Hey guys, I would love to have some feedback on this new script I've written in terms of the following:

• Overall story and concept
• Structure and pacing (9-page short film)
• Dialogue
• Characterisation
• Tone (absurd dark comedy/drama)
• Whether the central theme comes across clearly
• Whether the midpoint feels earned within the story
• The ending and overall emotional impact

This is the first draft, so I'm looking for honest, constructive criticism rather than praise. Feel free to point out anything that didn't work for you, moments that confused you, or areas that could be strengthened.

Thanks in advance to anyone who takes the time to read it, I really appreciate your feedback!

Details of Script:

Logline: A middle-aged woman who feels invisible to the world pushes the boundaries of public decency in a desperate attempt to be acknowledged.

Genre: Absurd melodrama

Page Count: 9 Pages

Setting: One location (restaurant)

Link to first draft: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1o1Wkh4rCKUsTgsXhyMAiOl3295CRRZlO/view?usp=drivesdk

​📜 Metra Village (Short Story / Script Outline)

​Genre: Dark Comedy / Slice-of-Life / Drama

Logline: Evicted from his cluttered urban apartment, a detached young man travels back to his ancestral village for his grandfather’s funeral, where reunions, old crushes, and high absurdities turn grief into dark humor.

​ACT I: The Eviction & The News

​[INT. VIVEK’S APARTMENT - DAY]

​Vivek is smoking alone in his room. The place looks like a chaotic storeroom—dust covers almost every surface, yet packed inside this tiny 2 \times 2 space are heavy luxuries: a big bed, a fridge, a toaster, a poster of Rockstar, and a large TV.

​A sharp knock hits the door. Vivek jolts, dashes to the washroom, flushes the cigarette, and opens the front door with a fake, pleasant smile.

​"What happened, sir?"

​The landlord stands in the doorway. "Vivek, I told you—no smoking. Still... fine. Just pay the rent in two days or leave my apartment."

​Vivek’s smile fades into a frustrated grimace. "Okay." He shuts the door.

​Moments later, his phone rings from an unknown number.

​"Hello, Vivek here," he answers.

​The voice on the other end is blunt: "Your grandfather died today at 5:30 PM. I’m calling to inform you about the funeral."

​Vivek curtly replies okay and hangs up.

​ACT II: The Departure

​[EXT. CITY STREET - EVENING]

​Vivek meets his friend Rajiv and breaks the news. Rajiv shakes his head. "So... you have to go, bro."

​FLASHBACK: A tear in the past—an angry old man in the village slaps his son, screaming and cursing him to die.

​BACK TO PRESENT: Rajiv asks, "So, why did he even do that?"

​"I don't wanna talk about this. Bye," Vivek cuts him off.

​[INT. APARTMENT / TRAIN - NEXT DAY]

​The next morning, the landlord kicks Vivek out for good. Feeling humiliated, Vivek tries to light a cigarette right in front of him to save face—only for his lighter to run out of gas mid-flick.

​Defeated, Vivek finds a train ticket to his village already sitting inside his courier box. Just to escape, he boards the train.

​During the journey, he reads a 13-year-old newspaper clipping about a factory mill accident that killed 21 people. Memories of his parents resurface.

​FADE TO: A young, childhood version of Vivek crying alone in a dark room.

FADE TO PRESENT: The train arrives. At the station, a crowd of relatives gathers to welcome him, showering him with passive-aggressive comments: "See? Vivek completely forgot about us."

​On the outside, Vivek grins and plays along. On the inside, he is metaphorically spitting in every single relative’s face.

​ACT III: The Reunion

​[INT. CAR - DAY]

​Riding with family, Vivek sits in silence while aunties gossip in the back seat: "Acha, yeh uska launda hai..." (Ah, so this is his boy...).

​The driver speeds up slightly and plays the classic track "Lag Ja Gale." Vivek stares out the window at farm kids playing and people relaxing, until everyone in the car starts singing along in unison.

​Vivek turns to his cousin brother. "Where is Rose now?" he asks, remembering his childhood crush.

​His cousin sighs. "She’s already married to a university professor."

​Vivek tries to play it cool. "Oh... nice then."

​ACT IV: The Funeral Prep & Nostalgia

​[EXT. GRANDFATHER'S HOUSE / WATERFALL - DAY]

​They arrive at the ancestral home. Vivek pulls his cousin aside. "How did Dada die?"

​"An accident," his cousin whispers. "His body will arrive in two hours after the postmortem."

​Vivek nods, looking around at the old photos on the wall. "Last time I saw Dada, she was a bit fat... but in these photos, she looks thin like a stick." His cousin chuckles quietly.

​To pass the time, the two escape to a nearby village waterfall. They smoke, jump into the water, and swim just like they used to as kids. Cracking open a couple of beers, they toast to their late grandfather.

​Sitting on the rocks, Vivek cracks self-deprecating jokes about how he's destined to become a roaming fakir (ascetic). His cousin suddenly confesses that he actually liked Rose back then too, but only brought her around for fun.

​Driven by impulse, they hop on a bicycle to visit Rose.

​ACT V: The Absurd Farewell

​[INT. ROSE'S HOUSE - DAY]

​Rose opens the door, giving them a hesitant, awkward smile. She offers them lunch, but the atmosphere is heavy. Vivek and his cousin sit in quiet disappointment—she married an older, wealthy, highly educated man chosen by her family.

​They leave with dull expressions. On the cycle ride back, they vent their envy by brutally picking apart her husband’s flaws—starting with his receding hairline.

​[EXT. GRAVEYARD - EVENING]

​Just before entering the graveyard, the cousin pulls out a joint and offers Vivek some weed. Vivek takes it, smoking pot for the first time in his life.

​They step into the funeral grounds. The postmortem body of their grandfather lies exposed—shriveled, dark, and completely dry, looking remarkably like a fried pakora.

​Under the influence of the weed and the overwhelming absurdity of the day, Vivek and his cousin burst into uncontrollable laughter. The entire family turns around in horror, whispering that both boys have officially lost their minds.

​Ignoring the glares, the two walk away from the crowd into the evening air.

​Vivek looks around the quiet village streets. "Do you wanna start a cafe business here? I literally haven't seen a single cafe around."

​His brother takes a drag and smiles. "Hmm... Hotel."

​[CUT TO BLACK]

​📜 Metra Village (Short Story / Script Outline)

​Genre: Dark Comedy / Slice-of-Life / Drama

Logline: Evicted from his cluttered urban apartment, a detached young man travels back to his ancestral village for his grandfather’s funeral, where reunions, old crushes, and high absurdities turn grief into dark humor.

​ACT I: The Eviction & The News

​[INT. VIVEK’S APARTMENT - DAY]

​Vivek is smoking alone in his room. The place looks like a chaotic storeroom—dust covers almost every surface, yet packed inside this tiny 2 \times 2 space are heavy luxuries: a big bed, a fridge, a toaster, a poster of Rockstar, and a large TV.

​A sharp knock hits the door. Vivek jolts, dashes to the washroom, flushes the cigarette, and opens the front door with a fake, pleasant smile.

​"What happened, sir?"

​The landlord stands in the doorway. "Vivek, I told you—no smoking. Still... fine. Just pay the rent in two days or leave my apartment."

​Vivek’s smile fades into a frustrated grimace. "Okay." He shuts the door.

​Moments later, his phone rings from an unknown number.

​"Hello, Vivek here," he answers.

​The voice on the other end is blunt: "Your grandfather died today at 5:30 PM. I’m calling to inform you about the funeral."

​Vivek curtly replies okay and hangs up.

​ACT II: The Departure

​[EXT. CITY STREET - EVENING]

​Vivek meets his friend Rajiv and breaks the news. Rajiv shakes his head. "So... you have to go, bro."

​FLASHBACK: A tear in the past—an angry old man in the village slaps his son, screaming and cursing him to die.

​BACK TO PRESENT: Rajiv asks, "So, why did he even do that?"

​"I don't wanna talk about this. Bye," Vivek cuts him off.

​[INT. APARTMENT / TRAIN - NEXT DAY]

​The next morning, the landlord kicks Vivek out for good. Feeling humiliated, Vivek tries to light a cigarette right in front of him to save face—only for his lighter to run out of gas mid-flick.

​Defeated, Vivek finds a train ticket to his village already sitting inside his courier box. Just to escape, he boards the train.

​During the journey, he reads a 13-year-old newspaper clipping about a factory mill accident that killed 21 people. Memories of his parents resurface.

​FADE TO: A young, childhood version of Vivek crying alone in a dark room.

FADE TO PRESENT: The train arrives. At the station, a crowd of relatives gathers to welcome him, showering him with passive-aggressive comments: "See? Vivek completely forgot about us."

​On the outside, Vivek grins and plays along. On the inside, he is metaphorically spitting in every single relative’s face.

​ACT III: The Reunion

​[INT. CAR - DAY]

​Riding with family, Vivek sits in silence while aunties gossip in the back seat: "Acha, yeh uska launda hai..." (Ah, so this is his boy...).

​The driver speeds up slightly and plays the classic track "Lag Ja Gale." Vivek stares out the window at farm kids playing and people relaxing, until everyone in the car starts singing along in unison.

​Vivek turns to his cousin brother. "Where is Rose now?" he asks, remembering his childhood crush.

​His cousin sighs. "She’s already married to a university professor."

​Vivek tries to play it cool. "Oh... nice then."

​ACT IV: The Funeral Prep & Nostalgia

​[EXT. GRANDFATHER'S HOUSE / WATERFALL - DAY]

​They arrive at the ancestral home. Vivek pulls his cousin aside. "How did Dada die?"

​"An accident," his cousin whispers. "His body will arrive in two hours after the postmortem."

​Vivek nods, looking around at the old photos on the wall. "Last time I saw Dada, she was a bit fat... but in these photos, she looks thin like a stick." His cousin chuckles quietly.

​To pass the time, the two escape to a nearby village waterfall. They smoke, jump into the water, and swim just like they used to as kids. Cracking open a couple of beers, they toast to their late grandfather.

​Sitting on the rocks, Vivek cracks self-deprecating jokes about how he's destined to become a roaming fakir (ascetic). His cousin suddenly confesses that he actually liked Rose back then too, but only brought her around for fun.

​Driven by impulse, they hop on a bicycle to visit Rose.

​ACT V: The Absurd Farewell

​[INT. ROSE'S HOUSE - DAY]

​Rose opens the door, giving them a hesitant, awkward smile. She offers them lunch, but the atmosphere is heavy. Vivek and his cousin sit in quiet disappointment—she married an older, wealthy, highly educated man chosen by her family.

​They leave with dull expressions. On the cycle ride back, they vent their envy by brutally picking apart her husband’s flaws—starting with his receding hairline.

​[EXT. GRAVEYARD - EVENING]

​Just before entering the graveyard, the cousin pulls out a joint and offers Vivek some weed. Vivek takes it, smoking pot for the first time in his life.

​They step into the funeral grounds. The postmortem body of their grandfather lies exposed—shriveled, dark, and completely dry, looking remarkably like a fried pakora.

​Under the influence of the weed and the overwhelming absurdity of the day, Vivek and his cousin burst into uncontrollable laughter. The entire family turns around in horror, whispering that both boys have officially lost their minds.

​Ignoring the glares, the two walk away from the crowd into the evening air.

​Vivek looks around the quiet village streets. "Do you wanna start a cafe business here? I literally haven't seen a single cafe around."

​His brother takes a drag and smiles. "Hmm... Hotel."

​[CUT TO BLACK]

Title: The Pinch

Genre: Comedy

Logline: Two goofball buddies get tasked with making some money to bail their friend out of jail, if they can do the job without getting killed that is.

Still very much an amateur writer and looking to get feedback on dialogue mainly. This script relies heavily on character chemistry, and I don't want the dialogue to be too flat. Let me know what you think, thanks.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1KtiRwIgA183wzQQi6zkNiT7RWRtXyHaH/view?usp=drive_link

Title- The American Dream
Genre- Thriller/ Drama
Type- T.V. Series
Logline- A black family in 1970s Louisiana comes across a once in a lifetime opportunity to live in an all black suburbia. Something similar to Black Wall Street. Everything seems normal at first glance. But, as time goes on, cracks start to form in the "perfect" neighborhood.
Page count- 41
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1WR_H1gwo7LWJi3W5GF8LaT0cwjybj-0D/view?usp=drivesdk

Title: SORDID

Genre: Drama / Thriller

Format: Feature-Length

Logline: In a desperate bid to win undecided voters, a white prosecutor running for office hires two small-time thugs to kidnap his black adopted son in a twisted publicity stunt that takes an abrupt and deadly turn.

Feedback: Please provide your honest first impressions of the concept, genre and major characters. Do you want to keep reading?

Link: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1PDNaxRSRTvgSW-Q4_Hmceh3nbCeUuja1/view?usp=drive_link5

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1cs6cVqw2virbMp7aI06RzokKIBBvDyGsLQd5PEVA1nA/edit?usp=drivesdk

Watering Hole

Genre: Drama.

Roughly 46 pages.

Log line:

In the lawless mountains of North Briar, a disciplined outlaw hunts bounty hunters while a relentless tracker closes in -- forcing both men into a psychological war over whether survival belongs to law, morality, or whoever understands the wilderness best.

(Also, this was written in google docs, so format isn't on point.)

Title - Come Fly With Me, first 2 (and a bit of 3) episodes concept

Format - TV

Page Length -

Status - Draft

Genre - mockumentary/sitcom

Longline - Funny shenanigans set in a airport, we have a coffee addict, a cheapo, a drama queen, a diva queen and many more. (Watch Come fly with me, Season 1 for better understanding, even just 1 episode)

Feedback requested - looking to improve

I hope you guys like it! (I never expected the script to come this far so spelling and grammar mistakes are all over the place, I tried my best to fix them but just giving you guys a warning)

I TRIED MY BEST TO FORMAT PROPERLY

https://drive.google.com/file/d/12cAVj04gbWgeyQ12pv8ue1FqgLs_SXxl/view?usp=drivesdk

Joe and Hanson are two male teachers used to doing the bare minimum when they end up in a situation they never imagined; they've become important at work. They try to navigate their new responsibilities at work while trying, of course, to do the least amount of work.

https://www.dropbox.com/scl/fi/iy9eefd5m55v91db3a8ab/GuyTeachers.pdf?rlkey=ppx02l8rcuvu3qg5552yawf2p&st=8juycwfr&dl=0

Logline: Inspired by the true story of Operation Tracer, six men embark on a one-way mission beneath Gibraltar during World War II, where the horrors of isolation are eclipsed by an ancient darkness lurking beneath the Rock.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1DUwdeJVyKQkRTJ17FOXx6JQKjn6jkF2Z/view?usp=drivesdk

Hello everyone,
I am looking for a dedicated co-writer to help me develop a feature-length experimental sci-fi thriller screenplay titled \*\*THE CIPHER\*\*.
\*\*Logline:\*\* When a regular 31-year-old man discovers by chance that his uniquely small ears are the exact biometric blueprint required to unlock a subterranean alien capsule, he is forced onto the run from a shadowy tech corporation desperate to use his body as the ultimate key.
This story is deeply personal to me, as the main character's physical traits are based on my own real-life anatomy, and I am acting as the creative consultant and project anchor.
I already have \*\*Act 1 completely mapped out and written\*\* in script format. I need a collaborative writer to step in, look over the structure, help me polish it, and co-write Acts 2 and 3 to finish the feature script.
If you love high-concept, character-driven sci-fi conspiracies (think \*Monkeypaw Productions\* or classic twilight-zone mysteries), please send me a DM with a sample of your work. Let’s build this together!