I don’t know what’s wrong with me, and I honestly don’t know how to explain it to other people.
I had my master’s thesis left to finish, but at the same time I started working full-time. I procrastinated on the thesis for far too long, and in the end I submitted something that I really dislike. The whole process was incredibly difficult, stressful, and exhausting. I hate the final result.
Despite that, my supervisor has been very supportive and seems determined to help me pass.
Because I submitted at the last minute, I think I accidentally uploaded a version where an entire paragraph was missing. Two weeks ago, my supervisor emailed me asking whether it was a mistake and requested the correct version. I didn’t reply for three days. Then he emailed again. I said I was on a business trip and didn’t have access to my personal computer, and that I would send it on Monday. He was fine with it.
Then I didn’t do it the entire following week either. This Wednesday, he asked again.
The thing is, the task itself is ridiculously simple. All I have to do is open my computer, attach the correct file, and send an email. That’s it. After waiting this long, I could even have fixed a few small things before sending it.
But I can’t do it.
I know this probably sounds irrational, but every part of me resists opening that file. I don’t want to look at it. I don’t want to think about the thesis anymore. I feel frozen. For the last ten days, this has been in the back of my mind constantly, and I feel anxious all the time. Every time I get an email notification, I physically jump.
I’m genuinely asking. How do I convince myself to just do it?