Hey guys, I would love to have some feedback on this new script I've written in terms of the following:

• Overall story and concept
• Structure and pacing (9-page short film)
• Dialogue
• Characterisation
• Tone (absurd dark comedy/drama)
• Whether the central theme comes across clearly
• Whether the midpoint feels earned within the story
• The ending and overall emotional impact

This is the first draft, so I'm looking for honest, constructive criticism rather than praise. Feel free to point out anything that didn't work for you, moments that confused you, or areas that could be strengthened.

Thanks in advance to anyone who takes the time to read it, I really appreciate your feedback!

Details of Script:

Logline: A middle-aged woman who feels invisible to the world pushes the boundaries of public decency in a desperate attempt to be acknowledged.

Genre: Absurd melodrama

Page Count: 9 Pages

Setting: One location (restaurant)

Link to first draft: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1o1Wkh4rCKUsTgsXhyMAiOl3295CRRZlO/view?usp=drivesdk

​📜 Metra Village (Short Story / Script Outline)

​Genre: Dark Comedy / Slice-of-Life / Drama

Logline: Evicted from his cluttered urban apartment, a detached young man travels back to his ancestral village for his grandfather’s funeral, where reunions, old crushes, and high absurdities turn grief into dark humor.

​ACT I: The Eviction & The News

​[INT. VIVEK’S APARTMENT - DAY]

​Vivek is smoking alone in his room. The place looks like a chaotic storeroom—dust covers almost every surface, yet packed inside this tiny 2 \times 2 space are heavy luxuries: a big bed, a fridge, a toaster, a poster of Rockstar, and a large TV.

​A sharp knock hits the door. Vivek jolts, dashes to the washroom, flushes the cigarette, and opens the front door with a fake, pleasant smile.

​"What happened, sir?"

​The landlord stands in the doorway. "Vivek, I told you—no smoking. Still... fine. Just pay the rent in two days or leave my apartment."

​Vivek’s smile fades into a frustrated grimace. "Okay." He shuts the door.

​Moments later, his phone rings from an unknown number.

​"Hello, Vivek here," he answers.

​The voice on the other end is blunt: "Your grandfather died today at 5:30 PM. I’m calling to inform you about the funeral."

​Vivek curtly replies okay and hangs up.

​ACT II: The Departure

​[EXT. CITY STREET - EVENING]

​Vivek meets his friend Rajiv and breaks the news. Rajiv shakes his head. "So... you have to go, bro."

​FLASHBACK: A tear in the past—an angry old man in the village slaps his son, screaming and cursing him to die.

​BACK TO PRESENT: Rajiv asks, "So, why did he even do that?"

​"I don't wanna talk about this. Bye," Vivek cuts him off.

​[INT. APARTMENT / TRAIN - NEXT DAY]

​The next morning, the landlord kicks Vivek out for good. Feeling humiliated, Vivek tries to light a cigarette right in front of him to save face—only for his lighter to run out of gas mid-flick.

​Defeated, Vivek finds a train ticket to his village already sitting inside his courier box. Just to escape, he boards the train.

​During the journey, he reads a 13-year-old newspaper clipping about a factory mill accident that killed 21 people. Memories of his parents resurface.

​FADE TO: A young, childhood version of Vivek crying alone in a dark room.

FADE TO PRESENT: The train arrives. At the station, a crowd of relatives gathers to welcome him, showering him with passive-aggressive comments: "See? Vivek completely forgot about us."

​On the outside, Vivek grins and plays along. On the inside, he is metaphorically spitting in every single relative’s face.

​ACT III: The Reunion

​[INT. CAR - DAY]

​Riding with family, Vivek sits in silence while aunties gossip in the back seat: "Acha, yeh uska launda hai..." (Ah, so this is his boy...).

​The driver speeds up slightly and plays the classic track "Lag Ja Gale." Vivek stares out the window at farm kids playing and people relaxing, until everyone in the car starts singing along in unison.

​Vivek turns to his cousin brother. "Where is Rose now?" he asks, remembering his childhood crush.

​His cousin sighs. "She’s already married to a university professor."

​Vivek tries to play it cool. "Oh... nice then."

​ACT IV: The Funeral Prep & Nostalgia

​[EXT. GRANDFATHER'S HOUSE / WATERFALL - DAY]

​They arrive at the ancestral home. Vivek pulls his cousin aside. "How did Dada die?"

​"An accident," his cousin whispers. "His body will arrive in two hours after the postmortem."

​Vivek nods, looking around at the old photos on the wall. "Last time I saw Dada, she was a bit fat... but in these photos, she looks thin like a stick." His cousin chuckles quietly.

​To pass the time, the two escape to a nearby village waterfall. They smoke, jump into the water, and swim just like they used to as kids. Cracking open a couple of beers, they toast to their late grandfather.

​Sitting on the rocks, Vivek cracks self-deprecating jokes about how he's destined to become a roaming fakir (ascetic). His cousin suddenly confesses that he actually liked Rose back then too, but only brought her around for fun.

​Driven by impulse, they hop on a bicycle to visit Rose.

​ACT V: The Absurd Farewell

​[INT. ROSE'S HOUSE - DAY]

​Rose opens the door, giving them a hesitant, awkward smile. She offers them lunch, but the atmosphere is heavy. Vivek and his cousin sit in quiet disappointment—she married an older, wealthy, highly educated man chosen by her family.

​They leave with dull expressions. On the cycle ride back, they vent their envy by brutally picking apart her husband’s flaws—starting with his receding hairline.

​[EXT. GRAVEYARD - EVENING]

​Just before entering the graveyard, the cousin pulls out a joint and offers Vivek some weed. Vivek takes it, smoking pot for the first time in his life.

​They step into the funeral grounds. The postmortem body of their grandfather lies exposed—shriveled, dark, and completely dry, looking remarkably like a fried pakora.

​Under the influence of the weed and the overwhelming absurdity of the day, Vivek and his cousin burst into uncontrollable laughter. The entire family turns around in horror, whispering that both boys have officially lost their minds.

​Ignoring the glares, the two walk away from the crowd into the evening air.

​Vivek looks around the quiet village streets. "Do you wanna start a cafe business here? I literally haven't seen a single cafe around."

​His brother takes a drag and smiles. "Hmm... Hotel."

​[CUT TO BLACK]

Title: SORDID

Genre: Drama / Thriller

Format: Feature-Length

Logline: In a desperate bid to win undecided voters, a white prosecutor running for office hires two small-time thugs to kidnap his black adopted son in a twisted publicity stunt that takes an abrupt and deadly turn.

Feedback: Please provide your honest first impressions of the concept, genre and major characters. Do you want to keep reading?

Link: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1PDNaxRSRTvgSW-Q4_Hmceh3nbCeUuja1/view?usp=drive_link5

​📜 Metra Village (Short Story / Script Outline)

​Genre: Dark Comedy / Slice-of-Life / Drama

Logline: Evicted from his cluttered urban apartment, a detached young man travels back to his ancestral village for his grandfather’s funeral, where reunions, old crushes, and high absurdities turn grief into dark humor.

​ACT I: The Eviction & The News

​[INT. VIVEK’S APARTMENT - DAY]

​Vivek is smoking alone in his room. The place looks like a chaotic storeroom—dust covers almost every surface, yet packed inside this tiny 2 \times 2 space are heavy luxuries: a big bed, a fridge, a toaster, a poster of Rockstar, and a large TV.

​A sharp knock hits the door. Vivek jolts, dashes to the washroom, flushes the cigarette, and opens the front door with a fake, pleasant smile.

​"What happened, sir?"

​The landlord stands in the doorway. "Vivek, I told you—no smoking. Still... fine. Just pay the rent in two days or leave my apartment."

​Vivek’s smile fades into a frustrated grimace. "Okay." He shuts the door.

​Moments later, his phone rings from an unknown number.

​"Hello, Vivek here," he answers.

​The voice on the other end is blunt: "Your grandfather died today at 5:30 PM. I’m calling to inform you about the funeral."

​Vivek curtly replies okay and hangs up.

​ACT II: The Departure

​[EXT. CITY STREET - EVENING]

​Vivek meets his friend Rajiv and breaks the news. Rajiv shakes his head. "So... you have to go, bro."

​FLASHBACK: A tear in the past—an angry old man in the village slaps his son, screaming and cursing him to die.

​BACK TO PRESENT: Rajiv asks, "So, why did he even do that?"

​"I don't wanna talk about this. Bye," Vivek cuts him off.

​[INT. APARTMENT / TRAIN - NEXT DAY]

​The next morning, the landlord kicks Vivek out for good. Feeling humiliated, Vivek tries to light a cigarette right in front of him to save face—only for his lighter to run out of gas mid-flick.

​Defeated, Vivek finds a train ticket to his village already sitting inside his courier box. Just to escape, he boards the train.

​During the journey, he reads a 13-year-old newspaper clipping about a factory mill accident that killed 21 people. Memories of his parents resurface.

​FADE TO: A young, childhood version of Vivek crying alone in a dark room.

FADE TO PRESENT: The train arrives. At the station, a crowd of relatives gathers to welcome him, showering him with passive-aggressive comments: "See? Vivek completely forgot about us."

​On the outside, Vivek grins and plays along. On the inside, he is metaphorically spitting in every single relative’s face.

​ACT III: The Reunion

​[INT. CAR - DAY]

​Riding with family, Vivek sits in silence while aunties gossip in the back seat: "Acha, yeh uska launda hai..." (Ah, so this is his boy...).

​The driver speeds up slightly and plays the classic track "Lag Ja Gale." Vivek stares out the window at farm kids playing and people relaxing, until everyone in the car starts singing along in unison.

​Vivek turns to his cousin brother. "Where is Rose now?" he asks, remembering his childhood crush.

​His cousin sighs. "She’s already married to a university professor."

​Vivek tries to play it cool. "Oh... nice then."

​ACT IV: The Funeral Prep & Nostalgia

​[EXT. GRANDFATHER'S HOUSE / WATERFALL - DAY]

​They arrive at the ancestral home. Vivek pulls his cousin aside. "How did Dada die?"

​"An accident," his cousin whispers. "His body will arrive in two hours after the postmortem."

​Vivek nods, looking around at the old photos on the wall. "Last time I saw Dada, she was a bit fat... but in these photos, she looks thin like a stick." His cousin chuckles quietly.

​To pass the time, the two escape to a nearby village waterfall. They smoke, jump into the water, and swim just like they used to as kids. Cracking open a couple of beers, they toast to their late grandfather.

​Sitting on the rocks, Vivek cracks self-deprecating jokes about how he's destined to become a roaming fakir (ascetic). His cousin suddenly confesses that he actually liked Rose back then too, but only brought her around for fun.

​Driven by impulse, they hop on a bicycle to visit Rose.

​ACT V: The Absurd Farewell

​[INT. ROSE'S HOUSE - DAY]

​Rose opens the door, giving them a hesitant, awkward smile. She offers them lunch, but the atmosphere is heavy. Vivek and his cousin sit in quiet disappointment—she married an older, wealthy, highly educated man chosen by her family.

​They leave with dull expressions. On the cycle ride back, they vent their envy by brutally picking apart her husband’s flaws—starting with his receding hairline.

​[EXT. GRAVEYARD - EVENING]

​Just before entering the graveyard, the cousin pulls out a joint and offers Vivek some weed. Vivek takes it, smoking pot for the first time in his life.

​They step into the funeral grounds. The postmortem body of their grandfather lies exposed—shriveled, dark, and completely dry, looking remarkably like a fried pakora.

​Under the influence of the weed and the overwhelming absurdity of the day, Vivek and his cousin burst into uncontrollable laughter. The entire family turns around in horror, whispering that both boys have officially lost their minds.

​Ignoring the glares, the two walk away from the crowd into the evening air.

​Vivek looks around the quiet village streets. "Do you wanna start a cafe business here? I literally haven't seen a single cafe around."

​His brother takes a drag and smiles. "Hmm... Hotel."

​[CUT TO BLACK]

Title: The Pinch

Genre: Comedy

Logline: Two goofball buddies get tasked with making some money to bail their friend out of jail, if they can do the job without getting killed that is.

Still very much an amateur writer and looking to get feedback on dialogue mainly. This script relies heavily on character chemistry, and I don't want the dialogue to be too flat. Let me know what you think, thanks.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1KtiRwIgA183wzQQi6zkNiT7RWRtXyHaH/view?usp=drive_link

Hello everyone,
I am looking for a dedicated co-writer to help me develop a feature-length experimental sci-fi thriller screenplay titled \*\*THE CIPHER\*\*.
\*\*Logline:\*\* When a regular 31-year-old man discovers by chance that his uniquely small ears are the exact biometric blueprint required to unlock a subterranean alien capsule, he is forced onto the run from a shadowy tech corporation desperate to use his body as the ultimate key.
This story is deeply personal to me, as the main character's physical traits are based on my own real-life anatomy, and I am acting as the creative consultant and project anchor.
I already have \*\*Act 1 completely mapped out and written\*\* in script format. I need a collaborative writer to step in, look over the structure, help me polish it, and co-write Acts 2 and 3 to finish the feature script.
If you love high-concept, character-driven sci-fi conspiracies (think \*Monkeypaw Productions\* or classic twilight-zone mysteries), please send me a DM with a sample of your work. Let’s build this together!

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1cs6cVqw2virbMp7aI06RzokKIBBvDyGsLQd5PEVA1nA/edit?usp=drivesdk

Watering Hole

Genre: Drama.

Roughly 46 pages.

Log line:

In the lawless mountains of North Briar, a disciplined outlaw hunts bounty hunters while a relentless tracker closes in -- forcing both men into a psychological war over whether survival belongs to law, morality, or whoever understands the wilderness best.

(Also, this was written in google docs, so format isn't on point.)

Title - Come Fly With Me, first 2 (and a bit of 3) episodes concept

Format - TV

Page Length -

Status - Draft

Genre - mockumentary/sitcom

Longline - Funny shenanigans set in a airport, we have a coffee addict, a cheapo, a drama queen, a diva queen and many more. (Watch Come fly with me, Season 1 for better understanding, even just 1 episode)

Feedback requested - looking to improve

I hope you guys like it! (I never expected the script to come this far so spelling and grammar mistakes are all over the place, I tried my best to fix them but just giving you guys a warning)

I TRIED MY BEST TO FORMAT PROPERLY

https://drive.google.com/file/d/12cAVj04gbWgeyQ12pv8ue1FqgLs_SXxl/view?usp=drivesdk

Joe and Hanson are two male teachers used to doing the bare minimum when they end up in a situation they never imagined; they've become important at work. They try to navigate their new responsibilities at work while trying, of course, to do the least amount of work.

https://www.dropbox.com/scl/fi/iy9eefd5m55v91db3a8ab/GuyTeachers.pdf?rlkey=ppx02l8rcuvu3qg5552yawf2p&st=8juycwfr&dl=0

Title- The American Dream
Genre- Thriller/ Drama
Type- T.V. Series
Logline- A black family in 1970s Louisiana comes across a once in a lifetime opportunity to live in an all black suburbia. Something similar to Black Wall Street. Everything seems normal at first glance. But, as time goes on, cracks start to form in the "perfect" neighborhood.
Page count- 41
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1WR_H1gwo7LWJi3W5GF8LaT0cwjybj-0D/view?usp=drivesdk

Logline: Inspired by the true story of Operation Tracer, six men embark on a one-way mission beneath Gibraltar during World War II, where the horrors of isolation are eclipsed by an ancient darkness lurking beneath the Rock.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1DUwdeJVyKQkRTJ17FOXx6JQKjn6jkF2Z/view?usp=drivesdk

Hi everyone,

I'm looking for honest feedback on an 7-page short screenplay called The Generalists.

Logline:
A strategic analyst is sent to determine whether a little-known intelligence department should be shut down, only to discover that its unconventional director may be evaluating him instead.

Feedback I'm looking for:

• Did the dialogue keep your attention?
• Did Shaw's character arc feel earned?
• Did the ending work for you?
• Were there any moments that felt confusing, slow, or unnecessary?

Script (Google Drive PDF):
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1d9mTYvN_sF7FEp7-eth2yI1iXWbLiic_/view?usp=sharing

Thanks to anyone willing to give it a read! I'm happy to return feedback on your script as well.

I've been lately indulged in cinema and writing, thought of writing a script and here's a scene from it. I'll be glad to have your guys honest reviews and areas for me to improve in. here's the link : https://drive.google.com/file/d/1duI9v_2shHsOaov4M8TGzgjXsJ0JfV8i/view?usp=sharing

Title The Pergola Incident
Genre Spy Drama
Pages 3
Format Short Film
Logline Two spy’s have a clandestine meet up at a city square during a rainy night.

I wrote this storyline as a narrative scene study.
Critiques welcomed.

Link: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1FWcHf7gLdsGdsWe5mEVhWR5Bc1VdV5aH/view?usp=drivesdk

This is only half of the script

MOVIE DETAILS
• Title:
• Location: New York suburbs
• Runtime: 1 hour 40 minutes
• Aspect Ratio: 2.39:1
• Main Characters: Jenny (36), Mark (42), Stella (14), Luke (14)
• Time Span: The main part of the story takes place over 7 years

ABOUT THE CHARACTERS
JENNY (36)
A loving, devoted housewife who has long sensed something was off about her husband. She shares the same dark thoughts but has never acted on them—until she discovers the truth. She owns 34 pairs of capri-length leggings in different patterns and colors.
MARK (42)
A police officer who is secretly a serial killer targeting women for the past 11 years. He strangles his victims, with a particular focus on women wearing capri-length leggings.

STELLA (14) and LUKE (14)
The couple’s teenage children, who eventually join the family business as serial killers.

BACKSTORY (NOT SHOWN IN THE MOVIE)
Mark’s father, Robert, was the notorious “Lake stripper,” a serial killer active in the Chicago/New York area in the early 1990s. He preyed on young women, strangling them and dumping their bodies in canals. Robert died of a heart attack in 2002 at age 65.
On his deathbed, Robert handed Mark a letter encouraging him to continue the family legacy and advised him to become a police officer to cover his tracks. Mark followed in his father’s footsteps.

The motives

Mark
Why Mark targets women in capri leggings:
The Psychological Trigger: Mark’s obsession is rooted in a childhood trauma involving his father, the “Lake Stripper.” As a child, Mark witnessed his father obsessing over a specific, discarded item of clothing left at a crime scene. Mark’s brain associated the "shimmer and length" of the fabric with the feeling of power and silence.
The Sexual Fetish: For Mark, the capri legging acts as a "tether." He feels that the clothing represents a modern, unsuspecting suburban innocence. By strangling women in this specific attire, he is "reclaiming" the aesthetic that his father once preyed upon, effectively turning his trauma into his own signature. He doesn’t just kill women; he "curates" them to match his internal vision of his father’s legacy.

Jen/ Jenny
Upon finding Mark’s evidence, she realizes that the only way to ensure her family remains "perfect" is to eliminate the variables. She doesn't just want to help Mark; she wants to optimize the process. She sees murder as the ultimate housekeeping task—removing "dirt" from society. Her devotion to Mark is a byproduct of their shared secret; he is the only person who validates her hidden, cold-blooded pragmatism.

Stella and Luke’s Motives: The "Legacy" Inheritance
Stella and Luke’s Motives: The "Legacy" Inheritance
Stella (The Perfectionist): Stella is driven by a need for approval and a lack of empathy inherent to her upbringing. She views the "family business" as an elite club. For her, it is about status—she treats the grooming and hunting of victims like competitive gymnastics, seeking to perform the "perfect" kill to earn her parents' praise.
Luke (The Obsessive): Luke is the student he becomes like a of his father. He represents the clinical side of the crime. His motive is intellectual curiosity. He finds the mechanics of the "Capri Leggings and Ponytail Killer" brand fascinating. He joins because he wants to prove he is more efficient than his father, using technology and modern surveillance to "upgrade" their reach.

MOVIE STORYLINE

SCENE 1
INT. SUBURBAN HOME - LIVING ROOM/KITCHEN - MORNING
The home is bright, clean, and overly orderly — the picture of suburban perfection.
JENNY, dressed in her morning jog outfit (one of her many pairs of capri leggings), moves with precise, almost ritualistic efficiency. She prepares breakfast, sets the table, and sends MARK off to work in his police car with a kiss.
Once he’s gone, she meticulously cleans the house.
While cleaning, Jenny discovers undeniable proof that Mark is still an active serial killer (photos, trophies, or evidence hidden in the house).
Instead of horror, her face lights up with excitement. She wants in.

CUT TO:
SCENE 2
INT. LIVING ROOM - EVENING
Jenny waits on the sofa, sipping wine. She wears black capri leggings and a baggy jumper.
Mark arrives home tired. The house smells of his favorite home-cooked meal. He notices several photos of recently killed women laid out neatly on the coffee table.
MARK
(acting suspicious)
What do you know?
JENNY
Mark, honey… I want to join you. I want to help you hunt and murder these women.
MARK
Uh… what?
JENNY
I know it’s a shock, but I’m actually excited to join you. I could help lure them… I know we could find plenty of women together.
Mark sits beside her on the sofa.
MARK
I’ve been waiting years to talk about my murders with someone.
JENNY
We can be completely open with each other now. You must have so many bottled-up emotions from strangling all those women. It must feel incredible.
MARK
This could actually bring us closer together… killing together.
JENNY
That’s exactly why I’m asking. Why do you strangle them? Do you like watching them struggle?
MARK
Yes… exactly. I wish we had talked about this sooner.
MARK
Jenny, I never thought I’d be able to share any of this.
JENNY
Tell me about your first victim.
MARK
It was a rainy night. I was stalking this single mom walking home from her yoga class…
(Camera cuts to a brief, stylized FLASHBACK of the murder — dark, rain-slicked streets, a woman in capri leggings

SCENE 3
INT. SITTING ROOM/BASEMENT - EVENING

Jen.
Mark holds Jens hand Follow me to the basement.

SCENE 4
INT. BEDROOM - NIGHT 12am
Jenny is reading a book. Mark beside
Can I try something? I call it “the itch.” When I need to kill… could I choke you right now?

JENNY

You can choke me anytime you want, honey.
Jenny grabs Mark’s hands and places them around her neck. He squeezes. Her expression is one of dark pleasure.

JENNY
(breathless)
You can put your hands around my neck whenever you need to. Would you like me to help lure the women… or hold them down while you strangle them?
From this moment forward, Jenny actively helps Mark kidnap and murder women by strangulation — always targeting those wearing capri-length leggings.

SCENE 4 - ONE YEAR LATER
INT. SITTING ROOM- DAY

Jenny
Mark. I think we should open a store
Called capri fit store

Cut to-
1 month later-
INT. CAPRI FIT STORE - DAY
Mark wins $15 million in the lottery and quits the police force.

Jenny and Mark open Capri Fit, a specialty store selling capri-length leggings and workout bras.
• Standard pairs: $10–$20
• Custom orders: $35–$65
The store thrives. Jenny runs it mornings until noon; Mark takes over after 12. They use CCTV and police knowledge to scout victims (women aged 24–52).
Jenny joins a local jogging club on Facebook.
SCENE 5
EXT. COFFEE SHOP / INT. CAPRI FIT STORE - DAY
Jenny invites single woman LAURA to lunch after a jog. She recommends Capri Fit leggings and offers her free custom pairs.
They lure Laura back to the store.
Mark grabs Laura from behind. Jenny uses chloroform. They drag her unconscious body to the back room, tape her hands, feet, and mouth, and strangle her.
(Montage begins — dark, rhythmic, stylized killings over the years, always focused on capri leggings.)

SCENE 6 - YEARS LATER
INT. FAMILY KITCHEN - DAY
Mark and Jenny sit their teenage children, STELLA and LUKE, at the kitchen table. On the table: a gun and photos of strangled women.
Mark hands each of them a “starter kit.”
JENNY (to Stella)
Stella, remember when you said gymnastics would be a good start?
STELLA
Yes, I remember.
MARK
We think it would be an excellent hunting opportunity for you.
STELLA
Oh my God, yes! We could offer them our Capri Fit leggings…
MARK
This is your sedation kit and tools. Your starter pack.
STELLA
Could I get my own gymnastics room? I know how much Luke likes to watch.
LUKE
Dad, I know what kind of killer I want to be. The Capri Leggings and Ponytail Killer.
(The family smiles — a twisted, united front.)

FINAL SCENE
EXT. MARK'S HOUSE - DAY
A sunny, calm suburban afternoon.
Mark and Jenny walk out the front door, fingers tightly interlocked. They share one last loving look.
Mark reaches into his jacket, pulls out a handgun, and presses it towards the FBI.
Suddenly — SWAT and FBI agents swarm in. Gunfire erupts.
Mark and Jenny are thrown backward, collapsing onto the grass together.
The camera cranes upward in a fast dolly shot. As the frame widens, tactical teams swarm past, storming the grass and breaching the front door. Jen and mark bodies lie motionless in the center of the frame.
- [ ]

Title: Freaks
Format: Feature
Page length: 113 pages
Genres: Drama/Comedy
Logline: A young man with severe OCD is admitted to an inpatient mental health residence. The patients he meets there make him question what it really looks like to get better.

Mostly looking for story and pacing help with a smidge of formatting if my formatting is off. Thanks to anyone who reads!

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1863HKztVIChfqsYeLjg7zYuTu964YjEp/view?usp=drivesdk

Btw this is for my animation project whichbis only gona be 2 mins.

A woman reflects on the story of her life, recounting her journey from a bullied five year-old girl to a resilient, fulfilled adult. Guided by her mother's wisdom, she overcomes heartbreak, harassment, her parents' divorce, rejection, and countless personal struggles. Through perseverance, she builds a career, finds love in college, and eventually marries, believing she has finally found the peaceful life she always longed for.

As she finishes telling her story, out of nowhere a loud voice begins shouting, "Wake up!" before the next scene appears. She suddenly awakens in a dark room, terrified, facing what appears to be her husband except something about him is subtly wrong. As reality begins to unravel, We are shown that her real husband may already be dead. The mysterious figure repeatedly insists that she is dreaming and must wake up, slowly manipulating her perception of reality. She grew anxious then he rang a bell in his hand and all of a sudden she is calm like she thinks she is dreaming, picks up a gun and shoots herself after which her fake husband is seen giggling and and giving a creepy smile while this whoe time his face is not properly shown.

The film ends with a retro 1980s/90s-style emergency television broadcast revealing that these encounters are not isolated incidents. Unknown entities capable of perfectly imitating people (like alternatives in mendala catalogue) have begun appearing across the world. They rarely attack physically; instead, they manipulate amd hypnotise their victims through deception and psychological coercion, replacing them while leaving humanity questioning what is real. Their origins, motives, and true nature remain unknown, leaving the audience with the unsettling realization that this woman's story was only one of many.

Please share your feedback in the comments👇 anything is should remove or add.

Overview: Incatatum I Vexillum follows Father Lankester, a tactical priest driven by a desperate need for divine penance, as he uncovers a terrifying demonic plot to construct a "Pentagon of Destruction" across Venice, Avignon, Carthage, Ankara, and the Vatican. As high-ranking demons like Leviathan actively weaponize the inner doubts of saints and angels alike—challenging the agonizing silence of an distant Lord—the script masterfully builds toward a cosmic climax. Balancing raw, visceral horror elements like the martyrdom of Nun Mary with sweeping, theatrical theological debates between the Archangel Michael and the forces of envy, Part 1 leaves off at a breathless cliffhanger: the heavenly throne room is cracking, traditional scripture is failing, and a scarred humanity stands alone as the ultimate battleground between light and dark. I want Feedback

Link for the Script

What’s My Age Again is a 10 episode, coming of age dramedy miniseries focusing on the life of Adam as he progress through his teenage to young adult years. The miniseries heavily relies on themes, locations, characters, and lyrics from the Blink-182 discography.

The PDF is hosted on my Blink-182 fansite so this link will take you directly to the PDF for the script:

https://blink-182.net/wp-content/uploads/2026/07/Whats-My-Age-Again-Episode-One_-16-Just-Held-Such-Better-Days-2-2.pdf