anyone for help.

And I'm not even really doing that now, or expecting it. It just weighs on you sometimes, realizing that at any moment if one of those parts of your responsibilities falters then the others may start to be harder as well as you pick yourself back up. I recently had an ER visit and thankfully avoided an expected surgery but I kept thinking, "What if my dad needs something while I'm here? While I'm laid up my wife will have to do 100% of the baby duty. What if I have a slow 3 months at work and make little to no money, considering all our bills?"

I repeat myself but I really can't complain - my dad actually visited me in the ER (which is ironic considering out last year) and my wife was ready to go with bringing me an overnight bag and handling the baby. It makes the burden feel less cumbersome when your people show up for you, especially when you don't need to ask. But maybe I'm realizing as well that I/we shouldn't let it get to the point where people can see without words that you need support.

Hi.

I just wanted to share what has been, without a doubt, the scariest experience of my life.
I have a 5-year-old daughter. She’s always been an incredibly healthy kid. Other than the occasional mild cold, she’s never really gotten sick. She had never had a stomach bug… until two days ago.

She woke up looking sad and just wanted to cuddle with me. I know my daughter so well that I could tell something wasn’t right. She had no energy at all, which was completely unlike her.
A little while later, she told me she felt nauseous.
A few hours later, she threw up. At first, I wasn’t too worried because whenever she gets a fever, she usually vomits once or twice.

But this time was different.

As the day went on, the vomiting got worse. By nighttime, she was throwing up over and over again. She vomited five times, and eventually it was just saliva because she hadn’t eaten anything all day. Every tiny sip of water I gave her came right back up.

Her pediatrician told us to give her Dramamine, but it didn’t help at all. Around 1:00 a.m., we rushed her to the ER.
They examined her, gave her an injection for the vomiting, and sent us home with a diagnosis of gastroenteritis.
We honestly thought that would be the end of it.
It wasn’t.

She vomited three more times. At that point, my husband and I were in full panic because we couldn’t get a single drop of fluid to stay down.
When we went back to the ER, we were initially told that treatment was basically hydration and that we could continue at home.
I looked at the doctor and said, “That’s exactly the problem—we can’t hydrate her. Could you please check if she’s dehydrated?”
They examined her again, and everything changed.

A pediatrician came in, assessed her, and told us she was significantly dehydrated. She was admitted for observation, started on IV fluids, and because her blood sugar had dropped to 50 mg/dL, she was also given glucose.
That was the moment I completely fell apart.
I never imagined I’d see my little girl lying in a hospital bed with an IV in her tiny arm. She looked so weak. The dark circles under her eyes broke my heart. Her dad stayed with her while I stood outside crying uncontrollably. I was absolutely terrified.

They ran blood tests, and thankfully everything looked reassuring. The pediatrician told us it appeared to be a viral infection. I still have no idea what virus could make a healthy little girl this sick.
A few hours later, she finally started keeping fluids down. Then she ate. Soon after, she was discharged.

I can’t even put into words how grateful I am to the ER staff and how thankful I am that my little girl came home with us.
I truly believed I was going to lose her.
It’s now been over 30 hours since her last time vomiting. She’s playing with her toys again, asking for food, and acting more like herself. I’m still giving her oral rehydration solution to make sure she stays hydrated.

As for me… I’m still shaken.
I’m exhausted. I’m heartbroken. And I’m terrified that something like this could ever happen again.
I never imagined seeing my daughter that sick, and I honestly hope I never have to experience anything like that again.

Here is my story: M(27) F(27)

I matched with a girl on Hinge early September last year hit things off immediately, texting every day I was like wow this is incredible - My birthday a week later in September took me to a new cinema and got me my favourite aftershave, paid for everything - I laughed and said are you love bombing me to which she said no I was being nice for your bday.

-Months go by, nice getaways to hotels, training together, great sex and everything felt perfect she told me I was the best thing ever so grateful and lucky she ended up with someone like me, she had a young son who was 9 and I did not meet in person - she said her ex bf who was practically the step dad of the kid left her 2 years ago and put her kid in therapy and she done some as well, in which she tells me all the things she wants in an ideal partner and I tick every box, I felt like this girl really understood me and I had met my person.

Now this is where the cracks start, she would mention how evil and hateful her ex (Together 6 years) was and mentioned he was in the same Tesco as her at xmas (live in local area) He was walking in and she was walking out - I said that's trippy never easy bumping into an ex - left it at that. Did not want to appear phased. Had a nice xmas met her Mum and her little sister things felt very good and often stayed with her and her mum when her son was at the kids dads. She also told me things like she was with someone and she was and they got back together after a year and she said things to him like go out and cheat if it makes you feel better because she was with someone else.

At end of February my Granny passed away unexpectedly - She mentioned how her ex BF did not let her into the after event when his granny passed away etc I just let her vent and was always understanding of what her ex put her through Granny passed away on Tuesday and then on Friday I met her Dad for the first time - Naturally stressed over my Grannys passing I did not drink - she did and was drunk off prosecco- On the trip down and home she basically played a FU to her ex song - and her dad mentioned she seen her ex and he looked rough - anyways, we drove home and I said to her this ex really hurt you and your son and hes like a ball and chain on your leg, he is in the past and if he was so bad he left you and your son in therapy be happy he's gone - she said she's 'over him just not the situation she put her and her son through' - when I said I wasn't happy she's mentioning him the week I am grieving the death of my grandparent she stone walled me - I left her house and drove home to regulate as I was with a previous GF who stonewalled me and it done a number on me and she was aware of this and also the heard week I had - she was drunk and proceeded to tell me I was never meeting her child and that was us done over text, I felt this was manipulative- We then sorted this out - half apology from her and from me I thought I needed to be more understanding of her situation and we told each other we love each other. But, I felt maybe selfishly she should have been understanding my Granny passed away that week and I wasn't in a headspace to listen about her ex who was so bad?

- The month after we had a great month done a charity 10K and had a nice getaway - I spoke to her son on the phone and on FaceTime over those few months we were together over xmas and when she was on a family holiday to New York - still no physical interaction I said it would be nice to meet your child as I have gotten him a birthday present and an Xmas one and we both know about each other and I am getting a bit frustrated of having to hide around the corner when we know about each other - Bare in mind I asked this respectfully and said no pressure I just need a plan as she said if I met him I could travel to Spain with her and her kid this summer and her graduation was coming up soon. The kid also told his biological father about me that Saturday as well - I did not mind as obv was in everyone's best interests I treated his son with respect and care

I was met with two days of silence - then seen her on the Saturday went to the gym all was fine, thought that was back on track and we said we would go to the cinema on the Wednesday and on the Tuesday I got a text telling me I was perfect, we have a laugh together but she feels 'something is missing' - and ended things with me over text after 7 months.

I did not reply for 3 weeks my family and friends told me not to and I deserved more than a break up text as I was blindsided and was constantly told I was the best person in the world and she was so lucky to have me, but when I mentioned maybe meeting her kid she turned so nasty and discarded me like I was nothing over text, when I did then text her to speak she then told me 'she loves me as a person but not in love with me' and I deserve better - I did not reply again, I was in such shock I feel so heartbroken how can she be all lovey then discarded over text? I noticed when I put her number into whatsapp she had no profile picture anymore and her messages were set to disappearing which makes me think her ex was back in the picture or hiding something? - Her tiktok reposts after were all things like when a man leaves your life build a comfortable life etc - except I never left her?

I have never been this hurt and blindsided before in my life, I wasnt even worth a conversation just felt so easily disposed when we had concerts etc to look forward to this summer and all I was worth was a text.

What do I do I am still incredibly in love with her - Its been 3 months nc and I have been attending therapy and gym but I still feel stuck

My kids are 4 and 7 and gaming used to be my main way to decompress. Now I get maybe 20 minutes before someone needs water, has a nightmare, or just wants to come sit on me and watch, which is honestly not the worst thing, but it still kills any momentum in a game that requires focus.

I tried staying up late after bedtime but then I'm wrecked the next day and a tired dad is a shorttempered dad. Learned that one the hard way. Mornings don't work either because the 4 year old has some kind of radar.

Started wondering if other dads just quietly let it go for a few years or if there's a way to actually carve out real time without it becoming a whole negotiation with your partner. My wife is supportive but I also don't want to be the guy disappearing into a room while she handles everything on a Saturday afternoon.

Curious what actually worked for people. Not looking for permission, just wondering if there's a realistic rhythm other dads landed on that doesn't require everyone else to sacrifice so you can play for an hour.

I’m struggling a bit at the moment and honestly just feel like I’m losing my daughter.

I want to tell the whole story because I don’t want to paint myself as the victim or leave out the parts where I’ve made mistakes.

Earlier this year my marriage ended after my wife discovered I’d been having an affair with a work colleague. I take full responsibility for that. It was the biggest mistake I’ve ever made, and I know the pain and damage it caused. I wasn’t a good husband, and I don’t expect anyone to defend my actions.

What I can’t come to terms with is feeling like I’m now losing my relationship with my daughter because of the mistakes I made in my marriage.

My daughter is five years old, and from the day she was born she has been my absolute world.

Before we separated, parenting was genuinely shared between the two of us. I wasn’t the dad who just played with her on weekends while Mum did everything else. We were both heavily involved in raising her, and if I’m being completely honest, I often felt like I was actually the more hands-on parent.

I did school drop-offs almost every morning, regularly picked her up from childcare, had her every Wednesday while my wife worked, shared bedtime routines, took her to swimming and dancing, and spent countless hours taking her to parks, building cubbies, reading books, doing arts and crafts and just being present in her everyday life.

Before everything blew up, our relationship was already breaking down and my wife and I had actually spoken several times about what would happen if we ever separated. Even though she knew about my recreational drug use, she repeatedly said we’d share our daughter’s care equally. On more than one occasion she even suggested a week-on, week-off arrangement.

We also discussed the possibility of her moving to Mildura (7 hours away from where we currently live) one day, where her sister currently lives. At the time, she reassured me she wouldn’t do that because she knew how much it would impact my relationship with our daughter. We both agreed that our daughter deserved to have both parents actively involved in her life.

Everything changed after the affair was discovered. In fact when finding out about the affair she sent me a message saying, “You will not be getting 50/50.”

From that point on, everything became legal.

There is an Intervention Order proceeding that is now likely to resolve without admissions, with my daughter being removed as a protected person. The parenting matter is still ongoing.

One of the biggest issues being raised against me is my recreational drug use, she is trying to make it out as if I have substance abuse issues and am dangerous which is entirely untrue.

The first time I ever used drugs was last year. Over roughly a 4 month period from

November until we separated in March, I used drugs on 6 occasions in total over roughly four months. Every single occasion was at music festivals or events. It was never around my daughter, never while I was caring for her and never impacted my parenting. It was entirely recreational and very occasional. I’m not trying to say that I’m not in the wrong, but I also don’t think it’s fair to portray me as someone with ongoing substance abuse issues or as a drug addict.

I’ve voluntarily undertaken hair follicle testing, with test results that should be coming back in a few weeks completely clean, and I’ve offered to continue drug testing if it provides reassurance that my daughter is safe in my care. Despite that, my ex’s solicitor continues referring to “long-term sobriety” without ever defining what that actually means. It honestly feels like every time I satisfy one requirement, another one appears.

At the moment, I still do not even have regular supervised visits with my daughter. In the past 140 days I’ve seen my Daughter for a total of 1.5 hours when I was given “permission” to attend her cheerleading competition a month ago. All other contact I’ve had with her during this period has been limited to video calls.

I’ve complied with everything that’s been asked of me. I’ve attended every visit, undertaken counselling, stopped using drugs completely, cooperated with testing and done everything I can to show that my daughter is safe with me. Yet I still feel like the goalposts keep moving.

The latest proposal from my ex has honestly broken me.

She now wants to relocate approximately 7 hours away to Mildura.

Her proposal would mean I see my daughter one weekend a month in Melbourne, one weekend a month in Mildura, some school holiday time and phone calls during the week. I would see her 4 days in every month. To me, that’s not being a father. That’s becoming someone she visits.

I wouldn’t be there for school drop-offs or pick-ups. I wouldn’t help with homework. I wouldn’t take her to extracurricular activities. I wouldn’t really be parenting her. I’d miss all of the ordinary moments that actually build a parent-child relationship. I feel like I’d stop being Dad and become someone she sees every now and then.

I will obviously not be accepting this proposal and be doing what I can to fight against the move. But I fear I’m just going to end up losing.

The hardest part is knowing this wasn’t always the plan. Before the affair, we both talked about sharing our daughter’s care equally if we separated. We both agreed that relocating away from the other parent wasn’t something we’d do.

Now it feels like everything has changed.

I know there’ll be people reading this thinking, “Well, you had an affair.”

They’re right. I did. I own that completely. But while I wasn’t a good husband, I have always been an amazing father.

My daughter has been my number one priority since the day she was born. I’ve always been active, involved and hands-on, and we’ve shared an incredibly close relationship. I have never done anything that would put her safety or wellbeing at risk, and I never would.

What scares me the most is that keeping us apart for so long is already affecting our relationship. Every month that goes by is another month of memories I don’t get to make with her, having a relationship through a screen has become the norm and I worry about the long-term impact that has on both of us.

I’m not posting this looking for sympathy or people to justify the affair. I’m looking for advice from dads who’ve walked a similar road.

Has anyone successfully opposed a relocation like this?

Has anyone gone from no time, to supervised time back to unsupervised or equal care?

Has anyone felt like the goalposts just kept moving no matter what they did?

Just any general advice on this situation would be greatly appreciated.

If you got this far thank you so much for taking the time to read this.

When I was three years old I got a Woody doll for Christmas. Upon opening it and seeing my favorite movie toy I exclaimed "Look its a big giant woody." So for the years after it was a family joke. Last night my boy and I were watching Toy Story 2. It gets to the part where Jesse and Pete are showing Woody all the merchandise from the show. Woody backs into the giant cardboard cut out of himself. Imagine the excitement I felt when my 3 year old son says "Look its a giant Woody!"

Just a whimsical moment…. Photo by my lovely Daughter in Law….

I don't really know where to start with this, so I'll just start.

I'm a dad of three. 11, 7 and 4. On paper I'm a co-parent. In reality I'm a single dad who does everything, every day, with a full time job on top.

Their mum and I were together for 14 years. It took me most of those years to admit to myself that what I was living in was emotional and financial abuse. She worked, but never once contributed to a bill. I begged her to help. She didn't. When money ran short I covered the gap on credit cards, and now every one of those repayments falls on me. When I finally left, I left everything behind. Every item in that house, all of it paid for by me, because leaving it there was the price of being free.

Since the split she's shown almost no interest in parenting. She's now in a relationship with a man in Turkey and flies out every four months for five weeks at a time. No discussion, no plan, just gone. I pick up everything. The hardest part isn't the extra load, it's sitting in front of an 11 year old, a 7 year old and a 4 year old trying to explain that mammy has left again and I don't know when she'll be back. There's no script for that.

Financially I'm keeping my head above water and that's about it, despite having a decent job. I pay rent on my own place. I also pay the mortgage on the house she lives in, a house she's never put a penny towards from the day it was bought, and she isn't even on the mortgage. On top of that I'm paying solicitors twice over. Once to try and get the house back, and once to get a court order so the kids have a stable home with me for the majority of the time, so she can't just abandon them again whenever she feels like it.

The strange thing is my day to day life hasn't actually changed much. She worked 3pm till 10pm when we were together, so I was already the one doing school runs, dinner, bath, bed. I was a hands-on dad long before I was doing it alone. But somehow it's harder now. Back then I had one hour to myself in the morning before the school run. I could train, clear my head, feel like a person. That hour is gone, and it turns out that hour was holding a lot together.

Now the routine is relentless. School run, work, school run, dinner, bath, bed. Every single day. The gym is gone. My social life is gone. And underneath it there's this constant pressure to be the fun dad too, to make memories, to be switched on for them 24/7, when most days I'm running on fumes.

Work isn't a refuge either. I'm in product design, and AI is rewriting the entire discipline in real time. I'm having to redefine what I do and who I am professionally in the middle of what feels like chaos, at the exact point in my life where I have the least capacity to do it.

There are good things. I've met someone who has steadied me emotionally in a way I didn't know I needed. But she lives a long way away, and I can't move closer because my ex won't agree to the kids changing schools. The same schools I take them to and collect them from every single day. So even the good thing comes with a weight attached.

I have family around me, and emotionally they're brilliant. But I'm also the person everyone comes to when they need help financially, even though I'm quietly struggling myself. I don't think anyone realises.

Honestly, most days I feel like I'm drowning. Drowning in routine, in debt, in work, in expectation. Not in a dramatic way. Just slowly, quietly, while looking fine from the outside.

I'm not really sure what I'm looking for by posting this. I suppose I just needed to say it somewhere, to people who might get it. If you've been through something similar and come out the other side, I'd genuinely like to hear it.

Father's who have sons that actually want to do things with them, what's that like? My 1 son, never wants to do anything with me and it's a little upsetting. To add more context, I have 1 son and 4 daughters so we're outrun by woman constantly. We agreed to watch the World Cup final together today but he's not home and the game just started, so Father's what is it like when a son actually wants to do something with you?

I haven't seen my father since I was 5 years old and recently I started thinking about him more and more until today when I decided to look around online for him and I found him on Facebook. I really want to say something to him but I have no idea where to start after so long especially considering I barely even remember him. This might be kinda odd for this subreddit but idk where else to ask. Thank you in advance.

Got a son around age 4, really obsessed with cars (as so many are, right?).

We've got a whole bunch of small toy cars, those fun magnets where you can make buildings, roads etc.

Anyone have any recommendations for toys to go to another level of sorts?

I mean it's fine if he wants to keep playing with these and using his imagination, but any you found particularly good and developmental in any way, whether it's cars, building, or one that combines both, I'm grateful!

This is why they invited the number candles.

I used to laugh at my dad for keeping random boxes in the garage.

Last weekend my kid asked if we could build a spaceship. Two boxes, some markers, a roll of tape, and suddenly we had the coolest spaceship in the neighborhood. We spent almost two hours "flying" to different planets. 😂

I owe my dad an apology. The box wasn't junk... it was future entertainment.

I got a gangster

Come join me!

r/ManVsBraids

Although I’m usually really good at knowing how to steer my life in a healthy direction, I’ve never felt as low as I do now. Traditional suburban dad with 7 and 9 yo girls. I have been the main breadwinner through running a business and entrepreneurship. I’ve had some friends at times but right now I seem to be the only one putting in effort.

I feel the classic complete lack of appreciation and have almost zero support systems. I make the family work financially, offering my wife complete flexibility in what she wants to do (stay home, work, etc), all while being a very present dad. My wife is a classic “dismissive avoidant” who is not really capable of dealing with issues. Business stuff has took a turn for the worse and I have a lot of focus on that right now, trying to make sure we pay the mortgage.

How does one survive when moving mountains, leading so many family things, with so little appreciation from spouses or effort from other family or friends? My kids are little so I don’t expect a ton for them. Still, it would have been good to get ANYTHING on Father’s Day. It’s making me so depressed I’m just barely keeping the wheels on the track. It’s crazy having absolutely nowhere to turn. :/

Used to have a solid group of guys I'd hang out with regularly. Beers after work, pickup basketball on weekends, that kind of thing. Then kids came along and slowly, without really noticing it happening, all of that just kind of evaporated. Not in a dramatic way. Nobody had a falling out. People just got busy and the calls stopped and now I couldn't tell you the last time I did something purely for myself with another adult male who wasn't a coworker or my wife's friend's husband.

The weird part is I'm not even sure I miss it that much until I think about it directly. My kids are my whole world and I don't resent any of it. But something feels a little off about realizing the only guys I talk to regularly are dads I met through my kids' school or sports stuff.

We all talk about the same things. Schedules, kids, work stress. Which is fine, that's real life. But I wonder if other dads feel like they lost a version of themselves somewhere in the shuffle and just quietly accepted it because the trade felt worth it.

Does it come back eventually when the kids get older or is this just what it is now.

I started a dad’s group 9 months ago, advertising on Reddit and local Facebook groups. We have an in person meetup every Tuesday night at Buffalo Wild Wings. No expectation that guys go every week, but every Tuesday there are at least 15 of us there. It’s all guys I didn’t know before starting the group and we’ve become really tight and hang out a lot outside of the Tuesday meetups. All this to say there are tons of guys out there looking to make friends. You just need to create the space to do it and it will come together on its own. Our group has 350+ local dads in the Facebook group and probably 40+ that are very active for in person meetups and activities. It’s not about play dates or youth sports or church or anything like that. Dads from early 20’s all the way into their 70’s (I’m 44). It’s honestly been so great for my social life, mental health, and for my wife and kids.
We even have shirts, hats, hoodies, etc with our logo on it.

Before anyone craps on Buffalo Wild Wings please understand it’s not about the food. It’s about finding a place that can easily accommodate us and allows us to be loud and move around. If someone complains about the fact that it’s at BWW then they probably don’t get what the group is all about and probably wouldn’t fit in.

(Lurking mom. Hope you guys enjoy)

Hey guys,

As a dad, I really struggled early on to figure out how to properly bond with my son. I’d sit on the floor to spend time with him, but he’d just bounce from toy to toy. Every time I tried to get involved, he'd just drift away to something else. It felt less like bonding and more like supervised solo play.

I knew there had to be a better way to actually connect.

Over the last year, I’ve been working with child development experts to build an app that solves this exact problem. We are finally gearing up for our beta launch, and I’d love to get some honest feedback from fellow dads.

If you have a kiddo under 4 years old, I’d love to invite you to our beta group.

In exchange for your feedback, I’ll happily hook you up with free lifetime access once we go live.

Drop a comment and shoot me a DM if you're interested!