"I dated A BPD once" "BPDemon" "I want a BPD girlfriend" "never date a pwBPD" etc etc

Always calling us abusive and all that shit. The funny thing is, I’m the one who’s been abused and the only times I’ve been very toxic is when I have been misunderstood and the other person doesn’t make me feel safe. My boyfriend is the opposite. I feel safe around him and he’s my safe person. I feel like I can trust him and finally let my guard down.

I’m just sick of people dehumanizing us as if we’re all evil. Yes there are many people with BPD that have been abusive, but there are also many people with BPD that aren’t, and many people with BPD that HAVE BEEN ABUSED. I’m sick of this shit and feel like I’m only being reduced to my disorder that has ruined my life. I’m constantly on edge and any little thing can cause me to snap. Either I self harm very severely or even try to kill myself. The second you tell someone you have BPD, you are the worst person in the whole world and you are evil and manipulative.

We can never win, can we?

I went to the library to study with my boyfriend and I've studied for 2 hours. I usually study for one hour or not study at all so thats an accomplishment for me. Then I rested. I went to a cafe to drink a diet coke with my mum. Then I went to have a walk for one hour. That's my hugest accomplishment because I usually do 10 minutes or do nothing at all. I felt I was dragging myself during the walk- but at the end it felt so good. I even took a cold shower 🚿 Now I'm waiting for my boyfriend to have dinner at my place- my mum is cooking for everyone... coming from someone who used to not leave their bed momths ago thats huge. I'm satisfied 😌

Does anyone else with BPD struggle with shopping way more than they should?

Lately I've realized I can't seem to stop buying things, even when I know I don't need them. In the moment it makes me feel better, but once it's over I'm left feeling guilty, embarrassed, and wondering why I did it again.

I'm starting to wonder if this is connected to my BPD or if it's something separate. Has anyone else dealt with this? What did it feel like for you, and did anything actually help?

I'd really appreciate hearing your experiences because I feel pretty alone with this right now.

I (39f) was recently diagnosed with bpd. I’ve got two daughters, 16/18, and I’m over here wondering if I went ahead and ‘passed down’ this condition. Obviously it’s not genetic but I know I also wasn’t the best mother b/c of this.

Yes, I am being somewhat serious because well, I hate to remember people that the reason I am not that close to everyone, the reason I get quiet if they get quiet suddenly, and the reason why I explode is because of this, my own mental health being a mess that I endure everyday. I never asked to have this disorder, yet, for some unexplainable reason, when I tell them I have bpd, they either get away from me, or isolate from me, which, i don't know what's worst in me, but, in any case, I hate that this cycle happens more than once.

I know, I know, I know something called accountability and trust exits, but, even in that, it always get wrong, so, yeah.. guess I'll do it (you can reply to me that if it's good or bad idea, I'll listen either way), because I am genuinely tired of this.

Not gona say more than I got a minor stuff happening. Was clean of alc and now I'm just full on. I might die in less than a week so why should I care?

All I crave is losing control.

I have to break up with him as I am abusive. Full stop. I love him and i know that involves letting him go. But i seriously fucking can't do it. Over phone, hearing him sob and scream. He wanted to see me one last time, I said sure and then he ended uo staying over. He was sobbing the whole night as we held each other. He said he understood my mental health and i was pushing him away and that he'd understand if i only saw him even like once a month. He was hopeful because I was so exhausted I caved and said I'd need time but we functionally fell into the relationship agaun.

Please help me. I feel suicidal over how difficult this is. The pain in his voice makes me want to take my own life. I am 100% serious when I say this. I cannot function. I feel panic away from him knowing what I am doing. To him. He says he doesn't care. Please help me, how do i even break up with him?

Do you sometimes feel like just an abandoned affect/child and need someone to come and regulate you.

Ive noticed this comes from not having a mind/adult online.
Basically if your adult is there, you cant be abandoned, youre watching you.
This observation stops the fear as an adult cant be abandoned.
The adult directs.

But a lot of the time its like i have no adult and im just panicking like a lost little child.

How do we activate that adult?

Anyone relates?

I have a sort of friend that has been on and off, usually on her own terms.
We dated for some time but she insisted she didn’t want a relationship. Then I got in a very bad short one with a pwNPD and she was there the whole time supporting me all the time but that’s all she did. I tried to be friends, to know more about her and be there for her but she didn’t let me. After like a year we started dating again and this time she changed her mind and decided we could have a relationship.
For context she has been single for 5 years and says relationships are her kriptonite.
The first week we were officially together she freaked out. I couldn’t recognize her, she didn’t make sense when she spoke, iI can’t describe it. She started to feel like she was not good enough and I was going to leave her any moment and after not even a month it was over. She said to never ever talk to her again. I told her I appreciated everything she did for me, that I lament the decision but I also never understood what happened.

A year after she run into me and my new girlfriend. My new girlfriend is now my ex girlfriend with BPD.

This friend decided that she wanted to be friends again. She always said she felt safe with me and my life was fun but she didn’t care about me, which I find confusing.

Eventually I started to learn about BPD to support my girlfriend and the more I learned and shared with my orher friend the more she freaked out.

Eventually she told me that everything I shared sounded like her, and that she thinks she has BPD.

Then she wrote angry at me because I made her feel that she has BPD but I didn’t even thought about it till she brought it up. I didn’t even made a comment. I just told her that if it would be the case I would be supportive. Since then she doesn’t speak to me.

The behavior that does confuse me is that she appears and disappears from my life. Shows a lot of interest and wants to reconnect and then tells me to get a life and block her and never contact her again.

I think the reason I am asking is because I do know a lot about BPD now and I want to help her because she helped me a lot in the past. In some cases healed me from bad experiences and I don’t want her to feel unlovable if she does have BPD.

I know is mot my problem but I just feel bad

I’ve been married since I was 18, and haven’t had a job since my first kids was born, and I dropped out of college when we got married. Daughter just turned 18. I’ve recently realized that I want to leave my marriage, but I’m so fucking scared. I’ve never lived on my own. Six months in a dorm doesn’t count. I have a daughter going into 11th grade and anther trying to go to college this fall. I’m scared that if I leave, I won’t be able to get a job that will support me, let alone help my daughter pay for college and help the other one stay on her club sports teams. I’m 99% sure we’d get cut off financially if I left. Immediately. If i wasn’t so selfish or if I could act better maybe I could stay longer for them but I’ve been staying with this man who doesn’t even like me for way too long.
I just need advice-anyone here able to live on their own? I live in a very expensive area (think Hawaii expensive) and I can’t really leave b/c my kids lives are here…but I’m not sure I can support myself. I feel like half a sometimes.

I have BPD myself and she does too, I can't let go and I get very attached.

We started talking two months ago. Two days later we kissed, and since then it’s been intense push-pull.

She did some very extreme things, like video-calling me while she was in bed with another guy. That same night she called me crying. After that we got closer again, then the strong push returned.

She called me her “soul animal” a few times, said she loved me, and would often call me first whenever she was in crisis. She could get extremely close and affectionate.

Then she would suddenly push me away hard, talk about other guys, say she never really liked me that way, that she wants to close it forever, and block me on different apps. She even made a call on Instagram with a new guy she said she was dating.

Still, she kept showing signs of deep attachment, but it felt like she was punishing me for it and pushing me away very hard.

Even after sleeping with someone else she showed up at my place at 4 a.m., put on my jewelry, held me tightly and fell asleep. The next morning she was cold again and pulled away.

The pattern kept repeating: deep closeness, soft words and crisis calls, followed by strong rejection, triangulation with other guys, and blocking me everywhere.

Right now I’m blocked on every platform, including Spotify, and she’s being very rude to me.

Why is she doing this?

And it’s so painful.

How do I make it stop? He’s on vacation and barely calls because he’s busy, but I keep going insane over it and I just realized now that my emotions and mental health is reliant on him. It’s excruciating.

I’m very excited to see him and so is he, but it’s so painful waiting.

I can’t take it anymore

So when I have splits or episodes or whatever they are, my bf likes to tell me that he understands because he has been where I am before. And this feels invalidating. And my DBT therapist asked me why I feel bad about saying that I feel invalidated, but she didn't tell me if I am valid or not, or if that's something thats ok to say to him or not.

Edit: When he says he understands he follows with He's attempted suicide before (which he tell me often, but I'm not necessarily mad about) and he tells me that changed his whole outlook on life and he doesn't want to die anymore, don't even want to think about it. And I'm like brother that is so different from what this disorder does to my brain. I have had three almost dying serious suicide attempts in my 23 years of life, and like 10 attempts where I just started the process until I felt sick and dizzy and then I stopped. None of those have made my suical ideation go away. He also tells me that yeah, he still has bad days too. He has his depressive episodes and his anxiety gets bad like mine.

And I really like him but I want to tell him that if we're gonna date he has to realize that what we have is very different. I don't want to be that person that's like, ugh I have it harder than you 😒. But I feel like that's just true in a sense. Bpd is literally known as having some of the most painful emotions of any other pyschiatric condition.

So I guess I need to know one, if I'm right to feel invalidated and two, if I am right to feel that way how to tell him that I feel that way. Cause you know... fear of being abandoned and all that.

Quick background. I’m 28 F, and this is the second crush I’ve ever had in my life. First one was when I was 16 and ended painfully. I’ve been with guys throughout the years but I never really cared about any of them in a meaningful way? I wouldn’t even like talking to them outside of making arrangements to do the hmm hmmm. I’ve never caught feelings or felt attached to anyone besides that first crush. I then had a boyfriend, and then another but after that, I was just seeing guys casually. I didn’t even really romantically like my boyfriends (I was 17 and 19, I don’t even count that lol).

Also due to the BPD, I’ve always hated a deep hatred of myself, and I always felt CHOPPED. Other people would tell me I’m not but what asshole is gonna just be like “yeah you’re ugly” to someone’s face ya know? Also I’m fat so automatically I’m ugly (I see beautiful fat women all the time but their face cards have to be on POINT, have a big butt, etc. Lets not act like most people automatically put you in the “no” pile when you’re over a certain size lol)

Boys never really approached me like they approached all the other girls around me, and even when I got older, it was the same. Guys would always come up to my friends at a club, never me. No man has ever bought me a drink except gay men, and I never get asked for my number unless its like late night at a gas station and its some gross bummy dude who asks for everyone’s number. I get no hoes 💯 and the guys I HAVE been with were men that liked me that I did not find very attractive and not gonna lie, I just kinda went with it cause I was like well this is the only attention I get and I’m horny so I guess. I never even dared to have a type or visual preferences cause I felt like I didn’t have the right to given what I look like. Lets not even get started on personality cause despite how shallow I’ve sounded this far, I really fall for personality more than anything.

Also I always casually saw these people cause I didn’t really like em for real, but also I didn’t want to engage with dating outside of casual cause I also recognize that if you don’t feel good about yourself/ love yourself, you shouldn’t be dating. I guess I put it in my head that thats just not for me. Its for other girls. I resigned myself to it and kinda made peace and closes that door.

I’ve only been on a date like 1 or 2 times

I get the yearning feeling on occasion, but it goes away pretty quickly. I felt ashamed that I had the audacity to desire love cause look at me ya know.

I always thought I never had THAT kind of BPD I guess cause I never liked anyone, and cause I accepted that I don’t really like men, they don’t like me, etc etc.

ANYWAYS i met this dude, got trapped in my first situationship and I logically know I deserve better cause thats would I would tell my friend. It’s been EIGHT MONTHS. This is the first person that I’ve ever thought was attractive, and on top of that I love his personality. This man is not good for me dude. I know that. We started as a casual thing, but the minute I met him in person and we kisses, it felt like I took some molly. I liked him immediately. He just sees me as a FWB. I don’t want to leave because I love him, and I don’t want anyone else to have him even at the capacity I currently do. That would kill me.

We don’t ever see each other outside my place, I’ve never been to his, no phone calls, we text every single day, but thats nothing. He comes over sometimes and we hang out some times without even kissing or having sex.

Logically I know this man doesn’t give a damn about me. If my friend were to tell me this I would slap some sense into her w the strength of a thousand moons lmfao. But unfortunately I love him. I’ve never experienced anything like this, and it leaves me with the most intense Limerence I’ve ever felt this is how I felt when I was like 16 but worse. It’s like sometimes I’m paralyzed if he doesn’t text me back, I feel like I can’t do anything with my day. Sometimes I can’t even get out of bed until I get a text back from him. I ignore things that I have to do because I genuinely just feel so paralyzed by this Limerence, and then I feel stupid as hell for feeling the way I feel over someone who doesn’t do anything for me, and I feel stupid for thinking that he would ever feel the same way for me because the truth is he’s really attractive, and I hate myself for being stupid.

Compound my regular degular ass experience of not really ever catching anyones attention, and being bigger blah blah blah and add BPD in the mix.

How can I get over him? I’ve always been the advice, giving friend, which is crazy because I never had the experience and now I’m realizing that it’s so much harder to do it and say it.

I know I should respect myself and let it go, gain, self love, and all that other good stuff, but now I’m here and I feel like I’m trapped by this love that I have for him. Logically, I know I shouldn’t feel that way and I don’t want to feel that way, but I do, and I feel like all of the advice that people give me is valid, but genuinely I feel like my BPD makes it so so SOOOO much harder. Not trying to victimize myself, but it’s really just so hard, and it’s been super easy for me to cut people off in the past, but it’s because I never cared.

I need people with my same brain to help me. How do I get over loving someone, how do I stop hoping that they’ll choose me, I want to learn how to close that door again because I don’t think this dating thing is meant for me.

And in case, anyone’s wondering, I go to therapy weekly, and I’m on a mix of Wellbutrin and lamotrigine.

I’ve been suspecting i have bpd but i don’t know how to talk about it or if I actually have it so I came on here to talk about it. I have really bad relationships with everyone. And it could be my favorite person and I will think they don’t like me and get annoyed of me etc just because they don’t reply fast enough or if they say something a certain way. I also just don’t know who I am at all like I probably couldn’t describe myself to anybody besides looks. And one I’m in a good state I become attached to people and obsessed almost over them but the slightest change of action makes me hate them and I forgot everything good they’ve done and only think of the bad things. And I often block people or don’t text, or talk to them for long periods of time to test to see if they care and if they will check in. I can relate to 7/9 symptoms of bpd and these symptoms been going on as long as I can remember so please respond and give me advice.

i'm worried that i won't recieve my diagnosis at this point.

i mean it was hard enough to even consider to get my gp to send me to have an evaluation with a mental health practitioner (uk, just to let you know) and now that i have had it, its been weighing on me for a few weeks.

i'm scheduled to start dbt and emotional regulation courses since they found it pretty obvious that i needed them, but it feels like its not enough. that its still not valid, simply because i have no diagnosis. that i'm just a crazy, broken person until i have it written in my notes beyond self harm and suicidal tendencies

i don't know what i am trying to say with this, i just wanted to say it

I recently cut off my fp/ex. I've been trying to work on myself, trying to have healthier connections to others as opposed to letting myself be reckless and unstable. I know I won't be perfect but still. I don't want to cause even more harm to them, or anyone else in that matter. It was not an healthy relationship, we were very codependent but it was definitely the one I felt the closest and most loved in. They told me I was doing more harm in leaving, I can't help but think they were right, I hurt them so much and now I feel like I'm dumping them leaving them alone. I'd hate to be causing more harm. But I'm so pissed that it took me trying to cut them off to be able to have that heart to heart. I'm having second thoughts, I can't tell if it's attachment, the memories,or the hope that something can still change. Months ago I would've taken the opportunity, but I just cant trust it to be better this time if I did. I put my foot down and insisted. I told them I wanted things to be healthy and they feel like they're doomed to this life of codependency and unhealthiness. I wish I could help but they don't seem to want to be helped, like maybe this is all they will ever know. I feel terrible, I could at least stick with them. But I know subjugation this this mindset of never healing will just trigger me and let me get out of hand. I'm just having second thoughts. I'd like to know any opinions.

I recently got out of out patient hospitalization, and was put on remeron at night, but anti depressants never seem to make me feel normal, or much better.

Day 4 at the hospital I had to have some hard real talk about my bpd, and how filled with despair and rage it can be. I asked to be put on Abilify to add on to the remeron. and day one a light switch turned on for the better. No more watching a sad movie scene and feeling stuck in the sadness for a whole day. No more looking at the trees and feeling a wind of euphoria that crash dips into despair and sorrow and hopelessness.

Abilify flipped my life is worth living switch on.

However the Bruxism (jaw clenching) during the day is so unbearable. It’s like a Tourette’s tic at this point.

I started at 2mg abilify but went to 1mg because of the akathisia. Akathisia is pretty much gone but the jaw clenching is just constant every second, and it’s no longer functional or bearable.

I have sever anger and agitation with bpd and autism. Abilify makes me feel less autistic as I’m not so sensory sensitive. But I have to say farewell to it with this jaw clenching.

I know about lamictal and other meds. But I’m wondering if they will be “heavy duty” enough to haul the massive rage meltdowns I deal with?

Thoughts recommendations and experiences are appreciated.

I’m currently on 1mg abilify every morning with 25mg lyrica and 7.5mg remeron at night with 25mg lyrica again.

Propanolol for akathisia(but it doesn’t touch the jaw clenching)

Hi everyone

Apologies for lack of source and speaking out of my head but I've read recently that there has been debates about reclassifying BPD into PTSD, have you heard of it?

I've been diagnosed with BPD for over 10 years now and there has been PTSD suspicions (don't remember if I was ever diagnosed officially), but I feel like the BPD label fits me better

Since BPD is mostly caused by trauma it's quite normal for the symptoms to overlap but idk if it makes sense to just melt them together under the PTSD label

What are you thinking?

A quick Google search showed me a bit of both "c-ptsd and BPD are basically the same" and "BPD and c-ptsd are not interchange and are different diagnoses" so idk

I’m wondering what led to the diagnosis of bpd and how did you guys first react to it ? When my friends started suspecting i may have bpd and with my therapist confirming it’s a possibly and looks likely i genuinely took it as a negative due to the media i wonder if that’s the same for everyone else !

Hello guys I'm 19/F I think I have bpd and ocd cause I have every symptoms which refers that I can't control my emotions even it is happy sad anger everything but I'm actually exhausted sometimes I even want to be alone I don't know what to do but I don't want it to last I want to maintain a good relationship with my boyfriend if I can't cure it I don't know what will happen in our relationship like because I can't trust completely but nowadays i tries to trust him and that trust issues is almost solved by myself now I don't doubt him at all but I have anger I can't control but nowadays I'm controlling it but nowadays I feel lonely I can't even share anything with him or my parents even if it's daily things because they act like they don't want to hear me out so I'm expecting a good advice which can change my life I really need

(TW: mentions of SA)

(Sorry if there's any spelling mistakes or it's all over the place.)

Hello, I (19F) am currently in a so far healthy relationship with (24M). However I've noticed my behaviour is not the best, I'd snap at him over smallest things, say hurtful things and act erratically. I am diagnosed with BPD, severe depression and generalized anxiety. I've been with him for aprox 4 months or 5, and throughout that time we've had intercourse but everytime I feel horrible afterwards and even dissociate at it and even once started crying, by his words "I am someone else." (I believe maybe it's like, trauma of being SA'd seeping through) That's not all I keep trying to push him away and indirectly not trusting him or myself because I feel "it will be ruined". I genuinely do not know who I am. I feel there's multiple personas in my head because no matter what I do or how I express myself it never feels...me.

A little bit of my background, so maybe all of you can understand why my behaviour, I was in a emotionally neglectful relationship where having intercourse was probably the only way to "be close" and often forced.

I have emotionally abusive parents who often try to keep me from being independent and putting stuff in my head like for example "all men are bad and will cheat on you if you don't give them what they want". Anger issues, "depression? That's fake." "Therapy is a scam" and more...

Is there something wrong with me?

How does one navigate the constant feeling of emptiness and loneliness once they have gotten out of a long relationship? I don't know how to navigate being alone now. Never been good at keeping friends and my family, well that's a different story. I need help because the S.I. is getting worse because the hole is growing larger. Any men out there mid 30s having to or had to navigate that feeling and how did you handle it?