(before reading, please don’t take this as me hating on anyone with a similar body type. i’m just venting. i’ve been dealing with mild body dysmorphia for 10+ years.)
i’m 23F, 5’2, and skinny. the only thing i really like about my body is that i’m skinny, and sometimes my legs look nice in skirts. that’s about it. i’m a black woman with no curves, so i feel like genetics really didn’t do me any favors. if i was white or asian, i honestly don’t think i’d think about it nearly as much. sometimes it almost feels like i don’t fit the beauty standard of my own race.
i really wish i had curves like other girls. i genuinely feel like i have the body of a 12 year old. i’ve tried going to the gym, eating healthier, training glutes, hips, abs, legs, all of it. nothing really changes my shape. i struggle to eat enough food or protein to gain weight due to my depression affecting my eating habits. even if i did, i know i can’t just choose where it goes. i know you can’t spot treat certain areas or expect dramatic changes, but it’s still so frustrating.
sometimes i genuinely think that if my self image never improves, i’ll probably end up getting some kind of hip dip or hip bbl surgery one day. i don’t even care about having a huge butt. i literally just want hips. an hourglass figure…i hate feeling completely flat from every angle. over the years i’ve bought multiple pairs of hip pad shorts just so i could wear skirts and dresses without feeling ugly.
on top of that, i’ve barely got boobs or an ass either. i don’t even care that much about being flat chested, but damn… why couldn’t my genetics at least give me wider hip bones?
i feel so insecure in anything that’s tight fitting because it shows how rectangular my body is. i dress alt/goth most of the time, so i mostly rely on flare skirts, corsets, and styling tricks to create more shape. i can actually feel really pretty when i’m fully styled, but that’s the thing. it’s ONLY when i’m styled.
i wish i could throw on literally anything and not spend the entire time wondering if people are noticing my body shape. there are so many clothes i’ve bought online because they looked amazing on the model, only to put them on and realize they look completely different on me because i somehow convinced myself they’d translate to my body the same way.
it takes me forever to get ready for anything important because i’m constantly changing outfits, taking clothes on and off, and overanalyzing how my body looks. i’ve been late to so many things because i couldn’t decide what looked acceptable. it makes me want to cry..
it also doesn’t help that social media constantly shows me beautiful, curvy, skinny women with model bodies. i know there’s angles, lighting, posing, editing, and exercise involved, but at the end of the day, i still see a body type that i personally find more attractive than my own. i catch myself feeling jealous and insecure all the time. i want to be happy for other girls celebrating their bodies without having to compare my own body to theirs.
for anyone else with a similar body shape, how did you learn to accept it? what actually helped? do people really care if a woman, especially a black woman, isn’t curvy?