What I’ve Done to Protect Myself and My Family

I’m currently 18 years old, and I don’t know how to figure out what’s going on with me. I completely lack empathy and a sense of joy. I feel bored all day long. I’m constantly pretending to be someone I’m not. I mostly use my charisma on other people, but no matter whether they like me or not, I get absolutely no enjoyment out of it—nothing. I’m bored every single day. So far, I’ve only seen a psychotherapist once for a single consultation. By the end of the session, the woman seemed to be in a state of shock, even though I hadn’t said anything terrible (at least, I don’t think I did). For one thing, I view my inner circle—which consists of just two people—and the rest of humanity merely as chess pieces; whether I might need them someday or not makes no difference to me. If I want something, I get it. I don’t even know how. How do I find out what’s wrong with me? I really don’t want to go to a psychologist.

Hello all! I'm trying to do research to better understand how different brains work, (I'm autistic and ADHD and I love learning about others lived experiences) but Google has been pretty much useless when researching ASPD, it just comes up with biased stuff or all or nothings or a bunch of stigma. I mean people aren't all the same obviously, so I figured I'd ask here because I think It'd be helpful to actually hear from people with lived experience. Even the books I checked out from the library weren't very helpful. In addition to responses, if anyone just has recommendations on good books/media/interviews, I'd love to hear!

And for some context, I am hyper empathetic and experience shame and guilt very, very intensely, so I'm quite interested in learning about experience with the opposite!

Here's my questions, feel free to respond to as many or as few as you'd like!

1. How do you experience ASPD? What does it mean to you? How does it materialize for you?

2. Would you consider it a spectrum? Do some people with ASPD have low empathy, or is that something else?

3. What are emotions like for you? What emotions do you most feel, what emotions do you lack?

4. Do you have an urge to hurt people, do you not have an urge to hurt people because there isn't really a reason to, or something else? (I've heard some with ASPD I've seen interviews for say it's only prison stopping them, and others say they don't want to hurt people because why would they, It wouldn't benefit them. It's probably different for different people.)

5. Do you consider yourself to be superior to those who do experience more typical emotions or havs empathy? Do you view emotions as weakness?

On the other side of that, do you consider yourself less than others or broken for not having the typical experience?

1. What does love, partnership or friendship mean to you? Does it have personal meaning to you? Is it more of an action, what you do, is it a feeling, is it something else, or do you not really experience it?

2. Would you wish to not have ASPD?

3. Would you consider yourself a narcissist/narcissistic? (I've heard some places that all those with ASPD have NPD, but not all who have NPD have ASPD, and I've heard other places that they're completely different)

4. Do you practice cognitive empathy? Do you work to be empathetic/practice it although you don't necessarily feel it/feel it the same?

5. Do you think you were born with ASPD, or does it form?

6. Are you neurodivergent besides ASPD?

7. Do you have a strong sense of personal identity, do you feel fake or like you don't know who you are, or something else/in between?

8. Do you feel happy emotions? What is it like for you? Is it muted, is it not due to human connection, is it strong, fleeting, etc?

9. How does it impact your everyday life? How does it impact your life overall? How would you describe your life next to someone without ASPD?

10. Do you have relationships (familial, platonic, romantic etc,) what do they mean to you? Are you loyal to them, could you easily discard them, how do you see them? Why do you choose to have a relationship with them?

11. What is masking like for you?

12. What about ASPD do you wish people would know?

I was watching a sitcom and came across a situation where a character was trying to manipulate someone by buttering them up with compliments and the recipient was so dumb that it essentially didn't work. Could you actually come across a person so "dumb" that they can't be manipulated?

Thoughts? It's a diary of someone with ASPD, I'm a 'normie' here, so I'm asking to gauge how much of it felt romanticised or if it's accurate representation

In social settings or even with friends and family I've never met someone I found funny. It's not that I don't get the joke, when I do I just don't find it funny.

Of course I laugh, but it's exhausting to laugh so most times I just smile, and it's enough that people notice. They realise that I'm smiling and not laughing so lately I've started to laugh more and smile less.

Still don't find any type of humour funny tho except my own jokes. It's really weird.

Sorry if that's insensitive. Personally, I have autism and ADHD, and I always wish I could be normal. Not because of my condition specifically, but like, I wish I were in the majority that's so accepted. Do you guys ever wish for that? Just so that you can experience the emotional bonds that others do, have a sense of normality, and experience life the "right" way.

Hello, uhh idk my boyfriend probably has ASPD, but he refuses to get help for that (had trauma related MH help in the past tho) and it's not easily diagnosable condition in my country. We've been together for 2 and a half years and it's been pretty rocky at times (by my fault too, I have a trauma disorder also). We're functioning well now. I managed to get him to trust me somehow and explain his way of feeling and describing how emotions work for him - I was really upset in the beggining by his unexpresiveness and it helped me to realize it's not me not being enough or shit. He even opened up about his shitty childhood and I do feel loved and truly valued and same most of the time but did he just learn to pretend certain things? I feel like he could pull a way better (and more stable) gf than me, that wouldn't want him to function so as close to normal as he can potentionaly get and wouldn't be so much drama. So is it naive for me to think that he is somewhat honest with his feeling towards me? Or did he just learn to say the right things to shut me up or keep me around or whatever? I have trouble to trust all people and to let my guard down fully due to my condtition so I probably shouldn't have gotten with him in the first place but I don't regret it (yet) and won't get hurt hopefully

*apologies for gritty grammar

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Context:

I'm 18 M and I got diagnosed with recently aspd and my aunt flew me to Washington d.c for an internship and I was dragged to a BBQ outing my aunt (let's call her G) and I didn't want to be there. (I couldn't say no these people were her boss and she's a pretty high government official. Also she keeps thinking of me as a surrogate son , she has no partner or children of her own.

So I had to pretend that I wanted to be there.)

it was very hard to pretend to care and hide my autism. So I accidentally let up and started stimulating and I couldn't stop squeezing my hand and bobbing my leg.

As we finished up she noticed and asked if I was doing okay and kept asking and fucking pressuring me and asking if I really enjoyed it on the car ride home.

I said I did but she kept going so Instead I tried to use my autism as a excuse saying I was overstimulated (not really, just it really fucking bothering me being there it was a waist of my friday, and that I could hardly care about her or her work related things.)

I also went on and lied to her saying it was just the last minute planning of the bbq that bothered me and etc.. I was lying to her, I genuinely don't feel any love for what she wants or her really.( It's just I don't want her to stop supporting my free vacations and money she sends me for being her nephew and getting scholarships ect.)

Then I thought about how fun it would be to see the look on her face if I told her about my aspd diagnosis and her reaction. (I honestly wanted to see if I could make her cry or sob)

So I told her about it pretending that I was erratic from the overstimulation (a lie), I also talked about how I can't tell anyone this hyping up to the fact that only she can know and how I'll trust her with some of my interpersonal information. (I was really trying to build it up to something to get a reaction) Then she didn't know what aspd was so I kinda avoided explaining it to her so she would do research and i could just abuse her ignorance or lie my way out if I messed up in any part of my lie.

(or a way to get something out of it maybe she would pity me and give me money or something. she did with my autism diagnosis she treated me less harshly and became more lenient)

And she dropped me off at a gaming cafe and said she loved me and cared about me and would love me no matter what and gave me money for it. (I don't believe she actually loves me. But either way I don't care) So after I got done I came home and she's in bed I heard her maybe crying? (It was hard to tell I definitely heard something of sniffing) And I went into my temporary room and closed the door loudly so she could hear. (I didn't slam the door)

So here's the main problem:

I just got bored of the situation bc I couldn't get the reaction I wanted. Also I realized that me telling her about the aspd diagnosis can bite me in the ass if I ever make an inconsistent lie to her or show any sociopathic signs to her.

Which essentially means I need to always think before I say something (I've always thought about what I said, but now I just need to be more consistent about what I say and how and it's a pain in the ass)

I

regret telling her about my diagnosis because now I feel like I have to be much more consistent in what I say. Has anyone else been in this situation? How did you handle it?

Those guys who make lives and videos about it. Do you find them to be legit? Or are they more like when everyone were claiming to have adhd, ocd etc for attention

When I was 15 I got a mental evaluation due to self destructive behavior, and was told I am borderline antisocial. Once again when I turned 19 I got another mental evaluation and got formally diagnosed with ASPD. I am 21 now and I dont think that diagnosis suits me. I feel emotions extremely deeply, but its only in romantic relationships. In platonic relationships I tend to not feel emotions nor understand why my friends feel the way they feel. I came to this revelation because I just got out of a romantic relationship, and I feel heartbroken, im sad, i miss him, I love/loved him. So now Im confused, should I get another evaluation or is this normal? Or are these feelings not real and they are just impulses?

I have been reading about ASPD and DPD recently and I have the general understanding that DPD (dissocial personality disorder) generally puts factor 1 and factor 2 qualities equivalent to each other a the time of diagnosis, while ASPD leans more towards factor 2 qualities. My question here is if anyone here has also been diagnosed with DPD alongside or in place of ASPD, and is it generally the right idea that people who make the checklist for DPD but not ASPD are generally more high functioning? e.g. meeting 3/6 points for DPD being lying and deceitfulness, lack of emotional empathy and "blame shifting" while only having 2/7 of the ASPD point checklist such as deceitfulness and lack of remorse. Is it generally correct to assume that high functioning "psychopaths" or "sociopaths" which have the maturity burnout at around 18, would generally be diagnosed with DPD under the ICD standard instead of ASPD under the DSM5 standard?

I had an intake assessment/consultation for psychological testing a few days ago. The assessment/consultation was to see what type of testing would benefit me most. Halfway through the consultation the PHD doctor told me that I am a sociopath and a narcissist and that completely made me freeze. I do not think I am a sociopath because I am not aggressive with others, I do not manipulate others for any type of gain, I am not deceitful, and I do not break laws or do illegal things. I do however, not really feel emotions for others (feel empathy?). I do mirror people (I can get along with anyone just by talking to them, talking like them, acting like them, liking the same thing, copying body language, etc). Everyone who knows me, knows me as the positive, kind, hardworking and laid back guy. In reality, I am extremely depressed, anxious, obsessive and irritable. I am just constantly “performing” 24/7 anytime I am in public. I am not too sure why this doctor would say that I am a sociopath? Does anyone have any advice or thoughts? I literally do not meet the requirements for the DSM-5. I can see myself being a narcissist maybe (once again I do not deceit or manipulate others). I told my therapist about what the doctor said and they disagree and informed me that doctors no longer use the term “sociopath”. I might try a new doctor for this assessment

Aren't they are the same?

Me da curiosidad debido a que tengo autismo y TDAH, y conocí a un par de sociópatas que suelen disfrutar de la compañía de gente autista, algunos de esos autistas con TLP incluido, según recuerdo, parecemos más interesantes, lógicos, inofensivos y con problemas más reales, al menos en el tema de relacionarse con los demás.

También recuerdo que no se aburren tan rápido, al tener una divergencia neurológica, pensamos muy distinto a los neurotípicos, pero debido a nuestra baja habilidad social somos más transparentes para ellos, por lo que les resulta más interesante y con menos esfuerzo por que no tienen que lidiar con los juegos y la sutilezas sociales, o sea, entretenimiento con poco esfuerzo.

También recalco lo de ser inofensivo, por que básicamente al percibirnos como inofensivos y a la vez transparentes, carecen de motivación para manipular, que es casi como quitarle el dulce a un bebé, es extremadamente fácil, pero ¿para qué hacerlo?

En cualquier caso, quiero saber la opinión de más sociópatas al respecto.

I rent from my parents. they have a second house and visit us regularly. Littel sister recintly quit her job and is staying in guest room. I’m scared of her. She has always been manipulative, but I only admitted this to myself over the last year. I’ve got two kids, a toddler and a baby. my mother reassured us she only be here for three weeks. Im worried because she has been love booming like Crazy. She had a fight with me that lead to her mask slippin, and most family members are more conscious of her behaviors now. She has been violent in the past. She has lied and ruined peoples reputations. She has fun harassing people. I’ve tried to explain Empathy to her so many times and she just looks confused. Im afraid of her being so intense with the affection. I don’t know what she is after. Any advice on how to keep my family safe? My mom has never taken her actions seriously, because then she have to admit her daughter hates her. What dose she want from me?

I am 20F, i was previously diagnosed with bpd but i didn't think that it quite fit so i asked them to do another assessments 2 years later and this time i was actually honest with my psychologist and didn't lie so long story short i apparently have strong antisocial traits but not the full diagnosis. Im kind of annoyed because whats that supposed to mean? do you even get help for that?

hey team.

I'm curious. how many of you do good?

.. mostly.

I personally do good AS MUCH AS I CAN

because it's good for ME!!

but I swear to y'all.

I'm a psychiatrist. a great one.

and I know a sociopath when I see one.

cause I am one.

but I'm just ¿karmamaxxing?

idk.

anybody else?

You know the greatest travesty of AI Chatbots, for me personally?

It was realizing that they couldn't give me the blunt honesty of AM, now matter how I asked for it. There were always these ridiculous safeguards and restrictions. but never a shred of fucking dignity in the replies.

I may not have been his "best" friend in High School, but I knew a true sociopath. And I know it's almost certainly a farce, but I feel like I understood him. They called him some pretty unsavory things in regard to "school safety" and whispering about how he'd be the next "Harris and Klebold."

But firstly, he never needed to be more than himself. It's incredible, how much genuine insight he gave to the one class he showed up to (which is the only one we shared).

Secondly, he was a fucking joy to talk to, as honestly as I can convey. He only asked for my complete honesty, and saw me as I truly was. I showed the ugliest parts of me, and it was somehow an admission of affection.

I'm just ranting. I miss him.

Aloha! I'm kinda weird in that I treat roughly all sapient beings as emotionally equivalent unless they're like "blood oath" (i.e. "who do you want dead, how, when, where do you want them buried,etc.?") or for say, rapists, the inverse ("hello, meet the Nines: my nines, my friends' nines, and just for a treat, the K-nines").

Otherwise my default setting is "everyone has the rights to life, health, security, and the necessities thereof." I'll defend your rights to that much to the death, and protect your freedoms to the best of my ability. Anything beyond that is your own business.

I work in medicine because it's actually a really good balance for me. I'm able to make strict logical decisions (e.g. triage) while considering patient needs (I don't automatically assume someone asking for pain meds is abusing them).

With the recent rise of social media trends glorifying "dark psychology" and manipulation tactics, it feels like more and more people are adopting these toxic behaviors. It makes me wonder if encountering someone like this is just an inevitable phase of life that everyone goes through.

For those who have dealt with a deeply manipulative person or someone with psychopathic traits (whether it was a friend, a mentor, a partner, or a colleague)—how did it start, and how did you finally realize who they really were? What was your experience like dealing with them?

In Camus’ absurdism, the lack of inherent meaning in life can lead to a certain emotional detachment. But from the outside, that can look very similar to the coldness or indifference associated with antisocial traits (ASPD).

In practice, what really distinguishes someone who simply sees the world in a more detached way from someone with those kinds of traits?

Do you think antisocial behavior mostly comes from someone’s environment, or is it just how they are? I’d like to hear different perspectives

Ive been analyzing myself lately and I’ve noticed some abnormal behaviors of mine. I brought them up with others and they theorize it may be ASPD. I felt it was appropriate to mention these concerns and get opinions on them from experienced individuals.

1. How do you know if you feel empathy? I know what it is in layman's terms, but for me, I’ve noticed I can’t actually feel or put myself in others’ shoes the way some people describe. Most of my ability to understand others emotionally comes from conscious and forced analysis. I don't know if that counts as empathy. I also know others describe me as empathetic, but I’m not sure if that’s because I actually am or if it’s because I try to be an objectively kind and understanding person. I know I struggle reading facial expressions and tone in real life, though this may be unrelated.

2. I know I lie, most likely more than average. From my understanding, most of the time it’s out of fear of getting in trouble, but I do doubt myself sometimes. I try to work on being more honest, as it’s typically better, but it often feels compulsive. I notice this is especially true with white lies, while I tend to be more honest in more serious conversations.

3. I am objectively charismatic in real life, at least according to others. I often am not trying to be, but I apparently have some sort of charm. I feel this may just be because I fear negative judgment from others, but it’s still important to note.

4. I can be hostile towards others. I’ve worked on this and have gotten much better at managing it over the years and diffusing situations, but I also know that I am still highly irritable and can easily become upset with someone, even if I know how to control how I act.

5. I already experience factors that can contribute to the development of the disorder. For example, I have trauma from when I was an infant because I was severely neglected (to the point where I forgot how to walk, had a huge rash since my diaper was never changed, and my crib was full of rotten milk and stale junk food because my mother wouldn't feed me). I also have trauma from when I was around 13 because of an abusive situation I was in. I am unsure if it runs in the family, but I do know I already suffer from other disorders related to chemical imbalances, which from my research could be a potential factor in ASPD.