Let me start by saying I have diagnosed ADHD with catastrophizing, I also suffer from depression and anxiety, currently experiencing this in the postpartum stage. I just had my second son on May, set to go back to work on August 5th. As a backstory: I had originally planned to quit my job after having the baby and work part time while going back to school for my masters but 2 weeks pp my husband lost his job and he was the breadwinner so now I'm stuck having to work full time and be away from my kids 10+ hrs a day and it's killing me. I work for federal government, I started working here because of telework (my job cn be done completely remote), once the executive order hit to go back to office it twisted my life upside down (like it did to many families), at that time my firstborn was bigger and already going full time to daycare (at the beginning I had a sitter watch him in my home and we did a phased approach to starting daycare), it was still hard because now sick days are lost days instead of being able to care for him at home while still being able to work and all the commuting time is time away from him but we made it work. Now with my second I had decided to make a change and of course life threw us a curve ball and here I am having to leave my 12 week old son for 10+ hrs a day, he will be with my mom at leasr until he is a little bigger and we can start the phased entrance to daycare but I'm almost an hr away from home, my mom is 70yrs old and I breastfeed and can't pump (due to D-MER) so leaving him, having to start him on formula, I don't know what I'm going to do to keep my supply while not being able to pump or breastfeed and I'm losing it, plus my brain can't stop going round and round on all the things I will miss by being away and I keep asking myself if I will have the same connection as I do with my first, I feel so bad for not being able to give him what I gave to my first (I was SAHM until my first was 8 months old). I did submit a reasonable accommodation under Pregnancy Workers Fairness Act to be able to telework, since I have done it successfully before, until I get my mental situation under control and my son no longer needs only (breast)milk to survive (I know fed is best but if I have the options to breastfeed I shouldn't have to be forced to formula just because of a job and when I have a medical condition that prevents me from pumping) which I know the law protects but most employers are not very educated on the matter and the process is so slow. If you got this far thank you!

If you have grown kids (older- middle school and up) that went to daycare early on because you having to work, tell me how your relationship with them is, do you think going to daycare early affected your relationship in any way?

TIA -one very anxious and sad mamma

I just started working first full time in office this November and I feel like I’m hitting some sort of breaking point!!! I have like 72 hours of pto left for the whole year after all the random days off school, holidays, school events, etc etc and both kids are over due for dentist and doctors appointments. Of course of lesser importance I’ve needed a haircut since April. I’m taking 3 days off this week to potty train and then tonight while brushing my 6 year olds teeth I spotted what looks to be a cavity. I feel so guilty he’s overdue for the dentist but I’ve been so stressed about even being able to take off. My husband helps and takes off too, but I feel like
I’m constantly having to call off for stuff. It feels impossible and heavy and I feel guilty for not doing all the thinks I should be doing for my kids. Not to mention all the times I need off for speech therapy and early intervention related things. I’m so tired

Hi,

My 20 month old toddler just started daycare this month. She is upset and cries when we drop her but they say she does play a little. She does not eat her lunch much but I feed her as much as possible during breakfast. I drop her around 9-9:30 am and pick her up between 12:30 pm or 3pm if she took a nap. Her class is 8 kids with 2 teachers and 1 floating teacher.

Today I called at 12:30 and they said she did not eat much lunch and I was planning to pick her up, they said let us try giving her fruits.she already had a prune pouch before lunch.They said they will call me at 1pm. They never do, so I call and they said she was asleep.

I get a call at 2 pm saying she has woken up from sleep and crying. I went to pick her up and they did not say much, I did not talk much because the other kids were sleeping. My daughter was in her bed sad and quiet.I took her, removed her sleep sack and carried her out. I went to the car and she opened her mouth and she had blood dried like all around her inner mouth. I got so shocked, I rubbed it and wondered if it was prune juice and I m getting scared for no reason. Then I put her in the car seat and open her mouth and check back her lip and she has a bruise and bloody mouth. I collect her and go back into the school. I call them but her class does not pick up so I walk back in and they say they have no idea how she bruised. Maybe she bite her lip.

They called later to say they found blood in her crib. I just feel so bad and worried. Is this normal?

Her report says she ate some of her lunch but her teacher said she ate nothing.so that is a conflict too

How do I request any additional information from the daycare? Please give me advise

Thank you in advance.

Please be gentle, I’m not trying to be a jerk. I married into a family that requires a lot of financial resources from my husbands (and I as we share money/accounts). We are different cultures so that is part of it where I come from a more individualistic background. While this one instance was my husband initiating the “gifting.” I just felt so bitter and over it. Anyone have experience with marrying into a culture where money often needs to be sent home and did you ever fe this way or build a plan/boundaries?

Today I had a positive pregnancy test and then went to work and had to lay off two team members, both wonderful people. And then sat in a room with my boss and her boss and cried.

Feeling a lot of feels today. I‘m not able (or ready) to share these things outside of my husband and while he empathizes I don’t think he really *gets* it, you know? So thanks for listening.

I’m probably way overthinking this, but asking for advice here because none of my friends want kids and my husband and I aren’t ready to talk to family about our plans just yet.

My husband (29M) and I (27F) have been thinking of starting TTC, but the thing that’s kind of holding me back is I just started a new job last month. Maternity leave is not a problem (12 weeks paid no matter how long you’ve been at the company), the main issue is I’m a software developer and my new job is in an industry I have no experience in (aerospace basically). I’m having to learn a lot of complex astrodynamics topics and I’m worried I won’t be able to perform at a high enough level if/when I get pregnant, or that people will judge me for some reason and assume I can’t perform my job well. Not to mention all the layoffs happening in the industry. My husband wants to start trying right away, because you never know how long it’ll take/if we can even get pregnant at all, but I feel like I just need some encouragement that it’ll all be okay if I do end up getting pregnant right away! Any and all advice is greatly appreciated!! (Just chose the flair I did because I needed to pick something, open to all advice!)

FTM and today marks the end of my 12 week maternity leave and I am completely dreading going back to work. I’m sure there are a million posts about this and everyone goes through this, but having support from other women who went through it is something I need right now.

I work 4 long days and I’m gone for 12-14 hours, which means I will barely see my son. It’s crushing me knowing that I am going to miss so much of his life and I have this huge fear that he will forget about me. I’m going to try to keep breastfeeding, but I’m also worried that he will get used to the bottle and that journey will also be over. I’m a mess.

I have nowhere else to vent so here I am. My baby is a year old and being a working mom is HARD. I work in a lab and my baby goes to daycare. Working in a lab is so hard to manage while being constantly sick myself and having to navigate lab work around doctor’s appointment for my kid. It’s a more physical job with how much walking/cleaning/moving I have to do, but its even harder doing it sick or with a max of 4-5 hours of broken sleep.  I was given a substantially greater workload when I returned from maternity leave. I feel so foggy and sick all the time and I’m constantly making mistakes. Its been non-stop at work and I barely have time to do all of my tasks I need to. I’m spread so thin that I often have to scarf down my food in 5 minutes and then run back into the lab so I can make it home at a somewhat reasonable time. I also don’t enjoy the environment at my job, I feel so lonely and I don’t enjoy the gossipy environment.

My job has been accommodating in the sense that I haven’t gotten in trouble for taking so much sick leave or for my lower quality of work, but there’s nothing they can do to lessen my workload or get me out of the lab (I’ve had many conversations with my boss).

I’ve been applying for jobs with very little luck. There’s just not many scientific jobs out there in my area right now thanks to the Trump administration. I have been rejected from every non-lab job I’ve applied for- either they want Master’s/PhDs/MBAs/business experience or I just never hear back. It feels like my only options are lab jobs, which doesn’t really solve the issue.

I did get an interview for a position that I really liked, but I know that I would need to turn down the offer because it is still a lab job and I would have a longer commute, worse benefits, and little job security.

I feel so stuck and lost right now. I love my child and being a mom so much and the weekends are fantastic, but man does work suck the life out of me. I can work and I can be a mom, but being a working mom feels impossible.

My LO started daycare at 6 weeks (thanks America 🫠) in December. Until June he only had an extremely mild case of the flu and I thought we had gotten lucky. Last month he had adenovirus and this month we’re heading into a second week of some kind stomach bug. Luckily my husband is off for the summer but he goes back soon. If this happened during the school year it would wipe out our sick time for the year) we’re both 10 months so we only get two weeks). I’m genuinely worried if he catches a stomach bug again during the school year, it’s going to leave us with little sick time for all the other winter illnesses. I can work from home every now and then but not for two weeks straight and we don’t have backup care.

Hello

Laid off product M been searching for months. I’m interested in a company and want to apply to roles in different areas product but also the account M/customer success m roles

Honestly I have experience and transferable skills in both and would be happy to be part of this company (an have a job lol)

Is this a bad move ?

Thanks

Please help me. How long does the initial illness streak last and do all daycares make kids stay home for rashes that their pediatrician wrote out is okay already and require the pediatrician to explicitly write out what the diagnosis is and that it is not contagious after the okay to return note?

I’m in tears and just so exhausted.

Over the past 6 months or so I feel like the working mom anxiety/guilt in this subreddit has skyrocketed. Now, I'm very aware that our society (more U.S. specific) is trash when it comes to supporting working parents and so much appears to be spiraling. But, when I first joined this subreddit years ago there didn't seem to be nearly as many hangups about sending kids to daycare and a lot of it is starting to feel far right trad wife coded. Maybe it's just all the trad wife tiktok content, but it makes me worry about the culture of working moms moving backwards. I don't know quite where this post is going and it's not about any one post in particular - just a whole vibe shift of the subreddit and my own anxieties about our society.

I work for the federal government and I used to have a hybrid schedule until DOGE said "Go fuck yourself."

They gave us back "episodic telework " and in the past I've used it so I'm already home before the nanny leaves. My nanny has a doctor's appointment Friday and won't be in until 10. I wanted to work 6 to 8 while my husband is still home, take leave from 8 to 10 when the nanny is at her appointment and then finish my day teleworking. I was going to be on leave while I needed to actively watch my kids.

If I go into the office, I won't get in until 12 and I need to leave at 4 to get home for 5, when the nanny leaves.

I was told this is the last time because episodic telework is for "doctor's appointments." I should have taken the full day off then and there and used my spa gift card from Mother's Day , but I have a ton of stuff going on right now and I *wanted* to work.

Fuck this country and how it treats parents.

I am a working mom in need of support from other working moms today, I am going through a lot and I don't unfortunately have a lot of working moms around me:

I work in tech corporate consulting

I have a 3 year old child

My partner works long hours in a high intense job too

I've been struggling at work for about a year

Before that also struggled with post partum

I love my child more than anything but it is hard

My partner is supportive but our relationship is strained

I've sought out therapy, of all kinds

I've started EMDR and boy it is intense, a lot is coming up and my child is noticing it

I've experienced chronic family trauma and grief

I don't have almost any working mothers around me, my friends don't have kids yet, my bosses are childless women, my friends who have kids don't work or are overseas and don't understand the work culture where I am

I am trying my absolute best to feel better and I just need a working mom to tell me is this how it goes for you? Is this part of the deal?

I'm not sure this is just a matter of "growing up" and "being an adult"?

Does it get better? What has worked for you when everything felt like too much?

Our 7.5 month old started daycare just over a month ago. We were halfway through her 2nd week when she got her first daycare illness, taking down me and my husband shortly after. Since then she’s had 2 ear infections and so much congestion. My husband and I have both gotten sick twice, despite being typically very healthy individuals.

We are struggling more now than we ever did in the newborn trenches.

Her ear infections and congestion have disrupted sleep (waking 6-9 times per night sometimes) and she naps terribly at daycare, so we’re absolutely exhausted on top of being sick. My husbands job requires some travel so sometimes it’s just me, and I work full time.

Our gal is such a happy girl and so silly. We have so much fun with her and we love this age that she’s at, but we’re just so tired and don’t know what to change.

Anyone else been in a similar boat? Advice?

I'm currently on my second kid and will be off for maternity leave till January. That means I'll be going back to work when my youngest is 6 months old and the older one is 19 months old. I have so much guilt about my kids being at daycare... The daycare is an at home daycare with maximum 10 kids and 2 caretakers. They're awesome. My older son went there when he was 6 months old and developed really well. Sometimes I feel like they didn't feed him solids properly because he was fussy, or they skipped a nap here and there, but overall it was fine. I still had so much guilt when he was there and I didn't know how to reconcile it. Now that I'm home again taking care of both kids, I feel like I should be at home. But I love my career (I'm an engineer in a big city). There's so much outside chatter about tradwife life and what not. Tiktok promotes all these videos that make me feel guilty about missing out on their childhood. Gosh I could ramble on and on. Just three days ago my aunt in law sent me a video where a clinical social worker Erica Komisar said that daycares are say orphanages. God that sent me into a spiral.

My husband and I make really good money combined. If I stayed home, our lifestyle would be okay. But with my income combined, we can save for a house faster, better vacations, etc. Just better lifestyle overall.

My father in law has offered to care for both kids when I go back. I have my qualms with that too but it's still less guilt than daycare. I just... Wish I could exist as both a sahm and a career mom.

This is a rant which I hope other mothers could relate to.

My mother in law and step mother and law have been taking care of my daughter one day a week each for the past 3 years. This week she is turning 3 and starting preschool 5 days a week, so they will no longer be caring for her weekly. Instead, they will start taking care of my 4 month old one day a week.

We think this is the right time, not only because we need help with our infant, but because we think our 3 year old will really benefit from preschool 5 days a week, but it also feels like a bittersweet end to their weekly care for our oldest. My husband and I are deeply grateful for their help and my oldest adores them.

2 questions… 1. I’d like to gift each Grandma something to thank them for their labor these past 3 years and to commemorate this special time they spent with my oldest. Suggestions? Personalized jewelry maybe?

1. Suggestions for how to support the continuation of their special relationship with my oldest? One of the grandmas lives very close (5 min away) and the other lives an hour away (yes, she drives an hour each way to care for her grandbabies!).

Thank you for your ideas!

Editing to add: our budget is around $200 each. We are also finishing a remodel of our basement to add a bedroom and bathroom that will allow my MIL to stay with us overnight very comfortably.

So i have been looking for daycare since week 6, its week 16 now and I believe I secured a decent daycare...?

I toured 2 places that I felt had, to be frank, clear safety violations. The third place my husband toured and I joined via FaceTime and its perfect, one of the best in our area for the budget

So they said "reach out in January once the baby is born and we will get the ball rolling with the application process for a prospective March start time". We were on their waitlist before touring

So is that a yes? Do i keep looking? I will probably keep looking and touring for back ups but Tbh, I will be sad if we cant get into this daycare. Its one of the best in the area for our budget!

Other stressors: we just moved to a bigger house and you know how stressful moving is. My mom AND my sister have both needed to go to the hospital since ive gotten pregnant (terrible.) And in September I am a bridesmaid in a wedding that I have to travel to (which is am so happy to attend but also buying and altering a gown and making travel plans when im juggling these OB appointments has me losing sleep)

And 2 people from our team just quit so ive had more responsibilities from work (tbh before my manager was super strict about morning sickness and frankly said some comments that were really out of line.. But since 2 people successively quit i think the Big Boss told her she had to chill out bc shes been a lot nicer to me)

I am just so stressed and tbh I definitely have trouble focusing. As a whole! Like pregnancy brain fog and exhaustion.

Idk. I really want daycare to just work out. I rly want my job performance to be sufficient. I dread the idea of being around a baby 24/7, it freaks me the hell out. Sorry I know everyone else is all ~how could you leave a baby with a stranger how could you not wanna babble and roll around with them all day and become milk stained and only ever wear pajamas for everyday~

Noooooooo I want money. I wanna buy the Ariana Grande perfume and stupid protein snacks if it so behooves me. I wanna joke with adults and listen to music while I work on my spreadsheets. I don't wanna be home all day. I wanna be able to afford formula and not be forced into breast feeding if its painful for me. I actually think a trained professional would take better care of a baby than me

Of course I want to spend time with my baby and love them and read to them and teach them and celebrate holidays. But I'm also an adult and a human. I dont want my life to turn into never getting an uninterrupted bathroom break and Bluey and tracking wake windows. I dont want to become so financially constrained that getting take out for lunch becomes inaccessible

Versely, im worried to stick my kid in a crappy daycare or that once I'm in the midst of the third trimester and new born trenches that my work performance will suffer. Im worried about how the lack of sleep will effect me. I'm super worried about the daycare illnesses and taking PTO for it. To be frank, the stress is definitely effecting me now and im thinking "oh God what if I cant do it what if I fail"

I guess thats it. Those are my feelings

Just looking to vent here and see if anyone else has been through this! My girl will be 5 months old in a couple of weeks, she's been in daycare fulltime for a little less than a month and was going part time before then just to start adjusting. She used to do pretty good at at least napping for 1 sleep cycle, about a 38-40 minute nap. Not ideal but I was okay with it!... She's not the best home napper either in her crib but we try, she sleeps pretty much through the night (minus occasional paci assistance).

The last few days she is getting 5-6 like 15-18 minute naps (some back to back so clearly trying to get her back to sleep). I feel horrible. She is clearly tired if they keep trying to get her to take a nap but shes having a hard time staying asleep once transferred/the noise im sure. Shes the youngest kid in the class and I bet the rest of the kids are on a better 2 nap schedule so shes getting naps in the light/no noise machine. I know I have 0 control over this because she's in daycare but I find it so stressful to look at! and then i feel bad for her teachers if they're spending all day trying to get her to nap, and her wake windows are shorter than normal because the sleep is so fragmented. at home she can handle 2 hours between naps! here its more like 75 minutes. 

Is there anything I can to help make this better? Can it naturally improve with time? I'm going to try this long 3 day weekend to focus on doing all her naps in the crib in her room to keep trying to get her used to "okay naps take place in the crib" ...thanks for listening! first time mom here just spiraling looking at the daycare app in between my work meetings haha

We have a 3.5 year old going into a private preschool and a 5 month old going into daycare. With 2 kids, I’m more nervous about sickness - I have burned through my sick leave every single year since having a child and my husband usually runs out too (I’m a teacher though so he typically makes it until summer, thankfully). My husband is immunocompromised, so he takes more time off as is.

We are thinking of trying to find a couple of people who would be willing to watch the kids when they’re sick but here are my questions!

1 - how did you find someone?

2 - do you pay them more than a regular babysitter since they’re watching sick kids?

3 - what levels of sickness do they handle? We assume they’d mostly be for things like minor fevers opposed to flu / HFM / chickenpox etc (and we’d want to be home with the kids if they were that sick anyways)

4 - is it worth the extra money??

If you don’t pay anyone, how do you handle 2 kids in school and sickness? Especially if you don’t have flexible jobs and limited leave? I only get 17 sick days a year (13 sick, 4 personal) and they always seem to go fast!

I saw this "restructuring" coming. I prepared myself as much as I could. Got my kids on my husband's company's health plan, luckily their open enrollment just happened. They gave me a decent severance and we have a good chunk of savings.

My anxiety pays off sometimes.

I am a stay at home mom for now. But I don't know where my career stands since it's essentially being replaced by AI. I guess I'm on the hunt and just going to try to spend the rest of summer with my kids.

I am so numb right now.

I'm so excited to see how it goes. I really hope it goes well, do any of you have advice for zoom interviews? Do you guys think I can get away with not turning in a full two weeks at my current job if I get hired at a new one?

Edit: just finished the interview! I think I did a great job. I'll find out by the end of next week. Thank you all so much for the advice, especially the background blur.

My youngest/daughter just started kindergarten (extended school year), and my oldest is about to turn nine. After almost a decade of long, precious days/one day at a time mentality, it's like almost overnight some part of me woke up from a coma and is like "OK, let's go go go!".

For years, I would have told anyone who would listen that I'd choose our sweet, familiar, easy lifestyle over a more calculated, striver lifestyle required for any big, exciting changes.

We settled far from family before having our first kid (in the same small college town where I got my PhD, so for a career jump, I pretty much need to move), and whenever anyone brought up why we were still here, I would bat it away because I just felt like we were thriving in our cozy bubble and nothing could compare. (Plus, I really do love it here.)

Well, between late last night and this morning I just spent I don't know, eight hours on LinkedIn updating my CV, applying to some jobs, messaging old connections, looking at jobs in totally different areas, looking on realtor.com and at schools, etc. imagining what a career jump (not change, just a different but more exciting job in my field) and new city could be like etc.

I'm so confused. How did I not see this coming? How did I think the way that I felt about all of my choices up until now wasn't heavily influenced by the all consuming dependency of little ones vs. I just made a bunch of perfect choices?

So much advice says to avoid moving your kids once they start elementary school, so I'm kicking myself for not having this realization sooner, but the reality is, I couldn't have it sooner, I didn't feel it, even when I checked in with myself and my husband about it over the years.

To be clear, it's not like I care about my kids' happiness any less because they're more independent - I would still prioritize their well being and what's best for them in any big decisions that my husband and I make.

Has anyone else had this experience? Any big changes once your littlest kid became more independent (side note OMG they're growing up so fast I want to sob)? How did they go?

Hi all! I’m a Mom to an almost 2 year old, and I work in healthcare. I commute 4 days/week ~1-1.5 hours each way on a train to a large hospital where I have worked for the better part of a decade. I finally got a promotion where I no longer work weekends and holidays back in January. My husband works from home primarily, and does all pick up/drop off/dinner prep. I see my baby about an hour in the evening which always feels rushed.
Last fall, I applied for a new job that would be hybrid (2 days/month in the office) that literally hundreds of other people applied for. After a months long process I learned I did not get it, but one of my best friends did. Upset, but moved on knowing likely more positions would open in the future.
In the time since, I updated my resume, thought incredibly thoughtfully of what skills I have and what I need to work on to translate to this role, and how to showcase that. When a position was posted a month ago, my resume was prepped and I applied. I practiced mock interviewing with my friend, my husband, and AI. I prepared answers to questions and reviewed for weeks.
I learned they had multiple applicants but selected 4 to interview. I had my interview and I felt very good, confident, I had answers to all of the questions. Our interview ran a little over so I didn’t get all of the time I had hoped to ask a few questions but no matter. They let me know I’d hear by the end of the following week (last week).
This came and went with me pathologically checking my email, so I messaged them yesterday again thanking for the time and opportunity to interview and to check on the status.
I hear back in the evening that they’re moving forward to the second interview with other candidates.

I didn’t even get a second interview. The part that is absolutely killing me is it was a four paragraph glowing review of me, my resume and my interview and skill set. Zero negative, nothing to improve upon. I did email back thanking them for letting me know, expressing my disappointment and requesting constructive feedback. I heard back today from the same person again with glowing feedback, but she said she’d reach out to the rest of the team for additional feedback if they wanted.

I feel like I am broken. I worked so hard for this and to not even be told why, just be told you’re wonderful but too bad, and given nothing to improve kills me. This would have been life changing- so much more time with my family, much better work life balance. Ongoing skill growth. I feel like I’ve let my family down. I am beyond disappointed in myself and the process. And it made me realize how much more I loathe going to my current job (I said I’d rather have my leg cut off than go back again). I am
Not sure how to move on from here.

No real point, just needed to vent this out. And if anyone had any feedback that they think could help me move on, that would be great.

I currently WFH and there’s been no pressure from my management to change this arrangement. I’m across the country from my main office and come in about 2-3 times a year. My husband (30M) and myself (29F) are planning to live in our current area for roughly one more year (end of 2027) then move back closer to family which is also near my home office.

I enjoy my job and have good retirement benefits and mat leave so I feel compelled to stay here at least the next couple years. When it comes to kids, we have discussed waiting to start trying for a baby until we move back closer to our village, which in a lot of ways makes sense.

On the flip side, if we move closer to my office, I had planned to start going in regularly to help boost my chances at a promotion or lateral move. For context, most of my company is hybrid, in-office 3 days a week. RTO will be necessary if I do want any different job within my company because at this point that is the policy. I’m just grandfathered in to my remote status right now.

With that in mind, my thoughts have shifted recently to wanting to start trying now/soonish so that by the time I’m looking at moving back and potentially a new role, I will get to WFH all through pregnancy and hope I will have some semblance of an idea if being promoted is even something I desire after becoming a mom. I know things can’t and won’t always go according to plan in terms of pregnancy or getting pregnant, but does my line of thinking make sense?

Outside of the work aspect, I think we feel as prepared as you can be to start a family so it’s mainly been the distance from our village that has influenced us wanting to wait. Realistically, even in the case we’re able to get pregnant quickly, it would only be a few months before we are close to them again. Additionally, my retired mother would not hesitate to drop everything to come help me out if needed.

I feel like my situation might be a bit unique, but if anyone has advice or thoughts from the other side, I’m all ears!