I have been the victim of severe forms of both and which extended beyond my infant period.

First, is it possible to be diagnosed with Schizotypal pd and Schizoaffective at the same time? I was but I thought the DSM says that they can’t be diagnosed together?

Are BPD and StPD similar? I’ve been diagnosed with both (not at the same time). I don’t know if I have both or if it’s possible for them to be misdiagnosed as each other.

Does anybody here have kids? Did you experience psychosis during the postpartum period?

Have you ever noticed that sometimes you get closest to what you want and then something inside you pulls you back? You finally start building momentum, and suddenly:

- You procrastinate.
- You lose motivation.
- You create reasons why it won’t work.
- You push people away.
- You stop yourself from taking the next step.

Most people call this self-sabotage. But what if self-sabotage is not actually you trying to destroy your own life? What if it is your mind trying to protect you? The human mind is designed for survival before success.Your subconscious does not always ask: Will this help me grow? It often asks: Is this safe? And safety is not only about physical danger. The mind also tries to protect us from emotional threats:

- rejection
- failure
- criticism
- embarrassment
- disappointment
- becoming someone different from who we used to be

Sometimes success itself can feel threatening.
Imagine someone who dreams of becoming successful but keeps avoiding opportunities. From the outside, it looks like laziness, but underneath, there might be thoughts like: What if people judge me? What if I fail after everyone sees me trying? What if success changes my relationships? What if I am not the person who deserves this?

The behavior is not random.It is a protection pattern. A part of the mind learned: Something about this situation feels dangerous. Let’s avoid it. The problem is that many protection mechanisms were created in the past but they continue running in the present. A strategy that once protected you may now be limiting you.

The question is not: why am I ruining things for myself? A better question is: what is this behavior trying to protect me from? That question changes everything. Instead of judging yourself, you become curious. Instead of fighting yourself, you start understanding yourself.

Self-sabotage often carries a hidden message: here is a part of me that does not feel safe moving forward. The goal is not to hate that part of yourself. The goal is to understand it, update it, and show your mind that growth can be safe too. Sometimes the biggest obstacle standing between us and the life we want is not a lack of discipline. Sometimes it is an old protection system that has not realized the danger is gone.

So my question is: What is a self-sabotaging pattern you have noticed in yourself and what do you think it might be protecting you from?

I feel like I hear something in the walls😭👎 I had a stressful day at work and am particularly hyperactive. My boyfriend deactivated his instagram and has been texting me less, another stressor. I got way too high. I am also turning my mirrors around. It 1a where I am.

I was class topper for a tiny little rural school with a graduating class of ~100. Was also voted class clown in the yearbook.

Basically was a local personality prior to moving out, everyone knew me, and because everything was so small, individual relationships mattered more. So these quote unquote "normal" people made a lot of allowances for me under the impression that I was some sort of special genius when I was only above-average - I was just focusing my attention on intangible ideas derived from the computer while everybody else was learning skills actionable in the reality they had physical access to.

There's a huge difference between admiration and idolization. In my opinion, admiration means you're simply fond of a character's attributes or their M.O. Idolization is when you can connect with certain characters on a spiritual level because they're literally you. I think I'd describe myself as a mix of Officer K(Blade Runner 2049), Luz Noceda, Coraline Jones, Doc Brown, Mad Hatter, and Willy Wonka. I just deeply connect with these characters on a spiritual basis and I can't help but ponder if they were made to make me feel more humanized. As for my world I've created for myself, it's very hard to describe and I don't wanna come off as crazy, but just like the video game Assassin's Creed, I can turn myself into characters and I literally synchronize so I stop being myself and I'm in the body and mind of another character. It helps me feel better and I don't have to feel lonely. I also get super happy when I can find songs that connect to these characters to add dramatic flair to them. My brain has thought this way for a very long time now.

I have lived more of my life as a child than an adult and don’t feel any different of a person at 20 than I was at 10. . . I am taught about the world as a child and then all of a sudden I turn 18 and overnight the world is completely different now and I should be too. I am ever changing and growing but I have never grown up. I don’t fit anywhere anymore because I am too old to be a child and too young to be an adult. Worst part is why does everyone wait for me to grow up still? To experience others’ perception of me causes me to think myself a tragedy. On my own, in my isolation, I am the best there ever was. Why?

I find these very hard to notice or verbalize but I've found a few lately. I'm wondering if anyone is aware of themselves doing something similar. Maybe it will help bring something to light.

When I'm sleeping I will often hold a pillow. If I turn in my sleep I will grab the pillow and slam it against myself to reset myself.

However I also do things like bang my fist on my ribs or upper back. I think I do this because there is so much emotional pain in my body that I can't process even with dreams, let alone awake.

To that end, I often wake up whimpering or moaning with pain. My dreams are always just fighting in some way , being stabbed etc.

Lastly, during the day sometimes I will get these feelings similar to cringe. Sometimes they are based on real memories but other times it's just a similar thought "impulse" with sharp pain throughout my body where I scream in pain and feel like I need "help" for a moment but it quickly passes before I can even really acknowledge that feeling

Unstable patterns usually refer to behavior that looks inconsistent from the outside. Someone who seems confident one day and paralyzed by doubt the next. The instability itself isn’t random, it’s specific thought structures. The swing isn’t the pattern, it’s the output, but the actual pattern is almost always a thought running underneath, and most people have never once looked at it directly.

Here’s what I mean. Someone can hold I am capable and I cannot be stable in this relationship in their head at the same time, without ever noticing the contradiction. Neither belief goes away, they just take turns driving. One day you get the capable version, another day, under a bit of pressure, you get the unstable in relationship version. From the outside it looks like inconsistency, from the inside, it’s just two beliefs competing for the wheel.

A person avoids thinking something difficult, successfully, for weeks. It doesn’t go anywhere. It comes back out sideways, as irritability, as a mood shift with no obvious cause, as pulling away from someone with no explanation, even to themselves. The thought is gone from view but it’s still doing the driving.

As a profiler I’ve come to think the real work isn’t reacting to what someone does, it’s finding the belief underneath it, the one they don’t know is even a belief yet. That’s usually where the actual person is hiding.

My question is; what mood or behavior of yours is where you think about, and has never made sense to you? What is the kind you couldn’t explain if someone asked?

When I had discovered slasher films and creepypasta at 12, I thought it would just be a phase. But I was already obsessed with superheroes and Greek/Egyptian mythology. 9 years later, I am still plagued by these obsessions and they feel extremely real to me to the point where I question everything around me. I love a whole bunch of media and fandoms, but it's hard to to pick just one. I don't think any of these things will be going away anytime soon and I am okay with that for the most part. Can anyone else relate to being absolutely consumed by horror and superheroes?

hello, i got diagnosed with autism years ago. recently ive been reading more and more about schizotypal and i am seeking to be professionally evaluated but are unsure its worth it

i have every autism symptom ever and it's very obvious. but i also have severe paranoia, what some describe as magical thinking and delusions, awful social anxiety depending on how u define it, often perceive things as deformed people or animals, see people in the corner of my eyes, hear things, parents always comment on my speech patterns and i get the occasional hallucinations but theyre not really that often or severe.

was wondering if anyone here is professionally dx with both or if they have any information on the topic. im in europe if relevant (im not asking for a diagnosis incase anyone misinterprets this)

I am just recently discovering this, I always thought I had Borderline. But it never explained my constant spacing out, or overly talking to myself pretending it’s a conversation or the genuine feeling someone is watching me. Ever since I was a kid I suffered from insomnia because I always felt a presence around me. As an adult (23f) I still feel this. I live alone, because I can’t have roommate I fear the social interaction too much, often time holding in my pee all day and not eating in some cases even if they are in there rooms too. I have walked around my apartment at least once a week with a hammer because I have felt a presence watching me. In my head I know it’s not there but I still feel it. Sometimes I hear it too. It shows a decrease in my mental state that I am not thrilled about. I feel as I am three feet away from my body at all times. I need help, I need meds. I need someone to talk to. I have my boyfriend, who is so understanding and caring but I don’t want to burn him out, I see a future with him. I also have my friend who I am pretty sure is struggling with similar issues as me. I want to get better. I have always felt like I haven’t connected truly with anyone, I always feel like I’m the odd one out and that everyone else thinks I am leading me to isolate and soon cut off friends. This always happens so I don’t attach to anyone. ALWAYS. ALL THROUGHOUT MY LIFE. I’m so sick of it I just want stability and comfort. I have spent the past two hours in shock. Genuine disbelief. My dad’s side I’m pretty sure has schizophrenic patterns.

I’ve been using weed to cope recently I gotta stop.

When I was a kid, I used to spontaneously learn about topics that were never taught to me, and that I'd never even heard about in the outside world.

For example, concepts like parallel and infinite universes, where every moment is a different reality, as well as things like telepathy and possibility of existence of interdimensional world/reality. I also used to spend a lot of time wondering about the nature of eternity and hell. There was absolutely no external input causing these thoughts. They would just randomly generate during deep thought, appearing almost like sudden insights.

Later on, I discovered that these were actual concepts that people genuinely thought and wrote about. It almost felt like a discovery, but at the same time, I knew deep down that I was already aware of them.

Eventually, I started seeing some of these deep, disturbing concepts showing up in the cartoons I watched or on science channels. Even certain movies had those exact same underlying themes.

I'm sharing this here because I'm trying to understand if this kind of deep, unprompted existential processing at a young age is a common experience for people who grow up to have existential OCD or Stpd. Did anyone else experience this?

im schizophrenic & i could relate to many of the posts in the sub so im wondering if its just my schizophrenia or if i could have this can someone explain trying to understand this

I had a part of me separate from the rest of my life. I don't want to really talk about it in detail just vaguely because it is hard to explain. Even though I enjoyed it I think it was shameful in a way. Also wasted and took up so much of my time without any real benefits ( most of the time ). I was engaging in it too much, way too much. I had deluded myself to enjoy it, i don't think I actually enjoyed it at all. It was bleeding into my regular life. I had been hiding it for over a year. I'm finally free. I'm happy it didn't harm me too much ( i think ). I don't really have any one to share this with but i feel so weird right now. On one hand I'm happy I'm over it, on the other hand I feel a sense of shame that will follow me. This will always be my shadow no matter how much I try to erase it. It's something I've been doing for a year on and off, i think it was insane. Now I'm just trying to keep myself calm and not fall into that again. But I'm already thinking of ways to start it all over again. I should try to celebrate today but I'm too sad mourning the loss of that piece of me.

I am autistic, but I don't feel like it's enough to describe myself. I can't relate to my own community really at all and I don't wannabe a poser and come in here thinking I'm like you guys, cause I'm probably not, but I just feel like I might be and I'm so sick and tired of not being taken seriously. One of my parents is a social worker and just thinks I'm trying to do things for attention, even though I'm actually worried about things. I wish there was a way to simply just end this suffering and ascend to something greater. I am terrified to make this post because I feel like even at night, someone is out to come take my life, and I don't wanna die.=(

I love my girlfriend so much, although I have STPD and they have BPD. They are very strongly attached to me and dependent on me and it often makes me feel guilty because I struggle a lot with expressing or experiencing love. I know i do love them, but i'll probably never experience it as strongly as they do and i'm not always good at showing it. I try to be as reassuring as I can and we do have good communication. I explained to them that because of my PD, i'll go through phases where I might seem a little distant or I might need to isolate myself a little bit throughout the day. They're very understanding of me but I still know that the way we do experience love towards one another is much different.

I feel like I become SpongeBob when he gets normal when I am at work

this is not about DID or "plurality", nor do i really take the latter term all that seriously, sorry if that is rude.

i have always felt like i have had different aspects to my sense of self that felt split, or at least seperate. people describe me as fickle or constantly changing/fluid a lot of times, with my personality and opinions drastically changing depending on my "era", if that makes any sense. i genuinely feel like i sometimes cant recognise myself a lot of times with how much i change and i wish i knew someone that also experienced this as well. do any of you have similar experiences?

“Are you possessed by Satan?” -my mom.
I am not evil. I’ve had enough of people calling me that. Why? What did I do? For nothing. Nothing! I don’t know. Really, don’t know. I don’t know.

I'm officially diagnosed with Schizoid PD with Schizotypal traits and I always wondered (this is not the first time) about my mood swings where I switch between intense emotions/enthusiasm/excitement and crippling lethargy/hopelessness/anhedonia on a week-to-week basis.

I often visit the r/Schizoid subreddit where I post, comment and hang out because I love reading others' experiences.

The thing is, most of the folks there only suffer from anhedonia and not feel anything positive constantly but some people can experience some emotions.

So I started researching:

it is not really exclusive to Schizoid PD and it's more to people with STPD but I considered this Schizotypal aspect of my PD a long time ago so I almost forgot that I have that too.

I always wanted a partner beside me so I started researching different outlets to find one (not dating apps).

I was full of hope.

I lurked on those platforms just to have the glimpse of the dynamics there, how people behave with eachother in these circumstances.

I planned to prepare my introduction but before I could get into the nitty-gritty of it and take action, lethargy hit me hard.

I know it will pass and things will get better and I'll have one week to do something because when it passes again I will be down again.

It's like the whole world just changed completely in my eyes and how I see things (not visually of course).

I try to not give up my dreams and hopes but this... this can bring some serious obstacles in front of me.

Does anyone have similar experiences in terms of these mood swings?

Bitch I'll die. I WON'T survive!!! With my habit of stopping medication whenever I feel like it and my laziness I won't do SHIT omg. Like I gave myself food poisoning to get out of work today, just so y'know how I am. And I stopped taking medication that made me sleepy without consulting my psychiatrist which is... Something I always do

But when I move out of this shithole of a town, I'll need a new psychiatrist, and idk if I'll find one as good y'know?? And I'll always struggle with them jobs, cuz I hate hate HATE working!!! And I also have NO college education which means minimum wage it is, thanks. And I'm a homo which means I can't get married and even if I will be a "stay at home girlfriend" I think it's just "homeless with extra steps" like literally one argument away from the streets. And what if I can't afford meds?? I'm FUCKED, mom was right!!!! Well thinking like that I don't really have anything to lose anymore, which is fine I guess

Yeah

That's it

My dose was upped so these thoughts are better now. But when I had high insight of my paranoia it felt like there was something in my head that was making me think this. That everyone hates me and is against me and wants me dead. It felt different to anxiety which does still feel like the thoughts arent yours, but in that I was being forced to have these thoughts.

Same with feeling like i was a prophet and things were connected and that the radio could read my mind. I didn't want to think this but it was being put upon me to

As my insight got worse in my paranoia i think it kind of consumed me lol so it began to be more me and not something else. When i had psychosis a long time ago i named the one hallucination i kept seeing. I like to think it's the same guy

There is, body pains, senselessness and interpersonal stuff

I am powerless, or i have been since a kid, in varying degrees.

(oh thats it, im also upset at powerlessness, and humanities powerlessness, which is healthy i suppose, but the first problem comes from my own powerlessness, once that's healed I can be powerful for people, well i could die randomly, who knows, that would be unlucky)

The intrusiveness of boundaries being messed up and attachment style for interpersonal stuff. And the senselessness I feel, where I sometimes start fading, sometimes I collect everything around, sometimes I can't think, sometimes I cannot stop thinking, sometimes I feel deeply wrong, sometimes deeply right, i stop thinking, i start thinking, my thoughts become so strong they become hallucinations, my thoughts are so weak that either there is anhednoia or the world invades upon me. Sure, there's plenty more.

Where on, eventually I learnt to repress, or I repressed early on, meaning so, my voice never mattered and the world didn't care.

If I have to examine the problem, it would be, is that this powerlessness I feel, I felt, destabilizes my world an brings me into psychosis, which is, I sense that others are powerless. I think this is only really so, because I sense that my parents were powerless to help me during times of agony, or that they provoked me to be more, inward.

I would like to write a lot about this. Talking about stuff like carl jung. Where my feminine and masculine nature is imbalanced. Or unconscious stuff. How archetypes work for me, or how they could work. And then talk about spiritual stuff, or any sort of explanation that people use for this world. It's fascinating, for a while i've wanted to individualize, but I've had such great difficulty, my parents still send so many signals that 'relate' to some upset, of some past, of their powerlesness they don't recognize, which they gave me.

I feel as if, borderline and relationship stuff has always been disregarded by me, attachment stuff, or just inaccessible. But I attacked it (me) by the route of powerlessness, and I found empathy for myself and for others realizing everyone is sorta naive and powerless. I wonder if it's, I've found something to accept finally, some axiom of life. And finding this, it means i don't have to keep searching, paradoxically i forget it, and i sorta think i will keep searching. Learning is good i suppose.

Schizotypal examples I can think of, of symptoms, I can explain by using borderline roots, and my entangled ego with my parents. So i can then mend borderline roots, and manage schizotypal, or i suppose mend and fix both.

I am my mothers emotions and beliefs, my fathers emotions and beliefs, ideologies fighting each other endlessly for recognition and power. I am their unresolved powerlessness, yet they gave me life through love as they intender recognized each others flaws to some degree. But, they fought, they were intense with emotions, they were senseless. I see myself desperately wanting to care for my mother, and to have someone I could care for like her. But from my dad's powerlessness and my powerlessness, it is vaguely twisted. I see myself wanting to be desperately heard by my dad, and to have him tell me i'm right. But from my mother is powerlessness I don't know how to ask for it and am devaluated, reduced by logic, 'by science I am wrong'. (actually i don't know how to interpret figure this out completely).

Then so I think everyone knows, via thought insertions who i am, or the fact itself derealizes the world, and puts me at a constant threat with women around. Since 'they' are dependent on me. And relationships i suppose as well, of people.

mm, this si kinda disorganized, and doesn't get to the point, I'll have to rewrite this or something, it is late,

What's important is that, I don't have to be powerless, and people all around me don't want that either. And from power I can protect, guide, teach and master. To conquer and act without losing myself.

I want power, I want to do opposite action. I want to speak and be brave and be forgiving and be mindful and be secure. I want to be awake and alive and dance. I want to help everyone. I must give myself that power first. The power I've lost from schizotypal feelings of wrongness, and borderline roots of repression. Where do i start. God it's been a long road. i also don't want to go and erase my personality. I don't think it's quite necessary writing this all out, my body is sore.

Mindfulness is great, security is great too.

I've been having suicidal thoughts recently, intrusive actualizations, hallucinations of my actions, of my unconscious, Of my desires. I haven't been doing too much goal work, but i have been more mindful and more in control of emotions, and I've started accepting things.

i am kinda worried that I'm not doing the best things for power atm.

it'll be fine, i should be gratfeul

While I was at a church function tonight, I thought the people behind me were talking about me but very few people even knew me there so that's what makes me think it's my Schizoaffective? Has this ever happened to anyone else?