Edit: I wrote this because I feel genuinely hopeless, and have considered suicide. The fact that so many people read this and found a way to interpret it as "This guy doesn't think his shit stinks" is, in fact, insane. If you can read this and, in good faith, suggest I am in any way refusing to self-evaluate, then you cannot read. I have made it very clear that the criticisms I have been given are either NONE, or outright lies. To suggest I'm not being open to feedback when I am not being given feedback just indicates to me that you do not believe in the suffering of other people whatsoever. I cannot fix that. I am muting my replies. I hope you find peace.
I apply to roughly 1000 jobs a year. I rarely get more than 5 interviews a year. The only jobs that hire me are jobs that don't look at my resume at all. The jobs I'm most qualified for are often not even replying.
I need something while I keep looking, and stuff like Wal-Mart and fast food don't even reply (overqualified? who fucking knows). I applied to a dog sitter / dog walker agency, interviewed, passed their tests, and was hired.
On the first day of shadowing, I mostly kept my hands to myself and didn't do anything I wasn't asked to do. I answered questions when I was asked, and asked questions of my own. I had no reason to believe I was still being evaluated--I'd already been offered the job.
Turns out the employee I was shadowing was the co-founder of the company. I didn't know this, so when he asked if I had previous experience dog sitting, I said no. I hadn't lied about that previously. No reason to lie now. When he asked why I wanted to be a dog sitter, I said I have struggled to find work in my field, and am trying to remain employed. This seemed like something I would enjoy without having to compromise my morals (I mentioned I used to work as a prison guard and hated it).
Before I left, he told me I'd dressed professionally, and I'd been on time. He told me he looked forward to seeing me at the next shadowing session.
Fifteen minutes later, I received an email saying that they'd decided this wasn't the right fit for me, and that they were canceling my other shadowing visits.
When I asked why, they said it was because I "didn't pet the dogs at all, even the one that was most interested" in me.
- I had not been told I was still being evaluated.
- I had been told I was shadowing. Every time I've gotten involved while shadowing, I've been scolded. That's not what you do when you're shadowing.
- Still, I did everything I was told when I was told to do it.
- And just to make matters worse, I DID PET THE DOGS. I was also the only one playing with them after the employee I shadowed threw a ball for them roughly twice. This was just a lie to cover up the real reason.
What was the real reason? Who knows. My bet is the usual. "Sometimes I doubt your commitment to Sparkle Motion" I didn't know I was still being interviewed, so I didn't lie and say "God, I've just always wanted to be a dog walker."
Plus, I'm nearly forty. The moment the 20-something co-founder saw me, he reacted as if he'd seen a ghost. I'm not 100% sure that has anything to do with it, but considering the reason for terminating me was an outright lie, I can't help but assume the real reason isn't something they'd want people knowing.
So that brings my total work experience to:
- Went to college to be a teacher.
- Looked for teaching jobs for 3 years without finding one
- Nearly fell for an insurance salesman scam
- Finally found a teaching job and was fired after 3 years without cause
- Worked as a pharmacy tech in a hospital during covid and was the scapegoat for other peoples' mistakes
- Got a remote job that I loved, worked there for several years, and was eventually terminated for [coerced into signing an NDA and non disparagement to get my severance]
- Couldn't find work and worked as a prison guard until I was hazed and left
- Can't even keep a job as a dog walker without being fired on the spot for whatever lies the co-founder decides to make up
Kill me
Edit: I'm a former 8th grade English teacher. I taught critical thinking, evaluation skills, etcetera. So if you think you're helping me by suggesting I consider I might be the problem, I'm way ahead of you.
I'm sorry that you read my story as in any way arrogant or narcissistic, but I have absolutely self evaluated every step of the way. I am trying to learn from my mistakes and improve as a person.
But if you missed the part that I am repeatedly receiving either NO feedback, or FALSE feedback, and you're going to try and tell me I'm the problem, you're simply being cruel, and I won't be engaging with you further in the comments.
I am sorry the world has left you so jaded that your kneejerk reaction is to assume I'm not telling the whole truth.
Additional Edit: I am not diagnosed autistic, but I am diagnosed ADHD. The ADHD medication appears to have accelerated the autism symptoms, as others will tell you sometimes happens. But if I failed some subtle social contract--that's totally fine. Just... tell me. If I ask for honest feedback, tell me. I'll improve. Don't make up a lie about me not petting the dogs.