A couple of months ago, I 18 F was raped by a man who is a relative of one of my friends. He had picked me and my friends up from a party and took us home. I was the last to be dropped off. When we got to my house he came inside, took me to my room and raped me. I was drunk he was completely sober and significantly older than me late 30's.

He reached out recently to talk. I talked to him on the phone to hear what he had to say. He basically wanted to know if I had told anyone I said no. He said he was sorry if I felt pressured mentioned that he's getting a divorce and said he shouldn't have done what he did.

He wanted to meet again and I naively agreed. I met him at a par making sure it was busy. We talked for a while and he asked if I was hungry and wanted to get something to eat. We went to McDonald's in his car hung out for a while and then he parked somewhere and we had sex.

It was consensual in that moment but I feel like he took advantage of me all over again. I know I'm stupid for meeting him again but I am struggling so much with how to process this. He used his personal issues and apologies to get me alone again.

Im m17 now and in my first week at college(moved in early because i do sports). Ive never talked about it but when i was 14 i was sa’d by a 19 year old girl at my school. Not to add too many details we both ran track for our highschool and we knew eachother not friends but knew who eachother were. I did have a girlfriend at the time who was a sophomore and she bashed me about it once she found out. After i became very hypersexual but also disgusted at girls touching me whatever that is. I just wanted to come here to ask if that ever goes away.

I’m no contact w my mom for 4 months now and I feel as if I’ve downplayed everything.

When I was younger she’d force me to shower with her and put soap in her hands and rub its aggressively on my insides. When I cried in pain she’d bang my head and pull my hair harshly. She said it was because I couldn’t shower properly and she did this until the age of 12.

She always peeks at me. I feared going to the toilet when the lock broke and only went in when I knew she was far away and I always prepared myself to stand up quickly if she were to come.

This is the scary part but on nights I’d wake up to her there. She would just be standing there. On one specific night she was really close to me and I woke up half asleep and began talking sort of loudly and it was dark so I didn’t see her. She told me to shut up and that it was only her and left. Some days later I trimmed my dead ends and forgot to clean it up from the sink. My brother used toilet after me and when he was done he was like who cut their hair and my mom heard and immediately came to my room and said I know it was you. She then went on and gave me a disgusting almost pervert - y like face and looked down and said “ohh I get it it was about time you trimmed it there “ I got so fucking scared and uncomfortable. I said wtf are you talking about and she seemed like she realized what she just said and changed the topic completely. Yelling at me and telling me to go clean and so on.

I’m happy I’m no longer in that situation but I feel ruined forever.

have never thought there was a chance i was ever sexuay asaulted as a child, but now that im older and learning things, im having second thoughts.

I grew up with a pretty loving family, they always did their best to keep us safe, i also have pretty good memory from when i was little.

When me and my bf first started getting intimate, I remember the first time he went down on me, it was amazing and I very much enjoyed it. However, all the sudden I got this terrible feeling, mentally. All I can explain is that its like the feeling you feel when your nostalgic, but its negative instead of positive. It overcame me and I just started crying before throwing up. He comforted me of course since he is so gentle with me. I didnt think anything of it because it was my first time. However it happend almost everytime we did it, it started off great but would always end in me bawling my eyes out because I had this terrible feeling. (It was NOT EVER directed towards my husband, and I made that very clear everytime it was nothing he had done)

Also during it, when I was enjoying it, sometimes I would randomly have these memory flashbacks, always around the age 3-5. They weren't anything good or bad, just random memories like riding my bike down the sidewalk, or watching the Lorax with my old neighbors. I never thought anything of them as they were always very quick, and instantly pass since I was focusing on the pleasure.

The first time my man went to insert, it was brutal pain and my entire body tensed. (Tampons also have always hurt intensely) I thought since it was a first time, I read that can be normal. It never made sense because I was also so ready after the long foreplay. My partner and I did lots of research on tips and exercises and always thought it was a health reason. Months and months went by, and it still doesnt work, my body freaks out and refuses to let anything in. Im going to a doctor in a couple weeks to see if it is anything physical. But I saw a video about some people who have been assaulted as kids and they were feeling the same things I was, and it made me rethink everything, but I have no proof anything ever happend.

Its been at a point my libido has gone down after feeling that terrible negative "nostalgia" because it feels sickening and I feel like a little girl again.

During 3-5 I was living in seattle, in a little neighborhood where all the houses were connect like duplexes, with like 5 rows. Some sketchy older kids and me and my brother were outside a lot.

Also I have always been curious if my brother was s victim because of his lack of interest in any relationship, always assumed he was asexual. But he has always shown subtle signs, and always been an off child.

Still, no proof, im not even sure. I just have this sickening feeling

Im so lucky to have my partner, he is the most patient and gentle man to ever walk to earth, and has taken care of me through it all.

When i was 12 my uncle came behind me and grabbed the sides of my breast then immediately pulled away and said “i was tickling you” but since he stopped when i moved away from him is it SA or am i over thinking it

I was sexually assualted, might even count as rape and it is all I can ever think about. It happened in april and my exams were in april-may. I ended up failing 3 modules in my first year uni course so I have to resit them. If I fail the resits I get held back a year and I don't want that, but I physically can't do anything. I don't want to tell the uni because what would I even get out of that. I dont want to go to therapy because then my parents will find out. I dont want to do anything about it and that is part of the problem. I feel so disgusting and dirty and sad all the time and I dont think that feeling will ever go away. I am going to end up doing nothing in my life ebcasue of it. How am I going to pass my exams when all I ever feel is pain and sadness. How am I ever going to become anything in life when this is all! feel.

I'm 19F, from Asia, and my life feels like trauma, restrictions, resentment, failed opportunities, and relationships I create so I do not have to sit alone with myself.

I grew up in a controlling environment. My family stopped me from pursuing scholarships and interviews I qualified for. I am stuck at a university I hate, watching others move forward while I stay in the same place.

I cannot go places freely, lie about basic things, and have no privacy. Even taking the SAT or IELTS would require sneaking around, transport, and managing my family’s reactions. My brain feels like it has 100 tabs open.

I also have childhood sexual trauma, but my relationship with that memory is disturbing. Sometimes I question whether it was even abuse because I remember feeling physical pleasure and sometimes going back. Part of me thinks I exaggerated it to explain why my life went wrong. Another part knows I was a child and did not understand what was happening.

Recently, I said cruel things to my boyfriend. I told him I might only love him because the relationship distracts me.

I admitted that I choose emotionally unstable or struggling men because I like believing I can fix them and become the person who transformed their life. It makes me feel important.

When they do not change enough, I lose interest, feel superior, detach, and leave. Later, I count what they did for me and what I did for them to decide whether I should feel guilty.

I told my boyfriend I might ghost him and that I would want to leave first. During one call, I acted like I was crying because I did not want to admit the situation was my fault. Someone was beside me, and I laughed afterward. I wanted comfort instead of accountability.

I know this is manipulative. I am not posting this so people can reassure me that I am secretly good because I had a difficult childhood. Trauma may explain behaviour, but it does not excuse it.

I think I call myself “dark” because it sounds more powerful than admitting I am terrified of rejection, abandonment, being ordinary, powerless, or fully seen.

I reject people before they can reject me. Being needed feels safer than being known by someone equal to me.

I turn relationships into transactions involving gifts, sex, advice, sacrifice, and influence. I keep track of what I gave and what they gave. Sometimes I wonder whether I love people or only the role I play.

At the same time, I am miserable. I feel trapped. I hate my body and fear future health problems. I want to study somewhere better and feel like I am living instead of surviving.

I am angry at my family, the adults who knew what happened and never protected me, God, and myself. I am angry about wasting time, failing academically, and expecting some future opportunity to rescue me.

I have been in dark places mentally, without graphic details here. I am trying to understand my behaviour before I repeat it.

I do not want generic advice.

Am I emotionally abusive?

Is this trauma, or am I using trauma to avoid responsibility?

Can someone love another person while also using them for distraction, validation, control, sex, or support?

How do I stop choosing people based on how much I can change them?

How do I tolerate being ordinary, alone, accountable, and unable to control how someone sees me?

How do I tell self-awareness from self-hatred pretending to be intelligence?

Please be blunt, but do not make this entertainment. I can already humiliate myself without assistance.

Trigger warning

Years ago I went through harassment at a workplace and I highly suspect I was drugged continuously or I lost memory temporarily as a self defence mechanism. Maybe a mix of both. Curious if it's a common thing and how to know if that's what happened especially that it was years ago. Also curious to know stories of what happened when someone got drugged, how they found out, etc.

While we're at it, how can I cope with that madness? It's made me shaky as a person since then. Done lots of therapy but I need more info on how to regain my sense of self and safety after that? I don't want it to take more years from me.

Hi, as the title says. and apologies if this is the wrong flair. I'm underage and not sure how to tell my mum about it

Basically, Im in my mid teens (female) and my brother is 3 years older than me. The reason i don't know how tell my mum about it is because not only is it just an incredibly difficult thing to talk about, but also as a child I vaguely told her about something that'd happened and she dismissed it, so I'm worried she'll dismiss it again

My memories of it happening are quite foggy and I vaguely remember a couple small details but I know it happened a lot when I was around the ages of probably 8-9 or 10? so he would've been 11-12 or 13. I never really knew that what was happening (like inappropriate touching and playing inappropriate games) was bad so id always went along with it, and idk how my mum couldnt tell when it was happening

For instance i wet the bed a lot as a child and probably til around age 14 or smthn. I had been wetting the bed before it happened though.

After it stopped happening I remember a time when I was probably 12, my brother once spied on me when i was bathing (our bathroom lock is broken) and afterwards he described what my body looked like and Im sure hes done it multiple times after, i also remember him spying on me while i was in my room once. Ever since those things happened ive been incredibly paranoid in my house

I never really thought about what had happened until about last year, and very very recently I've been getting nightmares about it

Ive opened up to a couple friends but honestly i dont know if i could ever tell my mum. A friend of mine who experienced similar abuse in her early teens has CPTSD and she told me that I exhibit a couple signs of it which has been worrying me (i get very paranoid about everything though so i try not to worry about it)

I also grew to just be incredibly hypersexual, I remember as a child id masturbate without even knowing what it was, and id constantly be looking at pornographic content as a child too. Another thing I do honestly makes me feel disgusting but nearly every time i see someone irl i think about what theyd be like in bed or my brain'll envision they look naked, and i honestly fucking hate it, I hate having these thoughts

Ive been wanting to get professional help about what's happened but i know i have to tell my mum about it first which really pains me, because as much as I resent my brother so fucking much i dont want him to get in trouble if that helps? Or be known as the lad who touched up his sister. I also dont want to be known as the girl who got touched up by her brother

For professional Help-wise advice if it helps i live in UK

Thank you to any advice if appreciated

I’m having a hard time making sense of something that happened in a previous relationship, and I’m hoping for outside perspectives. I’m not asking for legal advice. I’m just trying to understand whether what I experienced would generally be considered sexual assault or another type of consent violation.

My ex was my first sexual partner. When we first did it while he was entering I asked him to pause because it stung. I didn’t feel pain for a second, but then started to feel that same pressure and pain. I asked if he stopped and he said yes but the pain and pressure was still there. I just said we could continue just to rip the bandaid off. I found out from my mom that if someone stops moving then the pain and pressure usually doesn’t continue.

Sex was often painful for me. I told him multiple times that it hurt, asked for more foreplay, and there were times I tore afterward. He didn’t really try and sometimes fun of my body. I never received oral sex from him despite him expressing the desire to countless times and blaming nerves on him for not reciprocating. He also revealed multiple times that he would prolong oral sex against my wishes just so he could “feel it” more.

The incident that keeps replaying in my head happened toward the end of our relationship.

I was on top during sex and my hips got tired. I told him I wanted to stop moving and just lie there together. I specifically asked if we could just stay still while he remained inside me because I wanted to rest and cuddle. He agreed.
I trusted that he understood what I was asking.

After a minute or two, he started moving again. I remember thinking, “Oh… okay,” and I just went along with it because I was exhausted. Afterward, he apologized and said something like, “I’m sorry. I just couldn’t hold myself back.”
For a long time I forgot that he said that. Every time I think I’ve processed what happened, I somehow forget that specific part until I talk about it again.
There were other times during the relationship where I said “stop” because sex hurt, and there were times I felt emotionally neglected after sex, but this specific incident is the one that keeps coming back to me.
I was previously assaulted and he knew that and aftercare was essential to me. When he was mad at me he would not tell me, and after sex he would stonewall me.

I’m no longer with him, and I’m now in a healthy relationship where my partner respects my boundaries, so looking back has made me question whether what happened before was normal. Sex doesn’t hurt anymore and my current partner was shocked I hadn’t ever received foreplay despite having had been in a one year relationship where sex was often.

Would you consider what I described to be sexual assault, sexual coercion, a consent violation, or something else? I’m genuinely trying to understand the situation rather than argue for a specific label. I struggle with saying it was because it feels harsh to say. I mean I could have moved. I could have just refused. I don’t know.

My (ex) bf of 2 years basically coerced me into doing stuff throughout the whole relationship. He wasn't violent or anything but still he makes me feel like i need to do or else i would be a bad gf. Right now i just feel so used but can i even call it assault. It's not like i was physically dragged into doing it.

hii, first post here, so since I've been raped repeatedly for four years by my now ex boyfriend, I've been having rape dreams, that's normal, talked to my therapist about it, but the issue relies on the other kind or dreams I get, and those are of my rapist and me having a good relationship, he treating me right, being a good person and all of that, while I remember what he did, and it fucks up my brain so much that I wake up having an anxiety attack, because those aren't real memories and my brain is sort of tricking me into thinking that he was like that while he abused me in every shape or form for four years... idk how to make it stop, because it can't leave my mind..

p.d: this man is a stalker (he followed me home multiple times, has tried talking to me after blocking him on everything...)and has an axe in his house(illegally), and once he broke into my house (he learned how to open locks), plus he was a drug dealer (yes, I was blind or something), and he's from the same village as me

p.p.d: I didn't put a warrant against him because the laws in my country are fucked up and also because I'm fucking terrified of seeing him again, and going through all of it again, plus it happened when we were alone at his house, so no visible proof nor witnesses..

I dont really want to talk about this or ask but honestly i js dont wanna think of myself as a victim if im not and ruining my own relationship with a family member. So when i was younger( i still kinda am which is why im unsure) my dad would come into my room at night and stroke or just grab my legs and feet never my private areas but it started to make me heavily uncomfortable obviously and i always asked him to not so i got desperate and some nights id put heavy objects infront of my door so he couldn’t come in and whenever i heard him coming down the corridor i would get really scared and everything. I know this one isnt that big one but there was a time where i wore a tight shirt cz i had no others and obviously wanted to feel nice for a day and on the way out hed js stop and stare directly at my chest and smirk which is really gross now that im thinking about is which is why i now wear baggy clothes mostly. Other times when i was in the front seat of the car with him he would grab my thighs as a joke or if i was in the back he would just start grabbing my legs again and id kick him or something and feel bad. I just felt really uncomfortable and i cried about it when we all had dinner with the rest of the family and my dad denied grabbing my thighs in the car saying i lied (its been so long now i honestly cant remember but im sure i wasnt lying cz i remember doing it to him back as a joke, i was young again,) so ever since then ive stopped talking to him but theres always been this slight language barrier(he wasnt originally born in where we are now) between us anyways but my mother blames me for this to this day and goes on about how i have the audacity to say my dad does such things to me and says he sa’d me and stuff and im the reason we dont talk anymore but idk if this counts as sa or im js idk im still “young” so idrk anything but yeah basically is this sa this all happened around 2 ish years ago but it still bothers me so uh opinions are appreciated thanks for taking the time to read :)

when i was 14 i was segually assaulted and it was video taped and sent to my friends which they all hated me after bc they blamed me. this is because one of the girls liked the guy who assaulted me and blamed me for it, which is interesting considering he blocked me on everything right after he got what he wanted. i had never had a sexual experience with a guy before, and it was taken from me without my consent. during this time i became extremely depressed, anxious, and hyper sexual. i’m now 21 and i still have never told my parents. when this happened i kind of changed as a person. i became angry, i had more attitude, i isolated myself, and i really struggled with mental health. this also lead me to have a bad relationship with my parents as a teen due to my anger and the fact that they didn’t know what happened to me. they thought i was just the mentally ill daughter and i was too emotional. they are a lot more supportive now of my mental health and listen to me when i talk about it, but there’s still this huge thing they don’t know about me. i want to tell them, but i feel disgust and shame. Does anyone have any words of advice when it comes to telling my parents about something like this?

I was in an abusive relationship where I was raped 4 times. After I broke up with him, he raped another girl who looked exactly like me, same dyed hair color, same haircut. We both reported it recently. The DA rejected my case. I had a lot of witnesses and he’s flat out admitted it to 3 people.

Several people, including the investigator said my chances of it going to trail were higher than usual. I wish people wouldn’t have said that. I knew not to get my hopes up, and that made me believe them for a second.

At least now I know for sure, there’s really nothing I can do to save future victims. And if he does it again, at least these reports are documented. But like the title says, how are i am supposed to live each day knowing he’s gonna keep raping other people? And for that matter, how am i supposed to live knowing this is happening to so many people including children every second that I am alive. Every moment I breathe. How many times has it happened since I started writing this post? And who will be there to care for them? No one was there for me, especially not my family. And this isn’t the only time it’s happened to me. When I was 16, I was raped by my female best friend twice.

How do you convince yourself that this hell we live in is a life worth living? (not SI risk, dw)

When I (18M) was 16, 17 I was incredibly lost and felt so unloved I started seeking sex and validation on dating apps where I’d lie and say I was anywhere from 18 - 20 searching for older women to do stuff with. This ranged from tinder, hinge, grindr all those kinds of places (if you say the LGBT community are pedophiles fuck you and die btw) and I’d have moderate success but most the time never led to anything because I didn’t have a safe means of doing so within my teenage budget. I knew the risks, I knew that stuff like this can really hurt someone but I was stupid and didn’t think anything bad would happen as long as it was safe health wise and no pregnancies occurred. My best friend and my girlfriend are two of the most loving and supporting people I’ve ever met and there’s not a day that goes by where I’m not thankful for them. They’re who I can go to when I need someone to lean on. But I met up with this person last year who was in their 30s and I was 17. They had their makeup on in their profile so I figured they’d probably show up like that and we were planning on giving each other head in their car at like 1 am but when I got their, they didn’t have the makeup on. I was already nervous, I don’t wanna talk about it the person was an asshole. Bad vibes. They touched me in the car after I said I was uncomfortable and wanted to take it slow that’s what matters. Then they guilt tripped me for leaving and I was terrified because I was walking and didn’t know what this person planned on doing this early in the morning with no one to witness. I’m really scared of talking about it because I feel like I was close enough (only 2 - 3 months away) to being 18. That might’ve been the dumbest thing I’ve ever done and it doesn’t help that I get my gf through a dating app. I feel so lost, angry, sad, anxious. Does anyone know how to navigate this? Even if I don’t tell my friend, it’s going to come up with my gf eventually

I don't think about it every day but when it comes to my mind I wonder if I'll ever forgive myself. I hold myself accountable for what happened to me. I made choices that put myself in the position where I was SAed by my boyfriend of just over 2 years.

My good friends and therapist have told me I'm not to blame.... I wish I could believe that in my heart.

Nobody can ever answer the question of how to do that. Any ideas?

Oii, pessoal! Primeiramente, quero dizer que sei que ninguém aqui pode tomar essa decisão por mim, mas gostaria de ouvir opiniões.
Estou namorando há pouco tempo um rapaz que, no geral, sempre foi tranquilo e eu gosto dele. O problema é que aconteceu uma situação que está me machucando muito.
Quando ainda estávamos ficando, ele ejaculou dentro de mim sem o meu consentimento. Na época, eu tomava anticoncepcional e já tinha deixado claro que não queria que isso acontecesse. Mesmo assim, ele fez.
Recentemente, eu havia parado o anticoncepcional para trocar o método, e ele sabia disso. Ainda assim, fez a mesma coisa de novo. Precisei tomar a pílula do dia seguinte e, desde então, tenho me sentido péssima.
Ele pediu desculpas, disse para eu não me afastar, que vai ficar tudo bem e que, daqui para frente, seremos mais responsáveis. Mas eu não consigo deixar de pensar que, naquele momento, ele colocou o próprio prazer acima da minha vontade e da minha segurança.
O peso de uma possível gravidez recai principalmente sobre a mulher, e isso me faz sentir que ele não pensou nas consequências para mim. Além disso, fico com uma sensação muito ruim de que meu limite não foi respeitado, como se eu tivesse sido violada. Eu sofro de ansiedade, ele sabe disso, e chorei muito quando aconteceu.
Estou pensando seriamente em terminar, porque sinto que respeito e confiança são essenciais em um relacionamento. Ao mesmo tempo, às vezes me pego pensando se estou exagerando, principalmente porque ele demonstrou arrependimento e pediu desculpas.
Vocês acham que essa sensação faz sentido? O pedido de desculpas seria suficiente para reconstruir a confiança ou vocês também teriam dificuldade em continuar depois de uma situação como essa?

TW: death and death by suicide (NOT ME!) and past suicide attempt, no thought about it anymore.

In 2018 my dad abused me and then in early 2020 just before lockdown I went to live with family member (court decision, I cried when I learnt about it) then a year later went to live back at my house but with my mother only (court decision) and a year later again he went back to our house. I even pleaded to the judge so he could go back, at the time I was feeling pretty bad mentally and I thought him coming back and everything going back to before was the solution. But when he went back, it didn't got better and it actually got worse partly because I was so convinced it would get better and when it didn't I thought it would never.

I developped OCD at the end of 2022 and by mid 2023 I even attempted suicide. When I got OCD, my mom who was always fat became even fatter probably because of the stress caused by my situation. She got so fat that I think she will unfortunately die soon and because of it. The day she'll die it will be my fault. I told my father it was my fault she was fat and he told me that when I had OCD he became suicidal, he threatened to kill himself several time and my mom even told me he almost attempted one time back in 2020. When my mother will die and if I leave, he will kill himself and I will have to live forever with the guilt of having killed both of my parents. I cannot live like that, I have to stay but I don't want to, I want to leave and never go back. Even worse if I leave before my mother dies, she will die even sooner and my father will follow or he will kill himself and she will after him. I will not be able to have children because of this because they can't know their grandfather as they need to be protected. I will also not be able to leave abroad like I wish too.

I (17f) had a therapy session today where I was ranting about my father and my lack of relationship with him, and my therapist stated that his past/current actions sound like sexual harassment.

For context, from the ages of (13-14), my father would make jokes about me watching porn constantly and in front of others;s, he joked that any time I was on my laptop or phone, I was watching por,n and it made me really uncomfy

at the same time (13-16) my father would slap, pinch, poke and squeeze my ass which would make me uncomfy so i would move away from him and even tell him to stop, eventually i told someone and they reported all of this to cps, when they came they said it was just my fathers way of joking and he would stop (he stopped for a little but then went back to it)

To this day, he makes sexual jokes about my body (nipples, boobs, butt, etc etc.,) and when I tell him to stop, he just says I'm too soft, and when I tell my mom, she says that's just the way he is, and I need to accept him for who he is

My father also grew up with four brothers who would often joke around and make fun of each other

So is my therapist right about it being sexual assault/harrasment?

hello, i was assaulted as a child but it wasnt very bad thank god. for the past few months ive been constantly afraid of being SAd. for context, im a skinny and short 18 year old and im not very strong at all. its come to the point where im sizing up guys to see if they might victimize me or not. this fear is almost constant. when i feel im weaker than someone im afraid i might be in danger of SA. how do i make this fear go away? i know its irrational but its very persistant.

I was forced to hug the hug had no groping but during the hug they talked about fucking me and watching porn with me, I feel it isn't that bad and I honestly don't deserve include myself in sa community cause mine isn't that bad, I don't remember a lot but they pinned me in an hotel kissing me on the cheek idk if I'm going crazy or not, I been getting thoughts of me getting 🍇 and yes I know it's bad and their are real vict​ims, I can't control it and no I don't see it as good, nor I'm am romanitize it, I just keep getting those thoughts , I always question if its sa or harassment idk some say sa some say harrasment but please tell me, also is it normal for me have thoughts of me getting 🍇 after what happened to me (I was 12 when that happened)​​​​​​​