Hi guys!

I would like to provide a little bit of context, I'm a 25 years old failure of a man, I'm 5'0, I have a micro-penis, I have autism, I have BPD, I have OCD, deformities on my face and body, amongst other lovely characteristics.

Now, as you can imagine life has not been kind for someone with my characteristics, on 2020 I promised myself that I would work hard to become someone worthy of love, regrettably, as time went on my conditions would get worse and worse, I'll never be loved and that breaks my heart.

And I can't stress enough, but I DON'T HATE WOMEN, I DON'T HATE ANYONE, I ONLY HATE MYSELF!!

The first thing I did in life was to fuck things up, I was born incorrectly and it's been downhill since that moment, all because I decided to born 2 months earlier, in the 7th month, I kick myself everyday, maybe if I had waited just two stupid more months, I would've been born a normal person.

I asked for help on a subreddit that it's for helping incels get better, but I think I misunderstood the purpose of that subreddit and I was only met with sarcasm and judgement.

I don't want a girlfriend, I don't want love, I don't want sex, I just want the pain to stop, I want to stop being jealous of healthy people, I'm tired guys, I really am, I'm sure I'll meet nasty people on the comments too but I sincerely ask, where can I get help on how to grieve the hands I was dealt so I can stop crying over this?

We always hear about the habits that “changed everything”,waking up at 5 AM, cold showers, meditation, journaling, reading every day.
But I’m curious about the opposite.
What’s a self-improvement habit you stuck with for weeks or months that just,wasn’t worth the hype for you?
And what actually ended up making a bigger difference instead?
I think hearing what didn’t work can be just as valuable as hearing success stories.

This cold loneliness is slowly killing me. I barely feel human, the fact majority of adult people are out there, having relationships and meanwhile I'm all alone in my room hurts me. But i can't do anything about it.

I'm feel... dead inside.

I’m always interested in the lessons people only learn through experience.
What’s something you believe now that your younger self would’ve disagreed with?

I've been feeling depressed and sad, lately. The previous year and this year have been rough, so far.

I've managed to quit my addictions more than a 100 days ago. Since then i have either really gpod days where my mood is unbreakable, and very bad days when i just lay in bed and doomscroll or sleep.

Today was one of those bad days. I felt terrible. Then i had enough of it and i decided to record a video, to talk about things that were on my mind. I've outgrown my 2 friends that i had, so i don't have anyone to share my feelings with. Not that i would've shared anything with them. I realized that i had a hard time talking about my feelings with anyone.

At first i didn't know what to say and it felt weird. Then i just kept saying out loud what was on my mind. That i didn't feel comfortable to talk in my native language, because i felt vulnerable like that. Then i paused and just looked directly into the camera and i broke down. I slowly started crying and let my feelings go. I said that i miss having friends, i miss having fun, that i hate how mean i am at times, that i regret not taking action 10 years ago when i had so many ideas, but was too afraid (to start a youtube channel, skating, etc).

When i was finished recording i layed down, then hit the play button.

For the first time in my life i saw myself. I looked so broken and defeated. The look in my eyes crushed my soul. I was so hard on myself. I kept blaming and shaming me. If i made a mistake i felt like a failure. Nothing was good enough. None of my achievements felt good enough. It was always too little. My psychologist was always baffled that i didn't feel proud of myself. I always brushed it off, like yeah i know how far i came, but i didn't feel the meaning of it. Now i do..

Looking into my eyes and just seeing that... I felt like i just wanted to hug her. To let her know that she is very strong and she's doing absolutely amazing. That she just needs a little rest and to not be so hard on herself. I just wanted to hug myself so badly.

This was a life changing experience. I feel like something finally happened deep down. I fell asleep right after watching. I had a crazy dream with strong emotions and then after waking up i grabbed dinner. I looked out the window and saw my loofah in the garden and heard my dogs bark. The first thought i usually had at times like this was "i failed them, i could've gone out all day and be with them, pet my dogs, water my loofah, but again i did nothing, what a great achievement".

... but today, it was different. My first thought was "it's okay, you are doing your best. You'll go out tomorrow, or the day after, or next week or at the end of the year. Just take your time." Even writing this down makes me teary. It feels so good to know that i'm allowed to not hurt myself over something like this. Weirdly, allowing myself to rest and not pushing anything is making me want to go out instantly.

Forgivness is a thing, afterall. Don't be so hard on yourselves. You are doing your best. Even while feeling like you are not.

I worked really hard for 15 years. I was a supermarket manager, waking up at 5 a.m. and working 6 days every week. I didn't miss a single day; I wasn't confined to my country. I worked even when everyone was at home during COVID. No vacation, never traveled. I quit my job 3 years ago, not because I didn't want to work, but because I was tired of being the last one to take my day off and always saying yes for others, and my brain was full of ideas I wanted to apply.

I am 40 now. With the money I earned, I bought a house that my father recommended. I rented it to a friend of his, but he hasn't paid me for 3 years. My advocate didn't take action, so I revoked him. Now I am too lazy to find another one. I am still single, living in my parents basement, with no money, no friends to count on, and no work. I read a lot of self help and watch podcast, they are no more effect on me, my mother was sick for week and I didn't call a doctor, I was to lazy and she die because of that, I wanted to really change after that but my brain is so riot, I don’t clean the house, I don't shower, i apply for job but no one want me anymore, every time I want to do something to change my situation even very small action, i freeze and go back to my laziness, nothing work, book, psy, dopamine detox, fasting i am still going back to my old automatism, I am avoiding confrontation at all cost with myself, with others, with my family. What I write here is only 1/3 of my laziness. Thanks for reading

I uninstalled reddit yesterday but I’m back today lol. I don’t know what else to do other than just mindlessly scrolling. I’m gonna start going to the gym and study more but what should I do when I’m not studying? How do I fix my scrolling addiction

For a long time Sunday evenings felt like bracing for impact. That lowlevel anxiety that creeps in around 6pm and just sits there until you fall asleep. I tried planning my week out, I tried journaling, I tried going to bed earlier. None of it touched the feeling.

What actually worked was embarrassingly simple. I started doing one thing Sunday evening that had nothing to do with productivity or prep. Just something I actually liked. A walk with no destination. Cooking something that took a while. Reading something completely unrelated to work or goals.

The dread didn't disappear because I fixed Monday. It faded because I stopped treating Sunday like a waiting room. The evening became its own thing instead of just the edge of something I was dreading.

What shifted underneath it was realizing the anxiety wasn't really about Monday at all. It was about spending the last hours of the week in this halfpresent state, not resting but not doing anything meaningful either. That inbetween zone was the actual problem.

It took maybe three weeks before Sunday started feeling like part of the weekend again instead of the beginning of the week.

Curious if anyone else noticed this pattern or found something different that worked. The planning advice never did anything for me personally.

Specifically for those who’ve had to grow up at a very early age. Through being your parents therapist. Abuse. Neglect. Social alienation. Lack of communication skills. No confidence. Punished for sticking up/defending yourself. No sense of responsibility,direction or guidance. No friends or role models. Mental health issues and self sabotaging behavior.
The things we went through as kids that make every day life as an adult now so difficult due to the ones who were suppose raise you, doing everything they shouldn’t have. Now in a state of serious self reflection you’re force to pick up to pick up the pieces. Yet life seems too shattered to even have hope.

I've noticed that I often make decisions based on my emotions, especially when I'm stressed, frustrated, or excited. I want to become someone who thinks more logically without completely ignoring my emotions. What habits, books, or techniques helped you become more rational and make better decisions?

I’ve been having a lot of days where I’m disappointed I wake up in the morning (I would never off myself but if I didn’t wake up I wouldn’t be upset kind of thing)

I spend a lot of time comparing and competing with everyone around me. I don’t use social media (besides reddit) to mitigate what I see and I’ve heard just about every basic quote in the book on comparison with my favorite being “comparison is the thief of joy” no shit but now how do I stop it. I’m in that rough phase of your late 20s where everyone’s doing things and it’s easy to feel behind. So give me your best non basic quotes that help you on those hard days remember why every day is something to be grateful for because I could use more of that energy!

I struggle heavily with CPTSD, anxiety, and depression. CPTSD is the big one though. I have mental breakdowns and traumatic events I do my best not to dwell on, and I am at a level of functioning where I can’t even hold a job or go to school.

My husband has never judged me on this. He’s even been okay with the fact that I can’t hold a job. All he wants is for me to take care of myself. And I’d like to learn how.

I want to love life more. Be a more loving person. Be a more vivacious person. I actually was all those things when I was 18, but now at 29 that seems like a distant memory.

For those who have been in a dark place, how did you come to love life again? How did you get your spark back? I’d like to work on many things, but this is the first one. I feel like if I have this as a foundation, I can tackle much more. Thanks in advance!

might sound like a silly question because i do know how, but idk how to explain what i want to ask. i grew up being a therapist friend, people always came to me with their problems, and people always complimented me on how good at “being there” and “saying the right things” when someone’s upset.

but this past year i developed my own issues, i also severely got burned out not just emotionally but in every aspect of my life. i had to isolate myself from people because i couldn’t ignore my shit anymore and the idea of “comforting” someone was so daunting and draining. not because it felt like a burden, but because i didn’t know what to say anymore.

but i recently have started socialising again, and ive learned to keep my shit to myself in a journal and the odd time i’ll vent about it and whatever. but the friends i have just go on about it. i feel awful saying this, because i know what it’s like to be suffering and just wanting someone to care and give you a pity talk. but it’s so draining, before i would be able to ignore how burned out i was getting but it’s like i have limits on myself. when it hits that limit, i genuinely get exhausted so quickly and start to fall asleep which makes me feel worse.

it’s not an issue of me not caring about my friends or anyone, it’s an issue of not being able to be there the way they probably are used to me being there. i just get so tired and drained. i don’t even know what to say when someone’s upset now and i feel like an awful person for it.

34F. I feel like I have some serious self work to do and don't know where to start. I keep finding myself in a cyclical pattern of dating men for a few months, only for them to reveal that their feelings haven't deepened enough for them to want a relationship with me (happened 5 times in the past 2 years). I initially thought it was a case in which I was struggling to show up as myself and therefore wearing a mask. However, recently I thought I found my perfect man (emotionally, physically and someone I actually felt comfortable around), only for it to end in the same way. I am heartbroken because I truly felt this was the strongest connection in a long time. I'd usually remedy this through throwing myself back into dating, but this one cuts deep, and I know it's a call for some real inner work. I lost my mum last year (she had dementia for 10 years), and was mentally ill before that, so I have a lot of childhood trauma that has resulted in people pleasing, anxious avoidance and low self esteem. Since my mum got ill, I've used relationships and external validation as a crutch.

I am in therapy, I have great friends, and try to look after myself through exercise and a fairly healthy lifestyle, but despite this my soul feels empty. I have many interests (art, music, being in nature and generally curious about the world) but rather than diving into those, they stay on the surface and I find myself sabotaging my life through a screen time addiction, fixating on my appearance and comparing myself to other women. My biggest fear is getting older and disliking myself more. How do I rebuild myself from scratch and love myself both inside and outside? How do I build self assurance?

Tbh I didn't know how to flair this the most accurately so I guess I will flair it as a vent.

I am sorry if my posts comes off as very discombobulated, I am usually a very good writer but my mind just feels cluttered and I felt I needed to get all of this out (writing this was very hard and I still feel I have more to get off my chest).

So the title sums it up; I just turned 25 about a month ago for reference.

I feel very lost and unsure how to improve and achieve my goals, I have always wanted to get married and have a wife and kids, start my own family, that kind of thing.

I don't even know what to write here. To be honest I have been feeling very insecure about it and like today I have been reading a bunch of posts people in my situation have made on the subject and it made me feel even worse.

I feel alone in this because, while there are many going through something similar, there is a lot of unhealthy advice given to us. Red pill (and by extension, black pill) language is everywhere and it's very toxic and frustrating to see it seep into more and more crevices of every life. I swear when I read posts like mine, it's always "be attractive and don't be unattractive" or "most women do not like dating inexperienced men", advice always boils down to "lifting weights" (which I do FYI) and getting a good haircut. And even with those things, it can be hard to progress (finding a good hairstyle is very hard I have found). I can't even scroll through the main dating advice subreddit (r /dating advice) as that subreddit I have found to be filled with divisive content, red pill stuff, gender war stuff, etc. I am also very sick and tired of body count discourse, I simply do not care, I would not hold it against a partner.

I don't like the red pill, it goes against what I believe in, and it is very misogynistic and just reinforces patriarchal stuff (patriarchy harms men too albeit in different ways to women). I actually am getting a bit tired of men as a man myself.

However, I don't always feel women give the best advice either, I think they are more well-intentioned, but sometimes they say stuff like "women don't care about looks" which, if you are to say looks aren't everything, that is very fair, but to say they don't matter at all is disingenuous imo.

I actually have tried to meet women. I have been on dating apps since like 2024 (I did take like a 9 month break between now and then due to mental health). I have been on like 20 or so first dates; never been on a second date, never kissed a girl, never had sex, nothing. I did hold hands recently with someone and it was great. I get a handful of matches a week but it's hard cuz I see some men online showing how many matches they get and I get jealous.

And if I make a reddit post asking for advice on this, and say I mention I have never kissed someone, some people will be like "you need to physically escalate things in order to increase your chance of a second date" but then some people will say kissing on a first date is rare and you shouldn't expect it or try, and then some people will say just to ask respectfully if you can kiss her, and then some will claim women are turned off by being asked.

I just feel like there is no definitive guide to this, and I told my therapist as much yesterday; I will be honest, I am autistic, I was diagnosed when I was two. I have like level-one autism, I have a well paying job (I make $90k) and my coworkers like me and think I am funny, and I have had friends in the past (not always good friends that treated me well though) but relationships have just been a massive pain point. I don't know where I stand physically, I am 6'4" but that is as far as I can get in terms of objectively measuring my looks; otherwise, I do have severe body dysmorphia, and how attractive (or unattractive) people tell me really varies person by person. I am a bit insecure about my voice, I sound like Jonah Hill my friend says, idk if that is a good thing or not. I would say I am unattractive personally but some people view me as attractive I guess.

I actually didn't start truly trying to date until I was 22... I had tried dating apps for like a week or so a few times before that but just got bored quickly and never knew you actually had to try and make a good profile and all of that. I never talked to girls much in high school or college, which sucks because I know looking back there were a few girls I had a shot with.

It's also hard to see so many people my age in relationships, getting married, etc. I see people talking about like situationships and hookups and stuff like that too, and I have never experienced anything close to that, I am not even sure how people find those tbh.

I kinda just feel lost in life too because, like I said earlier, my goal in life was to always get married and have kids, have a nice house in the suburbs, etc. It's becoming clear to me that that is far from guaranteed, which kinda sucks cuz I was always building my future around that.

I would say that I am a lonely person, but I have never really described myself as a victim of some "male loneliness epidemic" I just identify as a lonely person. I actually do have some friends but no irl friends, mainly just people I talk that I have met from Reddit (I have a few from Reddit that I have been talking to for a long time and the friendship has carried over to other platforms). Almost all of my friends at this point are actually women, I wish I had some more male friends, but it's just hard because a lot of men either aren't in my shoes, or they are, but succumb to a lot of that red pill stuff I mentioned above that I am trying to keep away from.

I just feel very hopeless right now, and like I said, I go to therapy, but that is only a session a week (my therapist can see me twice a week if I want), outside of sessions, I have to live with all of this and cope with all of this.

I also don't know why but I just have this strong feeling of wanting somebody to save me, for somebody to tell me that it's going to be ok and things are going to work out the way that I want them to, but I recognize nobody will save me.

I have fallen in love 2 times in my life and this man has only used me. And one of him was my closest friend and the man I still love. I already have issues and the one recent happened totally destroyed me. Because I gave him a second chance, and hurt myself even more.

It is not easy for me to find new people to to love again. I still love this guy but he doesn't want me. We have even went no contact in the past for almost a year but did not help.

I am feeling very embarrassed for being used again. I feel like dumped trvsh

I'm 27 and need to turn my life around...best way I can describe my situation is. My soul wants a better life but my mind is comfortable where we are. I make 135k as a garbage man but I work 65k hours a week. I never went to school. I always wanted to work in finance since I was 15-16 years old and slowly that dream has faded away... i know that dream and spark is still in me but I just seem lost and scroll social media after work...i get pissed at the end of the day and say "I'll start tomorrow " but tomorrow never comes...what can I do?

i will not go into details as to how old I am, all I’ll say is that I’m currently a teenager, who supposedly has a good family, studies in a good school and just has a good life overall. It all makes sense by technicality, but, it all feels the same.

It’s not just the “same” where my life is always carried out in the same format, it’s that even when I think out of the box and do something different, it still feels the same.

At school, I’d be diligent and study hard. On holidays, I’d stay at home and study for tests that are coming up. I’ve never had something different. I’ve been a hermit for my entire life up until now, I’m finally “old enough” to go outside, have fun, watch a movie and just do my thing. Obviously, there are some limits as to what I can really do outside, reasonable limits. Such as dating, staying out late, crossing the border, I can’t do that at my age of course. 

I was having fun in the beginning, I was excited to finally be able to just exit my home and have some “me time”. Afterall, for the near 2 decades I’ve spent on this planet, most of the time I had was with family, friends, teachers, school. I never quite did something for myself. 

And then, the title. I grew bored of going out, after just doing so thrice, within the span of two weeks. Thrice, that’s not so much right? If it is then I guess there’s my answer. 

I feel like I am just unable to be satisfied, even though all that I have right now is already really good. My parents give me more than sufficient resources for my studies, my allowance is quite high for my age, I’ve got good friends that care about me. By all means I should be happy to sit down and study, even just do a little bit. 

It’s not like I haven’t gotten my rest. I’ve had a vacation recently, I sleep more than 10 hours every night, I get one-on-one tutors who tutor me through zoom, so I can learn in the comfort of my home. And I just feel tired, exhausted. I’ve talked to my parents, they say the same things I’ve typed in this post. I am supposed to be well-rested, now, all I am is just being lazy.

I watched a movie today, The Godfather, damn good movie. I’ve laid on my bed and sofa for the rest of the day until now. I have not touched my studies at all, even though I have the energy to. I know, if I just start, just push through the first 15 minutes, then I’d be able to keep studying and reach my quota for the day. It’s scientifically proven that if I just get started, then I can keep going. In fact, I’ve done that before, I know it works. 

But I don’t want to. As immature as that sounds, I don’t want to. 

I just want to lay down and stare at the ceiling. I don’t feel like going out, I don’t feel like playing videogames, I don’t feel like pursuing my hobbies. In fact, I don’t even want to write this post, but I know I’ll regret it if I don’t get myself some advice before this “episode” or “trance” ends. 

For those who’ve finished reading this post, is there anything I can do to just boot myself back up? I know it’s likely some might suggest me to just let myself “lay down and stare at the ceiling”, but is there something else? Shared experienced are appreciated too.

Thank you for reading, and thank you in advance to those who give me advice, this is the end of my post.

So guys I am 19 at the moment. Have been alone for most of my life and haven't talk to girls for 3 years and I am really anxious around them.

Back in school I used to creep them out. I figured out I looked angry and serious all time closed body language and aggressive sort of (I was going through a lot addictions and a lot).

And I don't know where to look for girls Or How to talk and get a girlfriend. I am fat and ugly I am 5'11 but I look shit. I have no problem talking with boys men anywhere or older women (40-80) but In my library these two girls one was sitting in front and one was beside I was so anxious and felt weird couldn't even look at their faces. I don't know guys I am confused. I liked a girl she rejected me and I am trying to move on.

Hello, I am 16F and till last year i had my life together, now i've got a lot of things to fix, friendships, academics, physical health, mental issues , so basically 2026 hasnt been a kind year to me and there has been a definite downfall, I just am overwhelmed on seeing the amount of things i have to fix and that makes me scared from starting. I need advice on how to overcome the fear and actually start and accept my state. Any help would be appreciated

I do this to myself - I look back and never understood why I didn’t see it or worse why I didn’t:

Things finally began improving—a relationship, work, drinking less, getting healthier, becoming more disciplined—and then you suddenly pull back, create a problem, or return to an old habit.

Not because you consciously want to fail. Sometimes the familiar version of your life just feels safer than becoming someone you haven’t been before.

Have you experienced this? What did the pattern look like for you, and when did you finally recognize it?

I am 26 year old and I started my education at 19 but it got delayed by 2.5 years due to financial and mental health crisis. I am 26 now and I'm still stuck trying to pass exams and complete my education.

It is very difficult (Chartered Accountancy) but I'm still rolling. Its literally starting to drain me now. Everytime I hope that I've passed my exam I end up failing it. It requires A LOT of attention and dedication and I severely struggle with that also.

I don't have any professional experience within my field because the country I reside in is heavily competitive and requires a Bachelor's Degree or a strong connection to get you a role. I have none. I did try networking and attended events but it didn't work out yet.

Additionally, i have no boyfriend or friends, my social life is a mess. Since I am unemployed I barely have any money to socialise. The country I live in, its very hot and humid and we usually hit the mall to hangout which results in purchases.

I do part time gigs like private tutoring but all my money runs out on my education. I live with my parents so housing expenses aren't running my cash out.

Additionally, most men in my country are regressive. I am not compatible with them and I plan on going to UK for my Masters and find work. Build a life and find an open-minded man to settle down with. However, By then I'll probably be 35. Because I have to save up alot.

I do explore and try to talk to the men here but I haven't had any luck. Likewise with friends. Its a very fast-paced city and its genuinely difficult to meetup or have a coffee chat. Its always online communication until both of us slowly lose contact.

I really wanted things to work out for me at an appropriate time but I think that's impossible now. I dont think I'll be able to start a family anytime soon either.

I don't know what to do with my life.

For the past couple of weeks, I've been attempting on improving my mental health and figure out the factors behind it. So far, I've realised that out of all of the factors I've come to identify, my self-esteem and overthinking have seemed to effect me the most.

I don't seem to appreciate myself a lot (e.g my skills, personality, my habit to satisfy people because I believe I don't matter) and I do constantly think about my actions with social interactions, my relationship with friends and family, and my future career. Despite how confident and productive I am in my academics and extracurriculums, my personal view of myself is utterly concerning.

I am trying my best to seek help just for the sake of not just everyone but for myself, but I'm not too sure whether I am actually trying, that is why I came to this subreddit to know if other people have experienced this before and ask if they could share some wisdom to me.

Sincerely,

NickwiggleGirl.

P.S I am also trying therapy so at least that's good. 👍

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I feel like my life hasn't moved in the last 12 months but honestly it's been like more then 8 years. And I just don't understand what does it take to change my life and create the life I want. It's like I'm the CEO of my life yet I feel deep down I should be fired because no company in the real world would tolerate and accept laziness procrastinating overthinking and no action. And that's the phase I've been living in and gotten so used to it.

I've been posting honestly for a while now, but always avoided talking about my actual skills or work experience — I didn't want it to feel like self-promotion.

Now I'm wondering if that was too cautious. Maybe sharing a bit about who you are and what you do actually helps people trust you more, not less.

How do you all find that balance?