I’m not sure I’m looking for advice, to vent, or what… but I feel like I have failed my dogs and like a bad mom.
I have two rescues, Kodi (5) and Phoenix (4), both shelter rescues pulled from the euthanasia list on their last day.
Kodi was originally a foster with my now husband; Phoenix was originally a foster with me. At the time we had just began dating and lived separately.
A year or so later, we moved in together. We spent like 6 months slowly introducing our dogs who are now brothers.
It has been about 2.5 years since then, and we are so tired and defeated. I don’t think the dogs are happy, either. We have even started wondering if they’d be better off living elsewhere. And they might. But we also feel like now it’s too late — that they’d end up back in the shelter system for months or even back on a euthanasia list.
Phoenix has bit 2 people - not breaking skin, but left a bruise. He will lunge at strangers if his signals of wanting space aren’t corrected. In addition to this, he reacts to all sounds from 8am to 8pm. And I mean any sound, outside or inside. He is tense 24/7, listening for anything at all, and then barks as if there is an intruder or attacker. He doesn’t enjoy walks and is frozen the entire time. I feel really bad for him and have recently realized that I don’t think he has a single moment of relaxation, peace, or joy. His inner life seems dominated by hyper vigilance.
Kodi on the other hand, loves other dogs, and I suspect people, too. He is a frustrated greeter, has fence frustration/reactivity, leash frustration/reactivity, and resource guards his food. He has attacked Phoenix around 4-5 times since living together, sadly. Kodi eats in the garage now, and Phoenix eats upstairs. There hasn’t been an incident in over 6 months. Kodi is also completely unable to settle, even inside the house. If me or (especially) his dad so much as stand up, Kodi jolts up too. He has to be next to my husband 100% of the time, and is either jumping all over him, or chewing on his clothes as he is wearing them.
It also seems like they’ve picked up each others reactivity, anxiety, and stress.
We’ve tried many things over the years… which are all still in effect:
- positive reinforcement training
- counter conditioning
- exposure to triggers without going over threshold
- white noise machines throughout the house
- box fans throughout the house
- baby gates throughout the house to create safe zones
- pheromone diffusers, thunder shirt, ear muffs
- calming cookies with l-theanine, magnesium, etc
- going on walks separately
- taking them to the back yard separately
There’s so much more actually, but it’s to a point where all of the above is not working. After 2.5 years we are defeated and also feeling traumatized, ourselves. Which we feel bad about feeling this way.
We can’t have guests. They can’t even so much as see another person near us without absolutely losing it. We live a very isolated life which is making me feel depressed. We also don’t get to spend any meaningful time together because we are constantly managing a high-reactivity household.
We’re trying Prozac now. I hope this helps our boys have an easier existence and find calmness, even joy. I’d love to hear your experiences with this.