was just wondering if anyone has any advice for dealing with the mental side of losing your appetite / gastroparesis? i've had pretty extreme hunger for most of my recovery and was always kind of jealous of people that had no appetite in recovery, but i had a quasi-relapse recently and i've had what i think is gastroparesis since -- my appetite is a lot smaller than usual and eating can make me feel physically uncomfortable (eg. heartburn, nausea, feeling uncomfortably full from normal amounts of food). i've seen lots of advice about dealing with loss of appetite in terms of how to make sure you're still getting enough calories (meal replacement drinks etc.) but it's really the mental side of it that's getting to me, like i feel really guilty for eating when i'm not super physically hungry, and i feel like i need to 'make the most of' not being hungry by not eating. has anyone else dealt with this / does anyone have any advice for either getting my appetite back, or for feeling better about eating when not hungry? thanks :)

I seriously hope this isn’t triggering to anyone, I know calorie counting is a serious issue and a lot of people here are likely still struggling.

I decided four days ago that I needed to make a change. After four years of counting, excessive cardio, restriction and just making myself miserable, my body has started to cave into itself. I’m weaker than I’ve ever been, I keep passing out, I’m constantly cold, my eyes feel heavy and my doctors are warning me that my muscles, including the ones around my heart could be beginning to deteriorate.

According to the doctors, I am underweight. They want me to go to a centre to recovery, which I’m more than happy to do. I’ve wanted to for a very long time but have been terrified to try in fear of being told I’m not valid.

I stopped counting calories last Thursday after I almost passed out in work and haven’t since. I’ve probably eaten quite a lot, I’ve kinda been eating foods that I haven’t allowed myself to even touch since I started this. The fact that it seems to have come so easily is making me second guess how severe my case was, though. I thought it was meant to be harder than this.

Don’t get me wrong, it isn’t plain and simple, I’m still thinking about calories and the fact I’m likely gonna gain- so on so forth- but even tho I’m scared, I just keep letting myself know that the doctors want me to gain and that if I don’t get over this issue I’ll spend the rest of my life miserable, if I even GET a ‘rest of my life’.

Again, I’m sorry if this post is triggering. I’m an 18 year old boy who just wants to get better and be happy again. Please help me.

I was at the lowest point of my life when I developed anorexia nervosa. I couldn't bring myself to do anything because all I wanted was to give up and starve until I could no longer keep going. I pushed all of my friends away and made my family cry many times. I was nothing but a bag of bones and even though I was malnourished and almost dying, I still felt unhappy. I didn't have anyone, I was completely lost.

My hair kept falling, my nails kept breaking, my bones kept getting weaker and my mind was always so cruel. I simply accepted my fate, that I was going to be like this until God knew when. I had panic attacks everyday, every meal felt like this impossible chore and I couldn't stop crying. I had to receive IV fluid because of how malnourished I was and trust me, those things hurt really bad.

After months of trying to recover and failing, I finally came into terms with myself. I needed help. I started off slowly, still crying over big meals and fear foods, still shaking and sweating while thinking of food, but I never stopped. I kept going and going, and slowly... things started to get better.

I pushed through every discomfort, every tear. I didn't stop. My mind kept being cruel and mean to me, but I had to keep going. When I gained my first kilogram, I felt scared. Of course it was scary. I was losing everything I thought I knew about myself. All the problems I went through, I had to face them without the support of anorexia nervosa.

I began eating more, choosing meals I genuinely enjoyed and stopped exercising. Once I respected my body's wishes and cravings, the food noise got lower and lower. I felt at peace with myself, even though my mind was still trying to make me feel like I was in danger.

I went through extreme hunger and survived. I ate what felt right to me and what felt good to my body. I gained weight, but it wasn't so scary anymore. I had to eat properly and for the first time in months, I embraced my weight gain journey.

Meals weren't so scary anymore, I was looking forward them. I allowed myself to have desserts and big meals and slowly, I stopped having so many cravings. I didn't feel like having a lot of food all at once and the compulsive urges flew away. I reached a healthy weight, and now, I'm finally weight restored.

Please, if you're struggling with recovery, I'm asking you to give life a chance. Nourishing your body is not always going to be easy, but what matters is that you must keep going. Give yourself time, do not rush anything. This is not a race, be yourself and be honest with your own needs and feelings, respect them. All the panic attacks are bad, all the family fights are horrible, but if you keep going, if you keep pushing through the bad days, you will heal. You will recover and be happy again, trust me.

Hi all,

I am just wondering if anyone struggled with weight gain redistribution anywhere from 6 months - 2 years after starting recovery? I understand your body will probably never return to anything close to its pre-ED form, but moreso curiously about weight redistribution/ body composition and anyone’s true experience with that. Thanks in advance and hope everyone having a great day!

does anyone else have this? I have heard it called visceral hypersensitivity or interroceptive hypersensitivity, but I think it’s because of paying too much attention to the sensation of hunger. Now I am recovered, but still, sensations in my stomach feel so extremely loud and hyper hyper hyper sensitive. I’m wondering if I can find something to help with this.

It feels like I need to protect my stomach from outside stimuli because it’s so sensitive and it takes a lot of energy! Thank you so much!

Hi everyone, I’m conducting a research study at City St George’s, University of London, exploring experiences of sleep during and after recovery from an eating disorder.

I’m looking to speak with adults who consider themselves recovered from an eating disorder and who experienced sleep difficulties during their illness. Participation involves a confidential interview, and we hope the findings will improve understanding of sleep and recovery. 

If you're interested in taking part, please complete the short screening form below. Thank you for supporting!

https://cityunilondon.eu.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_9Y4TMPrBiDYAdng

I’m a 24F who started recovering from a recent relapse over a month ago. I’ve been doing weekly therapy sessions with a psychologist, which has been immensely helpful, however, my gynaecologist referred me to a psychiatrist as well.

I was so hesitant to actually go see a psychiatrist, as I’ve always found them either super triggering or unhelpful. But I decided to give it a shot today, and I hope I hadn’t.

Long story short, during the initial chat with a nurse, she basically started asking for my weight and height and proceeded to comment that I “wasn’t skin and bones” ir anything (aka I wasn’t THAT underweight). After this, she basically told me there wasn’t any help available for me as I told her I didn’t want to rely on medicine. So I basically left feeling more invalid, triggered & hopeless than when I came into the clinic.

Although I knew something like this was bound to happen as I live in a country that promotes extreme thinness, I can’t help but feel like I’m not “sick enough”. I’m now questioning the point of even trying and feeling more resistant to gaining further weight.

Any advice or reminder would be deeply appreciated because I’m really triggered and hopeless today.

Im healthy now, but I’ve struggled with anorexia for 7 years. From 15 years old to 22.

During the initial weight loss, I was skinny, but not yet medically underweight.

As you know, untreated anorexia gets worse as times goes on, because you are still restricting yourself and not eating enough food. You will lose more weight even if you’re not self aware because you’ve developed unhealthy eating habits. I didn’t even know that I had textbook anorexia. I called it dieting when I was a teenager.

By the 7th year… I’ve felt more depressed than ever, tired all the time, weak, and I’ve also started feeling disassociated, confused and unable to form coherent sentences or retain information.

It got to the point that I needed to record voice notes on my phone, or write down things in a journal, just so that I wouldn’t forget anything.

I’ve realized that I was too far gone mentally, and afraid that I was gonna die. I was too disassociated and felt emotionless.

The best way to describe the feeling is the phrase, “lights on, but nobody’s home” .

Feeling depressed, confused and angry inspired me to start eating regularly again.

I know that people say ED’s don’t go away for good, but I just can’t imagine myself being super restrictive anymore in the future.

It’s scary when you end up falling down in public , because your body just stops working and your legs can’t move.

When this happened, it wasn’t even hot outside, but I was so weak. I fell down , got a sudden temperature, it felt like I could hear slow echos in my head, and I wasn’t able to pick myself back up. My legs just wouldn’t move.

And then every thing goes dark because you’re passed out on the ground (This happened to me which should’ve been the first warning)
I had someone call an ambulance and when I got to the hospital, they gave me an IV.

It’s even more terrifying to start waking up feeling numb every day, forgetful and disconnected from reality. I wasn’t at rock bottom during the first few years but the condition got worse.

Recovery is worth it.
Is confusion & forgetfulness signs of the final stages of anorexia before death, or were these feelings just my guilty conscience?

This is my first post so sorry if I do this wrong, but I’ve just started recovery with a nutritionist and therapist but I still don’t know how I’m supposed to let go and do it on my own. I don’t know how to win against something that’s been in control for so long, if any one had tips or advice I’d be so grateful.

Hi everyone 🤍

I’m looking to connect with a few more gentle, recovery-focused communities and wondered whether anyone knows of any supportive WhatsApp groups, Discord servers, online meet-ups or similar spaces for people recovering from anorexia.

I’d really love a space where people can share the difficult days as well as the little wins, without judgement or comparison.

Please feel free to comment or message me privately if you would rather not share a link publicly. Thank you so much 🌷

Hi y’all,

I’m a good one month and a half in my recovery (first time) and I find myself feeling more irritable/anxious in general. Is this normal/can anyone else relate?

Hey guys, I’m in my first week of refeeding as an inpatient. I’m about 5 days in and my stomach is expectedly very full and bloated and uncomfortable. Yesterday I noticed my upper stomach kinda felt really sore/tender to the touch, almost like a bruise. Has anyone else gone through this? How long did it last? There are so many things I’m dealing with, (constant dizziness, insomnia, swelling, headaches etc.) that I feel like I can’t get a straight answer from my care team on how long they will last or when I’ll start to feel better.

So I’m reeeaallly hoping I can get some info or encouragement from my fellow veterans here. I’m trying everyday to keep my eyes on the prize and it’s taking everything not to want to quit right now. It will be worth it.

Thank you all, hope you’re well ♥️

Not only did i have ice cream today, im having BACON PEPPERONI PIZZA YAYAAYYAAY I MISSSS BAACONNNNN AND PEPPENORIIII im so excited and terrified but god so happy recovery so worth it chat

As a follow up to a previous post where i expressed my concerns about extreme hunger and honoring said hunger, i just want to rant a little :P

It’s not even 9am yet and i’ve had like nine slices of whole bread with biscoff spread and nutella, and now i’m snacking on wasabi peanuts because i still didn’t feel full..
I’m just like a bottomless pit right now, but weirdly enough i’m not really struggling with that, more so going with the flow :D

I do wonder, does anybody relate to that and is that the right way to go about things ?

I’ve off and on had an ED since about 11 (I’m now 25), I had periods of time of restricting and others where I was very body positive, but unintentionally didn’t eat a lot. This is my second time in recovery, the first time was so much easier. My doctor at the time was very harsh and told me to work out during recovery or I’d gain weight in my stomach area after I had opened up to her about my body dysmorphia in that area. She really was a horrible doctor and I highly don’t recommend doing that at all tbh. But I did gain all my weight in my desired areas (thighs and butt) which made me super confident about myself until things fell apart in my past relationship and my ex fiancé who forbid me from working wouldn’t buy me enough food (only about a meal and a snack a day if I was lucky). So, two years ago, I decided to pursue recovery again. No exercise, just eating whatever felt right, but I did have some relapses where I didn’t eat for half a day. Sometimes I unintentionally do this to this day, but it’s only about once or twice a month, usually never. So, I’m confused why 50% of my weight keeps going to my stomach and causing me so much distress. I do have to walk 10k - 18k steps a day for my job (so I eat even more now), but I only started working there 6 months ago and the stomach fat has gotten way worse since then. Will it ever even out and go to my arms? All my fat has gone stomach down and never up at all.

TLDR:

Second time in recovery (ED on and off for 14 years), but this time 50% of my weight has all gone to my stomach and not to my arms or chest. I’ve been in this recovery for a year with only a few hiccups. When does it even out?

Im in recovery and trying still struggling with a lot of disordered thoughts and behaviours that i need to work on breaking.
Main one of these is one i only aquired after after relapsing is the rule of restricting bread and its similar (pasta etc.), preferably to strictly once a day.
This has been as bad as to resorting to chew and spit out my otherwise safe go to breakfast…

And I KNOW its illogical and its not bad or unhealthy but the rule is still there and i do want to work on it.
So any facts or tips that can help me tackle it?

Edit: issue isnt me getting insufficient carbs, its the mental restriction of eating anything bread adjacent

I need a pep talk rn :(

I'm like 7-8 months into recovery, eat well and am not underweight anymore. Although i keep consuming media related to anorexia. Movies, series, stories, ... i sometimes search up anorexic bodies. I think it does help me in recovery because i just get a feeling that i will never ever do that to myself again and not ever let me get as bad as those people who dind't survive. But i'm not sure if this is really "helping" me, i think it also makes me cling to the diaorder. I talk about it a lot, i think. Always saying stuff like "I'm so glad i have some more fat on my body" "I'm glad i can eat this now". Dunno how to feel abojt this.

For some context, I committed to recovery from my relapse about a month ago. While I've definitely made progress both mentally and physically, one thing I'm still really struggling with is feeling triggered by my family around food.

I'm currently living with my family temporarily so I can fully focus on recovery and hopefully be in a much better place by the end of September, when I'm planning to move abroad for further studies. I've been attending weekly therapy sessions, seeing doctors regularly, and I'm incredibly grateful that my family is so supportive of my recovery.

But despite all of that, I can't help comparing my intake to everyone else's, especially on days when we're all at home together. I find it really difficult having to fit in at least three meals and snacks every day while watching other family members skip breakfast, eat less than me, or simply eat whenever they're hungry. I know we're all different, that they don't have the same nutritional needs as I do right now, and that I'm on my own recovery journey. But even knowing that, I still find myself feeling really triggered when they eat less than me or skip meals altogether.

It honestly feels like this is one of the biggest things holding me back from making further progress in recovery at the moment. I'd really appreciate any advice or tips from people who've experienced something similar.

How did you stop comparing your intake to those around you, or cope with these kinds of triggers while recovering?

Hi everyone,
I’m really struggling at the moment and I don’t know if anyone else has experienced something similar. I guess I’m hoping to hear from people who have been through recovery and come out the other side.
A bit of background: I’ve been recovering from an eating disorder for a while now. During recovery I regained my period after losing it for months, which I know is supposed to be a positive sign. My family and healthcare professionals have also told me that my body needed to gain weight to recover.
The problem is that mentally, I’ve taken a huge step backwards over the last couple of weeks.
A few weeks ago I weighed myself and realised I’d gained around quite a lot compared to where I used to be. Since that weigh-in, my thoughts have become really disordered again and I’ve started bad habits again
The worst part is that I KNOW these thoughts sound like my eating disorder, but they still feel so real.
Like my family recommends I drink chocolate milk with breakfast (it was something that was encouraged earlier in my recovery too), but now I’m terrified that if I start drinking it every day again, I’ll continue gaining. Especially since now I have cut down from it and my weight hasn’t gone down.
I also recently started running again. Part of me genuinely enjoys running and misses it, but another part of me knows that after seeing the scale go up, I’ve started thinking of running as a way to lose the weight again. That scares me because I don’t want to become obsessive like I used to be.
Something else that’s making this difficult is that my period came back. I know that’s objectively a good thing, but my brain keeps telling me, “Well, now that your period is back, you don’t need to eat this much anymore.” I don’t know if anyone else experienced that thought.
Recently I’ve caught myself thinking things like:
“I’ll skip breakfast because I’m having a big dinner.” Or “I’ll save energy for later.”
I know these are disordered thoughts, but they feel incredibly convincing.
I also hate how my clothes fit now. My school uniform feels tighter than before, and seeing old photos where my clothes looked looser has been really upsetting. I constantly compare my current body to how I looked before and I keep wishing I could go back.
What makes it even harder is that I don’t actually want to relapse. I remember how miserable I was when I was deep in my eating disorder. I don’t want to lose my period again or have my whole life revolve around food and exercise.
But at the same time, I keep thinking:
“What if I just lost a couple?”
It feels like my brain can’t let go of that idea.
So I wanted to ask people who have been through recovery:
Did anyone else panic after weight restoration?
Did you also become terrified of foods that never used to scare you?
Did getting your period back make your brain tell you that you should start restricting again?
Did anyone feel like they suddenly wanted to “undo” all of recovery after seeing the scale?
How did you stop letting the number on the scale control your entire day?
If you gained during recovery, did your weight eventually stabilise without having to intentionally diet? Especially since I have lowks started cutting and my weight is still the same so I’m scared if I actually start eating like I’m meant to my weight will increase even more.
What helped you get through this stage without relapsing?
I’m honestly exhausted. It feels like every meal has become a battle again, and I don’t want to go backwards, but right now I’m finding it incredibly hard not to.
Thank you if you’ve read all of this.

I’ve been through extreme hunger before. I’m recovering again and am having periods of EH. Tonight did not seem one of them, I was barely hungry and could have been okay just eating dinner and a small snack but because the chocolate was there, I ate all of it rather than just eating some. I don’t think it was from EH, I think I just was lacking self control. I need some words of encouragement rn please I am spiralling

I’ve been in res for a few months and went back to a mostly healthy state (except for my period that’s still missing) and i’ve been back home for almost 3 weeks but i’ve been overeating a lot.

From my experience, it feels like bingeing, i keep eating even though i’m full and have little control over it. I’ll be eating a full meal and then a full pack of chocolate biscuits, or a whole baguette as a snack, or every fruit in the house, or sometimes just feel super hungry even after having a full meal and a few snacks.

I’ve seen posts and read articles that seem to be saying this is normal in the recovery process and just extreme hunger, but i’m not sure “honoring” my hunger or junk food cravings is healthy, it feels more detrimental than anything else.
I’ll end up bloated and feeling guilty.

Besides i’m scared of gaining too fast (this has been happening) and i’ve been struggling with edemas.

Can anybody give me some insights ? I’m just really scared that it’ll develop into BED :(

I can't share this with anyone in real life for fear of being laughed at for how trivial it is, but I just added protein powder to my usual bowl of hot cereal with fruit and I'm super stoked about it!

Does anyone else have any recent wins, big or small, that they're proud of and want to share?